am i punishing him for my exs mistakes?

[outsider1]

hey, here goes i have been with my current partner for nearly two years and like most people we have had our ups and downs. i have serious problems tho with trust and paranoia. l

 

let me give you some background i was with my ex for 7years we had 2 children and our relationship was a nightmare, he cheated with 3 of my so called friends n accused my mother of stealling, hit me a few times etc etc. i eventually ended it but was and still am very fragile.

 

i met my current bf two years ago and on our second date i manged to go completely psycho on him (most men would of run a mile but he didn't) we have had a few issues both ways like me not letting go of my past. and be insanely jealous, i would fly of the handle if i caught him looking at another woman. he also wasn't the best of bfs for the first few months of relationship but the thing that really shook us was last august, i found he had been messaging girls on fb ( and not just being friendly) i was devastated and couldn't believe he had done this to me. i ended it and for two weeks he begged for me to take him back. i gave in and fair play he has been like a df person we are even planning on getting engaged. i know he loves me more than anything but i still have serious trust issues. and recently we had a huge row because i went snooping through his laptop without asking him, he said i could of looked if i had just asked him but the fact i went behind his back was to much. he has changed and everyone's always says he dotes on me etc? so why cant i stop punishing him for past mistakes?? x

[abitbroken]

I think before talking about engagement any more, that you work through some of your trust issues. Find a good counselor or support group. You keep punishing him because you don't know what a healthy relationship is like. Being jealous and occasional "psycho' incidents as you call them might be your way of "doing" a relationship in the way you know how or are used to. Granted, he shouldn't have been messaging other girls, but since you are here and not him, I definitely would focus on your half of this and take time to work through things that you have not addressed for yourself yet.