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Would have been 6 year anniversary today.. Want to msg the ex.. should i?

j416

By j416
in Getting Back Together

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j416 Apprentice

j416

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Well i had a real rough time with this breakup as some of you may know as you've helped me through it. broke up in october. all in love yadda yadda, same old story. i tried to reconcile in feb, got shut down. then went n\c. We had a very mutual breakup, each of us were not happy for different reasons and initially had plans on getting back together.

 

well i went on a trip, a similar trip she had been trying to get me to go on for years. and all of a sudden once i got back, the day after returning to home, i get a text message from her, after 45 days of n\c. asking how my trip was, and making small talk. i didnt say much keeping my answers short, didnt ask her anything. and she really made an effort to keep the conversation going. i ended up asking how she has been, and stuff like that. but then just stopped talking after a while. shot texts back and forth for maybe an hour.

 

now that i am not being all depressed all the time i am meeting girls, i am currently kind of seeing one, and am working up the courage to ask this other girl i actually really like. so this has definitely helped me move on.

 

I told my friend that my ex msged me, and she tells me that shes not surprised. confused i asked why? she said that she has been thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend (the rebound guy) he had asked her to move in with him for the summer. and she declined. this guy sounds like a douche, but as far as i know they are still dating. he has got her to try a bunch of drugs that she has always been very against and im really dissapointed in her because of that.

 

now here's my issue, i dont know if i want her back, or would even take her back if she wanted to. i dont know what i want right now, but i still do care about her a lot. and have really wanted to see how things are going with her. i do miss her obviously, and the last couple weeks ive kind of been thinking about her a little more than normal. we dated for a long time, obviously i love her. so i do care. all of my friends, say im way better off without, that she was taking me for granted and didnt appreciate everything i did for her. i gave her everything she wanted, and she thought she deserved it without having to lift a finger or chip in on bills or anything.

 

regardless of everything my friends tell me, of her fast rebound, and all the crap she's put me through. i still love her, would it be bad of me to msg her?

 

we havn't had any contact since the one day she messaged me after the trip. which was nearly a month ago now.

 

i havn't facebook creeped, or anything like that. few times she has come online and i had the window open ready to say something, but never did. ive been really good with the n\c thing.

 

sorry i thought this would be short.

 

thoughts? she's scared of being alone, and i think maybe when i didnt show any interest the last time she talked to me, maybe she realized we weren't getting back together so she didnt break up and just stayed with him?

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whes Contributor

whes

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thoughts? she's scared of being alone, and i think maybe when i didnt show any interest the last time she talked to me, maybe she realized we weren't getting back together so she didnt break up and just stayed with him?

 

Don't fool yourself... We see what we want to see sometimes, and that is a bad habit to get into. No. You should not contact her.

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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now that i am not being all depressed all the time i am meeting girls, i am currently kind of seeing one, and am working up the courage to ask this other girl i actually really like. so this has definitely helped me move on.

I think instead of making contact or sending messages to your EX, you should focus on your future. Also, it would be unfair to a girl you may be seeing (imo).

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Lastchallenge Apprentice

Lastchallenge

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J man... You are better off without her..

Slow down and look at the opportunities. She broke up with u so it's up to her to put her pride aside and fix things if that's what she wants... Since it sounds like she's moving pretty fast with the rebound I would say let it go.... If some random guy she met was worth more than 4-5 years then hey... U dodged the bullet on that one! Better now than 5 years from today with a home n 3 kids... I know it's tough and trust me.. These ex knows that today would have been 6 years and if she doesn't think it's worth the first move then what's the point? Move on, be happy and live well.

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doiiiieeezie Contributor

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No one's perfect. Even if she tried drugs. In my opinion, u need to decide what YOU want and if you actually want her back. Because that is where everything would start from.

 

One, decide if you even want her in your life. Not "need" but want. And once you do, then proceed. Anniversaries have a bad way of making the situation worse than it should be and your mind still isn't clear on what you wish for your life, let alone her position in it.

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j416 Apprentice

j416

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it was more of a mutual breakup, we both had reasons and i kind of regret not trying to fix them. i thought i would be happier alone. im starting to think more clearly now, im not depressed at all anymore, ive come a long way.

 

as far as the drugs i dont really care. ive probabaly done harder drugs than she has done since we broke up, i just didnt think she was the type to try anything, just a little dissapointed in that.

 

she doesnt even live in the same city as me anymore, so im not expecting much to come of anything if i talk to her. and i honestly can't answer the question of if i really want her back. I do, but not if things would be the same.

 

i know breaking up probabaly was the best thing for us, well for me anyways, because i have learned a ton from it. what i was doing wrong, and what i could have done to keep her happier. i wasn;t making any compromises.

 

Now that being said, has she learned just how much i did for her and would she appreciate it now? would she take everything for granted, * * * * * at me for everything? tons of little questions. when she was talking to my friend about thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend, she was asking her how i am doing? and if im any different now? (i was depressed for a while, it brought her down) so she was asking about me.

 

and the current girl im seeing is nothing, im probably going to end things with her shortly, she is really into me, and the feeling isn't mutual. she's a cool chick, but definitely wants more from me than im willing to give.

 

I do miss my ex, and i would love to see her, or hear from her. but i dont want to mess up a chance if any that i have of maybe getting back together with her in the future once my mind is a little more made up? we had a good thing together. Regardless of everything my friends say about her, they say she * * * * * ed at me too much. but i also realize that i drank too much. so many little things i wish i would have fixed, to see if they made things better from her. in the end we were both staying in it because we were scared of splitting up. it's all we knew. dated from 19-24 her 17-22. iuno, single life is not all it's cracked up to be.

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squirl Contributor

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I told my friend that my ex msged me, and she tells me that shes not surprised. confused i asked why? she said that she has been thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend (the rebound guy) he had asked her to move in with him for the summer. and she declined. this guy sounds like a douche, but as far as i know they are still dating. he has got her to try a bunch of drugs that she has always been very against and im really dissapointed in her because of that.

 

You live in different cities, she's still dating the the other guy, she's changed as a person, you're dating someone else and you're interested in asking another girl out.

 

It sounds like this situation has about four strikes against it. Perhaps you could look at what in yourself makes you want to get back into this complicated situation?

 

And no, I don't think it's healthy to commemorate the anniversary of a relationship that is over.

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j416 Apprentice

j416

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yea there are a lot of strikes against it, but regardless of me not knowing if i want her back, and everything else. i still care about her. and wanted to see if she would talk.

 

well regardless of what everyone said, i messaged her today. she came on facebook while i was on, and i sent her a message, she replies hey!! how's it going? and went on from there, caught up on a bunch of stuff. her new job, school, etc. talked for probabaly 30 min. i didnt bring up anything to do with relationships, or how i was feeling. just absolutely nothing of the sort. we were talking about a recent trip i went on to mexico (since we broke up ive lost 40 lbs) she said looks like we have a great time and that i'm looking really good.

that was nice to hear, also lets me know she's been checking my facebook profile.

 

i mentioned that i found a bunch of stuff she forgot in my house, like bunch of her shoes and some bags, random stuff. asked her if she wanted me to send it back to her, and she said no itll be way to expensive to ship. then she said she might be coming back to visit friends this summer, so just hang onto it for now and she can pick it up when she comes.

 

i dont know what i was hoping to accomplish by talking to her, maybe see if she's still mad at me i guess. regardless our last 2 conversations have both been good. ill let her initiate the next one if it happens. and go from there.

 

p.s. i broke up with that girl i was kind of seeing about 20 min ago. she was starting to annoy me a bit. i just gave her total honesty, so this way i wont lead her on anymore.

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j416 Apprentice

j416

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How long had you been dating the new girl?

 

We weren't even really dating. I told her i didn't want anything serious from day one, she definitely did though. so instead of leading her on i broke it off. Probably knew her for about a month.

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j416 Apprentice

j416

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What are the appropriate steps i could take to try to rekindle things? ive been thinking a lot lately, and i really do miss her. I know i may not be thinking of all of the bad, but their was a lot of good. It's been long enough now and i feel good enough about it that im thinking clearly.

 

i know she lives far away, i dont know if she would ever come back. but what could i do to try and maybe talk to her more.. or get her thinking about me again? being that she's been checking up on me on fb, she is still thinking about me. i dont know, i dont want to do all these random girls. i dont find it attractive, i had so much more fun with her than i do with these stupid girls. they just annoy me.

 

Nor can i seem to be able to trust anybody. except her.. and even then she might have lied about stuff.. who knows.

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