Thekid55's Healing Journal

[SA2000]

Get a side job bartending. You'll meet tons of ladies. I bartended for 6 years and met tons of people.

[thekid55]

Go figure. I write that post and one of the girls who I'm hooking up with, texts me and she comes over. Wild night. She wanted to stay over, but I kicked her out.

 

Crap happens when you least expect it to. Huge believer in that now.

[thekid55]

I feel like I'm becoming the villain here and I'm alright with it. Girl with the boyfriend of two years (boyfriend lives like three hours away) constantly texts me and we've hung out/hooked up two out of the last three nights. She always wants to see me, talk to me, etc. Her boyfriend sounds like a bit of deadbeat (five years older than us, no job, still lives at home, he's pretty ugly). Granted, this girl and I dated for a few months a few years back. We get along very well and the attracton between us is crazy.

 

I don't want nor would want anything more from her. I'm fine keeping things the way they are and I know she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend (or at least, I don't think she does). It's never come up and I hope that it never does.

 

Things with that new girl are kinda, non-existant right now. I invited her over a few nights ago and she said that she had just gotten home, had stuff to do, etc (It was later). I'm just gonna give her some space for awhile.

 

Between both of these girls and a few others that I'm talking to, they really, really want me badly when they are drinking/drunk. They can't keep their hands off of me, but when we wake up the next morning together, it's like nothng ever happened. No touching, hugging, etc. I guess this is where I miss having a relatonship, but at this point in time, there's no way I could have a relationship with anyone.

[SA2000]

I felt the same way at first but then when it happens you realize that its not the same and you dont want that from these new ladies. When they do that type of stuff it always freaks me out a little. Like "slow down, baby!" The girl I went on a few dates with a few weeks ago got really drunk and started talking about me like I was her boyfriend. Yeah. That was the last time I spoke with her. On the other hand when they dont act all cuddly you are like what the H? Having a GF is nice and all but do you really want all that comes with it at this point? If a girl acts too clingy right away or within the first few weeks/months I will be GONE. And with the ex I was the clingy one. Funny how it works.

[thekid55]

Well, I just had an extremely, extremely awkward moment. Girl with boyfriend and I went out to breakfast today (She paid). We were leaving the small restaurant and I see this familiar car come rolling up. Out jumps my best friend (who is also good friends with her) and three girls (one of which was 'New Girl'). I'm friends with all of the girls he jumped out of the car with too. It was super freaking awkward because New Girl was probably thinking 'Who the heck is that girl he's with?' and Girl With Boyfriend asked me what that was all about because I just started laughing when I got into the car. I just told her 'Nothing'.

 

My best friend texts me right after saying 'That was freaking hilarious'. (I told him earlier on that girlfriend with bf and I hooked up). And we just talked for a few more minutes. Caught thekid wayyyy off guard.

 

I texted New Girl last night around midnight, asking what she was up to and she never responded to me. Funny, I see her pull out her phone when I'm talking to my friend and her saying 'Oh, so and so texted me' (one of her friends).

 

Idiot.

[SA2000]

I am guessing you hear from her soon now that she knows that you are in demand these days. Funny how it works.

[ToF]

Sounds like you and the "new girl" are done.

[thekid55]

Sounds like you and the "new girl" are done.

 

Just because we haven't hung out in the last week or her lack of reciprocation?

[thekid55]

Just a casual update for everyone.

 

I met a ton of new people this weekend. I visited one of my buddies at his college and I had a blast. Bars one night. House party the next. I just turned my game off for the weekend because logistics were just bad. No point in going through all the trouble when you are a guest at someone's pad.

 

My buddy's school is in my hometown so when people caught wind that I was coming back, my phone was exploding. I had to turn three girls down that wanted to see me. One even wanted me to drive an hour away to her school to 'hang out'. That wasn't happening.

 

Girl with the boyfriend got absolutely bombed last night. She wanted to come out with her and when I told her I was home, she got angry. She called me at least 12 times hours later (I answered a few times). She kept wanting me to 'save her' since she was lost in a train station with her friends. I can't really do much when I'm three hours away, but that's a moot point. I told her to call her boyfriend and she told me 'Ew no way. He's 27, jobless, and ugly'. I kept saying that he was a good guy (I've never met him) and she kept shooting him down. Funny how that BS works, right?

 

No update at all with 'New Girl'

 

Finally, one of my good friends called me tonight after the Super Bowl. She told me that she had some funny stories. She said girl with the BF was dancing on the bar at this bar she was at last night (I'm not surprised) and that my ex has been hanging out with her ex. My friend told me that one of her friends saw my ex at his house last weekend. They apparently went into his room and he kicked her out 15 minutes later and sent her home. He also told people that he is just happy to be getting a$$ and it doesn't matter who it's from. Basically, it's the same story with her being played over and over. She is used by him, he treats her badly, she goes back. Definition of low confidence. My friend and my ex used to be so close, but their friendship just fell apart too. My friend sees her for what she is.

 

We've been in NC for 13 days now and I feel great. Right around now is when she will typically break NC and reach out to me. I really hope she doesn't because I don't think I'll be 100% over her until I graduate in May and don't have to worry about bumping into her on campus, at a bar, etc. My ex's best friend requested me on Facebook tonight after I removed her months ago. I accepted it.

 

Even though I'm being Mr. Mac Daddy right now and having fun, I want to meet someone with some substance. All of the girls now are real fun and all, but your man wants someone who he can kick it with. A new chapter of my life will be beginning in May, so maybe it's best if things stay the way they are so I have no distractions going forward.

[ToF]

I think you still care a little too much about what your ex is up to. You judge her pretty harshly for her post-breakup activities, but remember that this was once a girl that you thought the world of. Sure, it's perfectly natural to be upset that she's acting the way she is, but holding it against her in such a personal way is not fair, in my opinion. If you are allowed to go out and be a mac daddy, treating girls like conquests (and yes - you have been recently), then I think she's allowed to do whatever the **** she wants to and not be judged at a glance by you. While you look at her behavior and think, "that's one sorry girl with no self-esteem", one could similarly look at TheKid's behavior and think, "that guy has some serious issues below the surface that he is trying to compensate for by hooking up with all these women".

 

Just remember that you are not the only one who is trying to figure his life out. She may be going about it differently, but that does not mean it's necessarily wrong. Concentrate on your own life, and put her firmly in the past if that's truly what you want.

[thekid55]

Just an update. I seem to hit my 'mental stride' when it's very late at night. Probably because nothing is going on and that's when I think best. Anyway..

 

I'm in a transition period in my life. As you all already know, I'm 22 and I'm going to be graduating college in May. I don't have a full-time job yet, but I'm not stressing over it. As an undergrad, I've basically done everything in my power to position myself for the future. Good grades, activities, high-level internships, creating my own business, good people skills, etc. Basically, I have no restrictions when it comes to jobs. I've sent my resume all over the country. I am what I am and whatever company hires me, will be hiring a great person.

 

Since I am in that transition period (and all of my friends/love interests/etc) are with me, now is the time not to get attached. Granted, I have my share of flings. I have a lot of different options, I'm having fun, but I'm no where ready to committ to anyone, any time soon. I've been in relationships for basically the last seven years or so dating back to high school. Right now, I'm finally taking the time to learn more about thekid and make thekid a better man. I'm not looking for a relationship, but rather, just having fun for once in my life. A lot of the girls I've been with in the past had extremely low confidence. Even now, the flings have super low confidence. I feel very confident with myself, but there are some things I need to work on and now is the time to do it.

 

'Girl With Boyfriend' and I talk all the time. We have history (dated three years ago) and we feel very comfortable together. Granted, we have both agreed that our time together is a secret, but I feel like her boyfriend at college. I was over her house for four hours tonight, just talking, hanging out, etc. No sex or anything, but kissing, cuddling, etc. Her room mates know what goes on and I've always been friendly with them. When we are together, we kiss. We hug. She cooks for me sometimes. I take her out to breakfast. She questions me when she doesn't hear from me for awhile, which isn't right and I tell her to stop. But this 'relationship' is like sand running through the hourglass. I know she's not going to leave her boyfriend, which is fine, but I also know that she is going home after graduation and I have no plans to work where she wants to go. I have no interest in a exclusive relationship with her. Basically, we are using each other to fill voids.

 

This is going to sound super strange, but with that situation, I feel like Bruce Wayne in the movie, The Dark Knight. I feel like she needs me right now and I need her. But when the time comes for her to let go and move home, I will just be an after thought. If you haven't seen the movie, Gotham needs Batman until the day when Harvey Dent dies and Batman suddenly becomes the 'outlaw'. Like Batman, we both know that that day is coming and it isn't too far away. That's why I'm just not getting attached. If she called me up tomorrow and said she didn't want to do this anymore, I'd be cool with it. I knew what I was getting into from the start and this is more or less just a place holder for me.

 

Maybe that's why 'New Girl' has completely disappeared. We haven't hung out in like two weeks. I've asked her to hang out twice, but she has flaked. There was strong attraction between her and I, but I don't think either of us wants the relationship now with so much uncertain about the future. I could tell that she was starting to get slightly attached, but then I saw her with that dude in the bar. Maybe that's her way of dealing with it, who knows. I'm not her boyfriend, so I don't have any say, which is fine with me. Works both ways.

 

With my ex, we've been in NC for two solid weeks now. No texts, calls, meetings, etc. I haven't seen her at school, but I hear stories about how she'll go over to her ex's house on the weekend and he'll kick her out after he uses her. I don't have any say with this either and I can't judge her, but I can't blame her either. Growing up, she lived such a chaotic life and she still does. She watched her Mom chase after her alcoholic, cheating, abusive Dad and was always willing to give him another chance. Granted, her Dad married the woman he cheated on Mom with and built a 'new Family' and her Mom got remarried, but problems are still there. Her home life sucks and she is used to uncertainty, craziness, etc. She has watched her mother do it for 22 years, so she doesn't know how to do normal. That doesn't make her a bad person, it just puts her on the path of pain. I'm not that guy to cause all of that drama and crap, so her and I would just never work out because she doesn't even trust herself, let alone me. I can't provide her with that uncertainty.

 

That's basically my vent for tonight. I'm not going to get into my other flings because that's just another headache within itself. I've put the attention back on me and I'm gonna keep grinding it out and see what happens next for me...

[italiannmf24]

Hey thekid55 I've been following your journal for weeks and couldn't make an account until now. For some reason it won't allow me to PM you, but my question is, how are things with the current ex? How much would you say you've healed and do you think if she honestly came back at this point you would get back with her?

[thekid55]

Hey thekid55 I've been following your journal for weeks and couldn't make an account until now. For some reason it won't allow me to PM you, but my question is, how are things with the current ex? How much would you say you've healed and do you think if she honestly came back at this point you would get back with her?

 

My ex and I have been in NC for 17 days now, which is the longest we've ever gone in the four months we've been broken up. I haven't initiated contact with her since November. She texted me on Thanksgiving, my birthday in December, on Christmas, a few times in January that I ignored, and finally showed up two and a half weeks ago. Before I even started this journal in mid-November, I did a lot of dumb crap in the first month and a half of the breakup. I texted her multiple times, got so drunk one night that I showed up at her apartment.

 

Alike a lot of people on this site, my ex and I had a lot of future plans together. We talked about marriage, kids, living together. Now, we are only three months away from graduating and we are miles and miles apart. At this point, too much damage has been done to repair things before we graduate. If we were to ever reconcile or whatever, it would have to happen many, many years down the road. We both have a lot of growing up to do.

 

I think Brownstone said one time that people either get back together right away (less than a month) or at least a year later. If you are in between, you are truly in the grey area and reconciliation won't work. I've seen a lot of examples of that on here. So to answer your question, any reconciliation attempt would crash and burn right now because there are still way too raw feelings on both ends. I still resent her and she was a crying mess when she showed up here unannounced. Clearly, neither of us are ready for anything anytime soon.

 

I considered 'healed' 100% over the person and I'm not close to that. I think the process will speed up once I meet someone who I feel like I could actually date. As you've read, I've been basically going wild over the last two months and it's basically just a distraction/ego boost for me. I don't lead the girls on, so there's no harm, no foul.

[Calblee]

well said.

 

agree with your insightful comments fully.

[thekid55]

'New Girl' is giving me such a headache. I texted her last night before I had baseball practice (around 9pm; baseball runs from 10p-12a) and asked her if she was going to go to this bar. She said that she was and asked if I was going to go. I didn't see her text until after practice ended (around 1230a) and the bars here close around 130a. So, I wasn't going to rush home, grab a shower, and be at the bar for like 15 minutes. I texted her back and said 'Hey, text me when you get home and I'll come by for a few'. No answer, again.

 

So, I'm just trying to figure this out. Two weeks ago, the girl and I were hanging out 3-4 times per week. Last week, I invited her over and she couldn't come. I texted her last Thursday night and she didn't answer. She saw me at the diner with another girl on Friday morning, and now this week, she ignores me on a Thursday again. Personally, I think she drinks a lot and may just forget about her phone. She's the type not to carry the phone around, but still, if she wanted to see me or hang out or whatever, she'd answer me. Time to just leave this one alone for awhile. Frustrating though when things were real good recently and the script has flipped.

 

I don't have a ton of options up here, so I tend to get a little down when crap like this happens. Make me miss the stability of a relationship, knowing that you can count on the other person.

[SA2000]

Shes got you on the backburner. Return the favor or just forget about her. The more you chase her the more she'll run. The more you dont care the more shell be after you.

[C_Unknown2005]

Like SA said man let this one go. Enjoy your last semester

[thekid55]

My problem has been that I sacrificed too much to be with my ex. During the 2.5 years we were together in college, we basically gave up everything to be together. We cut off friends, did basically all of our hanging out together, etc. She is still in sorority, but was never really that active while we were together. Since we've broken up, I know that she is super active in it. Me, on the other hand, well I've tried to rebuild my friendships here at school, but I only have three months until graduation. I joined the baseball team, but I'm in my last semester. The cliques have been formed and other friends have other groups of friends that I've tried to break in to. I like most of the people on the team and in new social circles, but I always have to seek them out to do stuff. Go figure too that my ex's best friend now dates one of my buddies, so I really don't go out with that group anymore. I did a lot last semester when they didn't date, but I'm avoiding that situation now.

 

Some of my other friends here are engaged, so they are basically not fun to hang out with on the weekends.

 

If I could do it all over again, I would have joined the baseball much earlier. Probably as a sophomore. I've always loved playing baseball and I have no why I didn't join until my last semester.

 

Basically, I'm paying the price now for not diversfying myself earlier in school. I worked all of the internships (alone), I had the best jobs (that I did alone), and now after my ex is gone, I'm alone, trying to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. I'm happy for the most part, I just wish I had more friends at school.

 

I have no issues at home because I could easily call up ten friends and go out with them at home (which I did last weekend). Goes to show that you gotta have a stable lifestyle outside of the relationship.

[SA2000]

The semester will be over before you know it and you will be either headed home or to where ever the job market takes you. I would make a couple buddies (even if that means seeking them out) and get through this last semester. Then once school is finished move on to where ever the wind takes you. This is good preperation for the future when you move to a new city and dont know anyone.

[thekid55]

I'm just having a really tough weekend here. I've been arrogantly babbling on in this journal for the last two months. Granted, I've progressed a lot. I've gotten myself back out there, caught up with friends, started to play baseball again, hit the gym hard (like SA), and watched my grades get even better at school (I have a 3.71 cum GPA). I've interned at some of the best companies in the world. I own my own small business and operate a very successful sports blog. I've done all of this at 22 years old, yet I still feel incomplete.

 

I read some of SA's journal earlier today and it really made me think. Alike SA's ex, my ex has been going out a ton too. Before I met her three years ago, she was a freshman at college and went through the typical freshman phase of going out and doing whatever. When we started dating months later, she really settled down and I'm really not that wild to begin with. She made so many improvements with herself and I was always her rock in tough times. Seems like when this last semester of college kicked off, she started to think 'Holy crap. This is it.' Since I wasn't the big social light when we dated, she wanted to seek out other people. In turn, I've become more social because well, I needed to be and I've also sought out others. I couldn't tell you if she has a boyfriend or whatever, but that's none of my business. I know that the person I was with her, will never come back out again. I could only be that person I was with her and that person is gone now. Being that person only led to me getting crushed.

 

No one that I've met so far has provided that strong connection that her and I had. Her and I were so much more than just boyfriend/girlfriend. She was literally my best friend. I gave up so much for her and now it feels like I'm left with nothing. A lot of my friends at college have transferred out and I always had her to fall back on. I've made countless attempts to try to replace/move on from that part of my life, but they've all just failed so far. When we were together, I always thought about being single, chasing girls, taking her for granted, etc. I took for granted all of the dinner she made for me. Now, I'm stuck trying to cook for myself. The little things really matter.

 

Her showing up unannounced three weeks ago has literally crushed me. It was the first time in four months that she let herself get emotional in front of me. It was the first time that she didn't try to put up a front. I haven't been the same since. It felt like the breakup was totally rehashed. I still have girls interested in me, but my bad energy has pushed others away.

 

Finally, the irony reigns supreme. I got back from a 5-mile run a little while ago. I'm about 300 feet away from the finish, a car passes me from behind, (It's my ex), and continues to drive as I run towards the finish line. It's like I just can't catch that car no matter how hard I try and I know she saw me because no one else is dumb enough to run in this cold and she bought the sweatshirt I was wearing.

 

I've never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, but I always tried to make it super special for her because she never had a good one until I came along. I always spoiled her rotted and I can still remember our first one where I made a special trip to our favorite restaurant, had a dozen roses put on the table, and she cried when we arrived an hour later. Will she realize that there won't be that special date, with that special guy, who was willing to do anything for her this year?

 

Enough with the depressing entry for today.

[thekid55]

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Make sure you tell that to Mom and Grammy today. If you tell Dad, he will probably smack ya over the head. Anyway..

 

I've realized that when I get into relationships, I basically put the needs of my girlfriend at the time over mine. Even now with the new girl, I'm starting to see myself do it. Basically, I need to be more selfish when it comes to relationships, so that's my Valentine's Day present to myself.

 

For the last two years, I balled out for my ex on Valentine's Day. Girl got red carpet treatment. Flowers, balloons, chocolate covered strawberries, nice dinner. In turn, she bought this nice lingerie set for me, which was more than enough to make me happy. Girl was always crying when Valentine's Day rolled around because no one ever did what I did for her. My wallet is definitely a little heavier this year and that's fine with me.

 

I'm sure she'll think about the great stuff that I did for today. Hopefully, someone else can make her happier on this Valentine's Day than I ever did. She deserves to be happy today and I know how you women get super emotional on V-Day. In turn, I'm gonna have a great day and treat myself right. Nobody loves thekid more than thekid does.

[thekid55]

How ironic. I needed to take a few packages to the post office today. I'm driving there (it's about 10 miles away) and I stop at a red light. I look up and see a familiar car. It's my ex. She still has that stupid bumper sticker on her car that I gave her years ago. I know she saw because I caught her looking once and she got super nervous. Started looking down at her phone, fixing her hair, looking all around, until the light turned green and she just sped away.

 

This girl and I always seem to get linked up in the oddest ways.

[SA2000]

You should have honked the second the light changed and screamed out your window " * * * * ING GO!!!" Thats what I would have done.

[thekid55]

You should have honked the second the light changed and screamed out your window " * * * * ING GO!!!" Thats what I would have done.

 

Hahahaha. Nah, tryna show that I don't care man. Acted 100% unaffected.

[SA2000]

I would have acted like I had road rage and didnt realize it was her. Just because that is not characteristic of me and then flashed a smile. Not doing anything works as well though. Now you know you'll be on her mind atleast for a few days.