What if they read your thread here at ENA?

[shandi]

I can't help but think, "Oh my God, what if he came onto this forum and read my thread? I would just die if he knew what I was saying here."

 

I know the chances of that actually happening are so slim. In fact, he seems like the type of guy who who never "lower" himself to seek advice. He's too proud to admit emotional pain at all. I wonder if he talks to anyone about the breakup. Probably NOT. It hurts to think that he doesn't need emotional support to get through this.

 

I think of this forum filled with people that love honestly and completely. For those, a breakup is something that takes considerable time to get over and move through to eventually opening yourself up to the next person.

 

Back to my question though... has anyone ever been caught by the ex on this forum? Does the thought ever enter you mind? It could happen.

[SapphireNoir10]

Previous partners of mine have read stuff when we were together, never came between us. I wouldnt care if my ex read it, there not part of my life anymore, and this is my sounding board.

[shandi]

My latest ex read my entire blog before (4 years of writing material). That didn't bother me at all. I actually felt honored that he was interested. This is different though. Maybe because it's so fresh. It's only been 6 weeks. I want him to think I'm handling this, that I'm nonchalant (as so many people recommend). But seeing what I say on here... aauugghh.

 

Not that he doesn't know how I feel. I told him the real reason when I broke up with him. I just don't want him to think I'm hurting so deeply especially since it seemed so easy for him to walk away (almost as if he wanted me to end it). It wouldn't take much for him to figure out who I am, considering that I used my actual name. I feel like he would lose respect knowing that I relied on this forum to get over him.

 

Almost 6000 posts Sapphire? I get the feeling most of that is giving advice to other poor souls. Are you still grieving over anyone? I'll go back and read one of your threads.

[hidden_kitten]

It has entered my mind that yes maybe I have 'given away' too much info about my background that someone I know IRL may be able to discern that it's actually me, but then I think "stuff it", I need an outside perspective, and this is just a legit place as any.

 

Sometimes the break up threads are so similar that an ex probably couldn't tell which is which.

[bebs87]

I have thought about that... what if he reads my posts in here? but it didnt bother me that much because all I've posted here about him are positive, even about the break-up. Even in the thread about posting here instead of contacting the ex... my posts were positive.

 

I might be a little embarrassed, he might think I'm pathetic or he might not like it as he is a very private person but all i said were true and nothing against him... I might probably even want him to read my posts to let him know how much I am hurting and what i want to tell him.

[Tanzi]

I've been on eNA since a previous relationship broke down and have many threads and posts on here. I am now in a relationship with someone who is 15 years younger than me and I have been posting on the Age Gap Relationship forum. A little while ago when we were messing about on my laptop he decided to search stories on age gap relationships and to my horror a link came up that took us straight to the Age Gap Relationship Forum here on eNA where I had recently posted a new thread!! Luckily I managed to distract him and divert his attentions to another link. I know he still looks up material regarding AGRs so, who knows, perhaps he has read some threads on here that he has thought mirror our story. In fact some of it is so detailed he would have to know it was me!!!

[shandi]

Sometimes the break up threads are so similar that an ex probably couldn't tell which is which.

 

I've thought that too. So much so that I actually found myself wondering if it was "his" thread. I think it would be great to come accross a thread he was writing about me. I'd love to hear those things he doesn't say to me. Maybe it would be hurtful like some of the threads I've read here, "I'm no longer attracted to her and have moved on... blah blah.." But maybe it would make it that much easier for me to walk away, if I just knew what he was thinking (good or bad).

 

I might probably even want him to read my posts to let him know how much I am hurting and what i want to tell him.

 

Why aren't you telling him these things? Are you in strict NC? I feel like you shouldn't initiate NC until you have said everything that needs to be said. Then if they walk completely away YOU still have closure and they are leaving with all the facts. I wish I would have posted nothing but positive but... I said things I would not want him to read. He gave me no valid reason for his sudden change in demeanor. It leaves me wondering just what's going on. The reasons I came up with, true or not, are not exactly "nice".

[shandi]

I've been on eNA since a previous relationship broke down and have many threads and posts on here. I am now in a relationship with someone who is 15 years younger than me and I have been posting on the Age Gap Relationship forum. A little while ago when we were messing about on my laptop he decided to search stories on age gap relationships and to my horror a link came up that took us straight to the Age Gap Relationship Forum here on eNA where I had recently posted a new thread!! Luckily I managed to distract him and divert his attentions to another link. I know he still looks up material regarding AGRs so, who knows, perhaps he has read some threads on here that he has thought mirror our story. In fact some of it is so detailed he would have to know it was me!!!

 

WHOAAA!!! That's what I'm talking about! I'm hugely impressed that you managed to draw his attention away from it.

[bebs87]

I might probably even want him to read my posts to let him know how much I am hurting and what i want to tell him.

 

Why aren't you telling him these things? Are you in strict NC? I feel like you shouldn't initiate NC until you have said everything that needs to be said. Then if they walk completely away YOU still have closure and they are leaving with all the facts. I wish I would have posted nothing but positive but... I said things I would not want him to read. He gave me no valid reason for his sudden change in demeanor. It leaves me wondering just what's going on. The reasons I came up with, true or not, are not exactly "nice".

 

We are in contact with each other, but limits our conversation away from the past... though I've already told him my "piece" and how much pain I am feeling... we are still both healing actually, the relationship ended 12 days ago. I used to tell him everything I feel but its not helping both us (not helping him as it adds up to his guilt and makes me cry more). I've told him everything that has to be mentioned to him till 3-4 days after he broke up with me, so Its just mostly how much I miss him and how I am feeling at certain times of the day.

 

I think it would be great to come accross a thread he was writing about me. I'd love to hear those things he doesn't say to me.

 

I would love to read his thoughts about me... even though he has told me things like how much sad he is about what happened, I know there is still more inside him that he didnt tell me when he broke up with me. I know he is trying to man up, though he cried multiple times when he ended it, I know there are some things he probably didnt say. So it would be interesting to see or know the things in his head that he didnt have the courage to tell me. Good or bad, it wouldnt make a difference anyway, so yeah... that would be cool.

[SapphireNoir10]

Well, I have posted on here after two serious break ups with exes, and a break up with my current bf but were back together. I know that they've read some of my threads, for a fact, my current bf told me so, and the others knew I was on here so they may well have looked up my break up threads. but at that point in time I didnt care, I was hurting upset, and this was the only place that made me feel any better, plus as far as i was concerned the relationships were over, I'd never have to speak to them again so I didnt mind if they read it.

[Mauxly]

I wouldn't be too thrilled if the guy I'm seeing now read my posts. Just because a few of them have been TMI and would likely embarrass me. The other day I was talking about Plenty of Fish and instead of saying "Plenty of Fish" I said, "EnotAlone", eep! I just kept rambling, hoping that he didn't catch it. But whatever. Even if he did see it I don't think it would come close to breaking us.

 

So far as the ex goes, I don't give a ratsass what he reads or thinks about me. His opinion of anything is completely irrelevant to me.

[shandi]

[

I know he is trying to man up, though he cried multiple times when he ended it, I know there are some things he probably didnt say. So it would be interesting to see or know the things in his head that he didnt have the courage to tell me.

 

If I had to choose what my ex didn't tell me it would be this, "Shandi, I was never that attracted to you, I was just really bored with my life and needed someone fun to hang out with. You've become more of a buddy now. I still want to hang out and go places with you but I really want to have sex with as many women as possible. Plus... I already raised my son. I really wasn't planning on having any more kids and you have a seven year old. I'm not willing to be a dad to some other guy's kid. So, whattaya say... can you still take me to San Francisco... well... me and my new girlfriend Buffy over here? She'll have to ride shotgun though cos her giant breasts need all the room they can get."

 

I know that they've read some of my threads, for a fact, my current bf told me so, and the others knew I was on here so they may well have looked up my break up threads. but at that point in time I didnt care, I was hurting upset, and this was the only place that made me feel any better

 

How did they find it? Did you tell them? I find that when I tell a boyfriend about my blog, he insists on reading it. It's like as soon as they know it exists they just have to see if I write about them. Or they wanted to see what I wrote about previous ex's. I guess I would feel the same if I met a man who wrote on either a blog or a forum. I'm not telling anyone about this.

 

I wouldn't be too thrilled if the guy I'm seeing now read my posts. Just because a few of them have been TMI and would likely embarrass me. The other day I was talking about Plenty of Fish and instead of saying "Plenty of Fish" I said, "EnotAlone", eep! I just kept rambling, hoping that he didn't catch it. But whatever. Even if he did see it I don't think it would come close to breaking us. So far as the ex goes, I don't give a ratsass what he reads or thinks about me. His opinion of anything is completely irrelevant to me.

 

I hope I get to a point where I wouldn't care what this latest ex thought. Any of the 'ol exes wouldn't matter though. I also give TMI. What's the point of posting if your info is so vague that you can't get any detailed, honest, helpful advice. It's been other's TMI posts that I have found most helpful.

 

I've told only one person about this forum, my best friend. She thinks I'm relying too heavily on it. I just don't want to bug her to death with my old broken heart.

[zip11]

In fact, he seems like the type of guy who who never "lower" himself to seek advice. He's too proud to admit emotional pain at all. I wonder if he talks to anyone about the breakup. Probably NOT. It hurts to think that he doesn't need emotional support to get through this.

you know, i once thought like that, too proud to admit that i needed help to release my emotional pain and feelings... tried to keep it bundled up inside, she was/is the same way as much as she said she always wanted to talk about things, she never did... took me years and finally my BU to realize this. then again, i was the dumpee and then found out she was off w/ her new guy immediately after the BU, so i don't think i'll ever have to worry about my ex- coming on here and reading my posts, i really don't care either way... maybe one day when she realizes that the one constant in all her failed relationships is her, always the dumper, never the dumpee... she may find this forum to seek advice and discover herself... that would be interesting, but i'll be long moved on and happy w/ my life...

 

I think of this forum filled with people that love honestly and completely. For those, a breakup is something that takes considerable time to get over and move through to eventually opening yourself up to the next person.

 

this forum has been the greatest tool for me since i stumbled upon it a couple months ago. i started bettering myself almost immediately post BU, but ENA has helped me to keep moving forward and stay motivated. posting on here to express that pent up emotion (along w/ counseling) is good mental therapy/release as well as getting out there (physical release) and making positive changes instead of wallowing in self-pity .. posting and just reading how so many others are dealing w/ the exact same things is (sometimes almost right to the "T", pretty scary...); for lack of a better word; comforting.

[Morning]

I think everybody had this thought.

It's not disturbing me, because all I can post here about him and my feelings, he knows, I told him everything.

[Tanzi]

WHOAAA!!! That's what I'm talking about! I'm hugely impressed that you managed to draw his attention away from it.

 

So am I though I was behaving rather erratically. I have made sure that my log in details aren't saved on my laptop should it happen again otherwise it would log me straight in and there would be no denying that it was me.

[Oneironaut]

This actually occurred to me recently, and I absolutely would not want my ex chancing accross this and figuring out it's me...I'm pretty sure he knows I want him back, but I would be humiliated to have him read it so plainly. Not only that, some of the things I have said about him would infuriate him, thereby ruining all my chances of getting him back.

 

Luckily, he's not the type to read this kind of forum, so I'm safe.

[Cheetarah]

Well, one of mine is here. So it is a possibility, though I don't think he's the type to put together the pieces(but who knows). I haven't really said anything heartfelt(maybe the opposite), and I haven't talked to him in 4.5 months. So at first I got all panicky, but now I don't really care. Let him read it. No desire to get back with him, so no harm done.

[charaze]

Well, the advantage of it is that they'll know how much of a jerk they are.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I've been on eNA since a previous relationship broke down and have many threads and posts on here. I am now in a relationship with someone who is 15 years younger than me and I have been posting on the Age Gap Relationship forum. A little while ago when we were messing about on my laptop he decided to search stories on age gap relationships and to my horror a link came up that took us straight to the Age Gap Relationship Forum here on eNA where I had recently posted a new thread!! Luckily I managed to distract him and divert his attentions to another link. I know he still looks up material regarding AGRs so, who knows, perhaps he has read some threads on here that he has thought mirror our story. In fact some of it is so detailed he would have to know it was me!!!

 

Oh god, I would have freaked out. I think since we can't delete threads anymore, we have to be careful of what we post here.

[Tanzi]

Oh god, I would have freaked out. I think since we can't delete threads anymore, we have to be careful of what we post here.

 

My first instinct was to delete, delete and delete. I wanted to delete everything, even the threads regarding my ex relationship because he knows the story and if he had one tiny suspicion that my threads sounded familiar and decided to look up all my older threads he would have known for sure that it was me. Some details are so specific it really wouldn't have taken much to work out. I don't want him reading my inner most feelings as regards my past relationship but although we could delete at the time I would never have been able to delete that many so there was, and is, nothing I can do. Yet still I continue to post!!

[Blue Spiral]

I never tell anyone anything. Life is a lot easier that way.

[shandi]

The one thing that WOULD be interesting for an ex to read is all the advice given by strangers. I realize that these eNA strangers only know one side of the story but the advice they give is often right on the money. Especially those who say, "He/She was taking advantage of you. You're better off. Someone better is just waiting for you to get over your ex so you are available for them." That's something I wouldn't mind my ex reading.

.

[LillyLooWho]

I never tell anyone anything. Life is a lot easier that way.

 

Well easier for sure, but lonely.