Thekid55's Healing Journal

[snippot II]

Kid, you got this. Remember, getting over someone is a process rather than an event. and you are soooo much further down the road than when it started. Try not to see it as a total setback. This is a down week, and last week may have been an up week. Doesnt mean you are back at square one. Keep reaching for those higher highs, and the lows will take care of themselves. The weekend is coming, and you will be back on your game.

[thekid55]

Kid, you got this. Remember, getting over someone is a process rather than an event. and you are soooo much further down the road than when it started. Try not to see it as a total setback. This is a down week, and last week may have been an up week. Doesnt mean you are back at square one. Keep reaching for those higher highs, and the lows will take care of themselves. The weekend is coming, and you will be back on your game.

 

Yeah, last week was a big time 'up week'. In fact, the last few weeks were all 'up weeks'. This week, so far, is a down week. A lot of drama, a lot of BS.

 

It's a little bit of a setback. You're right. But I just gotta keep moving on.

 

Why was I blocked? I have no idea. I find it odd to begin with. She would never tell me the truth why and I'd never ask her.

[ToF]

Why was I blocked? I have no idea. I find it odd to begin with. She would never tell me the truth why and I'd never ask her.

 

Why is this detail bothering you so much?

 

Take it at face value: She blocked you because she didn't want to see anything about you or your life, and didn't want you to see hers either. Case closed.

[SA2000]

Maybe she heard about the other chica and cant bare to see you tagged w/ her.

[gallop30]

women are very very selfish,she is one of them,don't forget that

[ToF]

women are very very selfish,she is one of them,don't forget that

 

That's a pretty unfair generalization.

[iBroken]

That's a pretty unfair generalization.

 

Agree with this....unselfish women do exist........lots of them

[thekid55]

New girl invited me over last night to her house for a party. All of our friends were there and it was snowing like crazy in NY. New girl and I hung out for a bit with friends, she was just telling me about her life, etc. When everyone was leaving, we went upstairs. She had a lot to drink (I didn't). We started to hookup and she felt bad because she was drunk and I wasn't so we went back downstairs and drank more. We go back upstairs and hook up again. We hooked up again and it was alright. She got very...cuddly? afterwards. We fell asleep, had breakfast in the morning, and now I'm back home posting here.

 

She was a little, stanoffish this morning. I can tell her guard is way, way up with me. Even though we've been intimate, she's still sketpical about me. I even said that to her last night and she kept saying about how she's never met a good guy (here we go again). She kept saying that I have a plan and I told her that I don't even know what I'm going to eat for breakfast tomorrow. Then she tells me that she thought I hated her since I didn't talk to her for four days after our argument last week. I can tell she hasn't had a ton of boyfriends and she gotten screwed over in the past by guys. Even this morning, I texted her when I got home and here's the interaction:

 

Me: Hey. I got home. My entire apt. complex is legit snowed in.

Her: Hahaha

Me: Did everyone get their cars dug out?

Her: Uh Yeah

Me: Alright...Well thanks for inviting me to the party last night, I had fun

 

This is the crap I'm talking about...It's annoying as hell. Her guard is way, way up and even though we've only been at this for like a week and a half, I haven't been able to even crack her a little bit.

 

Side Note: Girl with boyfriend texted me late last night, wanting me to come over again. She texts me all the time too and I respond politely most of the time.

[ToF]

Sounds like this new girl is playing a sort of push-pull game with you. If you don't like it, then either call her on it or move on.

[thekid55]

Sounds like this new girl is playing a sort of push-pull game with you. If you don't like it, then either call her on it or move on.

 

I just think she has a lot of walls up. Some of those walls come down when drinking becomes involved, but it's like she'll immediately put them back up.

 

For example, we had sex and it was pretty good. As soon as it was over, I got up and went to the bathroom. She was upset because I wouldn't come lay with her right away. I got back maybe a minute later and she wanted to cuddle with me and we did for the next 30 mins or so, giivng me light kisses and stuff. It was great. It felt so good.

 

Then, I joke around with her about something and she gets so standoffish. Gives me the roll over in the bed and starts acting with an attitude. Then I just turn away and she comes back.

 

It's crazy push/pull and I think she's just afraid of getting close to me and maybe that's not a bad thing. I can't have anything serious/a relationship right now.

[MakeItCount]

Sounds to me like this chick wants a relationship and is acting pretty immature. How old is she?

 

I think you're right about her not having many boyfriends etc.

[thekid55]

She's 22. And yeah, I don't think she has had many boyfriends (I know of one and he was a whacko)

[22n32]

Girls like that are perfect, there a clean slate.. just man up and show her how its done.. take the lead take the control.. and she will always be urs.. because u showed her what most little boys cant do..

[thekid55]

Well, the bad news keeps piling up for the arrogant kid.

 

I was at baseball practice tonight and I got injured. I'm pitching and I feel like I re-injured my upper left quad/groin area. I hurt it years ago in high school when I played football and I can feel it 'pull' from time to time. I was able to finish practice, but I'm hurtin' right now. I was throwing really well/really hard tonight and this sucks. I'll probably hit the gym tomorrow, ride the bike, and try to get the blood flowin in there again.

 

It's been a rough week for me. First the stupid ex, now this stupid injury. I was on top of the world for the last month or so and I've been humbled. Here's to hoping tomorrow is better than today was.

[MakeItCount]

Stretch, and lots of it. Was it a sharp pain or a throbbing pain? This is one area I can help you with,

[thekid55]

Stretch, and lots of it. Was it a sharp pain or a throbbing pain? This is one area I can help you with,

 

More of a sharp pain. It's definitely a muscle issue. Probably more of a strain than anything else.

 

I slept with new girl again last night. I don't get done baseball practice until late and she went to the bar with her friends. She immediately started texting me when the bar closed. She was literally not making any sense, but she eventually asked me to come over. And well, I accomplished something that I've never done before.

 

I gave her the biggest O ever, she legit passed out 30 seconds after it, and was curled up onto me, out cold, naked. This morning, I got breakfast in bed. Maybe things are turning around.

[hulk7280]

women are very very selfish,she is one of them,don't forget that

 

aint that the truth! i have been in NC with my ex with has a boyfriend!!! and she still contacts me.. i ignore all of her attempts.. and just last night she messaged me on facebook and said "you obviously dont want to be friends, should i just delete you off facebook?"

 

i immediately went offline after she messaged me! lol

 

i checked back later that night to see if she deleted me and she didnt..

 

but seriously she is so selfish.. she wants to be friends? reallly?? i wonder how your boyfriend feels about that! lol

 

sorry kid, just wanted to rant for a bit!

[thekid55]

Just getting home from the bar now. I went with my friends and we met up with the girls there. I didn't drink that much before I went to the bar so I was fairly sober upon arrival. I get there and the new girl I'm talking to is completely hammered. She is dancing all over the place. Mostly with her girl friends. I notice that she starts to dance with this one guy I know from class. For the next two hours or so, they are glued together. She goes to the bar. He follows her. He was like a damn magnet to her. I think I saw them kiss? I'm not really that sure. I interacted with her maybe once or twice throughout the night, but she was extremely shy around me. She was definitely drunk and had this kid around her for the entire time.

 

Maybe 30 minutes before the bar closed, I just left with one of my friends. He had his room mate pick us up and he gave me a ride. I'm very, very angry right now with the new girl. Damn me for even getting the slightest bit attached to her. Granted, we aren't a couple or anything, but we've had sex multiple times. All of my friends who have girls who they are hooking up with had their girls close to them for the entire night. My new girl was so bombed that I don't even think she knew what was going on. Who knows though. As of tonight, I'm finished with that. I'm not going to look like a fool and who knows if she went home with the guy.

[SA2000]

Diversify your portfolio and lower your risk exposure.

[thekid55]

Diversify your portfolio and lower your risk exposure.

 

That's the thing. I'm talking to a bunch of different girls, yet this one is holding a little bit of herself back, which ultimately makes me want her more. I didn't hear from her for the rest of the night.

[felix29]

i had a sharp pain in my neck/shoulder area and i was able to alleviate it by swimming for an entire week. give it a go!

[whatatodo]

Reading this post was like reading something that I'd written! We were in a non commited relationship for 2 years, and a committed relationship for ALMOST (march 6th) a year.... we'd got to that point in the relationship, and mainly because I couldn't forget the past, that he hadn't wanted to commit, and saw other people.... and I felt jealous and insecure a lot.... so I decided to end it, BUT it was pretty mutual....Like you, I've asked for him back, not begged, but said i've changed already how I think we could work through the relationship issues together.... but he's having none of it. From him saying 2 weeks is too early we need to find each other and have some time and space.... it's now gone to OVER.... and it feels like it's over forever... though a few people tell me that I just need to give it time. Painfully, I have to see him at work, and he was away on a job last week so I haven't seen him since last tuesday, BUT he has been texting me, which when i pushed and pushed and pushed......Friday it got to the point where he told me he thinks the best thing is to move on and how we're not the right people for each other, but still asking how I can think differently now. However instead of going round and around, I decided to text him a 'let him go, with love' text.......... sadly he replied with much the same..... saying how my text had made him cry, how he'll always care, always remember the good times, blah blah and at the end thanked me for being 'wonderful'....... I just don't see how on earth we'll come back from this.

 

I, like you, am working on myself!! Today I went to a workshop, which helped massively, especially as i was a mess this morning... however now i'm home, Im wondering what he's up to and getting nervous about tomorrow - thing is I'm not going to communicate any of this to him, and I've continued to be upbeat and confident at work. Just praying I can do it next week too!

 

I've booked myself up every night next week, so that I'm busy busy busy.... and although it helps me remember who I was, and things, it DOESN'T make me stop missing or wanting him. I know he misses me, but he doesn't want me..... argh....

 

I guess I have to think positively and continue to work on myself BUT also work on getting him back..........

[thekid55]

It goes to show that no matter how much you love someone, you can't make them feel a certain way towards you. Regardless of your past with the person, trying to make them feel something pushes them further away. I've noticed this time and time again with women. Women are solely driven by their emotions and use logic as a secondary source of power.

 

I've really worked on myself a lot and have made improvement. Granted, things don't always go my way, but that's life. Live and learn. You can tell I've done a lot of that in this journal. 38 pages worth of stuff.

[thekid55]

Oh yeah. My strained muscle is feeling almost 100% again. I've spent hours on the bike in the gym and did a ton of stretching.

[thekid55]

This is just going to a straight up vent.

 

I just don't feel appreicated by anyone rght now. Before getting into specifics, let me just touch on one area. My ex and I literally gave up on everyone at college for two years. Yes, we had friends, but spent all of our time together. All of our time for two years. I lost touch with a lot of friends as did she. Granted, I had fun with her. We had our routine, but I always tried to mix it with new things. It just worked for a long time. But since we broke up, things just haven't been the same for me.

 

It's been really difficult to reconnect with friends here at school and break into new social circles. Being a senior in college and trying to break into new groups is tough. I feel like an orbiter. I've mentioned before that I just started to play baseball again. I get along with all of the guys and stuff, but they've all played together for years. Same thing goes for some of the new social circles. Everyone has been through the trials and tribulations togethers while I'm the new one. I normally have to seek out my buddy to do stuff. He'll reach out to me sometimes, but I normally have to ask him and he normally includes me. I feel like everyone has their cliques and I'm just an outsider even though most people have embraced me and really enjoy my company.

 

As you've read on here before, I've gotten a lot of attention from new ladies. I just haven't met anyone that good yet. Most of them are just good for a roll in the sack (not intended to offend anyone). The one girl cheats on her boyfriend (and always wants to hang out), the other one just wants to bone, and the new girl who I'm working on can't even take herself seriously and we only talk when we drink. She can't even have a normal, sober conversaton with me without laughing and getting all giddy and crap. God forbid the texting. She's all over the place with that.

 

While I know that I can't trust my ex or ever take her back, we had a lot of dynamic elements. We had good communication skills, our families meshed, we always seemed to have fun doing whatever, etc. It's only been four months since we've broken up and I know that I can't go around seeking out the perfect woman. She hasta come find me.

 

Basically, I have 3.5 months before I graduate. I'm going to make the most of it, but I can honestly say that the social side of my college experience has been terrible. I want to improve in within the time I have left, but lesson learned that you can't dedicate your life to someone without having outside avenues.

 

I know that I can't be with anyone right now and I'm not looking for it. I think I just want constant validation and ego-stroking from different girls.