dramallama Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 This thread is an amazing read for ANYONE who wants a relationship, has been in a relationship or is in a relationship. And especially helpful for men who are wondering what went wrong and how to slightly improve the chances of getting their ex back. (By moving on - and yes, it is ironic that once you don't want someone, they want you again. But that's the way the world works...) Harsh - you really need some harsh words, but it shouldn't take 32 pages of a thread for you to finally understand what people are saying. That's just greedy. On the other hand you've probably helped a lot of other people to let them know what NOT to do, so you can be proud of that in a way, that your mistakes are helping other people not to make them - because all breakups are basically the same, and one hot stove is guarenteed to be just as hot as another person's hot stove, so it's better to learn from someone else's action of putting their hand on the hot stove than doing it yourself, because, like break-ups, the result is the same. What you feel like you want to do - thinking about her, counting the days of NC, wondering if the last interaction will change her mind - you have to stop that thinking. Even though you handled the last interaction with your ex well, you are reading WAAAY to much into it which defeats the purpose of being non-chalant. She is not your first priority any more so stop devoting so much time to thinking of her. So even though your natural urge is to clingy and smother someone that you are losing, or you have already lost, that is a sign of emotional immaturity and desperation it's VERY unattractive. So you have to do a complete 180 of how you want to act to get her back. Because when you LET GO (which you have not done yet, but you've made ONE baby step towards it) and you say "I would prefer to be with you, but I respect your decision and I am going to CHOOSE to move on with or without you" then THAT'S when people will be drawn to you. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 She texted me on my birthday last week and then called me in the evening. I asked her if could meet and she said Yes. I spent almost the whole day with her. We had drinks together and enjoyed a lot. Now what should be my next step. Should I increase the contact with her? Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 No. Pull back. You shouldn't have even asked her to meet, but oh well. It seems as if 32 pages was wasted for nothing. You are going to put yourself in the friendzone. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 She texted me on my birthday last week and then called me in the evening. I asked her if could meet and she said Yes. I spent almost the whole day with her. We had drinks together and enjoyed a lot. Now what should be my next step. Should I increase the contact with her? Come on man. Are you doing ANYTHING to work on yourself?? I mean even I've learned my value through this whole ordeal, I would never text my ex at this point even though I come close to faultering. Why did you even ask to meet up? You keep handing the power back to her, over and over. I agree with llama, 32 pages...and nothing learned. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Come on man. Are you doing ANYTHING to work on yourself?? I mean even I've learned my value through this whole ordeal, I would never text my ex at this point even though I come close to faultering. Why did you even ask to meet up? You keep handing the power back to her, over and over. I agree with llama, 32 pages...and nothing learned. Fine - I am sorry - But I am a bit confused as in when should I talk to her then - This time she initiated the contacted I only took it forward - Should I maintain NC even when she contacts me? when is the right moment to talk then? It is not that I have any problem with NC just that which way should I go now - I dont want to be friends with her, I only want a relationship if there is any chance and nothing less than that - so please tell me how to proceed - see I have no issues following NC and I am working on myself; I am just confused about what to do next - I am enjoying my life - what should have been response when she contacted me on my birthday? - have I ruined all my chances already? the last 33 pages have not been a waste they have taught me a lot but I am a slow learner (I admit that) - so please keep your advice going - I would be really thankful Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Yes! That is the WHOLE POINT of No Contact - the description is in the title! Tell her TODAY, even if it is by text or facebook message - "*ex's name, I've decided not to do lunch anymore, sorry. Because being in contact isn't going to work for me. I would only appreciate contact from you if relates to reconciling, but if it's not what you have in mind, please respect my need for space. Take care." BAM! You've just taken control of the situation, buddy. Then be prepared because she WILL test you and contact you to see if you're serious. You MUST ignore everything she contacts you with and remove her from facebook. Even "I love you" and "I miss you" does NOT mean that she wants to get back together so be careful. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 There is a friends meet in 2 hours. I have also been invited; she is also coming there. Should I go or not? Somebody please advise fast.. Link to comment
mark4 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 There is a friends meet in 2 hours. I have also been invited; she is also coming there. Should I go or not? Somebody please advise fast.. NO! be busy.. your just guna put yourself in an awkward situation edit : I posted that before reading this thread through... it seems you ask people if you should contact/see her a lot, as if you know it's the wrong thing to do but you want confirmation from someone else to do it. You already know it's a bad idea. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 NO! be busy.. your just guna put yourself in an awkward situation ok - What would happen if I go? Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 She will take you for granted and get the validation she needs from you in order to string you along and make you feel much worse than you currently feel now. I would take everyone's advice on here and not meet this person for lunch. Why give anyone your value if she clearly hasn't appreciated you enough to want to keep a relationship going, knowing how much you love her? Don't make it easy for her. You have an opportunity now to turn this all around in your favor. Make her work for you. Right now, she has you under her thumb, don't give her that power. Honestly, if it were me, i wouldn't even look at her again regardless of how much time has passed between us and how much she claims she has grown after she's conveniently had her fun and gotten bored. People don't ever change, and neither will your GF. Don't let them string you along. In future, i would advise you make it clear to all of your future girlfriends that there will be no possibility of making up if the 2 of you ever seperated... That will keep them on their toes. A girl like that isn't worth your time in my honest opinion. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 She will take you for granted and get the validation she needs from you in order to string you along and make you feel much worse than you currently feel now. I would take everyone's advice on here and not meet this person for lunch. Why give anyone that value if she clearly hasn't valued you enough to want to keep a relationship going, knowing how much you love her? Don't make it easy for her. You have an opportunity to turn this all around in your favor. Make her work for you. Right now, she has you under her thumb, don't give her that power. A girl like that isn't worth your time in my honest opinion. Thanks - I just needed some confirmation that if I am doing any damage to my situation by not going - I have decided not to go - If she wants this to work out then may be she should also put some effort into it - I have already done lot of hardwork - Let God do the rest; my intentions are good - Thanks guys Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Thanks - I just needed some confirmation that if I am doing any damage to my situation by not going - I have decided not to go - If she wants this to work out then may be she should also put some effort into it - I have already done lot of hardwork - Let God do the rest; my intentions are good - Thanks guys Bingo... She either puts some effort into getting you back, or she loses you for good... Most dumpers do, but have too much of an inflated ego to admit it and make the move. But that shouldn't bother you in the slightest. This is now your test. If she doesn't make an effort, then she's failed and you'll have saved yourself time, energy and most important of all, heartbreak. Starting dating other girls. You will find someone better, trust me. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 Bingo... She either puts some effort in into getting back with you, or she loses you for good... This is now your test. If she doesn't make an effort, then she's failed and you'll have saved yourself time, energy and most important of all, heartbreak. Starting dating other girls. you will find someone better, i guarantee it I think currently I am not in a mindframe to date other girls - I think I still have attachments to her but I will be strong and not do anything stupid - I will work on myself and keep NC going Link to comment
Maverick1984 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I think currently I am not in a mindframe to date other girls - I think I still have attachments to her but I will be strong and not do anything stupid - I will work on myself and keep NC going A year from now, you will look back at her and wonder what you saw in her that got you all emotional. It happens all the time. For me, whenever i look at my exes, despite forgiving them for what they did, i can never look at them favorably again. Not even as a friend, because my friends stick by me whenever i'm on a low. So they're not worthy enough to even be a friend in my eyes. What for??? Girls are very good at hooking guys in, and as long as you keep strong and in control, you won't ever fall for it. Believe me, i've learned this the hard and painful way so i know how it feels. They will do everything in their power to try and get you to fold; everything from throwing hissy fits, attempting to make you jealous to creating unecessary drama... The minute you fall for that rubbish, it's game over... Don't make girls the source of your happiness. Good Luck Link to comment
perio Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 It looks like your truly making some slow but steady progress harsh. That good to see. This is actually a.great thread with some huge advise all through it. I think its a good thread for many to read for their own benefit. I also think you should consider sending many on this thread a cheese basket or something for their patients and effort Hang in there! Link to comment
Tricia23 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Harsh, I've been following all 34 pages of your post since November when you first posted. I honestly was exactly in your shoes, a week before your first post. I lost my boyfriend of 7 months, because of the person I was. I wasn't emotionally stable to handle a relationship, nor was I happy with myself. I must have drove my ex nuts after we broke up. I emailed, texted, called, and did pretty much everything I could to try and win him back. I only realize now that I was being foolish. It is very hard to loose someone you love, yes, but you've got to know when to back off and make yourself happy. In your case, all your doing is dwelling on if she will come back. Nobody has the answers for you. Everyone has given you quite a bit of good advice regarding this situation. It seems to me that the only thing you are looking for is for someone to say, "Yes harsh, she will come back. Just give her time" Well we can't say that, because it's not true. Nobody knows your answers. I did get my ex back, but after 5 months. In that time I worked on myself, backed off, and maintains NC then went to LC. Not all situations will end with the happy ending your looking for. Your only setting yourself up for even more heartache. As everybody has been saying to you, I'll say it too. At this point you need to back off, stop wondering what's going to happen if you do this or if you don't do this, stay in strict NC, and just concentrate on YOU!! Move on and stop wondering so much. What's meant to be will be. Just let it happen..... Link to comment
perio Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I'm inexplicably drawn to this thread like a slow car crash which might have a happy ending. Link to comment
spanks Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I'm inexplicably drawn to this thread like a slow car crash which might have a happy ending. Lmao. I find myself checking it often, too... Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 I have decided to write this email to my ex. Please advice me if I should write it or not. Also, if the content is right. Hi , How are you? As we discussed earlier also, I just wanted to re-iterate my stand to clarify things. I dont know if I have been sending wrong signals but I told you that we cannot be friends. We can only be in a relationship or there is nothing. I really want this to work out and am ready to give my 100% and I respect your concerns and things that you want, so I have decided not to contact you in any form till my MBA result is out. I will advice you to not contact me in any form also during this time unless you have decided. I dont want to put you in an awkward situation. Take your time to decide. I am ready to wait. I will respect your decision be it anyway. I will take care of everything else like my parents and other things. But I want you to come back on your own (if you want to) and I dont want to influence your decision. Take care and focus on your studies. Best of luck. Harsh Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Somebody please advice should I write the above email? Link to comment
Tricia23 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 If she hasn't said she wants a relationship with you, I'd leave it alone. Harsh, you really don't seem to understand. NC means NO CONTACT. Emails included. Don't bother her. You've got to LEAVE her be. You sending that email can honestly turn out to be a disaster! Just leave it alone, and go into strict NO CONTACT! Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 If she hasn't said she wants a relationship with you, I'd leave it alone. Harsh, you really don't seem to understand. NC means NO CONTACT. Emails included. Don't bother her. You've got to LEAVE her be. You sending that email can honestly turn out to be a disaster! Just leave it alone, and go into strict NO CONTACT! If she would have said that she wants a relationship with me, I wouldnt even think of sending such a mail. We had a good time together last thursday but then she turned cold suddenly. And before this meeting, I had made her clear that we cannot be friends and we can only have a relationship. I had sent her two messages and called once on Sunday but she didnt reply. And day before yesterday, in our common friends meet when I said that I called u on sunday, she said "my mom and I am using the same phone; so may have missed ur call and messages". I find this unlikely though. Then she dropped me home in her car and asked me for some papers. I said fine I will give u. I messaged her yesterday that I have them online and shared my login details with her. She didnt reply to this as well. Dont know what is it Is she through or is she still thinking of things and confused. Since you are a female, you may be able to help a bit Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 harsch, I'm sorry but she isn't interested and after 35 pages you are still acting desperate and do not get it. Instead of asking questions go back and read EVERY SINGLE POST in this thread again. Take your time in reading them and really try to understand what we are all saying. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 harsch, I'm sorry but she isn't interested and after 35 pages you are still acting desperate and do not get it. Instead of asking questions go back and read EVERY SINGLE POST in this thread again. Take your time in reading them and really try to understand what we are all saying. Fine - I understand that she is not intereted then why does she not say it that its over and why did she go out with me last week? - I dont know why is everybody trying to see the negatives and ignore any positives if there are any. I am not trying to cling to it but I also want an unbiased and critical advice Link to comment
gallop30 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 damn brother your post is still about the same girl? it has to be something wrong with that. too many questions,too little time Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.