thought I was over her... so i went on her FB

[Baurman]

this is for anyone who views their ex's facebook... i recently deactivated my facebook because I didn't want to just delete her since im friends with a lot of her friends. so I just deactivated it. and today i thought hmm i feel like im over her so let me log into face book and view her profile. so I did, and it DID NOTHING BUT HURT ME.

 

For those of you thinking of viewing your ex's facebook... learn from my mistake... it's not gonna do anything but HURT YOU.

 

I log in and see her wall and she has messages from like 3-4 different guys winking/e-flirting to her and she's flirting back with crap like "You're so funny hehe "

](*,) If I had just NOT BOTHERED to look at her facebook then I wouldn't even be caring right now. But I did. and Now I have to pay for it. It's so pointless to even have anything to do with her in my life because it really does stop you from healing.

 

I don't know why I thought I should test myself though. Do you think if I am truly over her, I would be able to go on her page and not even care what I see and just laugh at it? That's the stage I want to be at.... I want to be able to see her with another guy and think to myself "Haha I'm way better and you can't have me....."

I know that I don't want to have a relationship with my Ex again because it will never work out... but why do I still care about future guys she has sex with? I don't know why that just bugs me.

[Cheetarah]

If you were truly over her, you probably wouldn't have much of an urge to go look at her FB; let alone test yourself.

[MalibuOne]

Because it's not fully over for you yet. But it will happen...one day she will just be somebody you used to know. That's how I feel about my ex husband and we were together 18 YEARS! So I know for a fact, it can happen. In time.

[biggerheart]

Agreed. If you were over her, you would not think to check out her FB page.

[faithful14]

I agree with the above posters; when you reach the point where you don't care, it won't matter who she's talking to you or who she's with. You reach an understanding that everything is okay and life with or without is okay too.

[hannah_k]

It's been my experience that, no matter where you are in the "moving on" phases post-relationship, it's not a good idea to look at an ex's facebook page. Which is something some of us learn the hard way.

 

You don't need to be at a place where you can laugh if you see your ex with another guy. Most people don't want to see it. Because, when you see your ex, regardless if you've moved on to a healthy, happy place, you're bound to think about the times you had together. Even the most level-headed individuals might get a tinge of jealousy. I broke up with my ex and I moved on. That does not mean I'd be happy to see him in public with another girl. It's just awkward. And even though it's been two years, it would make me severely uncomfortable.

 

So don't expect that of yourself and move on. If you wanna look at her social networking sites, be prepared for a light style of masochistic punishment. Because you're just setting yourself up for failure.

[Baurman]

yeah that's what i did. set myself up for failure. i know better now. Staying in NC makes me live my life and I can tell that I heal better day by day the longer I stay in NC. But once the Ex pops up again it feels like I have to start all over. I want to be at a stage where I don't have to 'start all over' again and be strong to NOT have any care for her at all regardless if I were to talk to her. I just wish there was a way to COMPLETELY DELETE your facebook page. I hate that I can just log right back in as if I didn't even deactivate it.

[DeenasRhino]

It will get better with time, don't worry.

[hater13]

God help me, I still look at it religiously through a mutual friends facebook.

 

I'm have a disease I know. We broke up over 3 months ago. Dear Lord.

[faithful14]

you have to force yourself to not look at her page.

so either:

-hide her so you can't see her

-delete here off your page

- have someone change the password to your fb account so you can't log in for a while

-discipline yourself to not look at her page. you know it's only going to upset you if you look at it.

[hater13]

you have to force yourself to not look at her page.

so either:

-hide her so you can't see her

-delete here off your page

- have someone change the password to your fb account so you can't log in for a while

-discipline yourself to not look at her page. you know it's only going to upset you if you look at it.

 

my ex is a male but thank you so much for the advice

 

sad thing is it doesn't make me upset to look at, I just want to know what's going on in his life...I know this is pathetic. For now he is not in a relationship (this will obviously happen sooner or later). I don't know why it is...we have not spoken a word to each other in so long but it still eats away at my soul.

[faithful14]

hahahah I'm so sorry....I meant to say him....

 

breakups suck and I can definitely sympathize. just remember to take things day by day and try to keep busy so you don't think about him so much.

 

focus on the good things happening in your life right now. I know you will get over this in time. Remember- take it day by day. It will get easier

 

 

****Hugs****

[amure]

Life getting tough?

 

Means gods getting scared of your progress

[mca1975]

Totally agree with not looking at the exes page; since the day I broke up with him and we had that fateful argument, I took him off my FB friends straight away, and we were still living together at that point. I have not looked at his page even once since we split and that was nearly three months ago. Even now, if I see a post of his on a mutual friend's wall, my heart will skip a beat and I will feel a little upset that I have seen it. This does not mean that I am wanting to be with him, and it doesn't mean that someone is not successfully healing either, it just brings up painful memories to see their name and their "chat" if you're split was a painful one.

 

I choose not to look because I have learnt from my mistakes with this in the past. It does nothing but hurt you and there will always be something there that will make you upset, whether it's real or imagined. I just won't do it to myself. I don't wish to hurt myself any more than I have been hurt already.

 

Everyone should make that choice.

[ElleB]

I deleted my ex from facebook, then looked through his friends list and saw he was friends again with his old * * * * buddy. Charming. After how insecure I was about her, and him saying he wants me back one day ... what a pile of crap. Don't look and you have nothing to be hurt by. Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way.

Block her. Then you don't see any of their facebook activity. Best way...

They're all dumbasses. Gr.

 

I'm so fine

[GenoGeno]

Well I still check my ex ex ex's facebook from time to time....And my ex ex's and I am completely over both of them. I look at there page just to see what's happening in their lives but I feel absolutely nothing when I look at their pages. I wouldn't even wanna try things with those two ex's if they wanted too. So I wouldn't say wanting to look means you're not over someone. If I looked at my current ex's page right now though, I'd probably feel like crap.

[coldheart]

"HIDE FROM FEED" button is your best friend. I even use it for regular annoying friends that tweet their every action clogging the feeds. All you need to do once you do this is have self control not to type their name in the search box. My ex made it easy for me, she blocked me so I cannot even see her through mutual friends. Giggidy lol

[Hell_On_Heels]

I blocked my ex. It helped a lot. He was putting things on his page that were very out of character for him, and I felt they were designed to hurt me. And they did hurt me. So, I blocked him.

 

He found out a few weeks ago that I did this. He was already furious at me. He put his privacy settings so that you can only see his info page, his profiole pics, and nothing else.

 

I did the same for my page. (I took off the block because once they know it's on there, they can just create another profile to see your page.)

[osagun]

Its crazy but I am going through the same thing. I get this urge to look at my ex fiances facebook because the curiosity takes over. Like you I learned the hardway and finally deleted facebook all together! all you have to do is go to the help section and look at permanetly deleting your facebook account. There is a link there that will allow this to happen. It may take a week or so to delete but it worth it in my book. I also blocked facebook on my router to help myself move on. I dont even want to see a picture of her because I know it wont help me. This may be drastic, but i know myself.

 

hopefully that helps you out!

[Psychomagnet]

Well I still check my ex ex ex's facebook from time to time....And my ex ex's and I am completely over both of them. I look at there page just to see what's happening in their lives but I feel absolutely nothing when I look at their pages. I wouldn't even wanna try things with those two ex's if they wanted too. So I wouldn't say wanting to look means you're not over someone. If I looked at my current ex's page right now though, I'd probably feel like crap.

 

/agree

It totally depends on your level of indifference to that person at the time. If it's recent and you still harbor feelings then FB is best avoided.

What you describe sounds like me and my ex from years ago who sent me a friend invite. I look at her page and outside of general concern that I would have for any one of my friends, not even a flinch!

 

Hell I congratulated her on her 3rd child! Something that I'm sure would've made me run for a bucket and googling a good therapist years ago when I still thought of her romantically.

[SighSob]

"Thought I was over her, so I went on her FB".

 

Sense made by thread title: none.

 

Seriously, I can actually understand the thought process "I'm over her -> let's see how she's doing now that I can't be bothered too much", but as you have witnessed it's caused by denial...don't look at your ex's facebook!

[donpeel83]

I did the same thing, saw photo albums of her new scuzzy flat and her downgraded and traded new guy and despite the evidence pointing towards her life being lesser now it still hurt, despite the fact my life had improved drastically since leaving her, well getting dumped!!!

 

However, the funny thing is on her FB, which I never paid attention to when I was with her, is seeing some of her guy friends who she has slept with are still her friends and im willing to bet her new bf is oblivious. I recall one of them is the guy she was doing 6 days after we split. And there was another who she slept with from her work who had the good sense to use her for just sex, which in retrospect I should have done!!!!

[damnifyoudo]

just be glad you dont have her fb password.. never go there.. THAT will break your heart.

[odile]

GenoGeno and Psychomagnet's replies are similar to my own feelings on the matter.

If you are afraid of what you might see on your ex's profile, or it hurts you to look, then don't do it.

 

However, if you've moved on, and it's an idle curiosity, or you're genuinely ready to be friends again (even if it means that you get to hear about whoever your ex is dating now), then I don't see the harm in it.

 

In fact, if you are really over the romantic aspects of your involvement, but can still appreciate the ex as a person, then this might even be regarded as a healthy transition.

(Btw, there are some instances in which this would be impossible, even for a saint. If things ended so badly that you feel there is nothing redeeming about your ex as a person, then it's best not to even try to go there).

 

Unfortunately, Baurman, it doesn't sound like friendship or even friendly contact/interaction (even of the virtual sort) is a transition that you are ready for.

When you are truly over her, you won't be jealous of the other guys she dates.

[FootofGod]

I did the same thing, saw photo albums of her new scuzzy flat and her downgraded and traded new guy and despite the evidence pointing towards her life being lesser now it still hurt, despite the fact my life had improved drastically since leaving her, well getting dumped!!!

 

However, the funny thing is on her FB, which I never paid attention to when I was with her, is seeing some of her guy friends who she has slept with are still her friends and im willing to bet her new bf is oblivious. I recall one of them is the guy she was doing 6 days after we split. And there was another who she slept with from her work who had the good sense to use her for just sex, which in retrospect I should have done!!!!

 

I think that hurts the most. Knowing someone you love and someone who could be with you is choosing to sell themselves so short, defy all logic and do worse... it hurts!