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I'm concerned my fiance may be hiding homosexual feelings for his best friend.


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I am 19 years old and engaged to a man the same age. We have been together for 1 1/2 years. For the most part our relationship is excellent! We both show love and respect for one another, he wants sex constantly (our sex life is normal and enjoyable), and we have fun together!

Recently, I have become more worried about the relationship he has the his best friend (who is of the same age). They are both causal guys (they don't at all fit into the stereotype that is put on gay people), but when they are together they do things that I have never known any straight males to do to one another. For one, they masturbate together. From what I've been told they don't watch each other, they just put on a porn and go at it with both of them in the same room. They show each other their genitalia constantly (even with me around)! They have bought each other 'fleshlight' sex toys. Lastly, they touch each others legs and groins, get erections, show them to each other, and they tickle each other! They usually both laugh at these things when they do them. His friend's parents won't even let them sleep in the same room together because they have the same suspicions! They spend SO MUCH time together they even go to the same school, and have they same classes. When they are together, he doesn't pay much attention to me. I started out with just my small suspicions and I talked to my friends about it too (a few of them are gay themselves) and they all say they believe that both of this have some kind of sexual attraction for each other. When I confronted my fience on the matter, he assured me that he is just really comfortable with his sexuality, and that they are both not your typical straight guys.... that they are just "weird" as he put it.

I assured him that I would not be upset if he just came out and told be his true feelings, but he stood firm on his beliefs.

Do you think their may be something going on, or am I overrating? I am just so used to being with or around straight men who would never think of doing those things with another male, not matter how good of friends they are.

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I only read your headline and I don't need to read the rest to tell you this.....

 

You are only 19 and more time can only help you make a better decision. If you think this or even have a reason to consider it then you need to break off the engagement ASAP, because you will either never truly know or find out too late.

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For one, they masturbate together. They show each other their genitalia constantly (even with me around)! They have bought each other 'fleshlight' sex toys. Lastly, they touch each others legs and groins, get erections, show them to each other, and they tickle each other! They usually both laugh at these things when they do them.

I have to say that if my husband masturbated with his friend, showed each other their genitals, bought each other sex toys, touch each other to reach erections etc etc, I would be outta there.

 

Also, you're both very very young, only 19 and getting married may not be such a good idea at this time, especially considering all the things you stated above. I would seriously re-think this relationship before heading for the aisle.

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We have known each other for 5 years and have been dating for 1 1/2. We have not yet planned out a date for a wedding or anything like that so we have plenty of time. I don't expect to be married until I turn 21 at least! This is the only bump in the road we have really had in our relationship. I don't really look at this as him cheating on me, I look at this as a possible 'curiosity'. I just wish that if that is the case, that he would be open and talk to me about it. I am thinking about taking up some counciling just to make sure there is no real communication problems in our relationship.

I have to say that if my husband masturbated with his friend, showed each other their genitals, bought each other sex toys, touch each other to reach erections etc etc, I would be outta there.

About the last part as far as I've been told, I don't know if they get erections from touching each other or what. He tells me that he "Randomly gets them and they just make jokes about it."

Is it possible that they may just be really close friends who are just really comfortable around each other? Needless to say... I would never do something like that around MY friends and I've known my best friend for 12 years!

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He enjoys sex with you? He loves you? He wants to marry you?

 

If he has attraction to his friend (he might) he is still wanting to be with you. I know men who are straight who act this way. They are just comfortable with themselves and there friends.

 

But you are both 19, and while I think the fact that he wants to and has a lot of sex with his female partner means he isn't gay he could be bi. What that means for a mono relationship I don't know. Some bi guys are fine just being with one person some feel the need to explore with both sexes before they settle down. But that is *if* he is bi.

 

Your both young and you can both change a lot (you don't need to be young to change a lot) if your really worried about it ask him to treat his friend like he would another girl. Meaning he wouldn't masturbate with a girl in the room with him because that would be something you wouldn't like.

 

I personally think it's a good thing. Men (and women) are so uptight about sex that they have to push other men away just to prove something. If it where me I would just be happy that I found a guy who is that comfortable with himself and can be that close with a male friend. Men like that are few and far between.

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If it where me I would just be happy that I found a guy who is that comfortable with himself and can be that close with a male friend.

You'd be very happy if your boyfriend/husband masturbate together with his friend, show each other their genitalia constantly (even with you around), buy each other 'fleshlight' sex toys, touch each others legs and groins, get erections, show them to each other? You would have absolutely NO problem with that whatsoever and be quite happy with this?

 

ETA; Cancel the above. It doesn't count if you're in an open relationship. I meant only if it was a monogomous relationship.

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You'd be very happy if your boyfriend/husband masturbate together with his friend, show each other their genitalia constantly (even with you around), buy each other 'fleshlight' sex toys, touch each others legs and groins, get erections, show them to each other? You would have absolutely NO problem with that whatsoever and be quite happy with this?

 

Um... yeah. Why wouldn't I? Men masturbate a lot. Most men go thru a time when they masturbate around each other and only stop when they are shamed out of it. She says they just comment on erections and if I'm hanging out with a male friend and he gets an erection I mention it. Joke about it. As for sex toys? Hell yeah. I buy sex toys for my friends. It's a good gift.

 

As for men showing each other there penises... well straight men do that all the time. I mean not all of them but a bunch of them. Ask around if you have some men you are close to. It's a joke. How many pictures of men putting there balls on the faces of there past out friends have you seen on the internet because I have seen a lot.

 

He might be attracted to his friend. But I wouldn't assume that. I would think about it but I wouldn't assume.

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I mostly believe that this whole thing is just him being that comfortable with his friend. It's just a small suspicion I have. I mostly believe it is innocent because his friend and I are also VERY good friends and like each other a lot! I just think it is super weird the kind of things they do with each other. They joke about being gay a lot and seem to be joking about the groping. I'm just not %100 on that just yet, but like I said.... outside of that things are pretty great! We LOVE each others company, we have fun, We have sex and there is nothing strange going on in that department. He is one of the most genuine guys I have ever met! Not afraid of much. He just acts questionable sometimes lol. I will continue to look into this, but my hopes are high that I am misunderstanding things.

One thing I know FOR SURE is that he is NOT GAY bi...maybe, but not gay. I have tapped into his collection of porn lol and he looooves women! I was just considering he may be curious is all.

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rosephase, you seem to really know what I'm talking about! Your comments have been most helpful! What you say is very true... it all seems like that's all that may be going on here. Boys being boys! I've bought sex toys for my friends too! They are good gifts lol. They don't use those around each other I'm pretty sure.

Thank you!

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I'm confused. If you don't believe your boyfriend to be homosexual/having homosexual feelings and possibly just bisexual....then what's with the title of this thread? Kinda contradicts what your latest post is saying....the OP and the last post sound totally different.

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I'm certainly not qualified to determine whether or not this behaviour reveals any tendency toward homosexuality (being neither gay nor able to read minds), but it IS odd. Certainly it's odd based on my experience. I'm not sure I'd put it down, as you did in your last post, to merely "boys being boys." I'm a "boy", and I've got a lot of guy friends, but we've none of us got up to these kinds of shenanigans.

 

I wouldn't bolt just yet, but I wouldn't bury my head in the sand either. Be alert, not alarmed.

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actually that was pretty normal where I'm from. a ton of guys did this in high school and a little after graduation as well. I think its just curiosity because as far as I know all those guys turned out to be straight. now I have seen similar situations where I still think the guys had to be at least bi but it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. just don't rush into marriage, I've seen way too many people get married young and divorce not even a year after.

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It sounds very unusual to me but I think it is great when people can be so open with their sexuality. I will say though what you are describing is a bit of a "triangle" relationship. Triangle relationships are notoriously unstable, they might work in the short run, but something usually gives after some time. I would be surprised if your arrangement would last in the long run.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I wouldn't even worry about whether he's gay or not - he's way too immature to be engaged.

 

Personally (as a mum of adults) if his parents have suspicions, then I would go with that. They've known him all his life and they would know if he's just 'boisterous' around friends normally. Do they have suspicions because he and his friend show each other their genitals at the dinner table, or something?!

 

The difference between your title and OP and your later comments shrieks DENIAL! to me. But that's your choice.

 

If you feel genuinely happy that you're getting enough attention here, fine. But I have to agree with a previous poster, this is not good news for your long term relationship with him. At the very least try to picture getting the children to bed, exhausted after a long day, whilst he and his friend clown around downstairs. (And incidentally, he may be an exhibitionist, and that may have implications for family life - ie whether you get to keep your kids - down the line).

 

I'm astounded that you're happy with this. In fact I'd go so far as to say that you aren't, or else why are you here? He's still 13 and you're almost 20. If you want to go out with a 13 year old then don't complain about his behaviour.

 

Personally, I'd talk to his parents again. How did they express their concerns to you? And why go so far as to ban his friend?

 

I bet YOUR parents are worried too... or else you hide this from them, which also tells you something about your true feelings.

 

BTW he does NOT 'show respect for you' and your sex life is NOT 'normal' in this respect. Can you tell us why you have recently become more concerned about this? If it has just started? Or if you've tolerated it till now?

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I'm 19 and in college. I do this with my guy friends all the time... Except the masturbation part. But the thing is that I'm bi sooooooo yeah.... But he sounds as if he comfortable with his sexuality. I mean I do this with straight guys and we just like to have fun. Haha

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