She would have kissed the sleepover guest "if he'd tried" and slept with him "if more confident"!

[DN]

How many men does she have to cheat on more than two before she becomes a serial cheater?

[CrapAtNC]

I mean she's not just going out and cheating on good relationships. Three months with no sex? I would have broken up with the other person first, as I would if I felt the other person was 'evil' to me.

 

My experience is that most women want to make sure they have someone to break away to. That usually means an overlap. And that's what happened in her cases. All three times it was the reason for breaking up.

 

But then we were incredibly loving and happy, and yet she invited this guy over, dressed very sexy, and would have done something given the chance. It may be that I lead her to feel that's OK. I don't know if her regret now was in telling me or in wanting to have that guy.

 

So . . . label me as 'confused'.

[CrapAtNC]

By the way, one of the times she cheated they were actually on a break, and the last time they had broken up when I started to get to know her but some time later he indicated online that he wanted to try again. We got together before he was able to make that 'official', and when he arrived in this country, she didn't see him.

 

I hope explaining the circumstances will make her history of 'cheating' less severe than might otherwise be apparent.

 

She's lovely. She really is. In so many ways. I'm now asking myself if I gave her reason to believe it was OK, and my nonchalance may indeed have done that. I told her she was free to to whatever she wanted. But I did make it clear that I would leave if she wanted to be intimate with others.

[fivespot]

I'm now asking myself if I gave her reason to believe it was OK, and my nonchalance may indeed have done that. I told her she was free to to whatever she wanted. But I did make it clear that I would leave if she wanted to be intimate with others.

 

You realize now you're second-guessing yourself...

 

You should probably go with your gut.

 

But if you really think you did something to screw things up, perhaps you should have a chat with her. Talking things over doesn't always work, but if you really like her and care about her (as you obviously do, seeing as how if you didn't care, you wouldn't be posting about it here) then maybe you should tell her what you want and find out if she's able to give it to you.

 

Tell her you want to be in a relationship with her...tell her that you want her to only want you. Tell her it upset you when she told you she was going to sleep with another guy, but you were only "cool" with it because you didn't want to appear controlling....

 

Just be careful what you wish for.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Fact about cheaters...they LIE....and they typically lie about the reason for cheating, making up some story to paint their partner in a bad light in order to justify why they have cheated.

[CrapAtNC]

Forgive me for asking, but I truly am ignorant: could this be a PMS thing? She responded badly to almost every innocent comment I made yesterday, and kept apologizing and blaming PMS. Seems like she was rooting for an argument . . . could this be what this is all about?

 

Just seems strange when everything else is all so swimmingly wonderful.

 

We haven't communicated much today. I texted asking if she wanted to talk; she replied that she just wanted to sleep, which is understandable, as she's not feeling good and works double shifts today and tomorrow (she, like so many other actresses, is a waitress between acting jobs).

 

I like this one. If this is a miscommunication or misunderstanding, I think I'd like to work it out.

[DN]

I think she is using PMS as an excuse to treat you badly. But I am not clear why you are still talking to her anyway.

[CrapAtNC]

She just texted me to tell me she's seeing someone else.

 

I'll agree with all your character-assassinations of her.

 

I really need to think more carefully next time . . .

[DN]

Chances are that she's lying but who cares if she is.

[CrapAtNC]

Why do you think she's lying?

[DN]

Because it is likely she is trying to make you jealous or regretful.

[CrapAtNC]

I see . . .

 

Well, jealous, no. Regretful? Of saying I don't want the kind of relationship she was offering? No.

 

I'm looking at this quite healthily. I had a great time. It was fun and exciting (she's a famous actress here). And was actually very, very loving and affectionate and sex-filled. I had a good time. She turned out to be a non-keeper. I get to move on guilt-free.

 

I'm a little sad, I admit. And a little annoyed, too. But I won't let it affect me.

 

She said in her text that she hopes we can still be friends. I just replied that I need my stuff from her place ASAP. She just called to ask if I will meet her downstairs and come to her apartment to get it (she lives in the next building). I said no, of course, explaining that I have to get up early tomorrow and maybe tomorrow is a better time. Then said "take care" cheerfully and put the phone down.

 

Just a shame. This really was the closest I've had so far to what I would say is a perfect relationship. But they get better and better. I'm happy to see who's next.

[CrapAtNC]

She wasn't lying. I just knocked on the door. Guy's there. She's half naked and showered. Unbelievable.

 

I called her a couple of names, but wish I hadn't. I actually see this fling now as exactly what I needed, including the way it ended. A great time and a great wake-up call. And of course I've lost nothing.

 

Onwards and upwards . . .