How do you deal? Maybe we can help each other.

[DopeStar]

I woke up this morning and i was sad. 5 days since i left her or was forced to leave her.

 

Here is my story, well part of it, the rest you can find though my profile.

 

link removed

 

Worst day since it happened, thats what today is. It hasnt been terrible, well thats a lie, its been terrible. I feel like i gave up the best thing ive ever had, she cheated on me though, what stupid statement to make about someone so terrible. Why do we feel this way when we lose someone that was so close to us? why dont we just understand that this is going to make things better? they didnt want us, why are we so sad about it? I should be happy, i found out the truth and i should now take advantage of my even shorter life now. This is not the case unfortunately, I for some reason, and im a very rational person usually, but find myself dwelling on it. its like rubbing salt into a wound but im doing it to myself. is this the same idea as hurting yourself when you feel bad? do i continue to dwell because i pity myself and need people to see this and show me pity too or do we do this because we think that this will make them come back as the different person you want them to be? There are alot of unanswered questions out there about my situation and i find that not being able to ask them make things harder. I wish i could call her up and jstu start spoutting off the questions till i get the answers, well the truth that i so desperatly seem to need. But i cant, it jsut doesnt work that if i had to talk to her it would probly only make me more upset and make question my decision even more. not a good idea. I look around sometimes and think to myself "i jsut wnat to smash something into little pieces maybe that will make feel better" it wont ive tried, i feel bad for that laundry basket though. I just wish i could relax a little bit ive been very tense, i havent been sleeping, i find my self staring at the walls trying to figure out what to do with myself. I feel insane, like im losing my mind sometimes. The only thing i have found to slow me down has been alchohol with my friend in bars and frankly i dont want to be an alchoholic.

 

How do you deal with you situation? when you start to get that sick feeling in your stomach and your eyes start to ball up with tears, what do you do to quell the pain?

[hurtbylove]

Talk to friends, it helps a lot.

 

It hurts the most when you are alone and the thoughts begin to wander. It's been more than a month for me and I'm still feel a lot of hurt.

 

It gets better, it's slow but you will heal in time.

 

Talking with others who have experienced the same thing you have helps.

 

The heart does illogical things even though in your mind you know what you have to do.

 

I do the same thing, even one month later, I find myself asking why why why, and it just opens the wounds up again.

 

Sometimes knowing the truth isn't better, but people are naturally curious anyway. Ignorance is bliss.

 

I won't lie to you, I'm going through hell now, and I'm sure you feel like it too.

 

There is nothing wrong with a good cry. Even guys need it sometimes. When the pain is too much, just let it out. It can hurt so much holding the pain to yourself

[tiger_lilies]

Dear Dopestar,

 

There's nothing that anyone can say to take away the pain from you. But I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you. I can certainly relate, it's been over two months of no contact and I still feel the burn in my chest...like I can't breath, gasping for air, drowing in my pain. I still cry myself to sleep and I still cry througout the day. I wake up feeling so alone and so sad.

 

Hurtbylove is right about being surrounded by friends. I've spent this last week pretty much alone...I just don't feel like hanging around anyone. But I've noticed that I feel even worse when I'm by myself. When I'm with people, I can go a couple of hours without thinking about my ex. That is pretty good in my books.

 

Please take care....just keep reminding yourself of all the reasons this relationship HAD to end.

[nenez]

Dear dopestar

I feel for you in this situation. It always hurts to be left, or to leave someone you have loved.

 

Remember these simple things

 

Kicking the cat will not make you feel better but it will hurt the cat

 

You will get over this and you will move on from it and you will love again and all will be well.

 

The most important person is your life is you. Look after you, love you, take care of you. When you love and care for yourself the need to validate yourself theough another person is no longer there. When you are strong other people are drawn to you.

 

Make time to be with other people. They love you and care for you .

Dont bother calling her. You will not find the truth you are looking for. the truth is we cannot control who we fall in love with, or who we fall out of love with. She will only give you a list of things that she thinks is wrong with you to justify her own bad behaviour. You do not need to hear this. There is nothing wrong with you. She left because of reasons of her own and she was not open enough to tell you before she was unfaithful.

 

Be strong and remember that everyone has faced this and we all face endings whenever there are beginnings. What is important is what you do in the middle.

Be happy.

With love

Nenez xxxx

[murrayfaces]

If I could bottle some post-breakup sanity potion, I would share it with all of you(and myself of course!) My advice right now is to stay the hell away from her, if at all possible. No talking - no phone calls, nothing. Of all of those millions of questions we all want answers to, there's no point. There really are some questions in the world without answers, or at least ones that we need to hear. Trust me, I just got myself into a pickle because I've had contact with my ex over the last few days, and it sucks. The late night phone calls, the promises to come over so we can talk about things....blahblahblah. It's all bulls***! We know what these people have done to us, and we don't know why we still would want them back. Boom. There it is. Another unanswerable question. So, do we let it drag us down. Of course we do, because our self-esteem is really low right now, and self-pity is running high. I personally find being alone sucky right now, because I was so used to having him around all the time(when things were good, before the heavy violence started). See, I'm actually contemplating taking someone back who not only cheated, but abused me, and probably still would. WHY, because he thinks will I buy into his crap about how bad his life is, and how he's a drug addict again. NO, I'm not going to buy into it, and Dopestar you don't need to buy into her crap. Trust me dude, it's gonna get better. But you need to stay away from her, and spend time with other people. Being alone leaves your mind so open to wandering about these unanswerable questions. We assume that if we "think" enough about a situation, that an answer will just magically appear. Rationally, we all know that's not true. Yes, we may gain some insight during this introspective process, but it's not going to be life-changing. The only life-changing thing we need to remember is that our lives have been changed by losing someone. There, that's the change. We're still the same person, and we're alive. Dopestar, trust me it gets better. The part about telling your heart and mind how to work sucks. I still haven't figured that part out yet.

[murrayfaces]

OK, a few other things. Don't beat yourself up. You're already mentally beat up, and maybe even physically. I used to cry ALOT. Now, I don't cry much at all, and alot of times it's because I'm in a happy mindset, and I know life is going to get better. Look, I'm 28, and had to practically move back in with my parents over my split, because I was so f'd up in the head. (Well, that and my parents don't want me to have any contact with him). My parents have been instrumental in helping me through this, as the rest of my family has to. As long as your coping skills aren't destructive, don't question them. And yeah, some days will be nauseatingly hard to deal with. But, then one day out of the blue, you'll notice that you feel better, maybe just a teeny tiny little bit. Don't try to block out all of the bad stuff, and build this fake-representation of who she was. Don't pick out all of the good things you remember and make this idealized person, who you know she wasn't. I did that crap for awhile, but then I realized that I was fabricating an image of someone who had left me a long time ago. Don't dwell on the bad stuff, but don't forget it and brush it under the rug.

[gemmy]

Dopestar~ I totally saw how the thread kind of went off topic. Here are the things I do...None of them take away all the pain, mind you, but they all help in a little way. I figure if they take my mind off of it for even just 30 seconds, it's improvement:

 

1. Praying - I pray to God and to my cats and just recently to my ex-boyfriend's neighbor who passed away (she liked to see us walk by her door)

 

2. Bubble Baths - lighting candles, playing music and just relaxing

 

3. Exercise - i heard it's supposed to make you a happier person anyway (endorphins)

 

4. Self-help books - Lot of Dr. Phil. He knows everything!!!

 

5. Posting on Forums (like this) - I wish I had known about this forum the last time we broke up

 

6. Talking to my mom (she is a marriage counselor with her phd) She also worships Dr. Phil

 

7. Surround yourself with nature - when we broke up last year, i was studying for finals (hmmm, could it happened at a more worse time). So, I would study outside.....it made me feel better)

 

8. Writing my thoughts down - I never keep a journal b/c i"m always scared someone will find it, but i will type out my feelings in a fake email and send it to myself. or i will write my feelings out and then burn it.

 

9. Take down alllll pictures, etc - Take them down immediately!

 

10. Be with your family - they make everything better for me

 

11. Count your blessings - some people have it soo much worse. My best friend's sister was just diagnosed with M.S. and her father was in the hospital. I'm lucky in so many ways.

 

12. Talking to people like you guys

 

13. Praying - I say this twice because it always brings me comfort. I know God loves me and will take care of me.

[gemmy]

dopestar~ please don't do that, it will only make you look bad. take it from me. just walk away like you don't even care. if you do the tshirt thing it will look like you care too much.

[DopeStar]

Your right I shouldnt and i wasnt gonna(the idea came up when i found out last week) maybe i wont but the idea is already on the table and my friend who can do it i believe is already working on it, he took the action himself, so technically if they start showing up, the idea was mine from back when i did care but the action is from people who cared for me. even her friend wants one though, and she offered to pay for it, this was her friend, she angered a lot of people. Look im jsut in such a good mood today that i cant even think straight. I will take your advice Gemmy but i cant promise anything since the ball is rolling and im not sure if i cant stop it.

[gemmy]

Yes, you should probably let your friends know that although you appreciate the gesture of humiliating this girl, that you don't want to fight fire with fire. You are already receiving sympathy from many people in your life and in hers. Be grateful for that and leave it there. You will look like a jerk if this happens. Just pretend like you don't care even if you are still fuming mad. the anger will go away.