Even worse because it involves my best friend!

[wileycoyotee18]

This is very tough for me to write as I have not told anyone in my life about this yet. (even though its only been a couple days)....

 

 

Quick background - Girlfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. lived together for about 4 1/2 years. Have a pet/lease together. On the verge of engagement....

 

 

So, the other day i'm laying in bed while my girlfriend is in the shower. I pick up her phone to play with it because i am bored. I find myself going through her inbox of txts. 85% of them are from me and her family, then just a few from random friends. I then went through the outbox of txts since i still had time to kill... I get near the end of the txts and see there are picture messages sent to my best friend of 17 years. 1st thought was pictures of our pet. 1st pic i see that was sent, was indeed of our pet! pheeew!...the next

three however are pictures of herself half nude showing herself with shirt unbuttoned and bra hanging out, next is half laying on the bed in front of a mirror with her holding her breasts with no bra on and just panties, etc.......I didn't say anything to her when she got out, I held back any emotion since i was numb anyway.

 

 

~~~I must mention that my best friend and I have some history. Back freshman year of high school I did sleep with his girlfriend, whom told me they werent together anymore(no excuse i know). I was 14 years old, young and stupid and no grasp on what consequences to actions meant. I did however do the honarable thing and tell him what happened. It took him a couple months and after they broke up he forgave me and a couple jabs through out the years have come but none in the past 10 years!... 2nd part - he has been engaged for 6 months and the wedding is in 5...I am due to be his best man. We always hang out as couples. He has a history of cheating on his soon to be wife, along with getting girls to send pictures of themselves to him, up until now i thought it was ignorant, but funny(as far as the txt pics go not the actual cheating). Now its...well havn't figured that part out yet~~~

 

 

I have no idea where to begin on how to handle this, both with her and him.

I fear that if I do bring it up I will find out things that I don't want to know. And if I don't that this will continue further and get more intense(if its not already) I want to be able to tell her to give me the full truth about everything now and eventually forgive her, but not sure if that does happen that i would.

 

 

They have hung out on numerous occasions while I am at work and his fiance is either in bed to work early the next day or if she's at work. I actually encourage her to hang out with im because she doesn't really have any other friends other than work friends which she does not hang out with outside of work! Up until now i never suspected anything, largley due in part that we have been such good friends for so long that i feel that they he would think of her as a sister, which come to think of it he has said to me before!!!!

How do i go about talking to her? She does mean a lot to me. I have played a bunch of different scenerios in my head. Blowing up at her and leave for a few days, come back to either talk about it, or to get my stuff and go...go the sobbing emotional route making her feel like complete poop which she has done to me...tell her she's crazy if she thinks i'm going to propose now...forgive and forget??? I think the way i react completley relys on the way she reacts when i tell her that i know.

 

 

As far as handling this situation with him, I would really hate for him to say this is a 'what goes around comes around' deal, because this is a completeley different situation. . . I feel like I have a hold of two lives in the palms of my hands, and its not a power i want... This is the other dilema, do i tell his fiance what has been going on?!? She would be devestated! I have though of just dropping out of the wedding all together and letting him explain to everyone why his best man isn't there. That way they can go on and be happy together.

 

 

I love this kid like he is my own brother, and I love my girlfriend as if she were my wife. This is just so heart wrenching that my mind is numb.

 

 

I just don't know what to do...

 

help!

[civilservant]

You have to confront her. This'll eat you up if you don't. Find out the truth.

[d24]

talk to your friend first. you're more likely to get the truth

[surfNski]

Confront her NOW. I know thats your boy but you were going to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Then if you find out she and your best friend had something going on I would go straight to his fiancee. Then wait for him to come to you....

[eggplant47]

Confront her if you want... but the end result should be you walking away from both of these people.

 

Regarding your friend? If he is still holding a grudge about something that happened when you guys were kids- he's a nut ball. Not to mention he has clearly exhibited a pattern of immoral behavoir.

 

As for your girlfriend... is there anything she could say that would make this ok?!? I would bet my life that they have already slept together, but even if they haven't... the pics alone are inappropriate and a voilation of your trust/relationship. Even if she claims she hasn't slept with this guy on one of their many nights alone together (also a tad inappropriate) do you really want to spend your life wondering how far it would have gone if you hadn't have happened to scroll through her phone??

[minou]

I just want to say I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds incredibly painful. Talk to your friend first, then to her.

[Cal Lily]

I agree with those that suggest you confront her. It is wrong to assume the wrong thing, and walk on eggshells about it. It would be a shame not to marry the woman you love because you assumed the wrong thing. At least if you talk openly about it, all three of you can decide on a functional conclusion. Respect her as you wish to be respected. Also, be prepared to explain why you trespassed on here privacy by spying on her phone messages. Good luck.

[whattodo87]

Yeah, I agree you should go to the guy first. More likely he will tell you the truth of what happened. After he tells you everything, let him know he should either tell his fiancee or that you will. People deserve to know the truth--even if it really hurts. We're all adults.

 

I know it will be really hard but you need to tell your girl it's over. Do not go back to her. The first time it's really hard to cheat, but if you forgive her, she will break your heart again.

 

Maybe call up your friends ex- and support each other -- not physicall though! Talk about what the other had said since you'll both be obsessing over it. Then walk away from everything.

 

Don't think this can be fixed. It can't be. It's broken. It's not about pride or anger or spitefulness that you're leaving it's that the trust can no longer be restored. Without trust, it's not love, it's either lust, convenience or a combination thereof.

[Dixi]

WOW, that's like reading my past! I feel for you, it's not a nice position to be in. I'm sorry to say that I think you have just lost two people you cared about. They however obviously don't care enough about you. They have both betrayed you and there are no excuses that justify their actions. This is not going to be easy for you whichever route you take as neither can be trusted.

 

I wouldn’t like to advise you on what route to take except that you need to do what’s best for you and in a way you can live with. I can tell you what I did but I am not saying you should take this route. I was so hurt that neither of them mattered to me anymore and it wasn’t like I was ever going to trust either of them again, however I like you wasn’t sure what I was going to do and never really had a plan, then one day we were out with all our friends at a local bar and after a few drinks I announced to the whole bar what had been going on and that I didn’t want anything more to do with either of them. I felt a whole lot better for it, it was over and a huge weight had been lifted from me. That worked for me but it wasn’t planned and just because it worked for me doesn’t mean it’s the best route for everyone.

 

You need to be honest with yourself and work out if you can really forgive either of them and more importantly have any trust again. You can confront them but with knowing what you already know are you going to believe either of them? Think about it because you owe it to yourself to be honest.

[abouttime]

Go your best friend first. Lead the conversation with some kind of shock question to set him off guard. But first take your girl friends phone. Or take him back home with you to wait in the car, while you confront her. The key is that they not be able to talk to each other b4 you confront. If she starts out with "what did he say?" They slept together.

[Iceman26]

Confront her NOW. I know thats your boy but you were going to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Then if you find out she and your best friend had something going on I would go straight to his fiancee. Then wait for him to come to you....

 

I agree completely. Confront her first and then go to his fiance if its true. There is nothing on his part that needs explaining. He's obviously a douche if he's engaged to be married and thinks receiving naked pictures of other chicks on his phone is appropriate.

[arcadefire]

Wow, how daft of your girlfriend to send naked pictures of her to your best friend! To anyone but you. You need to ask her about why your friend received naked pictures of her through the phone. And whether she is cheating on you. Say you have evidence that led you to believe she is cheating on you with your friend.

 

Then dump her and tell your friend's fiance.

[Brenda222]

Confront her about the pics she sent to you. Respectfully, she has no business sending him a pic like that. That is disrespectful to you and the relationship. How do you know she has not been involved with someone other than him. I just lost a friend of 20 years. It wasnt about cheating it was her actions, when I was down and out she kicked me in the butt (not literally). I am glad that after 20 years I found out what a piece of sh... she really is and glad to know she really dont care about me, its about her. Just went thru a breakup too, it hurts but in the end they will both need me. I would drop his friendship, tell his fiance and no matter how much it hurts, kick her to the curb. Thats just plain disrespect.

[addictedblue]

I feel like you should confront them together. Or maybe when all 4 of you are hanging out...you, your girlfriend, your friend, and his girlfriend, since she shouldn't be left in the dark. Just demand to know what the hell is going on and explain what you found.

 

I mean I've never ever been in a situation like this, so I don't know what I'd do, but to avoid people talking within the group and different stories being passed around it seems logical to just talk about it with everyone present.

[Casanova4life]

Updates.....??

[turnera]

I feel like you should confront them together. Or maybe when all 4 of you are hanging out...you, your girlfriend, your friend, and his girlfriend, since she shouldn't be left in the dark. Just demand to know what the hell is going on and explain what you found.

 

I mean I've never ever been in a situation like this, so I don't know what I'd do, but to avoid people talking within the group and different stories being passed around it seems logical to just talk about it with everyone present.

 

Exactly. Go out to dinner, and just ask the two of them why they're exchanging naked pictures. In front of his fiance.

[Brenda222]

tunera

I love the idea you just gave. I think the fiance should know what a slimeball she is with. If he is doing these things now I feel for her when she gets married to him. Why do people like this get married if they cant commit, they just hurt and ruin other peoples lives.