24- almost quarter life crisis?

[mia616]

Hey everyone... I guess I am going through a bit of a quarter life crisis right now. I am 24, still live at home, see all of my friends getting engaged and married and I can't help to feel jealous. I have a good job. I am a teacher- something that I have worked toward for a while. I am living at home because I have some student loan debt. I have a car also I am paying and I pay my parents rent. I still can't help to feel jealous of my friends I see around me who seem to have jobs that are not steady, still have their own apartments, getting engaged/ or are already married, etc. I just feel kind of stuck. I have a boyfriend but he has his own place so I go to visit him a lot also. We are also about 1 hour away from each other so it can get tough at times visiting, etc.

 

I am not sure what I am asking technically- Probably more for any advice or people who feel the same way, etc. I know I shouldn't complain as I have a good job, nice place to live, food, and all the necessities. How do you stop comparing yourself to other people? I want to not compare myself so much to my friends but its so hard with facebook now a days and every posting everything about themselves on there!

 

Thanks for your words of wisdom in advance!

[missdontknow]

hi mia,

 

Im in the exact same boat...my ex broke up with me a few days ago...devastated...anyway, we were talking about buying a house...not now..i cant afford to move out on my own-especially where i live-its way too expensive..i think "oh god, how am i going to meet someone when im ready..everyone will be living their own lives by then"....it just sucks..i just look at ppl like my mum..she met someone in her late 30's...and they just bought a house shes as happy as ever

[mia616]

Hey miss...Sorry about your break up. I have had some men problems over the past year also....which doesn't help. Thanks for the positive words about your mom....Good for her!

[greywolf]

A lot of people your age feel like that. You're not the only one. I'm 24 as well and sometimes it's hard for me to see all these people my age that have already graduated school and have good jobs already while I'm still a poor struggling college student. You just need to focus on yourself. You don't know what's going on in other people's lives. They may have their own problems as well.

[catfeeder]

I was 24 when there was no recession and I lived on my own while my BF finished grad school and lived with his parents. I can tell you that my envy of others was no different--until I decided to stop comparing myself with other people.

 

I didn't get to that place until my late 20s, and my only regret was not appreciating how liberating it would have been to do that earlier.

 

We each move according to our own pace. If you were ready for marriage and home ownership and all this implies, you'd go there. The fact that you have chosen a different path is something you can either honor or change. That's YOUR decision--but it makes zero sense to decide one thing only to bemoan your own choice.

 

Head high.

[FathomFear]

I still can't help to feel jealous of my friends I see around me who seem to have jobs that are not steady, still have their own apartments, getting engaged/ or are already married, etc. I just feel kind of stuck.

 

Well, living a home is a choice you're making. If it's not a choice you're happy with then I would pursue other options. You're likely able to afford having your own apartment--it would just involve paying your loans off at a slower pace. It all comes down to what your current priorities are, and whether the extra independence of having your own place outweighs the added financial burden you would take on.

[easyguy]

I am 24 (as of last week), living at home, have friends who are getting married/engaged, I'm single right now (though dated quite a bit over the past year), and for the most part, I feel quite happy. Of course, I do have the desire to move out, it's just getting into that mode. I generally do not compare myself to others. It's when I connect to my own essence that Facebook engagement announcements and what have you do not get me down. Essentially, it just is what it is. I love my life. I love who I am. That's my quarter life crises.

 

If now is not the time to learn to be at peace with all that is and connect to that which you are, then when is the time?

[easyguy]

I feel that the heart should inform the mind of what's important, of what should be done (i.e. life priorities, choices). That access allows you to not compare yourself to others. The love uncovered, from the love within yourself informing all parts of yourself, requires no apology or justification because it is the deepest of embraces, the unmoving foundation of all aspects of the human condition. It's that which you are. Some friends of mine recently moved out of state to further pursue their career path (similar to mine), and my mind wanted me to follow and do what they did, but I wasn't in tune with my true self. I was comparing myself to them, questioning those parts of me that I thought were solid. When I let my heart inform me of what I should do, the choice was clear. I think we all are on a path of awakening to our very essence, to that which makes us unique that no one can take away. And through gaining access and allowing yourself to surrender to all aspects, I feel that doubt will arise less, because you know what ought to be done.

[red_sky_girl]

im almost 28 , after tomorrow by the way i live with my parents and brother...in my country the culture is a bit different so its not a wired thing to live at your home with parents....even if i would like to live on my own, but i know mabey im not ready for that..i have a job, im saving money to pay for the second university im following, so lots of expenses..besides im single...people continue to tell me how is this possible that im still single, why im still single? They keep telling me youre getting old , years go by ect...well i dont feel old at all...i feel at my best in this age...and i know that when im ready i will have my own home, my special partner and mabey our baby... ... im growing up each day and im learning new things...i know the time come when things go in their place themselves...just keep living your life as you think is best for you

[mia616]

Thanks for the advice. Easyguy your words are very well written. I am just not sure how to distinguish between what my heart wants and what my mind wants sometimes. I am a practical person, but I do think I have a big heart also. I take care of people all of the time, my family, my students, etc.

[Jetta]

You're biggest problem is you're living with your parents and it's hindering you more than you realize. Get an apartment with roommates. It's cheaper than living alone and talk to the loan people and work out a different payment plan.

[catfeeder]

You're biggest problem is you're living with your parents and it's hindering you more than you realize. Get an apartment with roommates. It's cheaper than living alone and talk to the loan people and work out a different payment plan.

 

This could be more practical than it sounds at first. While many people associate practicality with saving money, it's natural in early 20's to want to launch and start spreading your wings. Problem is, this can turn into some fixed assumptions about needing to do this with a BF instead of on your own or with a roommate or two. In fact, lots of young romantic relationships are based on the goal of leaving home to set up house with one another. These couples can get wrapped up in morality norms that push them toward marriage before they've explored life on their own.

 

While there's nothing 'wrong' with living in your parents' home during a recession, it can breed some pretty limited ideas about how to move out. I'd get creative about that goal and start working toward it at your own pace. This can lift the angst because working toward something knocks out feelings of stagnation and prevents you from setting your focus in a narrow way.

[mia616]

Thanks for your insight! I really do not think its the fact that I live at home too much. I obviously have the desire to move out, but I am saving up so someday I will be able to buy rather than rent. I know I will be able to do this within a few years, pay off my car first, pay down some students loans also. I also need to go back to school (I'm a teacher) and have to get my masters within a certain number of years so I will have that to pay also. I am hardly ever home as I am at work, the gym, usually stay at my boyfriends on the weekends also. I just feel that everyone my age, or even younger are married, and having babies and I am behind. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but I can't help it. I feel everyone who has moved out has moved in with a boyfriend/fiance or got married and then moved in with them. At least most of my friends. I have lived on my own when I was in school in an apartment, so I do know how to live on my own and pay for things, etc. Anyway, i am just rambling now. I really need to get rid of facebook as that is where I get all of my "news." Thanks.

[Philos]

Our culture sucks.

 

Feeling shame about living at home past age 19 is really only a post-60s American idea.

 

I don't know... I still feel guilty myself, and I've actually moved out, three times lol.