Is it possible to find soulmate without playing those games

[anu1560]

I am tired of those games people play. Hundreds of mind games that people play when they are in a relationship. I have played them myself. The power game. The chasing game. We start playing those games as soon as we start dating. You know what I mean right. 'Let me wait for few days before I reply back to his email so he is not thinking I am so easily available'. Why can't things be simpler?

 

Is it not possible to find your soulmate without playing those games? If it is the right person, then I do not have to play those games right? People should be matured enough to be together without playing these games. I have decide I am not going to be part of these nonsense games. Am I a fool?

[Cheetarah]

Ah, the chase. I personally enjoy a quick game of cat and mouse in the beginning. I don't want someone to be too into me, too quickly. I just don't TRUST those kinds of speedy connections. They start chaotically and end the same way.

[nutbrownhare]

If you don't play the games to begin with, you will find yourself confined to people who don't play games either. It's as difficult, and as easy, as that.

 

Actually, I've found that being honest, open and straightforward makes game players think you're very mysterious - they're busy looking for something that isn't there, and become more and more disconcerted when they don't find it. They'll either move on to someone they can mesh more easily with, or become more open and honest themselves.

 

If you want a great partner, then BE a great partner!

[nutbrownhare]

I don't want someone to be too into me, too quickly. I just don't TRUST those kinds of speedy connections. They start chaotically and end the same way.

Very wise - if someone's really into you before they even know you, it's not you, but a fantasy.

[LightbulbSun]

I don't want to play those games, either.

[rosephase]

Very wise - if someone's really into you before they even know you, it's not you, but a fantasy.

 

yeah, yeah. I hear that all the time. I said "I love you" on my 2nd date. Moved in three months into my relationship and we've been together for 5 years and everything is amazing. Sometimes things move fast because they are right.

 

You don't have to play games. If someone really loves you, really wants to be with you and is really ready to commit to you then games just get in the way. They are calculated, dishonest and annoying.

[DN]

I am tired of those games people play. Hundreds of mind games that people play when they are in a relationship. I have played them myself. The power game. The chasing game. We start playing those games as soon as we start dating. You know what I mean right. 'Let me wait for few days before I reply back to his email so he is not thinking I am so easily available'. Why can't things be simpler?

 

Is it not possible to find your soulmate without playing those games? If it is the right person, then I do not have to play those games right? People should be matured enough to be together without playing these games. I have decide I am not going to be part of these nonsense games. Am I a fool?

No you are not. I wish everyone thought like you.

[misssmithviii]

I've never played games, in fact - it's a major turn off for me when guys do.

My man was afraid in the beginning because he never knew how to play the game, and when he wouldn't play games - he wouldn't get the girl after a one-night-stand (which he hated). So after our first date, I called him the next day and said we should hang out.

 

Months later he asked me why I wasn't afraid to call him so soon, and why didn't I wait for his call. I replied, "Because games are for adolescents. I liked you, wanted to get to know you so I effing called you haha"

 

If you don't want to play games, then don't. I personally think it's desperate when people play games... and incredibly annoying. I've had guys in the past call me after 3 days, play it off aloof and try to get me to play the whole cat-and-mouse chase... those guys never got more than my friendship if anything and I was never interested.

I got that butterfly feeling in the beginning with my man without having to play games.

 

I think one's closer to finding their soulmate when they DON'T play games.

[misssmithviii]

yeah, yeah. I hear that all the time. I said "I love you" on my 2nd date. Moved in three months into my relationship and we've been together for 5 years and everything is amazing. Sometimes things move fast because they are right.

 

You don't have to play games. If someone really loves you, really wants to be with you and is really ready to commit to you then games just get in the way. They are calculated, dishonest and annoying.

 

Ahh, so refreshing to hear someone else on my page ;]

xoxo

[Batya33]

I think the problem is that often people when they are smitten become insecure, clingy, anxious so sometimes the "voice of reason" as in "maybe I shouldn't text him again this morning to tell him how mindblowing our second date was, last night" or "maybe I shouldn't ask him how many children he wants, since it's only the third date" - that's not playing games, it's about balancing head and fast-racing heart/lust to make sure you're not giving the wrong impression to a brand new person in your life.

 

It's also about not being selfish - often people who are smitten act in a self-absorbed way even if they mean to be giving to the other person - they "need" to hear from the person ASAP, need to see the person even sooner than ASAP and they don't stop to think (because thinking isn't a big part of smittendom) whether the person might be more comfortable getting to know them at a somewhat slower pace. And, a taste of intrigue, mystery in the beginning of getting to know someone isn't the worst thing as long as it doesn't become game playing.

[nutbrownhare]

You know what I mean right. 'Let me wait for few days before I reply back to his email so he is not thinking I am so easily available'. Why can't things be simpler?

 

Things can be simpler. If someone I was starting a relationship with took a few days to reply to an email, and that was the only contact we had during that time, I'd assume he wasn't particularly interested - and keep my options open. Part of not playing the game is to take actions at face value. Maybe the guy's interested and is 'playing it cool' or he's 'just not that into me'; frankly, I don't really care which.

 

I think relationships work best when the level of contact needed by each partner is in synch with the level of contact the other one wants to give, so that neither feels either neglected or overwhelmed. I'm not prepared to work out the motivations and hidden agendas - or, indeed, IF there are hidden agendas. Things are much simpler if you take people's actions at face value. Do their actions fit in with your needs and value systems? If not, move on and find someone with whom you're compatible.

[anu1560]

Whats wrong in being honest and tell someone 'hey i like you' rather than do the waiting game. I am not saying it has to be a faster. I am not saying that it has to be on the second date. But by the 10 or 20th date if you like someone, then why do you have to keep mum and start playing gmaes and bla bla bla and see his/her reaction and then open up or not depending on the reaction. If after 10 dates I like someone, I should be saying it without playing games. I never said it has to be fast dating. I meant no games dating. Simpe, honest and straightforward.

[Stay_home]

One of my best qualities, I thrive on being different. I'm not a game player, either. I always thought that people who play a lot of mind games are incapable of reading people correctly. So they resort to brain tactics, mindless and spineless obstacles that are set up for you to always lose - but moreso guage your reactions. If you have good solid instincts and you're capable of deciphering between what's good and what's bad, you don't need to play games. Your visionary skills are clear and you can see when someone may be right for you or if they're not.

[nutbrownhare]

yeah, yeah. I hear that all the time. I said "I love you" on my 2nd date. Moved in three months into my relationship and we've been together for 5 years and everything is amazing. Sometimes things move fast because they are right. .

That's a lovely story However, you were really lucky, and it doesn't work out like that for most people!

 

You don't have to play games. If someone really loves you, really wants to be with you and is really ready to commit to you then games just get in the way. They are calculated, dishonest and annoying

Absolutely. And, sadly, they keep people apart. Even more sadly, people play games because they're trying to protect themselves, and the games are very likely to cause the hurt they were trying to avoid in the first place!

[anu1560]

And its not about just dating. I have seen these games being played in married couples, in long term relationships. I just said, it starts with dating and goes on and on. Once the dating games is over, then starts the long term relationship games. And once you are married, here starts the married life games. I have seen so many of my married friends playing games with each other. The only difference is, it is different kind of games they are playing. If it is not a cat and mouse chase game, then it is a controling game. I am just sick of it.

[Stay_home]

Yea...I just don't like a lot of BS.

[Tarkan]

I am tired of those games people play. Hundreds of mind games that people play when they are in a relationship. I have played them myself. The power game. The chasing game. We start playing those games as soon as we start dating. You know what I mean right. 'Let me wait for few days before I reply back to his email so he is not thinking I am so easily available'. Why can't things be simpler?

 

Is it not possible to find your soulmate without playing those games? If it is the right person, then I do not have to play those games right? People should be matured enough to be together without playing these games. I have decide I am not going to be part of these nonsense games. Am I a fool?

 

Nope you are not ! Good luck in your future, I hope it works. Actually, it works for me.

 

I decided to be just straight forward and talk alot about what I want or what I feel. It helps me to rule out those that are too imature for me. In my experience, most people are. Or maybe I haven't met enough mature people ?

[anu1560]

If I start liking a guy and he doesn't, then there is no point even playing any games. But if he likes me and I like him, why do we have to wait for the other persons reactions. It can be as simple as I like you and what about you? And this can be on the 2nd date or may be on the 50th date. Who cares when, as long as I have enjoyed his company and he has enjoyed mine. If me telling this is too overwhelming for him for the first place, that means we are anyway not going to be compatible. So whats the point of playing things. I just need to move on. Hopefully this makes sense.

[anu1560]

Nope you are not ! Good luck in your future, I hope it works. Actually, it works for me.

 

I decided to be just straight forward and talk alot about what I want or what I feel. It helps me to rule out those that are too imature for me. In my experience, most people are. Or maybe I haven't met enough mature people ?

 

It has to work. Because I have decided not to be part of these games. Strike for lifetime. Hopefully I am not wrong.

[anu1560]

One of my best qualities, I thrive on being different. I'm not a game player, either. I always thought that people who play a lot of mind games are incapable of reading people correctly. So they resort to brain tactics, mindless and spineless obstacles that are set up for you to always lose - but moreso guage your reactions. If you have good solid instincts and you're capable of deciphering between what's good and what's bad, you don't need to play games. Your visionary skills are clear and you can see when someone may be right for you or if they're not.

 

Yes. I agree. I should be able to judge by now what I want from life/life partner and if life brings me what I want, then why should I be playing. It has to be either like him enough or don't like him enough. If the other person feels the same, then thats it.

[shyguy1]

Is it possible?

 

I for one certainly hope so and from reading the thread, it appears that most people think that it's quite possible.. which is very encouraging.

 

I won't play silly games of cat and mouse.. chase and wait. Not going to happen.

 

I'm again encouraged by what I'm reading on this thread and will follow it with great interest.

 

Now if only more women would feel comfortable doing the initial approaching instead of the male... now 'that' I would be really encouraged by.

 

Don't see that part ever changing though, so I'll take what I can get.

[Fudgie]

Of course it's possible. Stay true and you will find people who are the same way.

 

I hate games. I don't play them. I don't even play them with my boyfriend. If he does something that I don't like, I'm not going to be a passive aggressive asshat - I'll just tell him. If I want to do something romantic/sexual with him, I won't lie there like a dead fish waiting for him to initiate and then sulk if he doesn't. People can't read minds.

 

Just be honest. You'll scare off people who are playing games so they can go play games with the other players. Genuine people will appreciate the honesty and reciprocate.

[anu1560]

If he does something that I don't like, I'm not going to be a passive aggressive asshat - I'll just tell him. If I want to do something romantic/sexual with him, I won't lie there like a dead fish waiting for him to initiate and then sulk if he doesn't. People can't read minds.

 

 

Thats exactly what I meant. There are games people would play even after the first chase game is done. I always felt that you can never read people's mind. So why even try it. Over the years you may learn to understand some but not all. And always always felt the need to express honestly without hurting the other person. But I keep bumping into those annoying people who would play hard.

[Batya33]

If I start liking a guy and he doesn't, then there is no point even playing any games. But if he likes me and I like him, why do we have to wait for the other persons reactions. It can be as simple as I like you and what about you? And this can be on the 2nd date or may be on the 50th date. Who cares when, as long as I have enjoyed his company and he has enjoyed mine. If me telling this is too overwhelming for him for the first place, that means we are anyway not going to be compatible. So whats the point of playing things. I just need to move on. Hopefully this makes sense.

 

I think it depends on whether you are sharing that you like him from a smitten perspective or your "normal" perspective. If you're caught up in being smitten, your sharing this might be too gushy or fast for him to handle and your sharing it is not coming from who you typically are but from all the crazy chemicals of intense and new chemistry/attraction. If you're reasonably balanced and being yourself, and telling him how you feel is going to scare him off then you're right, that means he is not a good match for you because you need someone who would not be scared off by your sharing that.

 

 

And, sometimes people who share that early on do so because they are insecure and needy -- and a person who is reasonably secure might be turned off - because it's kind of selfish to subject someone you barely know to an outpouring of heavy feelings and sharing without giving thought to whether the person is ready to hear it. I believe in letting a person get to know me at a reasonable pace, over time, so that informs whether and what I share with that person.

 

I don't limit this to romantic relationships - in my friendships too, whether new, old, whatever, I think about the other person's feelings and the timing/context before I share something heavy or intense unless I am sure that I have to share it right then or feel very resentful or otherwise in distress. I don't confuse "honesty" with openness - I don't believe that having an honest relationship requires being "open" at the expense of the other person's situation.

[anu1560]

And, sometimes people who share that early on do so because they are insecure and needy -- and a person who is reasonably secure might be turned off -

 

Thats why I said, it doesn't have to be on the second date. It can be on the 50th date. I have never found a guy interesting enough in 1-2 dates. I always prefer to know them and give them the chance to know me. minus the games during the whole 50 dates.