27 days later and here are my results:

[tristesse]

Today I realize that even thus I am still sad and think that my pain is huge, it's however a lot less that 27 days ago…. I'm starting to feel better but still caring a lot of pain with me each day.

 

I'm starting to accept that all our dreams all now long gone… I'm starting to accept (very slowly) that my future won't be with this guy, that all my dreams won't happen with this guy…It's so hard to picture a life without him, but now I am not picturing it I am leaving a life without him… I thought it would be impossible, and it does feel impossible but It's POSSIBLE. Since we are all doing it.

 

I have stopped crying, I mean I have stopped crying all day… ha ha

I still cry some mornings and afternoons or when I feel really sad, but crying is not a part of my every day routine, like eating and sleeping. I have lost a lot of weight but slowly putting them back, and I'm trying to eat now.

 

I still don't sleep a lot, but I sleep until 5 am with no problem. I start thinking a him from 5 am to 7 am (before my alarm goes on), where as at the beginning I was awake in my bed most of the night crying and thinking of him.

 

 

Every thing still remind me of him… but I have learned to control my emotions better now, I do not cry each time I go somewhere I 've been to with him, and each time I think of him, I have learned to tell myself it's over…( never mind if it works or not….lol)

 

 

I have stopped talking about him to my friends, except my sister… I started to realize that people may get tired of hearing me starting ever sentence with his name….. I find it very difficult to not talk about him, but at the same time it forces me to speak about other things than him, or to pay attention to what other have to sat bout their lives.

 

I have hold myself from begging him to come back to Toronto, sending him love notes or call him in the middle of the night because I was missing him to much…. And this has been so hard. Not sharing with him has been the most difficult part of getting over him. I am so used to share every details of my life with him.

 

I have been through the guilt period, wasn't very long, because in my case, I truly believed I tried every thing, one thing that I felt guilty about was not leaving with him 2 months ago when he asked me to… I wondered if I should have… but every time I think bout this, I tell myself, good you didn't go" because it's obvious his love wasn't deep enough… but then I wonder if he's right fr picking his family over me… and when I start thinking too much I remind myself, the way he ended and how there's no excuse for his action… I remind myself of the joy I felt because I knew he was coming back home, and I remind myself Of how terribly choked I was when he told me he wasn't. I try to keep myself angry because being angry at him, helps me to go on…. I have to try to not think of the good times… because we only had good memories for 4 years… the only bad thing was the ending!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But the end was so horrible, so selfishly done… I have to keep reminding it to myself …

 

I still wonder a lot, I still wonder how he did this and how he just left me behind and left… I till wonder if he thinks of me and if he's sorry…. But now I'm losing hope, which is not such bad thing after all… losing hope will certainly help me to recover better…I'm hoping.

 

I still feel sad and empty… the emptiness is worst than the pain I felt in some degrees, because you are aware, aware of your emptiness and you can't do anything, you can't change it… it feels like my thoughts are following him, wherever he goes, whatever he does… and while I do thing I do them feeling lonely because I don't feel his support, his love.. I lost my best friend through out this whole thing and that'what hurts the most..I miss my friend, my lover …. But I pray for better days, for days where the pain will only be a small memory of our lives….. Oh some days I wished I could just have my life back……

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

I'm glad you are feeling better, a plant grows allot in 27 days. And so do we....... You will get your life back, and that is a promise from father time. We all have been down the road your on. Sometimes those roads turn out to be dead ends, others oneway. Then someday we find the main highway again. So those bright days are right around the corner. Keep coming here to vent until you are 100%. We end up in the long run being the stronger ones, because we deal with it and have pick up the rubble. That makes us take a deep look at ourselves, and that is always good. Because we realize we need to make some changes in our life. Most people fear change, but when it stares us in the face head on. And then we stare it right back, we somehow understand that this new change can be good. Really good ! It is like new growth on a plant.

 

Be Strong, and hang in,your almost home !

 

Warm Regards

 

Kuhl 8) 8) 8)

[tristesse]

Hi

I just find out that my ex was coming back to Toronto at the end of this months or beginning of July for one week in order to get his things…Oh my god will he call me… I'm dying now!

I'm so scared…..I want to cry

[Hopingpraying]

Tristesse,

 

Take a deep breath and exhale... If he is coming back to get his things I don't think you should get too excited, and if you are concerned about talking to him I would arrange to give his stuff to one of your friends and have him get it from them. This way you don't have to see him or deal with him and put yourself through that emotional roller coaster.

 

If you want to see him, and I am not sure why you would if all he is doing is getting his stuff, then just give it to him, keep your composure as best you can and move on with your life. Tough stuff I know, but you can do it!!

[tristesse]

God..... how can he ... will he contact me? Myabe he will just leave th stuff he has at my house there bec he will be scared of facing me! I want to see him one last time! I think he thinks i hate him... which I kind of do.... the line between hate and love is very thin now!

But also I want to see him, when he left to go to LA on vacation, he was my b'f.. he hold my face in his hands and said baby don't be sad, I'll be back in 2 weeks..." now a month and 2 weeks later... I still feel as if he's still my b'f..I'm left with that good picture...things were so great and he chose his family over me... anyway.... I just can't understand and don't know how he can go on without me, without missing me and not wanting to hear fr me or see me... doesn't he care about what I am becoming?

I 'm such a loser blabbing non stop on this forum!

[Scout]

I have a question. Have you talked to him at all since he did this to you? I think he owes you some serious explanations. You spent four years of your life with this man, and for him to break it off so callously is just plain wrong. Why can't you contact him? And directly tell him how you feel and to give you the truth about why he did what he did? Tell him, a man is not judged by his entrance, but by his exit, and he has some serious explaining to do to justify his actions. You deserve to get this off your chest and hear the truth from him. If he chooses to sideskirt the issue, at least you got to get some stuff of your chest. I think it will help.

[tristesse]

Yes I talked to him after a week..... he took of fr where he was styingbec he needed to be alone... he was so mean when we talked... he said he will stick to his and that I am not the one(keep in mind that I was theone a few days before it) the talk went horribly and i called him names I was so furious and he hang up!

[tristesse]

I have not talk to him since then! Oh god---will he call --- will he try to see me... I can't call him bec he has been way too rude and coward with me... please! what should I do?

[Scout]

I would say he may call somewhere down the road, but I wouldn't sit around and wait for it. Life is too beautiful, and you are too young, to pine away in your house waiting for his call.

 

He really has shown his true character by the callous, and cowardly way he broke up with you. Now, do you really want a boyfriend who is a coward?

 

You'll get through this - and believe it or not, one day you will look back and be grateful you didn't end up with him.

[tristesse]

I just want to see him so I can get my closure... I can't believe his..I feel so sick!

oh god!

[RayKay]

En the bon temps, ton nomme va changer au "joyeux".

 

 

 

 

I apologize for my horrible french, but maybe it made you smile a bit

 

 

I don't know what will happen between you and him, but I CAN tell you you do deserve better than that...he is being very immature for not even talking to you about it all.

[tristesse]

no ur french is great..."et avec du bon temps changeras tu ton nom par Joyeux"..... just a littl french lesson... than u u did made me smile... But I feel so SICK right now.

I know I can do better.. but I do need to see him... if he doesn't try to see me it will just kill me!

[RayKay]

Well, I took french immmersion, but have been out of it for...oh, 7 years now with little opportunity to speak it anymore!

 

I really hope it works out for you, I know it is rough.

 

Ironically, I see my ex a lot and I feel just as torn as you do sometimes. I am seeing him twice this week, PLUS going away for the weekend for a race with him (including an 8 hour drive on Friday) and he told me he is really "glad I am coming, it will be fun" It is just as confusing sometimes! Hard to distance yourself in that case, and while we are "just friends" you can't ignore the connection we have together, and neither can he. We have been emailing today a few times - he started it! And everytime I email back with something light and funny/casual and something it did not need a response to, he responded to it...so I kept going. But then at same time I know this does not let him MISS me which is what he really needs to do. This week I don't know, it is just felt like something has changed, and I cannot put my finger quite on it. It feels like we are coming together somehow, but at same time that scares me as I don't want him to feel pressured again and run away again...it is the pressure of a relationship right now he is trying to get away from, and so I am trying to keep it away, but hard when he keeps contacting ME and moving towards ME. I feel pressured about the pressure!

 

If things stay like this, until our trip in July for 6 days mtn biking, I am going to tell him after I need some time to think to myself for a bit..and leave him with lots of positive memories, and fun times, and let him miss me. Until then, I have 6 weeks of time to make those good positive times!

 

Sorry to hijack your thread. He will contact you in time, who knows if it will be when he is back...but he will.

[tristesse]

I think he wants you back!

[makaw]

Tristesse,

 

I can totally relate to where your head and your heart is at this moment. My ex ended our relationship almost three months ago now without a word of explanation. We had been doing better, or so I thought, just a couple days before the no contact began. He, too, went back to his family.

 

I never could understand the rationale. But I can say, I've finally come to a sort of peace at the spineless way he ended the relationship. Our relationship had been five years, with certainly more than its share of ups and downs. But I always had faith it would turn out the way I wanted in the end.

 

I too have struggled all this time with the closure issue. I wanted him to talk with me one last time to explain his actions... to convince me that I wasn't a total fool to believe in him...to let me know that the breakup was as hard for him as it has been for me. Never heard a word. I emailed him a few times but no response.

 

As a previous post mentioned, you come to realize that no explanation is going to be good enough. He's just a jerk and that's all there is to say. I used to think about him all the time but that's greatly subsided. Now it's just a few times a day. He had a choice between happiness and a dysfunctional family, and he chose the family. Makes me realize just how dysfunctional he was too. Don't need to deal with that. I deserve much better and so do you.

 

I personally hope you do not try and talk to him while he comes to get his stuff. It will just prolong the hurt and pain. I agree with the post that says to find a friend to give his stuff to to give then to him. I'm doing the same with my ex. I just don't want to see him again. Nothing he could say to me now would make what he did any more acceptable to me. He made his choice and now he's got to live it. He could have had much better with me, but he lost out.

 

Give yourself time and you will feel the same way, I think. Just try to stay away and let yourself heal. No rationalization on his part will really help. It will probably just bring on more questions from you. Just let it go.

makaw

[tristesse]

hi,

Ur message gave me so much hope.

I was just about to post a message to ask you guys if I should ended try to contacthim and send him an e-mail or soemthing. i have been so hatefull to him and his family since the break u that I thought maybe the e-mail will be a good thing. I wanted to makeit simple and nice... no relationship talk. But to just ask him how life is and also to tell him that his cell phone compagny contacted me.

What do u guys think... desperate..ha?

Oh man.. why doens't he try to contactme at all...did he forget about me?

[makaw]

He probably hasn't contacted you because he feels so badly about how he treated you he couldn't stand hearing your pain. He knows he has caused you pain, I would guess, and can't face the music. Conflict avoidance.

 

If you want to email him I think I would just apologize for your behavior and leave it at that. No need to ask him how he's doing....he's not inquiring about you. If the cell phone company calls, direct them to your ex and let him deal with it. You do not need to be his secretary.

 

I hope this does not sounds uncaring but I'm trying to look after your mental and emotional health. You just have to let this one go. He wasn't the right man for you. Period. He obviously didn't treat you with respect by the way he left. You deserve much better. Someone who will be as considerate and loving of you as you are of them. This guy wasn't the one.

 

Try to concentrate on other things and your goals without him. You have much of your life to live yet. Don't waste another minute dealing with something that has no future for you anymore.

 

Good luck. And take care of yourself.

makaw

[tristesse]

so what's thepoint of writing an e-mail to say sorry? If I am not the one to say sorry for!

He' steh one who dumped me...I was rude then I got mad and all.. but I was angry...he's earsing me fr his life...sniff sniff... how can I make him THINK of me/??? That's how I can get better!

[makaw]

Sorry for the confusion. I got the impression from the previous post that you wanted to send him an email about being rude, etc.

[tristesse]

I did... I wanted to send him an e-mail to break the ice... but I don't think I should be the one saying sorry? what do u think...oh I should just not wrire to him!!!!!

[makaw]

I personally think you should have no contact with him. If he wants to contact you, he knows where you are. I realize it is very difficult to go through this phase when you want something so badly, but you're apparently the only one who is trying to keep the relationship going.

 

Trust me on this.....a one sided relationship will never work. There has to be total commitment from both parties for it to have a chance. I just don't see that kind of commitment from him in your relationship. Sorry.

 

He appears to have already made his choice and it wasn't to be with you. It's time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you and all you have to give.

 

Good luck.