send a reply or ignore?

[LAYAAN]

This man got in touch with me some 6 months ago. I really don't remember when. It might be even a year ago. We had an online chat only once. I sent him 2 emails. No reply. I thought well, he is not interested.

Now all of a sudden, he sends me a chat message on yahoo "Are you single or married?"

Men do this to me a lot. Ignore my request to talk, vanish into thin air without any communication, and reappear with no real excuse.

I feel like his relationship with someone didn't work, so now he is willing to see what I've to offer, but really he wasn't excited about me to begin with.

I would like to send a reply along the line "Why do you care? I sent you two emails and you didn't have any decency to let me know that you were no longer interested." Now, that sounds angry, so instead of that should I simply ignore his email ID?

What would you do if this happened to you?

[annie24]

I wouldn't reply to it at all. I wouldn't even bother getting angry. I'm sure he can figure out why you did not respond.

[OntheWire]

Tell him you're the ninth wife of a polygamous Mormon household, but your husband doesn't mind you having fun on the side.

[DatingIsSoHard]

I feel like his relationship with someone didn't work, so now he is willing to see what I've to offer

 

Exactly. As a man I think I might have done something similar in the past.

[annie24]

There's a chapter on this is the book "Mars and venus on a date." the author says that some men, mistakenly think that not saying anything will leave the door open to something in the future. however, that is not the case for women. So, his not saying to you earlier something in response to your emails, he thought he could just write back whenever and just pick up where he left off. obviously, that is not the case.

 

I had one guy stand me up for a date a few hours before, gave me no excuse. Then 3 months later, just popped back into my life like nothing ever happened. Oh my goodness. Trust me, i told him that you can't stand a girl up on a date without giving her any kind of reason and then just pop back in 3 months later! sheesh. i told him that was very rude what he did. he told me it was my loss. whatever buddy.

[Aviatormy]

I think that he may have ignored you in the past out of respect for his then gf/fiance/wife. He may have just got online to chat it up for a few out of frustration from an argument or something but then worked it out.

 

Now, he is probably single and ready to get out there without the burden of his ex and wants to talk to you. I see nothing wrong with that. I would actually be a little more excited to know that he didn't persue anything with you while he was in a relationship with another woman.

 

Just my thoughts. Give him a chance if you think it could be fun. Don't just assume the worst. He should have at least responded and told you the truth but then again, you guys were and still are strangers to each other so maybe he didn't want to get too deep with you at the time because he was involved. I dunno.

 

I have done this in the past before. I was online during a "break" in my relationship and spoke with this one girl for a few days. Well, my ex and I made up, I stopped talking to the online girl and then after we broke up, I hit her back up and we became friends.

 

Good luck to you.

[OntheWire]

While I agree what Avi described may be the case, I wouldn't bother with this guy unless he gave you a good reason up front when he popped back in. If all he said was, "hey, whats up?" then that's like saying, "I'm not going to bother with an explanation unless I have to because I'm the type of person that gets away with whatever I can"

[CaptainNapalm]

Men typically do this because either a) they are in a relationship with someone else and ignore you since they have no use for you at the time, or b) they have other girls on the go and find them more worthy of their time and ignore you, but when their existing relationship ends or they find it didn't work out too well with their number 1, 2 and 3 choices they resort to emailing you as an alternative. Sorry if this sounds irritating to you but I'd be willing to bet that this is what's going on. With that said, I think you should ignore this guy.

[DatingIsSoHard]

Men love to keep a few backups just in case. I think women do that too.

[LAYAAN]

Thank you everyone, I'm going to ignore his ID.

The sad part is that I've always been someone's backup. These men made it work with their women of 1st, 2nd choice. It hurts me. Why am I noone's 1st choice?

Like I mentioned before, I've had it happen to me many times before. How long should I give someone before writing them off?

[petite]

Don't even bother. If you're going to be his or anyone's backup they are not worth your time.

I have seen men have backups and go back to them even after a year or two. It's ridiculous, but believe it or not the girls smell the BS early on and don't waste their time. But women have back up's also, so can't just blame the guys, however I feel men do it more often.

 

As for being number one, if you know you're not someone's number one, especially in a relationship, then you either learn to live with it or end it. I know I don't want to be any man's backup or 2nd choice and if I am, well adios amigos.

That's not to say I wasn't ever anyone's 2nd choice, but at times we don't even realize it until it's too late...

[veda999]

Thank you everyone, I'm going to ignore his ID.

The sad part is that I've always been someone's backup. These men made it work with their women of 1st, 2nd choice. It hurts me. Why am I noone's 1st choice?

Like I mentioned before, I've had it happen to me many times before. How long should I give someone before writing them off?

Maybe he wasn't ready for anything substantial at the time, but now he may be. I would not write him off. The responses from posters who think you are a backup girl are projecting. He may have been busy, very ill. You don't know. Don't throw potential away like that on conjecture. Find out whats up with the guy. Jeez.

[petite]

Maybe he wasn't ready for anything substantial at the time, but now he may be. I would not write him off. The responses from posters who think you are a backup girl are projecting. He may have been busy, very ill. You don't know. Don't throw potential away like that on conjecture. Find out whats up with the guy. Jeez.

 

She sent two emails he never responded in so many months. Give me a break, he could have found 2 minutes to write a response if he wanted.

[veda999]

She sent two emails he never responded in so many months. Give me a break, he could have found 2 minutes to write a response if he wanted.

so now he is responding, he owed her nothing at that time.

[geekgirl4]

Write them up on the second time, and I think that's pretty darned generous. These men might keep you as backup because you're so accepting. They bail on you and come back later and you still give them attention. It's like training a puppy, if they do something wrong, you have to let them know right away. If you don't, they'll never learn and just keep coming back with the same mistakes. It might be that you're just being nice by giving a reply but these type of men might see it differently. If you feel like you're being treated second rate, don't tolerate it at all and leave them behind! Let these men know that you're nobody's second choice and you have standards they don't fall under!

[annie24]

if you really do want to write a response, send it 2 months later.

[veda999]

if you really do want to write a response, send it 2 months later.

I was just thinking this very thing at this moment . . .

[unknownme]

I woudn't bother...

[KG]

if you really do want to write a response, send it 2 months later.

 

"Good for the goose....."

[BriarRose]

Since you had attempted to email him twice 6 months ago and he choose to not respond, I wouldn't bother. You deserve better than to be someone's back-up plan.

[BriarRose]

She sent two emails he never responded in so many months. Give me a break, he could have found 2 minutes to write a response if he wanted.

 

I agree. I wouldn't even be considering responding if it were me.

[penelope13]

Tinu,I though you had decided to focus solely on your PhD for the time being and give men a rest?

[Blue Spiral]

I agree with the "wait two months to reply" part, but your reply should be the following: "Are you a d*****bag or just desperate?"

[LAYAAN]

Tinu,I though you had decided to focus solely on your PhD for the time being and give men a rest?

He contacted me. I didn't.

[LAYAAN]

I agree with the "wait two months to reply" part, but your reply should be the following: "Are you a d*****bag or just desperate?"

hahahahah... why would you say so? I think I'm too mushy, no backbone type girl. Look at me, why am I even here asking this Q "if I should respond or not". I should have just ignored him at that time.