Move On or Hold On?

[SA2000]

Yup. I feel as though I am doing what it takes to better myself for the benefit of both myself and our relationship while at the same time she is not putting in the same effort. Although she initiated all contact over the last 2 weeks I am guessing that comes to a screeching hault now that she knows that I still want to work on things.

 

Although I have opened the door to reconcile, I didnt beg or plead or anything. I said this is what I want. If you do not want that please dont contact me.

 

Now we are only roughly 5 days away from when I receive a drunk dial at 3 am. Lets see if I can actually convince myself not to answer.

[SA2000]

I feel bad now for texting her yesterday. Just when she was starting to really miss me and I was starting to feel really good about things we start all over again. I told her not to contact me unless it was to talk about working things out. But now I am not sure I even want that. I know it hasn't been enough time and that I still need to heal. So what now? Go back on my word and just go NC for real this time instead of NIC? I feel like opening the door to communication only opened the door to more games. If you really need to think this hard about what you want then it's not worth it.

[SA2000]

Ok change of approach. She got really mad about something I said on twitter. I joked about the nurses asking my mom about me. She texted me and said I was purposely trying to hurt her and that she agreed that we shouldn't talk anymore. She said she would ship all of my belongings that she still has. I texted back hours later and said awwww someone is jealous. I knew you still cared. I told her that the nurses were guys and that my mom was joking around but I am glad she is in good spirits. I also said to just toss my stuff. She texted back saying she felt sick and couldn't sleep and that she wasn't going to just toss it. I replied that shipping would be way to expensive and that she should just donate my clothes. She responded by saying she was sorry for yelling at me and that she hasn't been sleeping well. That she shouldn't take it out on me. Haha. That worked out well. Got her to admit to caring AND an apology!

[SA2000]

* * * ? She just texted me to see if I wanted to go see a movie with her. I told her I was busy. She said "OK. No prob." We aren't buddies.

[SA2000]

Ok so after drunk texting har (that's a role reversal!) she says she wants to talk about "us" tomorrow or Monday. Why do we need a face to face closure talk? That's so pointless. You invite me to a movie, tell me you wish I was going to a wedding with you, and want a closure talk? That makes no sense. Whatever.

[oasisrob22]

She has absolutely no idea what she wants. My ex is doing the same thing. Hang in there and do what you think is best my friend.

[SA2000]

...and no call. I would have been better off not talking to her. It's like starting all over again in the grieving process. Thanks ex.

[tingkong]

two steps forward and three steps back. It hurts even worse after contact because it adds more things to think about and over analyze.

[SA2000]

What to do.... What to do...

 

So she hasnt called yet but I know she will. The reason I stopped talking to her is because she does things like this. She makes a decision but then doesn't stick to it. When we broke up over a little stupid fight that I knew she would get past I let her go. Didnt call or text asking to get back together. I wanted to prove a point. That if you make a decision you better be ready to stick to it. I got weak and answered when she called. Now I am weak again. So when she calls should I just let it go to VM? She has been really friendly all last week. She wanted to go see a movie and said she wished I was going to a wedding with her (Saturday, which is why she probably didnt call Sunday. Too hungover). The point is I want her to know that I wont just sit around and wait by the phone. That I am really mad this time. If she wants to leave over nothing, fine. But don't play this "I want to talk. Ill call you in a few days" crap and then not call. Maybe I'll give it another week or two. I'm clearly still pretty upset about this.

 

And if its really a "closure" talk, I get closure by NOT talking so keep it.

[SA2000]

My buddy just told me the ex posted "I miss my best friend on Facebook last night. I know age is referring to me. Now I wait...

[SA2000]

She texted me last night about how she made me a cake for my birthday one year and then ate the whole thing in 3 days. I didn't respond. She then responded to something I posted on Twitter asking that I burn a cd for her. I didn't respond. She then called me. We talked for 45 minutes. She basically said she misses me a lot and that no one else gets her like I do. She said she thinks about calling me and telling me that she wants to try to work it out but then thinks about something stupid that I did and doesn't call. We talked and joked and caught up. I tried to hang up early in the call but she didn't want to go. The call ended with her saying that she would drop off the clothes she has for me and could bring them by when I am not home if it's a big deal. I texted her this morning saying that we should meet up on Thursday. She can give me the clothes and I'll give her the CD she wanted. The plan is to just meet her in the parking lot. Say hi, exchange things, then leave. Then wait for her to call. Knowing her, she will wait a week or so. But just seeing me will make allow her to miss me more. Is this a good idea?

[SA2000]

Well she blew me off at the last minute. I am probably making a bigger deal of this then I should be but she texted me a few hours before hand telling me that she has to attend a get together for one of her friends that she forgot about. She asked if Friday would work. I said no and that maybe Sunday or sometime next week would work. The more I think about it the more I initially get upset then think it really wasn't that big of a deal. She has been reaching out, calling me, texting me, and asking me to meet her. She says she misses me like crazy but when we discuss working things out she backs off. Well although I like to hear how upset you are once a week this isn't working. Should I be more receptive or push her away and close the door? Ahhhh!

[SA2000]

I went to meet the ex last night to get some stuff. We hung out for about 3 hours. It felt so natural and right. We just caught up and laughed. At the end of the night she said "you can just get your stuff next time". Now it's back to missing her like crazy. Maybe seeing her was a bad idea.

[SA2000]

I should really go NC for good at this point. I love this girl way too much. Seeing her is just to hard. She said she'd call me last night if she didn't fall asleep right away. Still have not heard from her. I'm trying to at cool but I don't think this is healthy.

[hellohello1]

youre right you really need to not have any contact with her. clearly contact with her at this time is prolonging the healing process for you. space and tiem will help you heal and will also give you some clarity..right now she is having her cake and eating it too, dont make the breakup easier on her!

[SA2000]

She texted me last night and said it was nice to see me. I said thanks and that we need to talk. I called her and we talked for about 30 minutes. I told her that we needed to go in one direction or the other. Either we work it out, get back together, and stop playing games, or we let go for good. No more calls or texts or hanging out. Nothing. She said she needed to think. I told her I would wait 48 hours but that I need an answer. She said she had a feeling this convo was coming. It's all or nothing now. I'd much rather it this way then to just hold on.

[SA2000]

She hasn't called yet. Will I end up in the permenant NC thread? Getting nervous but I'm glad I'll be getting some form of closure. It can't be on her terms. It's gotta be this way. All or nothing.

[SA2000]

Ok she texted me and said that she was still thinking and will call me after work tomorrow (today). I am not waiting any longer. If she does not give me a solid answer I am going to tell her to leave me alone for good. This has gone on way too long.

[Griffey]

Wow this is really suspenseful. At least she's talking to you at this point lol.

[SA2000]

Haha. Yeah it is. She likes to keep it that way. But at some point I will have to take over as the leader of this situation. And that time has come. I am not going to wait around anymore. I have already told her 3 times that I do not want to speak to her for any other reason then to work things out. Now it's time to man up. I appreciate this opportunity to be able to share my thoughts on this process. I will be bringing this process to a close one way or another tonight. I will post again in a month with the results.

[snoopydog]

If she does not give me a solid answer I am going to tell her to leave me alone for good. This has gone on way too long.

Dude this isn't the way to go if you want to get back together imo. Backing her into a corner is going to push her away. People don't respond well to being forced.

 

If she hasn't given you a solid answer I think you should tell her not to contact you until she can and that in the meantime you will be carrying on with your life and she is risking you meeting someone else.

[SA2000]

I hear you Snoop but I refuse to be her safety net. Although I want her back I don't need her back. I'm not going to wait around until she decides that maybe she misses me enough to try again for the fourth time. If it's going to be over I want to know now so I can move on. If she calls after telling me it's over I will not answer. Life is short. I just refuse to live that way.

 

If a girl told me not to call her until I wanted to work things out with her and that I would risk possibly losing her I wouldn't worry in the least bit. If she told me it's over and to not ever call her again I would have to seriously question what I wanted and make a decision.

[bwhite00]

I disagree with the logic of NiC simply because it seems like you just wait around... For nothing.

 

I told my ex I wouldn't contact her and she could contact me when she was ready and this led to a terrible cycle of her contacting me for stupid reasons which didn't resolve anything and this lasted nearly a month.

 

I broke down yesterday and told her not to contact me again and I told her exactly what I did not like about her behavior post-BU.

 

I was fully willing to 'move on' without her because the game playing and intermittent texts really just set me back and got me nowhere.

 

Ironically a few hours after I told her these things, we started talking - in a civil manner -we hung out , had make-up sex and are tentatively looking towards a future - at her pace.

 

Now that's a huge turnaround of events and it SHOULDNT have gone that way but I simply couldn't handle it anymore and I was willing to completely cut her out of my life FOR ME ans not to be mean to her and I also told her that.

 

Now keep in mind we were broken up 3 months - dated in that period and it was nice - then had nearly a month NC after we dated.

 

It was all-or-nothing but you have to be prepared to stick with PERMANENT NC once you do this... But it is a reality check.

 

Also I've tried LC, NiC & NC. I've tried the nice guy , take her out and treat her awesome-approach only to be treated like * * * * again.

 

Make no mistake: at the first sign she is going to treat me any less than the way I treat her (awesome) - I walk , for good.

[bwhite00]

But don't do what I did and be a complete ass about things - I should have used more tact but just finally had enough of her treating me like * * * * and told her about it. Chances are this won't work 99% of the time in a positive way but after taking her mixed signals and drama just had to speak my mind and forever lay it to rest.

[SA2000]

If we end up deciding that we aren't going to work through things I will definitely tell her not to contact me anymore for good. I tried NIC and did LC last time we broke up only to end up in the same place all over again. Every time she came back it was because she feared I was seeing someone else which is not the right reason to come back.

 

I will be totally calm about it though. That's just my personality. I may come off as over reacting here but I am the total opposite in real life.