Outshined Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Do not initiate contact. Hang in there. Link to comment
saracen31 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Harsh - just got through reading this whole thread, it's really enlightening. My own situation is my girl dumped me one month ago today. Haven't heard a peep from her since, she's seeing someone else - been NC for more than 2 weeks with her right now and in that month have only sent her one email that said "how's it going?". Even that tiny email was a mistake on my part. I'm certainly not super enlightened, but you're just going about this totally the wrong way. You keep asking if you should contact her and wanting someone to tell you yes. Yes is the wrong answer - permanently. NEVER contact her. Ever. Period. It's been 4 months man, at some point you have to man up and let it go. We all know what you're going through and have all been there. I was pathetic my first couple weeks, to the point of friends starting to get fed up with me. At some point, you have no choice but to accept her wishes, move on, and just wish upon a star that someday your paths cross again. Frankly there's just no way you're ready, even if she were back in your life. You're obsessing to the point that it's scary. You say you're nonchalant, but you're not, at all. If you were nonchalant, you wouldn't have to come on a message board to ask if you should contact her. You're letting this girl have control over your every thought. That is in no way nonchalant. I know it's hard, we're rooting for you, but you can't be a puppy dog following her around trying to figure out at all times what to do. Nothing could be more unattractive to a woman, and they can sense it - a mile away. Please - stop letting this consume you. I don't mean to sound harsh on you, but you have to let it go. For your own sake. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 ^ agreed. We're bordering on what we've been telling yo ubefore, when you were even more stubborn. You are counting the days = not over it. You gotta move on man, I know it sucks. I'm not even going to tell you that's your best chance to get he back (whoops), because I don't want to give you false hope. Stay in NC. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 My birthday is in next 20 days - I dont think she will wish me or contact me on that day but what if she does - what should i do then? - What should I do if she contacts me in future? Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Take it as it goes. Read some threads on non chalance by CrapAtNC and Real Deal's Non-Chalance for males. It'll do you wonders. Link to comment
Real Deal Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 My birthday is in next 20 days - I dont think she will wish me or contact me on that day but what if she does - what should i do then? - What should I do if she contacts me in future? No, she won't. If she does it will be because she feels sorry for you. I read this entire thread and I must say it is one of the more sorry a$$ ones I have read. Yes, I know it's a 'harsh' thing to say but it seems that most everyone else wants to sugar coat things and all that BS. My take, here we go: You basically conveyed that she "made you happy" or "you don't know if anyone else can make you happy". It sounds like that you apologized to her for just about everything with the exception of the Kennedy Assassination and Global Warming, and you may have taken the blame for those too. You know why she downplays your career not being as good as hers/not making enough money? 1. Because you let her make this an issue. As soon as she mentioned this as an actual issue or why your future might be in jeopardy you should have said: "okay, fine, it is a shame you feel that way but maybe we should just part ways now". Instead you stuck around for an entire year and were emasculated which is why you are in the state you are in now. Really? Is this what MEN do? I think not. And I am not talking that men are better than women or any BS like that, but they/she are surely not better than you. However, in YOUR mind she is better than you. Basically you were scared of losing her and it showed through in every action/reaction that you did/had from that point forward. STOP seeking her approval and acceptance. 2. I basically covered all of this above but since I already typed a "1." there must be a "2." or else I will look more illiterate than I already do - plus people like lists too (or at least I do and that’s all that matters right now). Seriously, how do YOU feel about your job/income? You have a BS in engineering for Christ’s sake. It’s not like you are mixing concrete for a living at the local 562 (not that there is anything wrong with manual labor for a living either). My point is, who cares what some girl thinks about what you do. It only matters what YOU think/feel about your career. If you are not happy about that than YOU need to do something about it for YOU and not for some shallow broad. I mean seriously man, think long and hard about this. You need to stay NC and do some serious work on yourself. No matter what you do and how much you make someone will always make more. No matter how much you work out and all that someone will always be stronger and have a better build. No matter how much you study someone will always be smarter, blah, blah, blah. The point is you are comparing yourself to everyone else because of all things what some girl thinks? I know, I know, you were with her for two years and she is “the one” and all perfect. Nope she’s not, she sounds rather shallow and insecure herself, but you will never see this because you view her as “the prize” and yourself as garbage. Nothing will change until you start doing for yourself and start acting like a man. Of course don’t take any of this personally but you need to wake up my friend. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks - that was enlightening - Wish I had done all this an year back then I would have saved myself from embarrassment and self pity - Now that things have gone worse I know everyone is suggesting me to man up and I am trying to do the same - I know I am slow starter and it takes a while for me to understand these things but after all the advice I realize that I need introspection and should not have given in to her every demand and shallow desires - But somewhere I also feel that she has/had some attraction for me all the while because even after all this she was sticking with me - but I am not taking this as hope - Now I need to show her that she cannot control me (if she ever comes back) Link to comment
Real Deal Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 If you start TRULY respecting yourself and be the man of YOUR dreams the attraction will take care of itself, with her and other women for sure. The best part is it will be effortless and you will not be concerned either way. TRUST ME! (as much as there can be trust for a random on some forum...ha) Link to comment
harsh284 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I have gradually started loving NC as i am not committing any mistake or pushing her away by contacting her and also because i have more time for introspection and peace - Started to gain calm and composure or atleast trying for that - Trying to stay happy and content - Though I get bouts of 'missing-her anxiety' at times but the frequency of it happening has reduced a lot - Sometimes I get doubts that my game with her is over forever - but thats life - cant control something which is not in my hand - can only give my best to things in my control - Really hard and painful to realize this but that is how it is I guess Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 That's the thing harsh, it WILL get better, slowly but surely. But the sooner you realize your value and your faults the sooner the process will speed up. Do you think if you became happy with yourself, that others won't notice that? They will. Once you're truly happy with everything in your life, the women will come. BTW Real, I texted my ex today apologizing for Hiroshima..but idea? Link to comment
harsh284 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 That's the thing harsh, it WILL get better, slowly but surely. But the sooner you realize your value and your faults the sooner the process will speed up. Do you think if you became happy with yourself, that others won't notice that? They will. Once you're truly happy with everything in your life, the women will come. BTW Real, I texted my ex today apologizing for Hiroshima..but idea? An update - She called me up yesterday and asked me if we could meet - I met her but this time she asked me lot of things about our relationship - I clarified to her that I dont want to be a friend - either there is a relationship or nothing - and also that we should not meet unless she wants to be in a relationship with me - then she said that I have changed a lot and improved in many ways as in that earlier I was very dependent on her in terms of thinking and that now I was very independent - then she said she would marry someone who has a better career then hers and that could be me also and said she still has feelings for me but wants to be practical also and has got used to me - I said fine it's your wish - but told her about my stand that I will not be a friend and will not meet in that way again - She asked me how I though of her - I said u r a good person but u get hyper at times which she realized and smiled - In the end I felt that I did not let myself down and stood tall , did not given in emotionally - what do you have to say - I will be maintining NC more intensively now Link to comment
professorplum Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 This is the best news on this thread for a while isn't it Harsh? Must have felt good that she called you? Keep up the NC. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 I think I just shed a tear. Well done man. Now, remember, DON'T CONTACT HER!! She's given you an inch, she expects you to take a mile as she expects you haven't REALLY changed. Keep your composure, reread your posts and see where you screwed up. Don't repeat those mistakes. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 I think I just shed a tear. Well done man. Now, remember, DON'T CONTACT HER!! She's given you an inch, she expects you to take a mile as she expects you haven't REALLY changed. Keep your composure, reread your posts and see where you screwed up. Don't repeat those mistakes. Thanks everyone for all the help/advice, wouldnt have reached so far without all ur support. I was happy when she called me up but I was more happy because I had my self respect back and throughout the meeting I kept it - I felt proud - Even now there is no certainity that she will come back but now I feel better because I realized that she has something in there for me - I also made my stand clear Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 Thanks everyone for all the help/advice, wouldnt have reached so far without all ur support. I was happy when she called me up but I was more happy because I had my self respect back and throughout the meeting I kept it - I felt proud - Even now there is no certainity that she will come back but now I feel better because I realized that she has something in there for me - I also made my stand clear Your ego is not satisfied. You know she still thinks about it even though it seemed for so long that she didn't. Use that, get your own POWER back. Stay strong buddy, we're all routing for ya otherwise this thread wouldn't have reached 300+ posts. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Your ego is not satisfied. You know she still thinks about it even though it seemed for so long that she didn't. Use that, get your own POWER back. Stay strong buddy, we're all routing for ya otherwise this thread wouldn't have reached 300+ posts. Thanks - Seems like I am born with a hard luck - now my career is going down the drain - got rejects from two companies Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 What next for me?? i am continuing NC - What should i do if she contacts me now- Though it may not happen - She may even not come back - Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 I am in a limbo now - Should I think of contacting now? - Is she is anticipating my call? - Now what? Someone please advice Link to comment
iBroken Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 No - dont contact. If she wants to talk to you, she will come to you. You contacting her against her wishes only pushes her away. 32 pages in this thread and you havent got that message yet? Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 This thread has really made me smile Well done mate for going through with this and giving her a piece of her own medicine. Your next step now is to follow through. Be the man that has standards, who doesn't settle for anything less than what he truly sees in himself as having. In this case, a person of high value who doesn't drop on the face of hardship and sticks by you thick and thin and most importantly, someone who doesn't knock your career ambitions. If a girl said that about me, i would have asked her to leave there and then on the spot. A girl i was seeing did something similar by commenting on my car amongst other things. I told her politely that if she likes to get out of my car and walk to the station, she's more than welcome to. Never accept second class behaviour from anyone, especially from a woman who you're attracted to. The problem is, is you fell for this girl too hard. It's a common mistake which most people make when in a relationship. The best thing you can do in the early stages of a relationship (2-5 years) is to hold back on your feelings so as to feel them out in order to learn more about them and to see what their true intentions are. Believe me when i say this, but the majority of people that will come into your life will be bulls*itters. Only give your true feelings to the person who has crossed the threashold and has truly proven their worth for loving. As harsh as this may sound, it's the only way around avoiding getting hurt. You've already seen what this girl's done to you, and most will do the same if you don't protect yourself. You're a man who calls the shots so naturally, it makes sense to have these expectations with women. Make her work to live up to your demands, if she truly loves you, she will see it as worth the effort and make that investment. Otherwise, let her walk away and play her silly little games elsewhere. You deserve much better than that. You'll realise this for yourself the minute you recognise your true value. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Thanks - I ask so many questions just for self-assurance and gaining more confidence in myself and it is not because I haven't learnt my lessons. Just as a means to boost my self-confidence Link to comment
resilient Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Guys... I am starting to believe that when a girl is turned off and breaks up with a guy, assuming she had the right intentions during the time when the relationship was going on, is a similar to the situation when a guy is turned off and loses errection. That would be due to a brain interruption signal triggered by certain idea or event, that no matter how hard the guy tries it would only get worse the harder he tries during the same session under the same conditions. Likewise It must a be an interupption signal in her brain that turned her off you that no matter how she might try on basis of good ethics, her interest would not be brought back by her own will, if it would ever be back, until time has passed and the situation has changed. So guys do not try to bring her back immediately because it is not something that she can control or do either. It would even make things worse and her interest go down much less. All what you need to do that you let her know that you still care and leave with dignity. Ok cry a little bit to let her know you had sincere emotions all the way. All what you hope is the situation changes with time and the conditions that brought down the level of her interest to the break up point to disappear. Either way time is essene. I wish I knew this fact before she broke up with me, I would have saved myself sounding like a dump asss. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 12, 2011 Author Share Posted March 12, 2011 I think I just shed a tear. Well done man. Now, remember, DON'T CONTACT HER!! She's given you an inch, she expects you to take a mile as she expects you haven't REALLY changed. Keep your composure, reread your posts and see where you screwed up. Don't repeat those mistakes. She has not called me since our last meeting (about 2 weeks back) - should I try to contact her as she might be anticipating me to initiate the contact now? can u advice? Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 She has not called me since our last meeting (about 2 weeks back) - should I try to contact her as she might be anticipating me to initiate the contact now? can u advice? Don't contact her. Link to comment
Jeffrey01 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Don't contact man. You actually might have a chance. If you contact you will blow it for sure. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.