I want to save my relationship and get her back

[italiannmf24]

Dude, if she's not answering your phone calls and even TELLS you that she'll call, let her call.

 

God, man. You are seriously a needy person.

[LaKings55]

Harsh284, I just read through this thread. It is definitely time to just forget about her. I find it hard to believe that after all this time, you are still bombarding her from time to time with calls. Just drop it, do your best to move on, and give it a ton of TIME AND SPACE. This is yet another individual who's joining the masses telling you to let her go. This is unhealthy for both you and her. If you wanted to get her back, then you've already done the opposite of what common sense, and indeed most "make-up" ebooks tell you to do. I'll give you some examples of behavior for stable individuals that successfully reconcile with their exes. Step 1. They don't panic when their bf/gf wants to break-up. 2: They agree with the break-up. 3: They focus on themselves, physically, emotionally, and they continue their hobbies, and have fun while meeting new people, 4: They let their ex know at some point that they're doing great and they come accross as a better, more attractive person overall. I won't list the rest, because you get the idea. Just from reading your posts, you've come accross as needy, clingy, obsessive and just desperate. Time to fix that, not just for yourself, your ex, but for your future partners so this same pattern of behavior doesn't keep happening

[SparklyBoots]

Just let her come to you...though unless she has made any positive signs that she would consider going back with you when you talked about the relationship, I'd just assume that she is wanting a friendship. She may care about you as a friend and is being more polite these days, but if you contact her again she will just get really irritated...the best thing you can do is what everyone else has said...keep on with your own life, focus on yourself and try to stop thinking about her...thought stopping is good...stop plotting and planning and just take life as it comes....with or without her around....

[harsh284]

She called me after a day of my above post - we talked about why she was not answering - she said she was studying and had told me about it - we talked for about 30 minutes and then we talked next day as well - we talked about when should we get married if we should (so I feel its definitely not going towards friendship) - we talked for another 1 hour or so - she told she is a bit tense regarding her studies - after that next day she didnt answer my call again - for next 3-4 days she has not been answering or replying calls / texts - I have planned to leave her alone for 1-2 weeks - probably she needs some space and time - we are about 400 miles away so we can only talk and not meet so frequently now - please suggest

[LaKings55]

No offense, but for my own sanity, I'm walking away from this thread

[diarmuidz]

I would like to think that this forum is geared towards people who are going through a variety of relationship difficulties, but who are essentially sensible, reasonable, appropriate and intelligent individuals. Most of us here are going through difficult situations, no doubt, and come here to get some feedback, insight and encouragement. For most of us, I think that is enough to help us weather the storm.

 

 

But Harsh, I do believe that this forum is not the place to deal with your issues - from reading your messages, it seems to me you are suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. Similar to people who constantly wash their hands until their skin bleeds, you are obsessing over your ex and are getting recurrent compulsions to contact her, over and over and over. It can be a destructive pattern that will consume your thoughts and your time, and as a result other areas of your life will continue to suffer - your career, your health, your finances, your family, you other relationships (friends, colleagues). I would suggest you seek the help of a professional - I have seen patients improve with cognitive therapy, medication and in some extreme cases, electric shock therapy. What you are experiencing may be beyond your ability to deal with on your own, but one thing is for certain - it does NOT concern your ex-gf anymore. This has to be about YOU now, getting better, changing your life.

 

My friend, she is gone, and she is never coming back - and it is possible that the neediness and unstable behaviors you've demonstrated post-BU (the calls, the incessant questioning, the compulsions and the obsessions), were obvious to her during the tenure of your relationship, and may have triggered her desire to BU. You must focus on helping yourself, not to get her back, but to improve the quality of your life.

 

My ex-gf broke up with me a few months ago, and yes it's difficult and painful, and at times frustrating and annoying - but really, WHAT can I do about that? It's the reality of the situation, and I can't control external factors like that. I can't reason her into coming back to me. I can't trick her into it, I can't manipulate her into it and I certainly can't force her into it! If she comes back at all, it will have to be on her own initiative. That is my prerogative as the dumpee - she left me, so it's on her to get the ball rolling again. All that I can do now is focus on myself. Build my career, get healthy, make money, do things I enjoy, and appreciate life. I am 27, and just graduated from med school, and the thing horrors I have seen in the hospitals set off warning bells in my head. Life is SHORT, and FRAGILE, and can be over in an instant. How dare we waste precious hours and precious days letting terrible feelings pin us down? Have those feelings, understand why you have them, but live everyday fully. I miss my ex SO MUCH, but I can't sit around waiting for her.... I have a huge exam in a month, and after that I will have free time to meet girls and start dating. Harsh, you should too!! Because understand, nothing you do will ever bring her back. Cut her off completely without telling her, don't respond to any casual communication from her, and pick up the pieces of your life. I would implore you to seek the help of a trained professional as well.

[1guygirl]

you are pissing on her requests for space to STUDY for fecks sake....

 

ive read back only a few pages and im seriously BORED and PISSED off at you...and im not your ex

 

i also think this thread should be closed, let harsh deal with it in his own way, his lessons and learning will not be from this forum and we are only enabling him to feed his sickness further by replying (yups myself included) - rather like a mother who still feeds her 450lb child 6 hamburgers and large fries because it whines its hungry