Boyfriend mad at me because of my dinner

[liz22]

So I am not the best cook and I don't really enjoy it but tonight I cooked my boyfriend of 6 years a pasta salad per his request. I made it a little different than I used to but I thought he would like it and appreciate it. I called him before picking up the ingrediants tonight to make sure that I should still make it because I knew he would be out a little late drinking with his buddies like he does a lot on Friday nights. He said to still make it. So I made the salad and put a good amount of effort into it. When he gets home he goes to the fridge to get the pasta salad and says this isn't the pasta salad I usually make. He wasn't very happy. I told him sorry, I did the best I could. He proceed to eat the salad standing up at the kitchen counter while texting on his phone. He began giving me the silent treatment and when I asked what was wrong he said I didn't put any effort into the salad and he said "you didn't even want to make the salad did you". I was very upset because here I was putting in the effort, and putting in the effort ends up being worse than not making anything at all. He then went to bed, told me to * * * * off and would not talk to me anymore. So here I am thinking about how rediculious this is and wondering if anyone else agrees with me? Last time we got in a fight was over food too. I had made fish and chip and he said I wasn't enthusiastic about it. His track record with getting upset about my meals certainly doesn't encourage me to cook more! But hay, I've been with him 6 years and he hasn't put a ring on my finger but expects me to act like a house wife?? I don't think so! Just wondering what steps I should take next?? Thank you for your insight!

[dramallama]

He began giving me the silent treatment and when I asked what was wrong he said I didn't put any effort into the salad and he said "you didn't even want to make the salad did you". I was very upset because here I was putting in the effort, and putting in the effort ends up being worse than not making anything at all. He then went to bed, told me to * * * * off and would not talk to me anymore.

That's a red flag to me. If you don't cook very much he should have been appreciative of the fact that you did cook for him, even if it was a little different to the way you usually make it. I would never swear at my partner like that. Does it happen a lot?

 

It seems as if he's reaaally sensitive to rejection, perceived or otherwise, but that's not really the mature way to deal with the situation.

[liz22]

He doesn't cuss at me a lot, but it happens occasionally over something stupid like this. And of course he is in bed sleeping away like a baby and I'm up dealing with what happened and wondering about what tomorrow will bring....

[marshmlofluff]

Six years without wanting to get married, giving you the silent treatment, expecting you to cook, and being unappreciative and insulting your cooking when you do?

 

I don't say this too often; I try to see the good in people, and both sides of a story. I don't know your full story, so take my words with a grain of salt.

 

But *if* what you describe in your post is representative of how he treats you generally, I'd say you ought to lose him.

[gixxerdude]

uh, I guess he takes his salad pretty seriously.

 

So you specifically went out and bought the ingredients to make him something he wanted, he tries it and then ends up telling you to **** off. Seems reasonable enough to me. Yeah. Why waste your time cooking for someone who is going to throw a shi* fit over a salad. Lame.

[liz22]

Yeah. Even after 6 years I didn't know he took his salad this seriously until tonight. Just wondering what to do if I continue to get the silent treatment/anger tomorrow???

[gixxerdude]

Yeah. Even after 6 years I didn't know he took his salad this seriously until tonight. Just wondering what to do if I continue to get the silent treatment/anger tomorrow???

 

So he is someone who you think could give you the silent treatment over a salad? Over cooking? Sounds like alot of drama. Are you going to let tomorrow be ruined by his opinion of your salad? lol..even saying that is retarded.. Leave and do something without him that you enjoy on your saturday.

 

 

Sounds like he needs to grow up. Or maybe a kick in the balls.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Are you serious girl? I would NOT tolerate such a behavior. You didn't have to make him a salad in the first place.

 

 

 

Sounds like he needs to grow up. Or maybe a kick in the balls.

 

Sounds like you need to leave him or YOU need to give him some silent treatment.

[StarFright]

I agree with everyone else. This is a sad excuse to get all pissy at someone. Is something else wrong with him that he's taking out on you? If not it just sounds like he's being a child. If that were my house I'd rip the covers off of him and tell him to F-off. Don't be a doormat, he should have at least thanked you for making something.

[liz22]

Thank you. I agree with your posts! Believe me, I know this whole thing sounds retards, which is why I had to post it because I couldn't believe it!! His Grandfather died the other day, but I don't think that has anything to do with this anger (if it was redirected anger), because he never really talked about his Grandfather and didn't see him very often. Plus we have had similar fights about my cooking before...

[StarFright]

They do say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That is no excuse though.

Funny story: My mom was supposedly not the world's best cook before I was born. As a matter of fact, my father was the one who was more into cooking. When my mom tried making him something he (I believe) more or less sort of thought it was more humorous than anything, and he began helping my mom with her cooking skills. Now they both teach me

 

Would he at least be open to help you, since it apparently seems to be such an issue? It is a good way to spend time together and you are learning.

 

And by the way, does he ever cook for you??

[liz22]

He cooks all the time but he likes to do it. I never tell him to cook, but he just does it. I would be up for him teaching me to cook more, as long as that didn't lead to more drama!

[StarFright]

Well perhaps ask him if he would be willing to give you some pointers. Learning new recipes can definitely be a fun thing to do with someone else. I'm not sure if cooking is the root of his anger though, but if it is, this could help relieve tension a little bit.

 

I would talk to him about how he went off though. It's pretty sad he was so vulgar over a simple salad.

[DN]

I don't think this is an issue about cooking. This is an issue of him being an insensitive and controlling clod who needs an attitude adjustment. I would suggest letting him know in no uncertain terms that you won't tolerate that sort of behaviour or anything close to it again.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

because I knew he would be out a little late drinking with his buddies like he does a lot on Friday nights.

 

So how much does he drink when he goes out drinking every Friday night with his buddies? Some people, when they have had too much to drink, get verbally abusive to their partner.

[Miss Firecracker]

This one is going to be another Mel Gibson. No hope for you to have a happy life with him in it.

[Circe]

Out of curiosity - how do you split the other house work?

[liz22]

Hi. To answer your questions, he does drink a lot but Hhe usually does not get violent when drunk. I couldn't tell if he had a lot to drink when he came home.

 

As far as splitting house work, he cooks more than me and does the dished more than me but I would say I do everything else most of the time.

[DN]

Are you happy with this guy overall?

[Circe]

Hi. To answer your questions, he does drink a lot but Hhe usually does not get violent when drunk. I couldn't tell if he had a lot to drink when he came home.

 

As far as splitting house work, he cooks more than me and does the dished more than me but I would say I do everything else most of the time.

 

Well, in that case it was not only uncalled for behaviour on his part but he has no reason even to be angry with you. It sounds like a fair split (it's similar to what my husband and I have - but with the roles reversed) - esp if he enjoys cooking.

 

Is there some other reason he might feel unappreciated? Doesn't sound like there is? Is he trying to pick a fight here? Maybe he's getting cold feet (six years can make one think it's crunch time - decide to "commit" or move on) and is looking for an out somehow?

[liz22]

I am happy overall but do sometimes feel like a "doormat" or like we are in a rut. He is usually out at his "shop" until 7:30-8 every night and goes to bed about 9-9:30 so I don't fee like we see each other a lot sometimes but I have accepted that has part of the relationship...maybe why I feel like a doormat.

[DN]

Does he often treat you like this and how do you react when he does?

[liz22]

He treats me like this with a big blow up only every once and a while and I usually get scared to be alone so I let him get away with it, but I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be stronger.

[DN]

OK - well don't let the fear of being alone stop you from being assertive. That doesn't mean aggressive but it does mean not allowing him to treat you in that way.

 

There are worse things than being alone and being controlled, humiliated and afraid are some of them.

[SpottiOtti]

It sounds to me like either there's an unresolved issue from his past cropping up here (mommy issues maybe?), or that he is tired of the relationship and so is becoming annoyed with small things that shouldn't matter.

 

Either way, he owes you an explanation and an apology.

 

It's awesome that you want to start standing up for yourself more - maybe this is a good time to let him know that it's time to stop taking you for granted and walking all over you.