A Radical Idea

[NightLily]

I have been thinking about it a lot lately and the more I consider it, the better the idea sounds to me. My main focus in life right now has to be getting ahead, functioning, and just moving on with my life in a money/school sort of way. Absolutely not relationships or friendships and I can't really afford to put up with any more abusive bs, hurtful words, or idiots who are insulting and only make my current feelings worse.

 

So.... my idea is only talking to people during pointless transactions, work, or class. Outside of that, not saying a word to anybody except for typing on the internet. I guess it is kind of like taking a vow of silence and while I do run the risk of people thinking I am more crazy than they already think, I do think it is a good idea. Other people will just have to get used to it and leave me alone.

 

I think I will try it out for at least a month and possibly until about my birthday and just see if it actually helps my situation. I'll just go about it somewhat zen or something. I just hope it doesn't bother people too much if I never say a word.

 

Any thoughts?

[pinkelephant]

I think you'll find that you'll need a support system... but I understand how tough it is to get one. I also think shutting people out unnecessarily will hurt their feelings and that won't help you...

[NightLily]

I guess I don't want to hurt people's feelings but the people I am stuck around generally treat me pretty rotten. Really to the point where I feel trapped and have wanted to react violently to them. I can only be pushed so far all the time with no way out.

 

Yeah I don't know. I just want to focus on anything I can to get out of here and not give these people any chances to pull me down.

[petite]

It could work, but in all probability it might make you depressed. Perhaps try Yoga & Meditation along with this to help you cope mentally and give strength.

[NightLily]

It could work, but in all probability it might make you depressed. Perhaps try Yoga & Meditation along with this to help you cope mentally and give strength.

 

It is a definite possibility but I just can't afford for any of my efforts to get derailed at this point. Yoga sounds like a really good idea though. I have some yoga cards so I could try to do that. And actually, I am away right now from my home and even here there are some yoga cards. I'll be giving it a try tomorrow.

[sonrisa]

Wow...it's so funny, but I've had this exact thought before. The problem is, though, that's really hard to keep up. You have all these thoughts and feelings that you need to share with people, and the internet just isn't enough for it. So you end up breaking your vow in only a couple of days, and then you just feel guilty about it, so it doesn't help you at all.

 

I think if you want to do something in a Zen sort of way, you can limit your interactions with other people mindfully with a pretty good outcome (if that suits your personality, that is). It's just different if you try to stop having meaningful conversations with anyone just because you're afraid of getting hurt. You'll probably find that you're still getting "abusive BS" no matter what, and that's just the way life is.

 

Here's a question though...usually when I've felt this way in the past, I've felt like I've needed to do something as a sort of penance for having done something bad to hurt people around me. If that's what you're doing, punishing yourself in an extreme way is probably not the way to go. After all, Buddhism (which is what Zen is a branch of) is called the "Middle Way," meaning you shouldn't force yourself too hard into anything one way or the other, because it will only build up force to swing you back in the direction you came from with greater inertia. Just a thought.

[NightLily]

That is a very interesting idea from Buddhism. I have never heard it before. It sounds very similar to Aristotle's idea that virtue comes from the mean or the average (like moderation).

 

I don't want to do it to punish myself but it is more something I have considered for awhile. Everytime I will myself to talk to people though it ends with negative consequences. I am not an island and screaming and harsh words at me do bring me down. I'll still hang around people but just not interact which really isn't all that difficult. I also wouldn't take a vow but just decide to separate myself from my surroundings. It is an interesting idea to me and actually might solve a good portion of the issues holding me down.

 

I admit it is extreme but what I have been doing isn't working and so I need to find another way. This is a period of transition in my life and my goal needs to only be to move on. Improve my standing in life, not let people drag me into depression, and move on.

[sonrisa]

Hey, I'm all for trying new things! Sometimes some pretty radical things work out well for people. Try it for a while, see how it goes. Who knows? It might be the life change that you need right now.

[petite]

Sonrisa, this is basically a Silent Solitude and often offered as a "package" to those who visit an Ashram. Often it lasts for about 20 or 30 days. In that time though; yoga and meditation is practiced, you are to speak with no one and food is delivered and given through the door without any other contact.

 

People choose to do this for many different reasons, but they often come out strong willed, mentally stronger with a healthier mind and spirit. They are at piece with themselves, the people around them and their lives. Ashrams are very dynamic environments directed toward spiritual growth and development. Eating; living; dreaming, and thinking about the importance of spiritual wisdom.

 

Suzy, I think in order for you to succeed you should listen to meditation disks, practice Yoga at home and read up more on this. I'm sure it will benefit you if done right. Hope it works for you.

[NightLily]

Thanks for the information Petite. I don't think I can take it to that extreme but I definitely need to just focus on "me" and getting on track without the outside influences.

 

I will look it up. I've never heard of this before but it sounds really interesting. Sometimes I feel like my life and surroundings are just too chaotic even when they really aren't.

[YakasJourney]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to focus on your priorities and goals. I did that in my early-mid twenties during college, and while I didn't make many friends during that time, I did really well in school and came out the other side in a really good position. Now that I'm in grad school I can socialize however much or little I want to.