Climbing back up.

[Batya33]

Yeah, I feel much better. I just don't know how to communicate that it doesn't matter if it's ill-intentioned or not-- not communicating with each other regularly is really hard for me and makes me feel crappy.

 

Just tell him directly and simply - in 10 words or less. Of course you feel crappy about it!

[Firiel]

Come October, I am totally switching my mobile provider. I pay up the butt for service-- $100/month. It looks like there is a Verizon plan where I can get nearly the same service for ~$50 a month. Fifty extra dollars a month would actually be great for my financial health (saving and all that).

[OptomisticGirl]

We got L a pay as you go iPhone on Verizon (even with his excellent credit they wanted a $400 deposit) for $45 a month. No idea why my mom pays like $200 for our family plan!

[Firiel]

We got L a pay as you go iPhone on Verizon (even with his excellent credit they wanted a $400 deposit) for $45 a month. No idea why my mom pays like $200 for our family plan!

 

That's the one I was looking at!

 

What's up with the deposit? I didn't see anything about that on the website. Was it paying for the first months in advance? Do you get the money back after a time or do they keep it until you leave the program?

[OptomisticGirl]

That's the one I was looking at!

 

What's up with the deposit? I didn't see anything about that on the website. Was it paying for the first months in advance? Do you get the money back after a time or do they keep it until you leave the program?

 

Oh no! Originally he wanted to go the 2 year contract route and that was what they were going to require the $400 deposit.

 

With the pay as you go we just paid for the phone (he got an iPhone 4 from Verizon for $100) and the first month's bill up front. After that it was just the monthly bill. So the initial amount you pay is really just based on what type of iPhone you want (the newer the model, the more they are going to be obviously).

[Firiel]

Oh no! Originally he wanted to go the 2 year contract route and that was what they were going to require the $400 deposit.

 

With the pay as you go we just paid for the phone (he got an iPhone 4 from Verizon for $100) and the first month's bill up front. After that it was just the monthly bill. So the initial amount you pay is really just based on what type of iPhone you want (the newer the model, the more they are going to be obviously).

 

Oooooh! I understand now. That makes sense. Yeah, I have an iPhone already, so it really works wells for me. I love that if you are approaching your data limit, you can just buy more. It seems like a really great system. I'm just counting down to October so I can switch!

[BigKK]

Glad the phone convo put you at ease! Sorry you're struggling with this Firiel, I think distance can be really tough and it doesn't sound like he's necessarily good at it...you need to continue to communicate with him how you feel. I think the question then becomes, will he do it more often since he loves and cares for you and wants you to feel better, or will he get resentful since that is a burden for him...if so, then maybe he's not cut out for distance. Obviously the best answer would be he wants to talk as much as you and then this wouldn't be an issue.

[Firiel]

We had a good conversation yesterday. It was hard in general because we were each talking about hard stuff/feelings that we are going through individually, but it was a really good talk in terms of our relationship because we were open and caring and all that good stuff.

 

I was telling him about how I'm feeling depressed again, and I'm worried because I think it might stick around for a while and he hasn't seen me really depressed yet. Generally (especially around him), I'm quite upbeat in demeanor. His nickname for me is "sweet goof." So I told him that I was scared that I was sad and that he wouldn't like this side of me and it would be too much for him. I said, "I'm worried I won't be happy enough to be your sweet goof." He replied with, "Well, then you can me my sad goof."

 

And it was really nice just to hear him say that he's there for me even if I don't act exactly the way I did when we first got together. I know that his saying that doesn't mean it's true, even if he thinks he means it. But it's still reassuring because it was said genuinely.

[BigKK]

That is a nice reassuring feeling, but like you said, the proof will be in the pudding! I hope you figure this out, I don't know how long you will be able to last. (Not trying to be a downer, but just from the sounds of it)

 

Do you have any friends to come to your next race? Is the exercise helping with your depression at all? I have been feeling a little up and down myself, and the exercise always sort of "balanced" me...right now it feels like it kind of has an effect but not all the way. So I'm curious on your own experience/state of mind

[Firiel]

He certainly has been accepting of me (even the less-than-perfect parts) so far. I feel really safe opening up to him.

 

Yeah, my family is coming to my race tomorrow. My dad loves nothing more than seeing his kids compete!

 

Exercise really helps with my depression and anxiety. Actually, I've been wondering if part of the reason I've been feeling especially crappy this week is because it's taper week and I've not been doing much. It doesn't "cure" me (as in, I can still struggle with anxiety and depression when exercising a lot), but it certainly helps. It's been so long since I haven't exercised 5+ times a week (over five years) that I have a hard time knowing what I would be like if I didn't exercise.

[Batya33]

You'll see if his actions match his words. I'm glad you feel safe being open with him.

 

I agree that exercise helps a lot!

[Firiel]

Through crazy random happenstance, G has a lead not just on a job but on a dream job. *fingers crossed*

[BigKK]

Through crazy random happenstance, G has a lead not just on a job but on a dream job. *fingers crossed*

That is great news! Hopefully he lands it!

[Firiel]

Uuuuuugh.

 

I am so utterly low emotionally right now. It's been a really bad for the last few weeks. With the roommate moving and me moving (accross town) and not having many friends left and missing G, I'm just out of it. I've been a weepy, emotional wreck. It's been coming out mostly in catastrophic thinking (GOING TO DIE ALONE!!!) and anxiety about money (even though I'm fine financially). And just being sad. All. The. Time.

 

I just want to see G. And, unfortunately, due to the financial stresses of moving, I won't be able to see him until the end of the month. I just feel awful.

 

And it's hella windy (the wrong direction, too) outside and I have to bike home today.

[Realitynut]

Think of it this way...the month is half over!!!

 

I feel for you Firiel! I know how it feels to be depressed....I thought you were thinking of moving to his city? are you still contemplating that??

 

I wish G was more communicative while gone. Do you skype? I know it's not the same as having someone's arms around you.

Count down to seeing G.....only 2 more more weeks........

[Firiel]

I am still thinking of moving to his city, though the application process has slowed down due to more pressing matters (living arrangements).

 

I'm just not all that hopeful of finding a job there with only a year of work experience. G's been much better about being communicative. I think he's adjusting to long distance. It's just... still really hard. *sigh*

[BigKK]

Glad to hear he's starting to pick it up with the communication... I think it might of been the initial shock with all the changes, and like you said...adjusting to long distance.

 

Distance sucks and I feel for you, I don't think I'm cut out for it personally. Did you mention to him about you moving to his city?

[redrose85]

**hugs** must be something in the air. I am feeling the same way today. Too bad you don’t live here. All but one of my friends have moved away too. I know how that is... lonely.

[Firiel]

*sigh*

 

I've recovered from my incredible funk a bit for the time being.

 

Feeling the strain of my upcoming (within the city) move and of sustaining a long distance relationship. Applied for another job in Pretty City yesterday. Need to start packing for the move. Not like I have anything else to do.

[redrose85]

glad you are feeling less funky.

 

F, why not meet some new people in your town?

[Firiel]

I guess I just don't really know how to go about it, you know?

 

On a better note, I learned about headband curls and tried them last night. It's a no-heat overnight curl style. It worked surprisingly well, and I've NEVER been able to get my hair to curl. I'm going to do this somewhat regularly from now on. There are a ton of how-to videos on YouTube, but this is the basic process:

 

image removed

 

NOTE: Not me. I stole the pic from here: link removed

[Batya33]

How does the headband feel at night? Was it harder to sleep? Thanks for sharing!

[Firiel]

My headband was WAY too tight. I had just purchased it (and it's thinner than the one in the picture), and it needs to be stretched out some. I'll probably put it around something like my bike helmet for a day-ish to stretch it out a little. Even though it was too tight, I was still able to sleep just fine. I suspect if the headband weren't too tight, I wouldn't have noticed it at all. The hair doesn't seem to get in the way in regards to sleeping. The plus side of a tight headband was that it held really well, even though I'm a wild sleeper.

 

My hair was up for probably about 11 hours total. I put it up around 8:30pm and took it out around 7:30am when I got to work. My hair was a little damp when I took the headband off because of my bike ride (it was sprinkling for a bit of the ride, plus a little head sweat). I think the curl would be holding even better if my hair had been 100% dry. I also think that as I get better at tucking the hair in, my curls will be better formed.

 

The other plus side is that if you can tuck the hair in neatly (I'm still learning on that one!), the preparation hairstyle can be pretty cute. I can see wearing my hair up to work and taking it down after work to go out:

image removed

 

Stolen from Google: link removed

[OptomisticGirl]

Hm! I'll have to try that!

 

Lord knows my hair never does what I want it to do anyway! haha

[Firiel]

INTERVIEW!!!

 

G got the interview for the writing job! I hope he gets the position-- he would thrive in a job like that. Pluuuuus... it's a sports website/company (he's interviewing for a job writing about bikes!), and he would get a discount on all the gear which means I could get cheap gear.

 

Guys, send a million good thoughts/prayers his way, depending on your particular persuasion!