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I wrote some other posts, so if you want take a look but basically my ex and i were together for almost 4 years, lived together for one and then we broke up. She immediately went to another guy. I dated around a bit, but never got into a relationship.

 

Well, she had always tried to keep in contact with me for the most part through email but I would often blow her off or get pissed about what happened.

 

 

Finally a few weeks ago she tells me how she regrets breaking up, she made a mistake, blew it with a wonderful guy, etc.

 

WE start talking on AIM quite a bit about things. SHe said she wanted to tell me in person sometime what a mistake she made.

 

So last week I randomly told her we should just hang out now. I went to her new apartment and we hung out for about 2 hours. She commented on how great I look, how good it was to see me, etc.

 

So finally I ask her whats up and she starts to tell me about HIM. She tells me that "Its going nowhere" and he has a huge problem with alcohol, no job, etc. And I'm thinking, she left me to be with this guy? She used so many excuses like I'm not going anywhere in life yet I have always had a job, paid our bills, etc. So then she tells me I could never be replaced, but I won't be able to trust her again or maybe not for a long time. I didn't say much. Then I left and she said she wanted to hang out again sometime.

 

So she emails me the next day asking if I found her apology sincere. We talk on AIM and I told her I didn't doubt her apology. She said that was good because if I can't believe her now then we can't have any kind of a relationship.

 

I ask her why she stays with someone if she isnt happy (meaning the new guy) and she tells me that its very hard for her to break another heart.....ok. Said she really wants to come over and see my new place.

 

 

Not really sure what to think or do right now. I was just getting to the point where I was really interested in other girls and now I'm just confused.

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Do you want to move on or do you want to get caught up in a love triangle.

 

Moving on means not talking to her, seeing other girls ... as those things were working for you. Love triangle, though, means she'll string you along with "i miss you" and "you're the best" and "I made a mistake" without dumping the other guy.

 

You never listen to me but I'll say what I've always said. Move on from her. She didn't want to work it out with you; she probably cheated; she left you for someone else while still living with you; and she only started talking to you as a security blanket when you new toy stopped looking so shiny.

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She's telling you how bad he is, and that it's going no where, but where is she...with him!

 

It sounds like she has no plans to leave him, yet she wants to make sure that you're still sitting on the shelf, just where she wants you. As long as you allow her to be in contact with you, she's quite comfortable, and has no reason to change anything.

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She's telling you how bad he is, and that it's going no where, but where is she...with him!

 

It sounds like she has no plans to leave him, yet she wants to make sure that you're still sitting on the shelf, just where she wants you. As long as you allow her to be in contact with you, she's quite comfortable, and has no reason to change anything.

 

No, what she is doing is she has to make sure that I will take her back before she even leaves him. She can't be alone. I actually told her I wanted her after she said this crap via email and she said, "Is this a trick?" Because before that I had told her how I thought I might be in love with another girl. She is doing exactly what she did to me before. I don't think she is ever not in a relationship. She is playing her game with him now because I saw on her mm page that she took down the pics of them together...probably trying to manipulate him into breaking them up or something. She started doing little th ings like that to make me th ink something was up with us.

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No, what she is doing is she has to make sure that I will take her back before she even leaves him. She can't be alone. I actually told her I wanted her after she said this crap via email and she said, "Is this a trick?" Because before that I had told her how I thought I might be in love with another girl. She is doing exactly what she did to me before. I don't think she is ever not in a relationship. She is playing her game with him now because I saw on her mm page that she took down the pics of them together...probably trying to manipulate him into breaking them up or something. She started doing little th ings like that to make me th ink something was up with us.

 

Is this really worth your time and effort? Do you see a pattern here, even if she did come back to you?

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No, what she is doing is she has to make sure that I will take her back before she even leaves him. She can't be alone. I actually told her I wanted her after she said this crap via email and she said, "Is this a trick?" Because before that I had told her how I thought I might be in love with another girl. She is doing exactly what she did to me before. I don't think she is ever not in a relationship. She is playing her game with him now because I saw on her mm page that she took down the pics of them together...probably trying to manipulate him into breaking them up or something.

 

Why would you be so silly as to want her back? She'll leave you again.

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Why do you think she would leave me again? I am the lonest relationship she has had. I see what you are saying and yes it is a pattern. But what is it? Is it someth ing about me? Because I think I am becoming a better person everyday...

 

 

I think if you start making it about something 'deficient' in you, that can really mess up your own self esteem. I think it's really more about her. She seems to be missing something in herself right now and she's trying to find it in relationships. She really should be single for a while ... in my humble opinion.

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I think if you start making it about something 'deficient' in you, that can really mess up your own self esteem. I think it's really more about her. She seems to be missing something in herself right now and she's trying to find it in relationships. She really should be single for a while ... in my humble opinion.

 

 

How can you tell that? What do you think it is that she seems to be missing in herself?I think you are right. She has a communication problem I think and she is looking for someone "loud". She told me when we broke up that I wasn't loud and crazy enough for her lol but now she has this dude who "jumps into grocery carts at walmart and races in them down the aisles while almost hitting some old people." Uh ok..

 

Yes, she does need to be alone for a while.

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How can you tell that? What do you think it is that she seems to be missing in herself?I think you are right. She has a communication problem I think and she is looking for someone "loud". She told me when we broke up that I wasn't loud and crazy enough for her lol but now she has this dude who "jumps into grocery carts at walmart and races in them down the aisles while almost hitting some old people." Uh ok..

 

Yes, she does need to be alone for a while.

 

You mentioned lots of little things she wasn't happy about in the relationship with you. That you weren't exciting. That you weren't where you needed to be. And yet, she didn't seem particularly exciting or career driven. It just seems like she's trying to get the qualities she wants through someone else.

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You mentioned lots of little things she wasn't happy about in the relationship with you. That you weren't exciting. That you weren't where you needed to be. And yet, she didn't seem particularly exciting or career driven. It just seems like she's trying to get the qualities she wants through someone else.

 

 

Yeah. This is probably true.

 

 

Is it weird that I am about to turn 27 and have only had one serious relationship? I feel like I'm really behind on the dating experience. Oh well...

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I sent her an email last night saying that I don't wish to be a part of some love triangle and that if she wishes that things work out between us she probably needs to be on her own for a bit because she obviously isn't happy now. This is how she responded:

 

"Don't worry, we'll make it work when the time is right - I understand it could

be weird even just hanging out now, because we can't totally be free around each

other - as in touching lol. Ah, you're saying you want me to be single for "a

while." Hmm. You could elaborate on that a little more - is there a specific

time frame you have in mind, do I need to sign a contract? I will be single for

X amount of days."

 

 

* * * ...

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I sent her an email last night saying that I don't wish to be a part of some love triangle and that if she wishes that things work out between us she probably needs to be on her own for a bit because she obviously isn't happy now. This is how she responded:

 

"Don't worry, we'll make it work when the time is right - I understand it could

be weird even just hanging out now, because we can't totally be free around each

other - as in touching lol. Ah, you're saying you want me to be single for "a

while." Hmm. You could elaborate on that a little more - is there a specific

time frame you have in mind, do I need to sign a contract? I will be single for

X amount of days."

 

 

* * * ...

 

 

Nothing!? Anybody have any thoughts?

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