Question to women about men with lower earnings

[ayekasong]

Ladies please be honest and give your opinions. If a guy earns less than you would you rule him out???

 

It depends. If he is making enough that both of our salaries combined would provide us with a decent living, then there is no reason to rule him out in my opinion.

 

If he's earning very little, but is trying (or at least has the ambition) to move into a position in which he will earn more, I don't see a reason to rule him out.

 

If he's earning very little and has no desire to change that situation...well, I definitely would not consider him as a potential marriage partner.

 

My husband earns a salary that is on the low end of the scale for his profession. However, he enjoys his job, and his job is stable and provides us with enough to pay the mortgage and bills every month, with a little left over. Granted, we don't have a great deal of extra money, but we are able to live the lifestyle we want. It is very likely that when I am done with school, I will either make close to or more than what he currently makes. We've discussed it quite a bit, and I wouldn't have a problem with him earning less than me, and he says that he wouldn't have a problem with that arrangement either. I have heard that sometimes men can get resentful of women who earn more than them, though.

 

My single friends are pretty much in agreement with me about the money situation. However, none of my friends really desire extravagant lifestyles, so I think it may come down to the type of life a woman wants to have with her partner.

[Gilroy]

She is just one woman. Don't let her effect (affect? I always confuse those) what you think about women in general. It says something huge about her that she wants and is seeking inequality on some level (her being the "lesser" person in her eyes while the other guy "provides her with the lifestyle she wants")...she doesn't want an equal partner!! Your friend should count his blessings as he moves forward and you should not let this make you fearful about women/dating/settling down/your salary/stock options or anything else.

 

The reason this is having an impact on me is because many many years ago when I was just out of college and looking for a job a similar thing happened to me. I was dating a girl that was working. Almost every day she would say "I am a professional woman. Not some one that is simply sitting at home". And she kind of kept pushing me to get a job. Trust me, it was one of the worst recessions and I was doing my best to get a job. In fact I was able to some contract jobs but it was not enough for her. She dumped me!

 

My friend told me today that while women talk about equality and all they still want men that earn more than them and can take care of them. I know he is talking in frustration but honestly having experienced something similar I am really getting scared now

 

At 35 I am just a Senior Engineer living in an apartment. What chance do I have?

[shes2smart]

Apparently his girl does not think of them as a team but rather as individuals. She never even went to the stage of boyfriend-girlfriend after 2 years of on/off dating. She told him that since he earns less than her she will feel like the breadwinner and does not want a man like that.

 

Then I guess she's saying she doesn't want to be in any sort of serious/committed relationship with him, eh?

 

The money is an easy, handy, plausible-sounding excuse....and depending on her own values, it may be a valid reason to her.

 

What if he landed another job making significantly more than she did? Would she change her tune then and want to be in a serious/committed relationship with him? What if the company fell on hard times and she got laid off and was off work for an extended period of time or could only find work that paid less than she was making?

 

Would he really want to be with her if she all of a sudden wanted to be with him if he started making more or she started making less?

 

Basing your relationship status on income is like building a house on sand. If there is one thing we all should've learned in the last 2-3 years its that jobs are very....ah....flexible and fleeting and there is no job security....and just because you're making a good salary this year doesn't guarantee that will be the case next year.

[Gilroy]

What if he landed another job making significantly more than she did? Would she change her tune then and want to be in a serious/committed relationship with him?

 

That is what she told him. She said that he is still in Staff Level 1 and earns less than her and that will create problems... She also gave an example of another guy that is Staff Level 5 and earns X dollars and has Y stocks. She told she would rather be with that guy but unfortunately he is married.

[BriarRose]

A Senior Engineer is a good, respectable job. If a woman doesn't want to be with you because it's not enough money, that's her choice, but that job shows you are smart and were focused enough to get that degree. That is no cakewalk, to be an engineer. You obviously worked hard for it.

[shes2smart]

That is what she told him. She said that he is still in Staff Level 1 and earns less than her and that will create problems... She also gave an example of another guy that is Staff Level 5 and earns X dollars and has Y stocks. She told she would rather be with that guy but unfortunately he is married.

 

I'm sorry, there's no nice way to put this.

 

She has some seriously whacked priorities.

 

She's looking for a banker, not a partner. Frankly, I think your friend is well rid of her (or should be....)

[Angel_325]

Ok let's say that he really tried hard and his manager has promised him that in the next performance review he will most likely be given a promotion. Now what would you do?

 

My main question though is if women date down?? How does the dynamics change when the woman earns more money than the man??

 

I would be okay with that because at least he is trying. He is doing a good job and wants to move up. My ex did not even try. He was a security guard making minimum wage and would not even go back to school to try to get a better job, despite always talking about how he wanted to. If he had but it didn't work out like he couldn't find a job, that would be different than all talk and no game. Plus he liked to spend money that he did not have and I hated that.

 

I would date down if he was a great guy who was trying but perhaps had a tough time but didn't give up.

[Gilroy]

A Senior Engineer is a good, respectable job. If a woman doesn't want to be with you because it's not enough money, that's her choice, but that job shows you are smart and were focused enough to get that degree. That is no cakewalk, to be an engineer. You obviously worked hard for it.

 

Thank you... I just feel that by this point in my life I should be in Management position and a home owner. I am just wondering if some girl gives me the same treatment my friend got yesterday :sad:

[Angel_325]

Ok for women that replied it does not matter to them can you please tell this. Let's say you get married to your man. He earns less than you and also has less Stock Options. He really would not be in a position to contribute equally to the mortgage and contribute equally to the bills. So it will be YOU that will carry more than half of the financial burden.. Are you ok with this? Wouldn't you feel that he is the man and he is the one that is supposed to provide for you?? Wouldn't you feel superior to him??

 

He could find other ways to contribute like doing more around the house. It's not all about how much you make. Each contributes what they can. If I loved my guy and he was doing the best he could I would not mind it it I contributed more financially.

[BriarRose]

Thank you... I just feel that by this point in my life I should be in Management position and a home owner. I am just wondering if some girl gives me the same treatment my friend got yesterday

 

 

You got through a rigorous degree and worked hard enough at a young age to make it to senior Engineer. Umm...that's no small feat. And 35 is young. You have tremendous earning potential, but even if you didn't, it's still a job to be proud of. The house will come eventually. You will be a homeowner.

[lostnscared]

The problem is how much someone makes is only part of the equation.

 

How they manage it is another (very large) part.

 

I used to make more money than I do now, but I managed it poorly. Getting downsized and having to rebuild has made me a much better money manager.

 

I make less now, but manage it much better and that is making a huge difference in our financial picture.

 

Yep my ex's biggest issue isn't so much how much he made, but he didn't spend it or save it wisely. He also "lost" his drive to move forward and make more.

 

And as a sidenote I can easily understand why a woman would want a man on her equal wavelength financially. If you worked hard, and had the ambition to get to point X, why would you then be okay with a person who worked hard but didn't have the ambition or goals to get to point x and was simply okay staying at point y?

 

Most professional women that I know prefer that a man is on her financial level, because it usually indicates that the man is understanding of hard work, drive, and success. And because they want someone who is in a similar class and lifestyle as it makes easier to relate and to take it forward with kids, marriage, etc.

[Gilroy]

You got through a rigorous degree and worked hard enough at a young age to make it to senior Engineer. Umm...that's no small feat. And 35 is young. You have tremendous earning potential, but even if you didn't, it's still a job to be proud of. The house will come eventually. You will be a homeowner.

 

Thank you so much..

 

Surprisingly enough my friend is 30 and she told him "you are old and do not have money or assets"

[shes2smart]

Thank you... I just feel that by this point in my life I should be in Management position and a home owner. I am just wondering if some girl gives me the same treatment my friend got yesterday

 

If she does, be thankful -- she's showing you who she is and making it easy for you to decide she's not what you want in a partner.

 

Like I said before, my husband was not-quite-divorced and living with his grandmother when we met, was making a fraction of what I did and had a crappy retail job. He has a 2 year degree (I have a 4 year degree). But we think alike, we find the same stuff interesting & funny, he's honest and loyal and trustworthy. He's one of the good ones.

 

Were there some women who overlooked him or rejected him because of his outward circumstances at the time? Probably. Those girls couldn't tell a diamond from cubic zirconium but their loss is my gain.

 

Hope their money keeps 'em warm at night.

[Gilroy]

One of the things that turned around the whole thing is that this girl's stock options shot up in value. Since she joined pre-IPO she has much more stocks than him.. she told him "the value of my options is currently at 200K. I am ready to buy a house but you are still Staff Level 1. I do not think you can be equal to me".

[BriarRose]

Thank you so much..

 

Surprisingly enough my friend is 30 and she told him "you are old and do not have money or assets"

 

 

That's crazy. Most people that age are just starting out in their careers. That's only a few years out of college - and that's with no graduate degree.

[shes2smart]

One of the things that turned around the whole thing is that this girl's stock options shot up in value. Since she joined pre-IPO she has much more stocks than him.. she told him "the value of my options is currently at 200K. I am ready to buy a house but you are still Staff Level 1. I do not think you can be equal to me".

 

Well, lemme just kow-tow to Miss Fancy-Pants "I have 200k I'm better than you" right now.

 

I wouldn't want someone with an attitude like that for a friend, let alone a partner.

[BriarRose]

One of the things that turned around the whole thing is that this girl's stock options shot up in value. Since she joined pre-IPO she has much more stocks than him.. she told him "the value of my options is currently at 200K. I am ready to buy a house but you are still Staff Level 1. I do not think you can be equal to me".

 

And when her stock plummets, she can crawl to him for a cup of coffee.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think she is putting far too much emphasis on money. He should run away...far away...

[Sports Fan]

successful women i know do not want to date down (financially speaking).

 

 

And they say women aren't as shallow. "I'm sorry, but I make more than you. We're not a good fit".

[FathomFear]

I don't think money or position is important UNLESS the person has no ambition to grow. My ex was making half what I was making and I did not have an issue with it until I found out he was lazy and did not want to move up. He wanted a comfortable easy job and was too afraid to take a step forward. That is a big turn off for me and that was one of the reason I broke up with him. Had he shown more ambition and life (not just about his job) it would not have mattered.

 

Personally speaking, although I'm attracted to ambition, I'm not attracted to it in the area of employment. We should all aim to work to live, not live to work. Life isn't all about the corporate ladder.

[Cognitive_Canine]

And they say women aren't as shallow. "I'm sorry, but I make more than you. We're not a good fit".

 

Haha. Who says that?

 

We are just as shallow as men. And it's completely an individual thing.

[Sports Fan]

Haha. Who says that?

 

We are just as shallow as men. And it's completely an individual thing.

 

 

Society and the media tries to make it seem as if women aren't as shallow. Placing a high priority on salary never ends well.

[Gilroy]

Well, I am actually feeling better after reading some posts. I was worried what is going to happen to me as this guy convincingly told me that women do not date down and I will also face the same problem some time down the lane.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Well, I am actually feeling better after reading some posts. I was worried what is going to happen to me as this guy convincingly told me that women do not date down and I will also face the same problem some time down the lane.

 

I wouldn't even consider it "dating down".

 

I'd worry more about it being an office romance and me being a superior (and therefore more at fault and at risk if we get into trouble) than money.

[lostnscared]

It may be shallow, but with the cost of living the way it is, and with the hard work and drive it takes to get to a certain level of success, it is completely understandable that a woman prefers a man in a similar financial situation or with similar ambition/motivation.

 

I don't think every women focuses on salary, as much as a man's stability, drive, and ambition in his career.

 

I wouldn't particularly focus on salary--not as much as I would the person's career, and drive to do better. On the other hand I could never marry a man who made a minimum wage salary and was okay with it.