I Got The Call That We All Wait For....

[tiger_lilies]

Saturday night at 3am, I got the call we all wait for. I haven't spoken to my ex for over two months now. Zero contact since our breakup and I'm proud to say that this time has helped me tremendously.

I woke up and saw his name on my cell phone display and almost fell out of bed! I didn't answer...I was too shocked and ultimately, just not ready to talk to him yet. I'm so afraid of putting myself back at square one...I really don't feel strong enough yet to receive any negatives from him.

 

Anyway, he called me about 4 or 5 times in a row. He left one message saying that I have to pick up and that he'll call again. I think that he sounded drunk in his message. It makes sense, since it was 3 am on Saturday.

 

I feel like a ton of bricks has fallen on me. I held my phone listening to it ring again and again. I couldn't, for the life of me, pick up! I cried myself to sleep later...and again the night after that. It's been 6 months since he cheated and two months since we offically broke up. Why can't I get over him???? This is soooo hard.

 

Now I'm flooded with thoughts of why was he calling? What did he have to say to me? Was he calling because he was drunk and just missing me? Or does he want to try again? What?

 

My curiosity is killing me...I know I should just let it go and not think about it...I guess I'm just posting because I need to vent....

[murrayfaces]

I know how hard it is right now, because I'm going through the same thing. Problem is, I caved in, and now am actually having thoughts of taking him back. "Thoughts" I say, because I am thinking of how it would work, but I know that I cannot do it. He's also a cheater, in fact he slept with someone in the next room while I was asleep. But, that wasn't the only time it happened.

 

We had done pretty good with no contact for about 9 weeks, when I ran into him the other night. He looked terrible, and all he could talk about was how bad his life had become. This, as though I was the one who did it to him. I've talked to him since, and he's back on drugs, living in bars, and doing nothing to improve his life.

 

You need to stay strong(I know, I hate when people tell me that, too). Don't give it....whatever he has to say to you doesn't need to be heard by you. You really do risk putting yourself into a bad mental situation. Call someone who can remind you by voice that you don't need to talk to him. Sometimes hearing it in person is better than seeing it written on these boards, although these boards have been a huge source of inspiration and insight for me. Let us know how you're doing.

[Brandell]

I have gone through the same thing with my ex. 3 weeks ago she sent me a drunk text saying she thinks of me (she admitted she was drunk in the text) and 2 other times she called at around 3 in the morning, both times hanging up when I answered and 1 other time she called at 2.30 in the morning to say she was coming over. That was at 2.30 in the morning, she had been out on a date, realised she missed me, got all drunkly maudlin and called me. I let her come over to me, thought we were back together but next day she changed her mind. (This was early on in our breakup) when I was even more vulnerable than I am now.

 

You see, I think when they are drunk the pain sometimes comes through, the memories, and they let their guard down as they are all reflective and tipsy and they start reminiscing... but to be honest I don't trust it. I would not answer the fone to my ex. now if she called in the middle of the night 'cos I know thats how she operates... she calls or texts when she is drunk. I have no doubt she is in pain and still has feelings for me but she only lets me know it when she is drunk.. I don't trust it.

 

I think it is good that you did not answer.. chances were your ex. was drunk... leave it, and let him call you at a decent time when he is sober if he truly wants you.

 

Just my 2 cents

[gemmy]

I know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night and your heart starts pounding b/c you want to answer it so badly. I answered every drunk n dial from my ex. i was so stupid. and even stupider was that i actually sat on the phone and let him tell me how miserable he was w/o me. how pathetic. this time around, there will be no picking up that damn phone. it will be off during the nighttime. why do they do that?????? It's so inconsiderate and just plain cruel. If they really cared, they wouldn't hurt us again so badly. Call at a decent hour and talk like a human being, not some drunken a-hole.

 

thanks

[tiger_lilies]

Thanks Gemmy, my friends all say the same thing about calling at a decent hour instead of in the middle of the night. I'm still dealing with the aftershock right now. One stupid phone call of which I didn't answer has caused me to cry myself to sleep every night since. Why can't I just LET GO????

 

He never called me afterwards, but I listen to his message over and over again, just to hear his voice. I miss his voice. I miss his humor.

[Belle]

Tigerlilies,

 

You are strong girl. YOU DIDN"T PICK UP THE FREAKING PHONE. You are moving on. You can't get over him in a day. If you could, there would be no forum. You did the right thing, I promise you. Drunk dials are not sincere. They are not about love. They are about loneliness. This guy doesn't sound like the right one (or the other poster's that cheated on her in the next room). Let him drag himself down to the bottom. It's at rock bottom where changes are most likely to occur. Let him feel the pain he has to go through of knowing he can't have you. Hopefully it'll help him grow up. Don't stand in the way of his growth and put your heart out there for him to screw around with again. Remember what Sam said in Sex in the City? "I love you, but I love myself more". This was when she dumped Richard the second time because she couldn't trust him after he cheated.

 

Take care of yourself. Don't worry about him. He's going to have to go through this to grow up. That's what we're all doing and no one's holding our hands are they?

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[tiger_lilies]

Thanks Belle, your post makes a lot of sense. Your right, he needs to grow up. That's what I've been telling myself. This week has been hard because I keep thinking about the call...

 

Murrayfaces, thanks for your encoraging words. I really need all the support I can get.

 

You guys say that I am strong? I don't feel like it. I feel weak and pathetic. In truth, I was really terrified to answer the call. I have no idea what to say to him. Everything has already been said that last day we broke up. He hurt me for the last time that day. He made it very clear to me that he didn't want to "try" anymore. How can he stop trying? How can he give up after all we've been through? Am I not worth it for him to try? Isn't that what marriages are all about?....I guess he's not marriage material.

 

So many questions...zero answers. All I can do is just keep working on my life, keep myself as busy as possible and try to be happy being on my own again. Thank you posters...for your support.

[tiger_lilies]

Belle, I saw that episode about Sam when she finds Richard cheating on her. That's inspiring for you to remind me of that. Thanks again!

[gemmy]

wow, right now i am at work and emailing my boyfriend about whether or not we should keep on trying to make this work. i think we can make this work, b/c over the past few weeks i have really had to look at myself and what went wrong with this relationship. it's so clear to me now. and that is what i'm trying to explain to him. but i'm doing it in a manner that says, "I'm doing really great, and i have been thinking we could be great together." if he says no, then, i still no i will be fine. i love him and care for him deeply, but i love myself more. i feel good about it. i am prepared for the worst and hoping for the best. good luck to everyone on this forum. i hope it all works out for everyone.

[Belle]

Tiger,

 

You may not feel strong right now because your emotions are not in check because you have been hurt. But your actions show all of us that you are tough. Just hang in there. If you were weak you'd call him back and beg and plead for him and he's a louse that doesn't deserve a second chance. You are terrified to answer him because your defenses tell you that he's no good. That's a really really good thing. Your gut is telling you something that you need to continue listening to.

 

Yes, I loved that marquee moment with Sam and sex and the city. It rings loud and clear for the millions of women who watch it and know they should love themselves more than to deal with a jacka$$.

 

And I do believe that everything that comes around goes around. As long as we take no part in making that happen, our karma is ok.

 

Belle

[fantasia2004]

Belle

 

 

karma works for real as long as we have no part in it?

 

Hmmm. Yes responding to them will make them think that you ahve no life and are willing to hang on every word.

 

Plus we all can learn a lot from the girls of "sex and the city"

 

I love it.

[kungfumaster]

Wow tigerlillies - I know this is kinda late but WAY TO GO!!. You are one strong dudette