Is this Real?

[Allalone1098]

I am a mother with an 11 year old girl and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year next month. He has 3 kids with two different women. His wife of 12 years, he has an 8 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. His mistress which he had a fling with whom was 18 and now is 21 years old...he has a 2 year old girl. He is STILL married because I don't know why anymore. He says he wants to hire an attorney but we don't have the money right now and she gives him a hard time with the kids all the time. I had gone with him to put a downpayment with the lawyer for his divorce and for visitation with the youngest but the check he wrote was from the wrong account and it bounced...it has been 5 months and he still hasn't gone back to resolve it. All together it was $4,500 and now we are somewhat tight on money because he had a problem with his license being suspended....so now he had to pay tickets and catch up on child support. The other woman or should I say young lady doesn't ever let him take the child at all...he has seen her 3 times in 2 years...since she was born. Well anyways...he is super controlling. He doesn't want me to work and he takes care of my child and I...he says "My girl doesn't work for anyone"...because he has a construction company and wants me to run it with him with no paycheck. So nonetheless I am to work for his company...cook, clean, tend to his children when we have them on weekends and abide by his rulings. Now here is the thing...when I met him I was working nights as a dancer and saving money for school. So of course I stopped dancing and he took me out and was an amazing person for the first 3 months. He spoiled me and made himself out to be someone he is not. I have always had my own stuff and been used to doing my own things. Now I don't have my own money and he is very irresponsible with paying the bills on time. He waits until the last mnute to pay bills and I suffer the consequences when they cut of our phones or threaten to repo our cars. It is not as if he doesn't have the money, he is working so much that he doesn't do it. I don't have access to any of our funds and I am always having to ask for money and he gets upset as if I am bothering him. And now when her gives me money he only gives just enough to where I have no spending money. This weekend the kids were over...just the two older ones and I was very discouraged because he threw me out of our bed to sleep with his children. Now I understand that he missed them because the mother hadn't let us have them for about 4 months, but am I wrong to feel as if that was incorrect. He says when his children are over the 5 year old girl has to sleep with him...she is gonna be 6 years old and needs to learn to sleep on her own. That behavior is gonna destroy our relationship. He shows some type of obsessive behavior with this baby girl that it is crazy. I love these kids...they are great kids and I love having them over but he acts as if that child is 1 years old. He doesn't let her walk when we go on outings and he neglects the 8 year old boy to the point where the boy cried this weekend because he wants time with his father. The boy even shows resentment towards his father because he doesn't pay any attention towards him, when I brought it to his attention, that was when he put both children to sleep in our bed and told me to sleep with my daughter in her room. It hurt me so bad that we ended up arguing and he has not spoken to me in 2 days so now it is as if we are 2 strangers in the same house. I don't know what to do because even if I wanted to leave I can't because I haven't worked in a year and have no money put away. It is not only this weekend where we experience problems but he has been very agile towards me and talks down to me if I don't do what he asks of me such as working for his company and cleaning the house. If things aren't done exactly as he says aor wants them he curses at me and tells me I'm retarted..then afterward when he realizes it he comes up to me hugs me and says for ME to stop my attitude. I was alone for many years as a single mother because my daughter's father tried to kill me and I have raised my daughter to be strong and smart. I danced for 6 years of my life while going to school little by little so I can have a foundation for my child and I. I am afraid that her seeing me with this man is going to affect her and I don't know what to do. Now I have put that on hold with the promise from this man that he offered to let me go to school and he was gonna help me but now he is saying he doesn't want me to go to school, that I am to work for him. Any advice for someone who doesn't have anyone and is going through this. I don't want to go through a shelter again...I am so confused.

[agent1607307371]

So basically you are his slave. - You have no access to the money, you will work for him, you look after his kids, you deal with him controlling your choices, you live in financial fear.

 

Do you have any family? Because you need to get rid of him NOW.

[Allalone1098]

Most of my family is dead and my mother is just one of those thast gets high everyday and wants to hang out like a teenager...I love her from a distance. I was so desperate last month that I considered writing out one of his checks and forging his signature so that I can move out while he was out working but I was too afraid of getting locked up. I know right now he has about $60,000 in the bank but it is for one of the projects that he is working on and I don't know any other way to access it but through writing a check to myself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This guy has no respect for women...he seems to just want to spread his seed and create babies all over the place. Perhaps it is time to re-claim your life and end this "relationship". He is using you.

[nutbrownhare]

There is no way that this guy is ever going to let you do anything which would give you freedom or independence from him - ever. He sounds very sick and dysfunctional, and the only thing worse as a role model for your daughter than what she has already seen - would be to stay there for a single second longer than you absolutely have to.

 

Look at what options are open to you ... do you have friends, relatives, anyone at all who you could stay with while you sort out your escape? You need to get out as soon as possible because this situation is only likely to worsen, the longer you stay.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Most of my family is dead and my mother is just one of those thast gets high everyday and wants to hang out like a teenager...I love her from a distance. I was so desperate last month that I considered writing out one of his checks and forging his signature so that I can move out while he was out working but I was too afraid of getting locked up. I know right now he has about $60,000 in the bank but it is for one of the projects that he is working on and I don't know any other way to access it but through writing a check to myself.

 

I would suggest finding a shelter if you are afraid he will do something to you and get yourself employed somewhere so that you are earning your own income.

[KG]

^^I agree with CAD...he is a very toxic person, and you will regret it sooner or later. Time to reclaim your life. Others have.