I think he's in the wrong, but he thinks im just insecure.

[miie]

Im wondering if i am just being a bit insecure i guess about this. My boyfriend says i am.

 

He'll check out other girls. A lot. The main thing i dont like is that he does it when i am with him. We'll be talking and he'll drift off and check out a girl on tv or walking by. He'll even make sounds ('whoa'). He'll say how hot they are and how lucky a guy would be to be with them.

 

I have told him how i felt. Didn't do much good. He still does it.

 

I rarely get a compliment from him. In any form. So often i start to wonder why is he with me, i look nothing like these girls who you constantly check out (who, are hot and gorgeous). He's made a few comments here and there about my weight. To make sure i wasn't going to put any more on. I might have interpreted it wrongly, but it sounded like he would leave if i did. Im not overweight, i constantly get told by family and friends to put weight on and am about 5-6pounds from being classed as underweight.

 

i dont know how to get him to stop.

[BlueAngle]

No you are not insecure. He is not supposed to do that. It is him that has issues.

 

For my personally, when my bf does something that I don't like and can't stop him from doing so, I would start acting like how he would act. That will show him how annoying it is.

 

For example- he got jealous for no reason then I would call him in the middle of the night and asked, "Where are you and who are you with?"

[Tanzi]

Its not uncommon for men to check out other women but to do it so openly in front of you and to say the things that he does is disrespectful to you. Your boyfriend should want to make you feel special. If you are feeling insecure its is because he is making you insecure.

 

I had an ex who was similar and I told him that I would prefer it if he kept his "boyish" behaviour and comments for when he is with the lads.

[agent1607307371]

i start to wonder why is he with me

 

Wonder why you are with him?

 

He sounds pretty classless. Men check out women, but making a production out of it when he's with you is very immature. Add to that comments designed to knock your confidence... Immature or completely lacking in self-awareness.

 

The dismissing of your feelings by saying you're insecure is manipulative though. If I were you I would decide exactly how much I'm going to take, let him know and then back up my decision. His behaviour isn't the kind you show to someone you care about.

[d24]

i dont know how to get him to stop.

 

much easier not to, just walk to the door and leave this loser.

[OptomisticGirl]

Men look at other women but it's very disrespectful to do it in front of their SO, and especially like that. I'm well aware my fiance looks at other woman (he is a man after all) but he would never blatenly say something like that.

 

You need to think why you are with him. He doesn't respect your feelings after you have repeatedly told him and he talks down to you about your own weight. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. And be careful if you stay and decide to 'show him how it feels' by doing the same thing. I have a feelign this guy wouldn't care and that would just give him more of a red light to do it in front of you and make the situation far wors.e

[DN]

You are not insecure - for him to be that blatant is rude and disrespectful.

[BriarRose]

Agree with DN. While I think it is natural to notice - and even look at - other attractive women, those comments he made in your presence are unacceptable.

[EmmaLove]

This is wrong. I wouldn't stand for it. Please break up with him beauty, you can't let a man like this poison you and your happiness and life.

Go check out some men and start hitting on them. You're beautiful and I can tell you'd get a lot of interest. Try staring at men and asking them for their numbers around your boyfriend. See how he reacts.

Please don't think I am undermining your problem or pain, I think this situation is terrible though and you can't let him walk all over you. NOT all men are like this. Not at all. He is insecure, insensitive or a plain jerk!

[Jd1983]

Yes, it's natural to look.

 

However, there is no reason to be disrespectful towards you about it.

 

Don't let him bring you down. You deserve better than that.

 

If he truly cared about you, he would not continue doing something that he knows is bothering you. He would at least acknowledge what he did wrong, and work on making things better. Not tell you that you're just insecure and deal with it.

 

I would suggest that you have another talk with him and see if he is willing to compromise with you. Otherwise, I strongly suggest that you re-evaluate your relationship with him.

[Ms Darcy]

Honestly, you make a new thread every few days complaining about your bf. I don't see how this is a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

[miie]

Honestly, you make a new thread every few days complaining about your bf. I don't see how this is a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

 

I dont see how you commenting on the fact i make these threads helpful either. I am not 'complaining' about him. Yes there are issues /thing i am not happy with. Maybe i want to at least try to work them through before throwing the relationship away.

[d24]

I dont see how you commenting on the fact i make these threads helpful either. I am not 'complaining' about him. Yes there are issues /thing i am not happy with. Maybe i want to at least try to work them through before throwing the relationship away.

 

or maybe Ms Darcy was mentioning it (quite rightly in my opinion) to make you see that a normal relationship doesn't require so many threads about things which are bad/wrong.

 

i.e. re-evaluate why you're here, and what you want. because the advice you're constantly getting is 'move on' but it doesn't seem to be something you're willing to take on-board

[Tanzi]

Yes, I don't think the point Ms Darcy was making was necessarily about the amount of threads you have created but the fact that you need to create so many threads. Clearly something isn't working. I'm not saying you aren't justified in questionning your bf's behaviour as it seems he is making little effort in making you feel special, loved or comfortable in the relationship ... on any level. The point is this relationship seems to be going nowhere other than in circles. I don't think you should waste anymore time in analysing these issues that continually crop up. Instead, I think you should ask yourself why there are so many issues and why you stick around and put up with them all. I personally would have walked ages ago.

[Ms Darcy]

Yes, I don't think the point Ms Darcy was making was necessarily about the amount of threads you have created but the fact that you need to create so many threads. Clearly something isn't working. I'm not saying you aren't justified in questionning your bf's behaviour as it seems he is making little effort in making you feel special, loved or comfortable in the relationship ... on any level. The point is this relationship seems to be going nowhere other than in circles. I don't think you should waste anymore time in analysing these issues that continually crop up. Instead, I think you should ask yourself why there are so many issues and why you stick around and put up with them all. I personally would have walked ages ago.

 

Bingo for d24 and a little-blue. I am just wondering what you are doing either to deal with these issues or accept them, since you don't want to end the relationship.

[whywhywhywhy]

Wow he shouldn't make a spectacle out of it. I think you should end it he seems like a jerk and you deserve better there are guys out there who don't make you feel like less of anything