Still can't believe she doesn't care

[sonicfan287]

I'm pretty much towards the end of my "healing" phase, although apparently not if Im still thinking about her. Basically, this girl wasn't my first love per se, but my first real love (my third actual girlfriend). She fell hard for me and part of me could actually see it not lasting because she seemed so into it, it's almost impossible to maintain that kind of passion, especially when you're young (i'm 21 and shes 18)

 

Anyway, sure enough she began to express doubt with the relationship, telling me that she didn't feel the same way, she felt towards me like a brother. We worked through this (somehow) and she gave me every impression that she wanted to save the relationship, breakup was the absolute last resort and she wouldn't do it without talking about it with me first. This put me at peace because Ive never had a girl care so much about a relationship with me before. She seemed so serious and we'd communicate constantly, but apparently she wasn't being completely honest, because after a month or so in which we'd been incredibly romantically active, she dumped me. She said she wasn't feeling romantically interested in me (even though she seemed to have no problem letting me pay for her dinners and listen to her problems and give her everything else I'd been giving her for 6 months) and that we should just "be friends".

 

Needless to say, i was crushed and begged to talk about it and reminded that she's the one who was serious about saving the relationship but she really didn't care. It was like it was more trouble than it's worth. This is where I screwed up big time -- begged her to take me back, kept hanging out with her, waiting for her to say something like "i miss you, lets get back together" or even "Im sorry how things ended up, maybe some day we can try again" but she never said any of this. She honestly wanted out and Im starting to realize that now. Anyway, we hung out a few more times as "friends" and finally she realized things weren't going to be the same between us because I got too emotional too easily. We agreed to take a break from seeing each other and I actually was in favor of this, because I figured Id be okay with seeing her again someday and that she'd be okay with it too and we cold just be friendly at least.

 

Well -- I was wrong. She stayed in touch for about 2 weeks and we talked a little bit, but we didn't actually hang out until 2 months later. The problem is, she was COMPLETELY OVER ME. I mean, thats no chock but she wasnt even happy to see me, or even friendly towards me. I had to initiate all the contact after 2 months when I was convinced I was over it finally, but I really wasn't because seeing her so indifferent made me suffer a relapse. It was like she never knew me and she couldnt understand why I was having serious conversations with her like I would with any friend or any one I trusted. She told me she thought I didnt want to be friends even though I gave her no indication of that. In fact I told her it was very important to me that she stay in my life and she agreed or was that a lie too?

 

I just can't believe how cold she is now. She never wouldve gotten in touch with me again if I hadn't. That whole "lets take time off from each other" and "lets be friends" thing were just bluffs in hopes that I would give up and run away forever. She could care less if I ever come back and I know that. I still hope sometimes that a year from now I can contact her again and be like "Hey, lets hang out sometime" but she'll probably still be like "uh why are you talking to me?"

 

I don't know... its' not worth thinking about anymore, and yet I do constantly. She says someday we'll talk in the future but Im guessing its another lie to "spare my feelings". Im letting her initiate any contact in the future because Im done. I deserve better

[iJester]

Sounds like it took you a while, but you finally got the point and now you can start applying what you've learned from this situation.

[Mustachio]

How long were you two together? And how long since the breakup?

 

She may be cold to you simply because its how she needs to heal to get over it. Having you in her life might be the exact opposite of what she needs right now. Everyone reacts differently and I wouldnt look too much into it. Your behavior at the end is fairly typical (I did the same thing too) which may have scared her off a bit. But if you two are truly meant to be friends it will happen in time and I wouldnt worry about it so much.

 

And to relate my own story to yours. My ex left me about 13 months ago, she claimed she wanted to be friends and even reached out to me a few times but at that point it was too hard for me and to be honest Im not sure I even would ever want to be friends with her. Anyways here we are now 13 months later and she hasnt even tried to reach out to me in at least 6 months if not more and we were together for almost 7 years. Sometimes I wonder how she could be so cold, but to be honest it doesnt matter, she has her life now and I have mine. I dont know what the future holds and maybe we will reconnect in some way, but no point in trying to force something that is wrong.

[sonicfan287]

Well we only dated for 6 months but she gave me every impression it was going to be longer than that. Of course theres no sure things in life and its easy to look back now and say "I shouldve seen it coming" but I didnt. We broke up in June and I had all these hopes of us spending a romantic summer together and she seemed to share in that too but it appears she had no intention of that. I dont think shes healing anymore. I cant speak for anyone else but she seemed much more interested in my life immediately after the breakup and now we dont talk at all. The few times Ive tried to she says Im not "ready to talk" but I know shes just putting it off. I dont tell her that, I keep my mouth shut, and you're right theres no point in forcing it. Ive never tried so hard to just be friends with someone. She claims that if she were to hear from me a long time in the future, she'd be happy about it but then again, thats what she said before and then when I came back, she seemed more surprised and disturbed than happy about it. Still, I know I'll move on in time.

[Blackey]

yeh man, this is something that all of us have... most of us cant accept the fact they dont care anymore...but we just have to accept it..we have no choice... this is the best thing to do for us in order to heal.

[SeaDunkel]

Honestly, did you do anything to hurt her that made her end the relationship? Any chance she was rebounding with you? It sounds like one of those was the case-either she saw something in you that she knew was a deal-breaker for her and needed to end the relationship, or else she just wasn't ready for a relationship and it had nothing to do with you.

 

I know it hurts to have her treat you like this, but it honestly sounds like she's just not ready to talk to you and she's saving you A LOT of drama by staying out of your life right now.

 

Some people need a clean break so that they can sort out their feelings without any outside influence. Just let her be, she sounds like she's hurting and needs to figure out what she actually wants in life. When she does contact you, treat her with kindness and respect if you can manage it, but keep your distance. It doesn't sound like she's a safe person for you be close to emotionally, at least right now.

[Capthxc]

I know the feeling my friend. My ex was very similar during the break up. Told me she didnt feel the same, even though she was the one who was way more into me then i was with her throughout most of it. It's like she went from telling me she loved me one day and then the next day its like i dont exist. She pulled the friend card on me during the break up, and when i hit desperation mode my emotions took over and i told her i didnt want that. That staying in contact with her would only hurt me because of the the eventual sight of her being with someone else.

 

However, i barraged her with messages the next day about how its not what i wanted, how i was only speaking out of frustration, so on so fourth. But i got nothing in return, just silence. She hasnt blocked me yet over any of our messengers which leaves me confused, especially after the way i acted towards her. Then the one time she did get in contact with me, even a friend who read the text said it seemed pretty cold. He said it seemed like something your boss at the office would tell you. She was mad at me that this same friend sent a facebook request to her so he could talk to her for me, but i promptly apologized and told her i had nothing to do with it. She said it was fine, and that she had a feeling i wasnt behind it. Then she goes off to say that we have said what had needed to be said at this current time, then ignored everything i said to her afterwords. Granted, i treated the situation rather well. I didnt let my emotions get in the way, but still. She went from being affectionate and loving towards me, even wishing me well during the break up, to that.

 

A female friend of mine said that was her way of reaching out to me. She said women rethink what they say over and over again just to make sure its what they -really- want to say in the end. She said she left it off like that because she wanted to leave me hanging, she wants me to analyze what she said.

 

I know it isnt much help, but maybe my story can give you a little perspective on things.

[fuddiduddy]

This entire post is perfect. And DEFINITELY perfect for my situation. I won't hijack, but let's just say I've had a SEVERE emotional setback over the past few days.

 

I thank you for posting this.

[whosnext]

She said she wasn't feeling romantically interested in me (even though she seemed to have no problem letting me pay for her dinners and listen to her problems and give her everything else I'd been giving her for 6 months) and that we should just "be friends".

 

This sounds so familiar that I'm getting chills reading it. It's a truly terrible thing when a girl starts drifting away from you yet still takes advantage of you like this. I'm dealing with this in my break-up and my ex basically followed this pattern. It's disgusting that after a while, I was nothing more than a meal ticket.

 

But hey, what's important is having the right attitude. I know I deserve much better as do you. All you can really do is continue to knock your ex off that pedestal that you built up (you're better than her in the end, given her treatment towards you) and believe that there is someone else out there who will blow your ex out of the water.

 

Cheers.

[RobD70]

Some people just still around for the honeymoon stage and when the feelings start to change they bail looking for the next new relationship "high". This is most often true of young people or the emotionally immature.

 

6 months tend to be the most common time for the honeymoon to be over. I'm betting she has a rep for having short term relationships.