i miss her 2 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 So you're tellin me that her being intimate (kissing, laying in bed with me) means absolutely nothing to her? WHy would she play me like that? Cant it be true that she realizes now that she just made a huge mistake? Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 So you're tellin me that her being intimate (kissing, laying in bed with me) means absolutely nothing to her? WHy would she play me like that? Cant it be true that she realizes now that she just made a huge mistake? After she broke up with the other guy, she bacame intimate with you?... Things turn bad with the other guy, now she's back in a familiar territory I guess... She can play you like that because you allowed her to, she wont realize her mistakes because you've always been there all the time... Link to comment
minou Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 How do you all know for sure it didn't work out with the other guy partly because she still cares for OP? Yeah, there was the heavy drinking, etc. but you don't really know if she wouldn't have come back whoever it was... This is his heart some of you are tossing comments about lighthandedly. Yes sometimes people come back when GIG does not seem greener and we want them to be more zealous about the person they broke up with but come on... love stories can be full of twists and turns. Just because some people have experienced a come back not working out in a situation like this doesn't mean it's true for everyone. He was pounded on for seeing her because she was still with the other guy.. she took a brief amount of time to break up with him... no doubt that can be hard to do... but she did... she broke up with him and now she wants to try again. I don't see anything wrong with that. He might want to ask her for a couple of months to sort this out... he is seeing others and has that right... but hell, he needs to follow his heart wherever it leads, even if it's back to her. I mean I'm shocked when I hear things like she doesn't sound like the girl you know anymore. People don't change that quickly! They were together for 4 years for god's sake. A lot of people get bored after 4 years. OP do focus on shaking things up a bit if you do get back together.... don't get in a rut... all relationships that are long-term have this issue come up... get a little excitement in there. When she said you weren't exciting enough, perhaps she meant the two of you had gotten into a routine. Nothing wrong with her wanting more excitement. You'll enjoy it too. It must have really hurt your feelings for her to say that though. You may have ups and downs in your feelings about her after all that's happened, and if she loves you, it will be up to her to be patient with that if she wants you back. In any case, sounds like you're enjoying exploring others and aren't quite sure what you want yourself right now. Take your time and don't feel you have to rush into a decision. Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Well, I asked her if she wanted to go back to him (because I know now from looking at his facebook that he is trying to make it obvious that he is quiting alcohol) and she said no. She said even when she was with him it was very hard for her to not think about me and that me and her are much more compatible than her and him. She said she still cares about him and hopes he is ok but she does not want to be with him. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 No one is tossing around his heart except the ex. I'd advise you to take a look at this past threads. You might reconsider your admonishment. Link to comment
squirl Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 WHy would she play me like that? Cant it be true that she realizes now that she just made a huge mistake? I don't think you've ever answered Ms. Darcy's question, "Is it official?" Since you haven't answered, we assume it is not official. That is why people are telling you you are being played. After 4 years she now gets the same deal with less commitment. You need to see this. Everyone is begging you to save yourself. What do you actually want? To get back into a relationship? Because you are definitely acting like a doormat or security blanket, not a potential life partner. Link to comment
Sac Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I don't think you've ever answered Ms. Darcy's question, "Is it official?" Since you haven't answered, we assume it is not official. That is why people are telling you you are being played. After 4 years she now gets the same deal with less commitment. You need to see this. Everyone is begging you to save yourself. What do you actually want? To get back into a relationship? Because you are definitely acting like a doormat or security blanket, not a potential life partner. make her work for it please. just tell her too slow things down, if she really likes you she will lol. you will be massively crushed and feel like a * * * * if she goes back to him Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Ok so how do I act like a potential life partner? Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 I basically just blew off her last email. I told her I talked to this other girl whom she knows I slept with while we were apart (she thinks shes a * * * * too) and I told her that I told her to leave me alone but also told her this girl said she (my ex) said some nasty things about me). My ex said yes she did because she was hearing things from this girl about how I supposedly cheated on her (bs). Im not even gonna respond. Im done with this crap. Im sure eventually she will contact me again. Oh yeah, in the email she also said we could go to a movie but ...im not even gonna respond. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Ok so how do I act like a potential life partner? Do you want to marry this girl? Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Do you want to marry this girl? Lol I have no idea! Honestly, I know everyone here thinks im crazy and she did me wrong but she is the only girl I have really ever felt that close/comfortable with. Maybe I'm just insane!? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Lol I have no idea! Honestly, I know everyone here thinks im crazy and she did me wrong but she is the only girl I have really ever felt that close/comfortable with. Maybe I'm just insane!? I ask because you need to realize this is the road she'll likely want to go down if you get back together. You were together for four years before. If I recall, she had been thinking about/wanting commitment. Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Lol I have no idea! Honestly, I know everyone here thinks im crazy and she did me wrong but she is the only girl I have really ever felt that close/comfortable with. Maybe I'm just insane!? Anybody who experienced your situation will become insane, it's such a pain in the arse... Alot of people already experienced this, alot of them became insane, but also alot of them managed to pickup their self back... She the only girl that I've blah blah blah, many guys are telling that because they love the girl so much that they forgot to love their self too... They gave evrything for the sake of the girl but the girl did not reciprocate... Now the girl leave them and after awhile coming back to them because things didn't turns good for her and now coming back to a familiar territory w/c she has a full control thats why they are saying that the guy is acting like a security blanket for the girl but the guy mistakenly thinks that the girl already realized their mistake... No one should be blamed for this, for the guy he's happy with being with the girl (even though the girl is not in the same page as him) and the girl wants to be happy thats why she left the guy so she can explore the world and see whats still in store for her... Both party wants to be happy but... No matter where you find happiness, it's not happiness... The real happiness is within yourself, being content in what you already have, you should not depend you happiness on other people or earthly things... Don't search for happiness, because what you will feel is just temporary... But if you're content with what you have, you'll always feel happy, and if you're happy, all people with you will feel happy for you... Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I ask because you need to realize this is the road she'll likely want to go down if you get back together. You were together for four years before. If I recall, she had been thinking about/wanting commitment. No, her whole thing was that she wanted "to see what else is out there." She even said the other night, that she got into something else because it was "new and exciting." and things had gotten boring with us. I'm guessing that will always happen and there is no point in even pursuing this thing. I might as well just keep trying to get with this other girl. Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 No, her whole thing was that she wanted "to see what else is out there." She even said the other night, that she got into something else because it was "new and exciting." and things had gotten boring with us. I'm guessing that will always happen and there is no point in even pursuing this thing. I might as well just keep trying to get with this other girl. This is what is called "The G.I.G.S. (Grass Is Greener Syndrome)" It's hard to deal with this, it's like you've been rejected and all the things you've done has no value for her... Now she's coming back, it will be more hard because you dont know what she wants... She's still playing her game, it's up to you if you want to join in her game... The best thing to do is move on, let her do what she wants, girls like this still doesn't know what they want in their life until something hits their heads where they begin to realize the things they have done, and that the grass is not greener... And while they are playing their game, they need someone as a security blanket if things didn't turns good on their side... Guess what whose the one they need if things goes wrong?... Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Well, a week ago I told her I was skeptical and thought she would just do it again. She told me on the phone that she knew now for sure that she had made a mistake and she knows what its like without me, etc. So you think just continue to let her see what life without me is like? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 No, her whole thing was that she wanted "to see what else is out there." She even said the other night, that she got into something else because it was "new and exciting." and things had gotten boring with us. I'm guessing that will always happen and there is no point in even pursuing this thing. I might as well just keep trying to get with this other girl. By that logic, she hasn't really seen much. I would be concerned she'd come back and then get bored again. How much of an effort did she make to communicate her feelings and thoughts to you during the relationship? Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Well, a week ago I told her I was skeptical and thought she would just do it again. She told me on the phone that she knew now for sure that she had made a mistake and she knows what its like without me, etc. So you think just continue to let her see what life without me is like? Yes... It's easy for someone to go running back to a familiar territory if things went wrong in their favor... You'll be a security blanket/ a doormat like they say if you'll easilly accepts the words she's telling (promises that it wont happen again)... Though everybody change, and everybody realizes their mistakes at some points but seing what she is doing, it doesn't happen that way... I already forgot the past posts here, can you give us an update again or another insight or correct me if i'm wrong: She left you because of GIGS right? (remember what I posted earlier), when did this happen? now shes coming back, when did she realizes that she's wrong? after a few days or weeks of seeing that the grass isnt greener?... You are in control of yourself now, you should be able to see what shes upto in her actions, it all depends on you, though we can give you our perspective, it still depends on you... Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 No, she didnt communiate her feelings much during the relationship. What happened was she freaked out and told me she isnt ready for marriage. We had moved in together and I guess she figured the next step was us getting hitched. Even though we never got engaged. So she wanted to "see what else is out there" b ut Im pretty sure she already knew about this guy before we even broke up. So she dates him and I could tell she wanted to keep me around anyway saying stuff like, "you are better for me in the long run I think, I just need to make sure" She would usually keep in contact with me though...an email atleast once a month. She now says that I can never be replaced. And yes I have read about this GIGS and how they get involved with someone they are almost complete opposite with...that is what she did according to me. Now she wont stop talking about how even her friends think we are better together than her and him. Link to comment
flipside Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 She's nuts. I'm sorry to have to be so blunt and definitive. But there are so many red flags. She sounds destined for lunacy. You gotta move on. you will be stronger. Believe me, I've seen this happen to my friends many times before, save yourself from further disfunction. If there is someone else you are curious about, go investigate. Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 now heres a tricky part again, the time when the ex does come back... I think she's afraid of commitment thats why she left you and want to enjoy her life, now she didnt enjoyed what she wants, shes not back at you... This will all depends on you if you will accept her back but please not so fast... Those are sweet words to hear but you still didnt know if she really meant it... but on the other side, if you will be too cautious, we dont know if this is the chance that you are waiting for and you might blew it too... About the thing that she usually in contact with you while dating this other guy is obviously to string you along and you let her do that to you... Still we dont know if she'll do it again down the road, it seems that she still dont know what she wants in her life... I suggest leave her alone for a while, dont be there for her yet, minimize all contact and lets see what her actions would be... flipside is right, there are so many red flags... it still seems that she's still stringing you along, coming back to make sure you're still there where she left you... I will take back my words because I realized hat you haven't healed and moved on yet because you've let her string you along... Maybe tell her that you think it's still not the best time to get back where you've stop, it's much better if you'll start over again but in the right time... give yourself a time to heal first, we dont know yet what she has in her sleeves... telling you you're irreplacable blah blah blah is some sort of BS to me... Thats the leash that she is putting on you, she's seeing if you're still locked up on those hopes that she gave... She haven't feel the life without you because you let her string you along and now she is saying this?... Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Ha y eah and she even told me that right now with school she is so busy but still wants to see me. And then lol she goes, "I don't want you to have to feel like you have to go get attention somewhere else because i will be so busy with school." Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 one question... did you accepter her already and are officially together?... if not, the hell you care about her, she's doing what she likes and school is not an excuse but she's making sure she can come back to you anytime she likes because she knew you'll be there waiting for her... if that the life that you want, it's up to you... EDIT: another question... Do you really want to live this kind of life? she's confident doing what she likes because she knew you're always there for her not thinking she's hurting you because she knew her sweet words is enough so you wont get hurt but you, on the other hand is stuck where she left you... I wont be surprised if somewhere down the road, she'll finally got what she wants with another guy and leaving you like S**T but you a hopeless guy clinging on the hope and promises that she fed to your mind... Sorry to be harsh but thats what I see... Link to comment
i miss her 2 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 I don't know really. SHe came over here and I asked her what she wanted and she tells m e that she wants us to start over and that she trhought that was what I wanted. I said yes, I want to be like how we were before but I dont know if we can. Link to comment
fr0z3n Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I don't know really. SHe came over here and I asked her what she wanted and she tells m e that she wants us to start over and that she trhought that was what I wanted. I said yes, I want to be like how we were before but I dont know if we can. You can't be like together before if you want to start over, what happened before will just happen again... Dont base on her words but on her actions... she can tell you the sweetest words in the world but she doesn't mean it... Right now she wants you, but we are not sure if she really wants to have you for the rest of her life... Link to comment
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