Complete Confusion

[Queenb0231607306448]

I need some objective thoughts. I hope someone can help me out. I have been talking to this guy for a month. We get along really well and have a very good time together. The only thing, a big thing at that, is that he has made it clear to me that he does not want a relationship with anyone for two reasons: 1. His last girlfriend of 10 months cheated on him the whole entire time and he does not want to risk another heartbreak and 2. He does not want to live by any expectations, at this point. Alright fine...i can understand that. But, recently his phone calls have lessened and we have not been going out on any dates. He comes over on the weekends, but we haven't been going out. I mentioned the idea to him and he told me that he needed to pay of a debt and he definatley was not going to take any girl out if he wasnt going out himself.....OUCH! He is cool with staying in with me, but at this point, shouldn't we be doing the courtship thing??? OH, an important piece of information I failed to mention...No, we have not had sex, nor does he really try. He knows that I will not have sex with him until he is ready to commit to me.

 

Anyway, i am not sure of what to think. He kinda has a whatever happens happens kind of attitude. I am not sure if he is seeing anyone else; although, he has told me that he is not actively seeking to hook up with other people. I do know he is very busy and his time during the week is very limited. He works 15 hour days.. On the weekend he is with me for the majority of the time. Does this make sense? Can someone shed some light on this situation?

 

Thanks

Queenb

[lilcherub]

I wouldn't try to read into his motives in regards to the time spent when he is not working. If your really interested in this guy, patience is the key. Give him time to heal and if there is another reason other then friendship. Then that will work itself out with time. Rushing or pressurin him will only push him away, just enjoy the time spent as (friends) have fun. But don't hold off or out for him, see other guys get out with others and you never know he may come around with time.

[EatZ]

He's a busy guy, yet he spends almost all his free time (weekends) with you. Be flattered! He obviously holds you in very high stead and really DOES like you. I know it's hard to be patient when you want to explore within the relationship and see where it will lead, but it sounds like he was really badly hurt by his last girlfriend. It's important that you don't discount that and respect his space if he needs it.

 

You're not wrong in saying that it's it's a confusing situation, but it has only been a month so far. Don't read too much into it, just take it as it comes. Everyone needs friends, and he obviously enjoys your company.

 

If you really want to help him along with his healing though (if you think that's the problem), you need to gain his trust. If he and you both feel like you can share anything with each other, there's a good possibility that he will open up and let out some of that pent up anger and hurt.

 

Another thing, and I'm definitely not accusing you of anything here... but you can't make a person love you/like you. Like I said, it's only been a month. Definitely give it some more time. Even if only a really good friendship comes of all this, isn't that worth waiting for?

[Mun]

he has made it clear to me that he does not want a relationship with anyone for two reasons: 1. His last girlfriend of 10 months cheated on him the whole entire time and he does not want to risk another heartbreak and 2. He does not want to live by any expectations, at this point.

Queenb

He has made it clear that he does not want a relationship now. Are you dating any other guys? If you are not YOU SHOULD BE, he is not taking you out and he has not expressed a desire to be exclusive, so don't wait for him or be exclusive with him. This will save you heartache in the future.

 

Why is he spending so much time at your place and he is not your boyfriend? Are you ok with that? If you are ok with just being friends, and just staying friends then fine, but if you want to be more sometime in the future, cut the long weekend visits. Why should he have so much access to you, yet he does not want to take you out? How are you going to feel if when his $ituation gets better he takes someone else out and not you? I'm not saying this will happen but I think if you take the "friend" stance with him that is all there will be (most likely)

 

he told me that he needed to pay of a debt and he definatley was not going to take any girl out if he wasnt going out himself.....OUCH! He is cool with staying in with me, but at this point, shouldn't we be doing the courtship thing???

Apparently he is ok with not going out but you are not. Right? You want to be courted and treated nicely, don't settle for less. He will treat you in the way you "allow" him to treat you. If you want more than this, and I think you do, change it. He isn't courting you now, but if you stop what is happening now and he likes you, he will get over his Ex's ( pretty fast) and he will come around. He will find money to take you out, you'd be surprised what men will do when they really care!

If he simply goes away, then chances are he was going to go away anyhow, but at least you didn't wait on him and it will save you unecessary heartbreak.

 

Good luck!