Thekid55's Healing Journal

[22n32]

good for u man... sister was prob an exuse she didnt even have a date, she wanted to size u up.. maybe im wrong but i keep going back to about 5yrs ago, i was on a date and she brought her friend who was a pyschiatriast, which was weird and she kept asking me question..

 

anyway, at least u had fun and saw theres other great girls outhere, she is prob waiting for u too call her.. but if u dont im sure u will get a call in the next few days...

[thekid55]

Yeah, I mean, we met online. I met her in person for the first time ever tonight. She was basically what I expected. Same type of person that I communicated with online/texting. I don't blame her though for bringing the sister. If I was a girl, I'd do the same thing. Not every dude is sane.

[SA2000]

You'll get a text by the weekend for sure. Keep your eyes on NYC tho. There will be plenty of opportunities for you to meet some nice ladies there.

[felix29]

Great to hear that you're finally putting yourself as your #1 priority kid!

 

Out of curiosity, are you going to be ibanking on Wall Street?

[Tryptophan]

Your journal is so inspiring for me! I've just read through it kind of late because I'm new but it really shows all the progress that you've made in so little time. I recently had a break-up and at the moment, it feels like I'm not moving on at all but your journal has given me hope.

 

Right after break-ups, you feel like you're gonna die (I do at least), and you forget that you've been through this before, and you were fine after. Sometimes I just need a reminder that I am strong enough and that I WILL make it through. Our break-ups were totally different, and so were the relationships but I feel we all go through the same grieving in a way.

 

Anyway, what I am trying to say is thanks for sharing all your experiences with us. I'm sure I'm not the only one looking at your posts and going like "Man, I hope stuff works out for me this way too."

 

Best of luck!

[thekid55]

It's all about time. Things get better in time. It's the best healer. I've been in NC with my ex for almost two months now and I feel great. I still miss her as a person, but time has helped me heal.

 

And no, I'm not doing ibanking.

[thekid55]

Seems like whenever I get super drunk, I automatically start thinking about my ex. I miss her a ton and realize what my lfie has become without her. I love my 'new' life. I have so many new friends, new situations, etc. I love it a lot. But I know that she can't fit into this new lifestyle that I have. She rolls with a different crew now. I realize that I have a lot of friends in that crew that she rolls in, but it's just so different now.

 

When I was out at this bar tonight, a lot of my new friends had no idea that I had been at this college for four years. My ex and I basically kept to ourselves and I really didn't meet a lot of new people, so that was an eye-opening experience for me. I have fun with this new group of friends and all, but I realize that I wouldn't have met them if I was still with her.

 

I miss N and love her so damn much, but at the same time, I realize that this happened for a reason. The reason was for me to meet at least 50 new friends and to become a more rounded person. I am that person now, but damn, I wish I had her back in my life. Been about two months NC for us now. There's only two months until graduation and I've been going nuts..

[felix29]

I miss N and love her so damn much, but at the same time, I realize that this happened for a reason. The reason was for me to meet at least 50 new friends and to become a more rounded person. I am that person now, but damn, I wish I had her back in my life. Been about two months NC for us now. There's only two months until graduation and I've been going nuts..

 

I can totally relate to you kid. It's been 4 months since the breakup and I've been in NC for the past 3 months. She's a stage 5 clinger so she jumped ship about a month after the relationship. I think she's just dating around.

 

In these past 4 months I did exactly what you did: I found a damn good job, got back in shape, reconnected with a bunch of friends, and hooked up with plenty of girls. You would think that after the relationship ended and having our lives change for the better that we wouldn't miss them at all... but that's so not true.

 

At this point, I'm happy where I am, but at random times during the day I get this empty feeling inside. I start to think about her and all the good times we had, and then I wonder if she's thinking about me too. I still care a lot about the girl but like you, I've realized that I'm definitely better off without her. I mean, we're 21-22 and we should be taking advantage of this pivotal point of our lives!

 

Time has definitely done its job, but there's still a dull pain whenever I think about her.

[thekid55]

I went to this event on campus last night. There was maybe 200 people in the place. I felt like a celebrity in there. So many people wanted to talk to me, take pictures, hang out, whatever. I got invited to a few St. Patty's parties today too.

 

The kicker? I didn't know 90% of these people while I still dated my ex. After we broke up, I started reconnecting with old friends, meeting new ones, and just having fun again. I got the job I was going for, got into better physical shape, and I've attracted a lot of new girls in the process. I haven't found any 'keepers' yet, but I'm doing what I gotta do.

 

The blondie from Tuesday? She texted me last night and we've been texting a lot since then. We both had fun on the date and I'd see her again. I have a midterm tonight and then the festivities will begin again.

[SA2000]

Don't find any keepers too soon kid. Enjoy some free time in the city!

[22n32]

def enjoy NYC i live 20min from the city... tons of hotties everywhere.. sucks most want to moniezzzzzz here...

[italiannmf24]

I miss N and love her so damn much, but at the same time, I realize that this happened for a reason. The reason was for me to meet at least 50 new friends and to become a more rounded person. I am that person now, but damn, I wish I had her back in my life. Been about two months NC for us now. There's only two months until graduation and I've been going nuts..

 

I'm surprised to see you say this thekid, your doing so well without her. She's become a different person, is with a new click of friends, gained weight and went back to another ex just to get rejected and shut down. You? You've gotten your dream job in NYC, improved both phyiscally and emotionally, made a new circle of friends and have a bright future ahead of you. Honestly, your better off without her, you may have already started to realize it, but you haven't reached your full potential. She still has that tiny inch of a hold on you and once that holds completely gone, your gonna do great things. You'll find someone else but for now your doing awesome with self-improvement and moving forward. Keep up the good work and don't let her set you back, your better than that.

 

Others and I have found this journal inspiring and I can say I've learned from reading it that if you put your mind to something and off of the other, you'll accomplish your goals. Good luck in the future and with that job in NYC!

[thekid55]

So, just rolling in this morning from last night. I have to get to my job on campus in a bit, but I figured I'd post here.

 

Last night, I went out and enjoyed the St. Patty's festivities with my friends. We went to this bar and had a great time. Place was packed and I saw my ex at one point, sitting a table with her girlfriend and just texting away nonstop. She wasn't socializing with anyone. She just had her head buried into her phone for the entire time. Couldn't tell you nor really care who she was texting because all of her friends were there outside of this one girl. I saw her later in the night and she still had her head buried in the phone. I was like, for all of the times you got on me about not being social and you are walking around with your head in the phone?

 

I had fun with all of my friends though. 'J' (girl with the bf) came by later with her friends and we all hung out. (if you are just reading this now, J and I have three years of history) I got really drunk and she ended up driving me and a few friends back to my friend's house. My car was at his house and she drove my car back to her house and I crashed there. Her and I had a 'heart-to-heart' about just everything because I don't feel like she's being real with me. I don't expect a relationship or anything out of her, but I just want her to stop with this facade all the time. That really got her into talking about how she's not happy with herself, how her Mom ruined her image of herself, she doesn't know what would make her happy. All deep stuff. She ended up crying too and me being the caretaker that I am, helped her out. Tried to tell her the good things she has going on while listening.

 

I had this other girl who I hooked up with on Spring Break texting me non-stop wanting to hang out. I told J that I chose to hang out with her over this other SB girl for a reason and she should just stop with the BS. Kinda used that girl to make a point, anyway.

 

As crazy as this sounds, we ended up having sex maybe five minutes after this conversation about emotions were obviously running high. We both passed out and woke up a little while back.

 

Overall, it was just a crazy night. In between all of the drinking, the socializing, the ex, J, and the other SB girl. My life seems to get more and more complicated by the day, but I don't owe any girl anything. The ex is going to be the miserable, pathetic person that she has always been. J is never going to be happy with herself. And the SB chick, well, that's something entirely different but not a priority to me right now.

 

In short, my girl breakdown looks like this right now and it's way too complicated.

 

1. J

2. Spring Break girl

3. Blondie from online

4. Brunette from online

5. Blondie from back home (who's concert I missed this week to hang out with Girl 3; she was crushed)

6. Softballing brunette

7. Brunette from high school who wants to marry me

8. Ex (even though she's outta the picture)

[thekid55]

Talked to Mom today. Told her a little bit about what happened last night. She made an excellent point that I think some of us forget.

 

Her point: Children

 

We all want our partner to be the love of our lives, the person we want to see the most, etc. But ultimately, most people aim to reproduce so their genetics can be passed down to the next generation. However, we gotta realize that when the DNA starts mixing, you gotta be mixing with the right person. I look at my ex and see all of the issues that she has. Could I really reproduce with someone like that? Think about your future kids.

 

Just something to keep in mind.

[C_Unknown2005]

Kid,

 

Your thinking to much lol. But I understand 200% with what you say.

 

C

[thekid55]

I just found it funny that when I saw her at this bar the other night, she had her head buried in her phone. No guys were talking to her and she wasn't talking to anyone. While I on the other hand, was having fun, talking to different girls, being social, etc.

[thekid55]

Just got in from the bar. I was the DD tonight so I felt pretty good helping the rest of my friends out. Anyway, I got to watch the entire bar scene through sober eyes tonight and I realize that I'm starting to get over it. Prior to my breakup, I never really experienced the bar scene regularly. However, I've been going to the bar and drinking heavily a few times per week over the last six months. I see how pathetic some girls are in the bar. I see how weird and gross the guys are. I don't want to sound like an a$$ but I just feel like I'm better than all of that. I know it's college and I went wild roughly a week ago, but I think tonight opened my eyes to a lot of things. I have two months now before things start to get real. I'm going to enjoy myself and not have any regrets, but I'm not going to do anything stupid, either.

 

I had random girls grabbing me in the bar. Pinching my butt. All of that stupid flirty BS, but I just wasn't into that tonight. I had so many girls come up to me and talk to me. I just wasn't trying at all and it was almost too easy.

 

After a few friends told me how great I looked, how good I was doing, etc. I brought up my ex. I asked them what they thought of my relationship with her. All of my friends said that I could/have already done better than her. Not one person has told me post-breakup that we should get back together and work on things. Not one. That's telling.

 

As much as I want to 'fix' this situation, I realize now that it happened for a reason. I have so many new friends now and I never have any awkward situations in social atmospheres anymore. My ex wanted me around her 100% time and I never got to branch out. I didn't have any of this six months ago and now it feels like I have it all. People invite me to parties all the time, buy me drinks, introduce me to other hot girls, etc.

 

I don't want a girlfriend or anything right now at all. I joked around with the secretary in my office the other day, saying that I don't plan on falling in love in the next five years. Watch it happen in a month. Ha.

[GetOverItPlz]

LOL. Sounds like you're doing really well, my friend. And love will grab you by the cajones when you least expect it!

 

I've been talking to this middle eastern girl that comes into work a lot... a colleague of mine said I was on lunch the other day when she came in and she was looking around all sad.... let me just say...

 

She gotta donk (she gotta donk)/She gotta donk (she gotta donk).

 

lol.

 

Let's keep it rollin, Kid. I'm proud of you!

[thekid55]

Always seems to happen that way. Stuff happens when you least expect it to.

 

Heard that jam at the bar last night. Haha. Do you.

[thekid55]

Was working with a friend on a group project tonight. He brought up the ex. He said to me, 'Did you see her status on Facebook'

 

I said to him. Well, she blocked me like months ago, but for laughs, let's hear it.

 

'Need a date to my sorority's formal. Men of the world, Inquire within!

 

Now after I got done laughing, I just said 'Wow'. How desperate can you be? She had a few people comment on it, including one of her guy friends who said..

 

'You just got done telling me about your 'pimping' skills. What gives?'

 

SHe said 'I have no skills'

 

Now, I found this even funnier. Here I am, watching my life improve ten fold since the breakup. I can't even handle juggling all of the girls that I'm involved with. I had all seven of these girls texting me tonight and I was like, damn I can't even handle this. Told my friend 'I don't wanna be a playa no more'. Haha.

[italiannmf24]

Just reading some of the older posts in your journal and came accross this, an older ex seduced you? You never mentioned that before lol, I'm interested if you don't mind explaining.

[SA2000]

Where the hell is everybody? I haven't seen Gallop or Hulk in days. Where's GOIP and 22? I'm the only one left here? Damn it!

[thekid55]

Just reading some of the older posts in your journal and came accross this, an older ex seduced you? You never mentioned that before lol, I'm interested if you don't mind explaining.

 

Haha. Well, that older ex (J) and I still hang out/talk all the time now. Her and I had a thing a few years back. She's the girl with the boyfriend that I've referenced in here a few times. When her and I first hooked up again, she basically was seducing me on the dance floor. One thing led to another and we've been hanging out for the last few months. It's going to end when we graduate and that's totally cool with me.

 

I hung out with L tonight. The internet blonde hottie. She's a shot of life. This was only our second time hanging out, but I really like hanging with her. Went to grab dinner and watched Wedding Crashers and some b-ball at my place. Real good kisser. Real nice body. She's vibing me a lot. She gives me my space too. Only issue is distance. She lives about an hour away from me now and I'm moving back home after graduation, which is another two hours away on top. We'll see what happens.

 

J wasn't too happy that I didn't answer her texts for like five hours. She basically freaked out because she wanted to hang out and I didn't answer her. She definitely has feelings for me, but she fronts all the time!

 

While I was hanging out with L, another girl, G, came knocking on my door. She wanted me to come down the hall and hang out with a bunch of these chicks I met on Spring Break. I told her that I was busy, but I'd swing my later. I went by later and hung out with E, who I hooked up with on SB and a few other friends. They wanted a tour of my apartment so I gave them one. E texted me a few minutes later, thanking me for showing her my apartment and how she wants to have a movie night soon and try out my bed. Boy, I'm just getting myself into trouble!

 

Finally, this one other girl who is the hottest of them all S, was really upset that I didn't come over initially when G came knocking. She was tweeting me on Twitter non-stop.

 

Feels like I'm playing alphabet soup here.

[C_Unknown2005]

PUMP THE EFFFFFFINNNNNNGGGGG BRAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

This is going to smack you in the face very soon!

 

C

[thekid55]

PUMP THE EFFFFFFINNNNNNGGGGG BRAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

This is going to smack you in the face very soon!

 

C

 

Then let the smacking begin.

 

Here's what I've learned though. Having options kills desire. When you don't have desire, you can't get hurt. You can't get attached. And I don't think that's a bad thing at all. I'm not looking for a relationship right now and I'm just having fun. I know that I can have whoever of these girls whenever I want really. It's like juggling and I haven't dropped the ball.