Why men love btches...?

[Allyo]

Has anyone ever read the book Why Men Love Btches by Sherry Argov? What are you thoughts on the subject? I basically am against most relationship advice books/magazines... especially Cosmo... but after my friend kept talking about this book and eventually passed me an electronic copy I read the first half and browsed through the second half of the book.

 

For anyone who hasn't read the book... The author uses btch as more of a catchphrase but it doesn't mean a conniving, btchy woman in the traditional sense. It is basically an independent, strong women who stands up for herself and doesn't take sht from men.

 

The book outlines a bunch of attraction principles, but here is a basic summary of the book: A woman should focus on her own life and be confident and happy with who she is first, stop chasing men, and the men who are really interested will flock to her. A woman has to act like a prize to be won instead of constantly trying to woo and impress her man. She must always remember her self worth and try to analyze what a man can really offer her instead of rushing into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Being needy is a no no. For a example, a needy woman gets mad at her man for calling late... A btchy woman (in the Argov sense) acts indifferent, doesn't let her emotions run wild, and may or may not answer the phone when her man finally returns the call since she is so busy with her own life that she doesn't really care. You don't try to endlessly pamper your man or please him, driving to his house at all hours of the night or baking him four-course meals, at least at the beginning of the relationship... or you will easily become his doormat. A sexy woman is natural and confident, offering a mental challenge to a man. If a woman doesn't try to put her man in a cage or limit and restrict his freedom, the man will chase the woman and try to put her in his cage.

 

I mean these are things that I have learned throughout the years of dating, but it is nice to kind of read them all in one place. The book bases itself on many gender stereotypes, but I feel like it is still empowering to women who are also taught from the young age through the media that they have to act in a certain way and be a certain type of sexy to attract men. I can't remember how many times I fell into the same traps myself in dating... trying too hard to be sexy and attractive... so happy that he finally called or came through that I was willing to jump through hoops to please him... wanting to be in a relationship without even really knowing why or thinking about myself first...

 

I would also love to hear men's perspective on all this...

[Theblueman123]

Men like attractive women, and strength is part of that attraction. Evil women who don't care about anything are prizes, and been go after them so they can get them, not keep them.

[Allyo]

Ohh noo!! Why would it get deleted? What did I do wrong? What would I have to change? I was just looking for opinions..

[goodfoot]

Your summary sounds like good advice for guys too.

[vivia12]

I have both of her books and many times i have to reread it,its for women,and maybe she should write something for guys too..maybe

 

however her books explains much more than the Rules does,many tims these books have great advices,but then i get hardheaded and not follow them,then it says exactly what i've done wrong,so its a really good read.

[Kaiser_Soze]

Alpha males love em because their a challenge.

 

Omega males love em because they take a leadership role in a relationship. The problem with that is although many strong women initially enjoy the leading role they can easily lose respect for a man who doesn't show strength and confidence of their own.

[EternalSingle]

Women get away with murder, literally.

[pinkelephant]

I liked it to an extent. I like the "be yourself, don't take any crap" part. I dislike the playing games part of it, which is what it is -- just sugar coated and made out to be something else.

[EternalSingle]

I liked it to an extent. I like the "be yourself, don't take any crap" part. I dislike the playing games part of it, which is what it is -- just sugar coated and made out to be something else.

 

Women love playing games.

[Mauxly]

Ugh. I kind of hate this. Men are initially attracted to me because I am really strong. But once inside of a relationship I kind of lose that strength, I can't be ON all the time.

[jul-els]

Sounds like a lot of game playing if you're not the "b!tch" type as described. It's never a good idea to try to be something you genuinely are not. If you can love yourself for who you are then everything else comes into play naturally, as it should if a person wants to be happy.

[shes2smart]

Women love playing games.

 

We do? Crap. There's another memo I missed.

 

OP: regarding the potential mod edits on your posts - removing one letter from a word that's in the naughty language filter is generally not sufficient to "clean it up" enough. So in your title, I'd have written it "B-word" or "B******" or "rhymes with witch" etc., or used "crap" instead of deleting a vowel. Look at it as a chance to expand your vocabulary. That's my .02 as a former mod.

 

This book has been discussed on multiple threads here before, so most people are familiar with it. A little creative take on the title won't throw people off.

[Kaiser_Soze]

Ugh. I kind of hate this. Men are initially attracted to me because I am really strong. But once inside of a relationship I kind of lose that strength, I can't be ON all the time.

 

Don't hate it. Guys who are attracted to that strength initially don't want it to remain as intense. I know as a guy I want my girl to be vulnerable and have a softer side. I am one who values a strong independent women, but if she maintains that strength in our relationship it could be perceived as a wall or lack of being fully invested in our relationship. I think you are doing what comes natural for you and it is the right way to be. If your bf's are walking on you when you show vulnerability, thats a separate issue.

[shes2smart]

Sounds like a lot of game playing if you're not the (b-type) as described. It's never a good idea to try to be something you genuinely are not. If you can love yourself for who you are then everything else comes into play naturally, as it should if a person wants to be happy.

 

Agreed...and that applies to everyone - male, female, hermaphrodite, straight, gay, bi, sell, whatever.....

[top bloke]

Burn the book. What happens when someone is attracted to you based on a book and then they realise that you are a fake? You will be in a breakup. Be yourself..love yourself. a A guy is attracted to each woman as an individual. Dont kill your personality by a book..be yourself.

[FathomFear]

A woman has to act like a prize to be won instead of constantly trying to woo and impress her man.

 

I'm gay and can't speak as a straight guy on this topic, but I think the above mindset is borderline dangerous and is not liberating for women at all. It still frames women as "the prize". i.e., the object--whereas the man is the subject, seeking out or attempting to "win" the prize. It's not a healthy dynamic.

[Allyo]

Wow!!! A lot of strong responses already... Well I think is it never good to pretend to be like somebody you aren't, but at the same time I think this is all good advice for women who don't know where to start in the dating game or who have felt hurt or used by men in the past.

 

I guess the most important message, as always, is to have confidence in yourself and don't go head over heels to please a man. If women get away with murder, then men get away with mass murder!! I think it is only fair, I feel like overall women suffer more in relationships. I have seen such situations over and over again in my own life and in my friend's relationships. In my opinion, a little strategy and dignity shouldn't mean that you are changing who you are as a person.

[Allyo]

I'm gay and can't speak as a straight guy on this topic, but I think the above mindset is borderline dangerous and is not liberating for women at all. It still frames women as "the prize". i.e., the object--whereas the man is the subject, seeking out or attempting to "win" the prize. It's not a healthy dynamic.

 

I hope I didn't do a bad representation of the book! I think you make a good point, but I guess I took it a little differently. A woman who truly values and loves herself will show that in her demeanor and come accross as attractive to other people. She knows that she is a "prize" because she values herself and sets high standards.

[Night Pumpkin]

A real relationship is built entirely on love. It isn't build by one person increasing their status and expecting someone else to "prize" them. It isn't about anyone promoting themselves, nor about anyone tearing someone else done. It's about two people creating an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance.

[Mauxly]

A real relationship is built entirely on love. It isn't build by one person increasing their status and expecting someone else to "prize" them. It isn't about anyone promoting themselves, nor about anyone tearing someone else done. It's about two people creating an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance.

 

Thank you! I agree.

I think the attraction to strength is an attraction to someone who you know can hold their own, be an equal partner and not lean so much on the other one that they drag them down.

But I also think that we need to be able to support each other through times of need. And I think that some men attach themselves to really strong women because they want a mommy. I don't want a full grown son.

 

I think I'm just going to be myself. Make some better decisions about who I date, and see what happens!

[Allyo]

A real relationship is built entirely on love. It isn't build by one person increasing their status and expecting someone else to "prize" them. It isn't about anyone promoting themselves, nor about anyone tearing someone else done. It's about two people creating an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance.

 

Hmm, that sounds very sweet and I certainly hope it is true... but I feel like that comes at a later stage in the relationship. If you start out with that mindset, don't you kind of just scare people off?

[shes2smart]

My take on it is that "prize" is simply shorthand for this underlying idea: Keep in mind that you are capable of being a great partner and have a lot to offer someone. You also deserve to have that in return. You should not have to grovel, beg or convince someone to be with you.

[Mauxly]

If you start out with that mindset, don't you kind of just scare people off?

 

I think it depends on who you are to start with, and the kind of people you are attracted to.

 

I'm starting to pay a lot more attention to the healthy, long term, loving relationships around me. Focusing on what they did right. And I'm not seeing a lot of game playing in those relationships. I just see people that fell in love and spend a lot of wonderful time together. Not over analyzing everything, just being happy and keeping it simple.

 

Rare.

[FathomFear]

She knows that she is a "prize" because she values herself and sets high standards.

 

The key, though, is that a woman is no more of a "prize" than a man. Everyone should value themselves and set high standards for themselves. It's not gender-specific advice.

[Night Pumpkin]

The standard you use to judge other people will be the standard used to judge you. If you think you are special and expect other people to meet your high standards, don't be surprised when your significant other also thinks they are special, and expects you to also live up to their own unrealistic standards.

 

I think unconditional love on both parties is better...