When are you exclusive?

[Belle]

This is more a question for the guys, but wanted to hear when men think that the new girl they're dating shouldn't be dating anyone else but them.

[FathomFear]

When both parties agree to it? I'm not sure this is a gender specific question really...

[Belle]

I agree, I don't think it's just a guy question. However since I'm trying to figure out what in the jeeping jahozafat's going on in a certain guy's mind I'm trying to see if you guys think the same.

 

He thought were exclusive the moment we had the serious kiss. And he has unceremoniously dumped me because I went out with someone (not even dinner, for a sport) else and he doesn't think he can trust me.

[HeartGoesOn]

His loss, tell him to keep going.

[In the Dark]

From my perspective it's when both parties agree on it and actually BE exclusive.

Which means no showing signs of interest towards other women or men or keeping any as backup.

 

Pretty simple.

[Belle]

His loss, tell him to keep going.

 

 

I keep thinking the same thing. If he weren't the sweetest guy I had met in the past few years that I actually wanted to pursue a relationship, I think I wouldn't bother asking the question. Also, he has been the most patient guy I've met in a long time when it comes to taking the relationship slowly. BIG points for me.

 

To me, you have the talk then you're exclusive. And generally, that seems to coincide around the time your'e looking to become intimate. But maybe I"m just doing it wrong.

[BriarRose]

How long had you been dating?

[Belle]

About 3-4 weeks.

[BriarRose]

Ok, then you should talk to him. He made an assumption that turned out to be wrong (I could almost understand it if you had been dating for months and months). He obviously wanted a relationship with you and you obviously still have feelings for him. I wouldn't walk away. He thought you had a committment, you went out with someone else (the type of event is irrelevant), and he reacted.

[Belle]

I think he totally overreacted. Like a girl. lol.

 

Maybe you're right. I do like him an awful lot. I just know that I'm a pretty proud person and I don't like getting dumped or judged for behavior because of cultural differences. I'm not a cheater. I just did what Americans tend to do in the early stages of dating.

[CaptainNapalm]

This is something that must be discussed as it varies monumentally from person to person. I know guys that want things exclusive after the first date and others still want to be in an open relationship months later. For me personally if a spark is there and potential I would say after about 5-6 dates I would bring up this subject if I was really into the woman.

[easyguy]

The girl I'm seeing now, who I met on Sunday, asked to be exclusive on Thursday... to which I agreed. Not calling her my girlfriend yet, but we agreed to not date others. It felt/feels right.

[newwave]

It depends. I spoke to the guy I am in love with, and though he didn't mention being exclusive, he did mention he has no interest in being with anyone else. That could be a sign, because some guys don't even bring up the exclusive talk for awhile, or they just assume. I think though that 3-4 weeks is way too early to be exclusive.

[BriarRose]

Couples I know say they knew "right away". Generally, I find the man wants to commit faster than the woman. It is often the woman who says "it's too soon". I find men fall quickly, if they are going to fall (within the first few dates). If you are dating for weeks and weeks and the man still doesn't want exclusivity, he is most likely holding out for someone else, although not necessarily aware he is doing so.

[theStig]

Never. I'm always dating at least 3 girls at once.

[Shallow]

I'm always exclusive, as I don't date frequently enough to have any kind of overlap.

[quirky]

I know pretty much after 5 dates maximum if I wanna invest further. Then my next level is after we have sex. Then I know for sure. So I'd say 3-4 weeks overall. The stress of multidating is too much for me, confusion in my heart and brain so I tend to avoid it. Unless I am in a super open carefree adventurous kinda mood.

[BriarRose]

I know pretty much after 5 dates maximum if I wanna invest further. Then my next level is after we have sex. Then I know for sure. So I'd say 3-4 weeks overall. The stress of multidating is too much for me, confusion in my heart and brain so I tend to avoid it. Unless I am in a super open carefree adventurous kinda mood.

Same here. I know after a few dates. And I'm not comfortable dating multiple people at once (although I see nothing wrong with it).

[Belle]

I'm pretty torn. Even though I normally don't multi date, I don't see anything wrong with it unless you're exclusive. The first time I do it, I get penalized.

 

I do, however, know that I don't like the assumption that you're exclusive without communication. I figure if someone's going to get that upset and dump you without thinking it through, that's something your'e going to see more of when he doesn't get his way in the future. Granted, I know I'll hear from him again and he was saving face. I just don't appreciate the childish way it was handled. I think I"m getting fired up.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

it seems odd that he would consider you guys exclusive without you even talking about it.. is there a cutlural difference or something like that?

[Belle]

Yes. He's German/Middle Eastern.

 

Also, I think he's just a big baby.