how to tell

[coolgirl]

if your being used for sex ? so i'm still talking to this guy after a big argument last week, ( dont ask why i'm still talking ) so appereantley he's giving me another chance after the 5th time. last time he told me he's not interested in me and doesn't see a realtionship potential then why have sex with me then ? he's a sexual active guy and I can understand from a man's point of view I just dont wanna be used everytime I see him. I went overboard with this situation once making it into a big deal and he was hurt by it when I told him. And i cant really tell whether I'm being used or not. And really dont know how to bring it up and not having sex for a while and see what his intention really is. he is a nice guy, told me twice he cares about me but I cant seem to believe anything at the momment. I just wanna stay friends and nothing more. He has a high sex drive and I do too. So whats the problem here ?

 

And really having a hard time coming to terms with this situation. Basically let me put it this way he's been mostly putting up with my crap for the past 4 weeks now, bc of giving him a hard time.

[abh]

last time he told me he's not interested in me and doesn't see a realtionship potential

 

 

I think this is something you should reread. Just because he has sex with you doesn't mean that the above statement isn't true, in his mind. So, unless you want to be a FWB, I suggest you move on.

[coolgirl]

last time he told me he's not interested in me and doesn't see a realtionship potential

 

 

I think this is something you should reread. Just because he has sex with you doesn't mean that the above statement isn't true, in his mind. So, unless you want to be a FWB, I suggest you move on.

 

I even asked him if this is a FWB type of situation, he said no it isn't. Than I dont know what it could be then. i'm seeing him casually but dont want to be tied down to one man. I want to be able to date others and not getting to complicated.

[ToF]

Yes, from what you've written here it seems that you are being used for sex.

 

I don't think you need to "bring up" the issue of not having sex with him. Just stop and see what happens. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

 

What is it exactly that you need advice on?

[coolgirl]

Yes, from what you've written here it seems that you are being used for sex.

 

I don't think you need to "bring up" the issue of not having sex with him. Just stop and see what happens. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

 

What is it exactly that you need advice on?

 

 

When I brought this up to him last time, he got really pissed off and told me thats not the case and got in argument bc of that. And I got carried away with it before thinking that he was one of those creeps that would sleep with me and leave. He didnt and basically delt with my crap for the past 4 weeks after giving him a hard time and really having a hard time here as to what it is i'm going through. He says lets be friends but everytime we see each other nor he or I cant control or urges and not have sex. My sex drive is high and his as well. And dont want to get addicted to it. I'm just confused. Really confused.

 

He says he doesnt like me yet have sex with me ? Am I misunderstanding something here. I'm not looking for a relationship, and not wanting to get into it right now. I wanna be able to see other people as well. So why is it i'm having a hard time here ? And cant see the good in him ?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If you want to date other people and yet say you have a high sex drive and end up sleeping with him all the time in order to satisfy that sex drive, then why are you so worried if he is using you for sex. Sounds to me like you are also using him for sex.

[Sparkly Eyes]

How old are you coolgirl? Is it the same guy who wanted to have you as his second wife?

[HeartGoesOn]

As long as you're consenting to having sex with him, he is not using you. Since he has made it clear that he's not interested in a relationship, what more do you need to hear?

[coolgirl]

If you want to date other people and yet say you have a high sex drive and end up sleeping with him all the time in order to satisfy that sex drive, then why are you so worried if he is using you for sex. Sounds to me like you are also using him for sex.

 

Because I dont want to get to addicted to sex. This was never me or my personality to start with. Its likely of me to go around and sleep with men I dont know. I swear I dont even know what my personality is anymore.

[coolgirl]

How old are you coolgirl? Is it the same guy who wanted to have you as his second wife?

 

I'm 30 yea but he ended confessing to me that he was lying.

[coolgirl]

As long as you're consenting to having sex with him, he is not using you. Since he has made it clear that he's not interested in a relationship, what more do you need to hear?

 

I just dont want to be his sex buddy thats all. And he even told me i'm not his sex buddy. I just want to have a regular and normal friend that is not always about sex or anything like that for that matter. i like to hang out with him and we do end up having a good time together. I want to see the good in him at the same time I cant, in my mind this is always running and cant make it stop which is worrying the crap out of me.

[ToF]

For someone who says she doesn't want anything complicated, this sure is VERY complicated and dramatic.

 

Why don't you just ditch him?

[coolgirl]

For someone who says she doesn't want anything complicated, this sure is VERY complicated and dramatic.

 

Why don't you just ditch him?

 

I like to have him around as a friend and nothing more. He's a fun guy. Just dont want this friendship to be based on sex only that's all. He can go and get laid anywhere else.

[perth_man87]

It sounds like he might be just using you for sex but just doesn't want you to think that; YOU obviously don't want it to be that, and I doubt many women who are looking for more than that would be pleased to hear it either.

 

But just to add in my own little sad story... I inadvertantly started using my ex-girlfriend for sex. I never knew that that's what I was doing, and now I'm completely disgusted at myself (there's a whooole lot of emotions I'm having about that right now that don't need saying). I just couldn't help being so turned on all the time when I was around her. She never said no, but she would give me little hints by text (very complicated so don't worry about this too much) but I never thought that she was serious because it never felt like that when we were together. I loved her with everything I could feel in my heart and was crushed when I learned that she stopped reciprocating those feelings any more because of what i was doing.

 

So while he obviously doesn't want to pursue a serious relationship like he said (while I did want the relationship with my ex) that's just something to think about.

[ToF]

I like to have him around as a friend and nothing more. He's a fun guy. Just dont want this friendship to be based on sex only that's all. He can go and get laid anywhere else.

 

So stop having sex with him?

 

Haha, sorry I just don't see the problem. Why can't you just stop having sex with him if sex is not what you want?

[Batya33]

I knew I would potentially be in a sex only arrangement if a man told me that he did not want a relationship "right now" (i.e. "with me" was what I had to assume of course) but wanted to hang out and hook up. I never had casual sex. In this situation I don't think he's using you because he's been honest with you about what he wants and what he doesn't want. He'd be using you - in the negative sense of the term "use" if he lied to you and told you he wanted a relationship with you but really just wanted to have sex with you, and knew you wanted a relationship with him.

I agree with the others that you're making this far more complicated than it needs to be, probably because you are conflicted about whether you really want to "hear" that he doesn't want a relationship with you and instead you are hyper-analyzing every word, every action, every text to see if you can remain in denial about his not wanting a relationship with you. The way to avoid complication is to know what you want and avoid getting attached to people who don't want the same thing you want.

[coolgirl]

Yea and you know I dont think I can handel just being a friend and just have sex with him on a regular basis. Its not like I'm going to his place and having sex with him everyday, we just get together on the weekends. I just want a friend sometimes to hang out with and get to know thats all but with him and I things went to far from the beginnning. And honestly I wasn't expecting that from the beginning. He lied to me once before and confessed it to me and now i'm having a hard time beleiving anything he says for the momment and dont know whether or not I'm being lied too.

Like last weekened again he tells me he cares about me and didnt say anything back and just shrugged it off.

 

Yea, I may be having a hard time with this and try to pretend its not bothering me. This is too confusing for me at the momment. Also I am trying not to attach myself I was in the beginning but backed way off.