Move On or Hold On?

[sunnyv]

sa2000 i have followed your story. i am in the same pain as you. i am still in love with my ex who is now with teh guy she left me for. everyday i wake up sad, and i wnat to text her but i haven't. not in two weeks, haven't even returned one of her texts which scares me because maybe i am pushing her farther into the arms of the new guy. but she is not saying anything to me like i made a mistake, i miss you and want to be with you, none of that. just hi, what are you doing, someone smells like you in class, etc. it just sucks. i am heart broken, miserable. my family hates me right now and doesn't want to be around me because i am so sad over it. they say just move on but i can't. for some reason this girl has my heart and frankly she doesn't even care about me. but for some reason i can't let her go.

 

i am in the same boat as you. why do i still love her, why do i cry over her, why can't i let go move on and find another girl. for some reason i can't.

[Nappyloxs]

SA2000/SunnyV

 

I am very much like you guys. When we love we love hard, but this love isn't healthy for you or them. In fact, I sometimes question whether you can really call it love.

 

I have been in your boats. Look one thing I realized is that they are gone for many reasons. Not just one single reason.

 

You're not responding to them or not contacting them is not pushing them away. They already made a decision to leave and, in your cases, be with someone else.

 

Last year, I did everything to get her back, and yes, got her back. I wrote her so many emails it was ridiculous in hindsight. I did it because "I left something out", "there was something else I had to say." Whatever, the real reason I did it was that I didn't want her to forget about me, I wanted her to miss me, I wanted her to just think of me. SO I got her back, but she didn't change one bit. Only the first day was magical. After that, she had all the power and made sure to use it.

 

I don't want you guys to go through my situation where the ex. has all the power, you devalue yourself because you think that is what love is, or making contact because you think you are pushing them away.

 

I have read books about getting exes back, and every books says NC. Why? NC definitely does not push them away. It may however make them miss you!!

[sunnyv]

thanks nappyloxs

 

so nc is still the way to go. so what happened with your situation. are you guys still together? i do feel that if i would just write a letter or send a text that i could possibly get her to see what she is missing. the only thing is that i tried this and it did good for a day or two then after that bamn she still hanging with new guy. it would get her to send me a text like i do care for you or we will hang out but then nothing. i even made her dinner and brought it up to her work like old times. but did she end up coming back? nope. she still with new guy. my heart breaks every second of every day. how do you get past this pain and feeling that i did something wrong or caused her to run away?

[SA2000]

Yeah I did the same thing last year too. I tried and tried and tried. Eventually she came back. She said she missed me and said it was the 80/20 rule or some crap. She found the 20 she was looking for in someone new but lost out on the 80 she already had with me. But I don't know whats been up with me. This is not my style. I spent the whole last year trying so hard not to lose her. Trying not to hold too tight while not letting her go too much so she knew I cared. Only to lose her again.

 

But this isn't me. I don't chase ladies and play games. I let them go. If they want to be elsewhere, let em. There are plenty of others out there wishing they could find a good looking, educated, fun, well spoken person, with a career who actually stands for something. So why should I chase her? Whose to say I don't find someone worth my attention. Some one who actually appreciates it. I have never had trouble attracting ladies. Actually I had more trouble trying to get them to leave me alone! Thats what got me to this point in the first place. She did not feel secure because I had too many ladies around.

 

I know exactly what you mean about them not changing too Loxs. I hoped that this break up would give her the time she needed to see what she needs to change. But thats not happening. I should be thanking my lucky stars I got out when I did. She is going in the wrong direction.

[SA2000]

Dump the dumper. Down with these women. They are not the women we loved. They are new spineless snakes sucking the life out of us. But we will stand against them and their tyranny. We will object to their attempts at contact just to cause us pain and string us along for their personal amusement and security. We will not allow this on our turf. We will not be made a mockery of. We will take away the one thing that they desire most: Attention!

[sunnyv]

i like that. it is our call to not give them the attention they are seeking. and you are correct it is just that attention. they do not care about us or want us back if they did they would be showing up at our doorstep saying they want us back.

[Kevo]

Dump the dumper. Down with these women. They are not the women we loved. They are new spineless snakes sucking the life out of us. But we will stand against them and their tyranny. We will object to their attempts at contact just to cause us pain and string us along for their personal amusement and security. We will not allow this on our turf. We will not be made a mockery of. We will take away the one thing that they desire most: Attention!

 

Yes!!! Man! That should have been its own thread. Well said.

 

I just rejected her invitation to work out together. I told her, "Sorry, I have plans tonight." It's a small victory, but my first!

[SA2000]

Haha. Ill make it its own thread.

[SA2000]

It's crazy how my emotions go in waves. I think of the whole thing and get mad. Then I get really calm like it will all blow over and I'll be fine. Then I get sad that it should have worked but didnt. Then I get upset that she ran back to the same dude I asked her to stay away from to allow us to work. Then I get mad again. I want to cuss her out. Then I want to laugh at her for being with this dude who no one respects, then I want to shrug because she will be replaced and that she was the one chasing me intially. Whatever.

[SA2000]

Yes!!! Man! That should have been its own thread. Well said.

 

I just rejected her invitation to work out together. I told her, "Sorry, I have plans tonight." It's a small victory, but my first!

 

I did something similar with my ex last weekend. She wanted me to go back to a bar because she was on her way. I haven't spoken to her since.

[SA2000]

I'm going to go sit down at a bar, give the bartender my keys, phone, and credit card and tell him to keep em coming. No replays of last weekend though. I'm not gonna be her booty call while the other guy gets all of the how was your day talk. Actually I might reconsider that last statement later.

[sunnyv]

sa2000 i feel the same way. the wave of emotions change as the day goes. its crazy. sad, then angry then whatever then sad again.

[SA2000]

Good thing I'm in the angry phase. Now I dint have to worry about calling her. I'd be more worried about what I'd say if she calls me. I CAN NOT answer.

[sunnyv]

Yeah don't answer just take the note for yourself. U are too good yo Burmese a backup

[SA2000]

Uh yeah. Anyone who is having fears about the single life don't worry about it. Worry about getting addicted to it. Why did I ever leave? When I get the I miss you call in a month or so I'll remember times like these. And think twice.

[SA2000]

I wish I could text you but I blocked you. I love you a whole much. Only you understand that.

[SA2000]

I talked to a chick who knows her new dude. She said basically that it definitely won't last. Nobody respects this guy. When she does come back in a few weeks, if I decide to take her back after all of this, I'll post here again. Promise.

[SA2000]

I am realizing that I can't allow her back into my life. That is a hard thing to grasp. The fact that we will move on and become strangers really sucks. But it's what has to happen. I seem to be going out looking for that void to be filled only to realize that I don't want someone else in my life right now. I really hope I can move on soon. I'm so tired of holding on. I've given up all hope on working things out. I wouldn't go back now even if the offer was on the table. I have no faith in her. When you have problems you face them. You don't run to the next person. That's not how sustained good relationships work.

 

So what now? It doesn't work with that new person because you realize it's not another person that you need so you go running back to the first person who once made you happy? That's not how it works. I guess I'm glad to be here instead of in a messed up relationship. And I can avoid being in an unhealthy relationship by not allowing myself to go back into one.

 

Look what you did. Is this what you wanted? You were mad at me for going out. So you broke up with me to try to teach me a lesson. Well look where it got us. I will never trust you again ever.

[SA2000]

I feel like I hit a breaking point this morning. I was pretty damn depressed. But I realize that I have to start really moving on. I need to stop dwelling and let go. I will meet some one new at some point and I need to be in a mental position to be able to accept them into my life.

[SA2000]

Mornings are hard. Not as hard when you aren't hung over though. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I'll be ok. I just don't understand why we can't get beyond our issues. I feel as though in the depths of our hearts we want the same things and know each other best. Although I know we can't be together because all trust is now lost, I feel as though I am losing one of very few people who truly know me. That's hard.

[SA2000]

I need to start dating. Get out a little. I go out with friends but I need to see what else is out there. Maybe next weekend.

[Artu]

I think, what u really may need, is some time. Look at your last posts. It's obvious that sooo many mood changes in a row don't allow the clue, that you've got anywhere right now, except from the point you started. Get clear and keep clear man!

[SA2000]

Oh yeah. I know I still need time. But sitting in the house isn't helping. I am really trying to move on this time. I held out hope every other time we broke up. Now we speak once a week. It's never been like this. My head is all over the place tho. The only thing that really helps is taking it easy and hanging out with friends. I have never had thisich difficulty letting someone go. But this is by far the longest relationship I've ever been in.

 

But I need to stop thinking about it. Get my mind off of it. It's just hard. I have to go to an event later. Everyone is going to ask where she is. This is going to be great.

[SA2000]

I find that if I stay busy I feel way better. I miss her but I don't need her. More sad for what could have been. I said last time we broke up though that I wanted both of us to be together with out any questions as to if we really wanted to be together or not. And that I would be ok with taking a break of a few months and dating other people. We could then come back refreshed and ready to move forward. Will that happen? Who knows. I can't hold on tho because that defeats the purpose. We both need to have REAL time apart. And maybe neither of us will trust the other. Maybe we just let it die. But we both need to mature a little.

[SA2000]

Ah. I'm over it.