SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hi, Im currently in NC after a strange/out of the blue break up. Im finding it so hard not to ask 'WHY' but I know I wouldnt get an answer, he didnt have the respect to even break up with me over the phone or too my face he just hinted by text till I did it for my own dignity. Anyone else finding it hard? Im still struggling to eat, or sleep, and my chest literally is aching like my hearts really broken inside. One minute Im fine, the next crying.... Link to comment
Guy RN Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hi Blue. Not in NC, but I just wanted to chip in there and say Hang in There. It seems like you've given a lot of advice here, and I hope that you're able to find the comfort and support you need. One Day At A Time. One Baby Step At A Time. You can do it. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I'm trying to go back into NC, as you know my ex has contacted me and I am realizing that I really don't want to be with him anymore. I keep telling him this and he keeps saying he HAS TO BE WITH ME. It hurts because inside I know its really over. I feel awful. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 I think you should and stick to it. Someone cant disappear on you for nine months and expect everything to be back to normal. He probably just realised the grass isnt greener. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Big hugs Blue. It's really hard! My ex sent me an e-mail today about how he did in an athletic competition. Just his result, not asking how I am or anything. I thought "REALLY, after everything, THIS???!!! Why don't you tell the girl you're having sex with - she might care, because I don't!". Ugh. I decided to just delete it and not reply, but it took everything I had not to just send something snarky back. Go to bed sweetie! It's so late in England. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 I know, I know I should but I slept in till late and now can't sleep. I got to be up at like 7.00am too...eugh My heart is just...shattered Link to comment
Emi85 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I'm so sorry Blue! A guy who doesn't have the dignity and respect to sit down with you and tell you in person is not a man anyway. That is what little boys, who do not know how to deal with life issues do. You deserve much much better!!!! Hang in there. You can do it! He doesn't deserve you! Hugs. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I know, I know I should but I slept in till late and now can't sleep. I got to be up at like 7.00am too...eugh My heart is just...shattered I'm so sorry. My heart really goes out to you. This might not help, but it's normal for you to feel shattered. It's normal to still be grappling for answers, have unanswered questions ... Just because you've decided to move on doesn't mean you've got to be over it now. It will get better, I promise. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I talked about it a lot with my therapist. He said that people typically start to feel better within 4-8 weeks, as in sometime within that time there is a substantial improvement in their mood and they are no longer having trouble functioning, and then after that every day it gets a little bit better - unless contact is made, in which case they typically go downhill a bit. Of course, mileage may vary and all that. But I know one of the things that terrified me during my break-up was reading ENA, and feeling like some people never got over their break-ups ... you do read posts from people 3,4,5 years out ... I think that is very unusual, and just a reflection of the mission of the site. Anyway, for me what he said was very true. There is light at the end of the tunnel Blue! Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Break-ups are terrible, but please don't stop taking care of yourself hun! When I was 19 I had the same thing happen. I lost seven pounds and got really sick. Please make yourself eat, and if you can't do that I suggest milkshakes because you will get a lot of calories from them. And bubble baths. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 Thank you, I dont know what I'd do without this site. It is very enlightening in many ways. Without It I dont think I would have found the courage to walk away. I should have known that everytime he dissapeared I did the chasing, and one time I should have known he'd pull the 'Im no good for youuu' Card. Link to comment
Guy RN Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Break-ups are terrible, but please don't stop taking care of yourself hun! When I was 19 I had the same thing happen. I lost seven pounds and got really sick. Please make yourself eat, and if you can't do that I suggest milkshakes because you will get a lot of calories from them. And bubble baths. There's a lot to be said for chocolate and backrubs too! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 Backrubs off who? Aw man thats a depressing thought. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Backrubs off who? Aw man thats a depressing thought. I think this is the perfect time to let your mother baby you a bit! Breakfast in bed, backrubs, why not?! I had a terrible week a few weeks ago, so I booked myself an hour and a half massage - I get a discounted rate at my uni. It was lovely, and I felt so relaxed afterwards! Link to comment
Mustachio Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hey blue. Sorry to hear about your situation. I am always one to talk, dont know if you have seen any of my posts, but I basically end up saying a lot of the same things over and over again. So I am always up for talking. So lets talk. I am at day 48 right now. It got a lot better for me after about 3 weeks of NC, but it has been up and down. I have deeper issues, but in the meantime I really do find that focusing on little goals for myself really really helps with my day to day moods. Go exercise, take up a hobby, anything really... I mean, I have lost 25 pounds in the last 2 and a half months and i feel great, I still struggle with the breakup every day, but there is a lot to look forward to in life without my ex making me feel horrible. Link to comment
Spondence Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hi, Im currently in NC after a strange/out of the blue break up. my chest literally is aching like my hearts really broken inside..... I know that feeling. It's like someone is standing on your chest and you can't breath. Very bizarre the whole thing really. The natural human response condition that is. Link to comment
ReturnToSender Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Hi blue I’m in NC as well been about 4 months for me and it has gotten a bit easier for me at this point. I use to dwell about our break up every day I let it control my life at least that's how it felt. Now I feel much better and I can say that it just takes time, I still have my days here and there but I don’t let them take over my life anymore. I know how you feel as I been there before just try to keep your head up and stay positive. In time it will get better in the meantime surround yourself with good friends and family. Talk about it whenever you feel the need and you'll see that it does get better. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 I wish I could sleep its 4am and I need to be up at 7am but i cannot sleep I've tried. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I wish I could sleep its 4am and I need to be up at 7am but i cannot sleep I've tried. Itll pass. I know, I had a good week of mostly sleepless nights at first. Didnt get to bed one night till 2am then woke up before 4. Repeat a few nights, then it slowly got better. I got back together with my girlfriend soon after, but then she left me again, even worse circumstances and you know what. I havent missed a single night of sleep since then. It will definitely pass. Just take it for what it is, and on those long sleepless nights, find a family member or a friend who you can count on, and stay with them or have them stay with you. My dad came by that one night of less than 2 hours of sleep and it helped a lot just knowing he was there in case I needed him. Just remember, it will pass. And you can get through this. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 I just keep blaming myself...like why couldnt i have made him see he made me happy not miserable BUT I think it was an excuse, deep down I know he was playing games, I knew it, he lies, he dissapears, hes been making excuses and lying since the beginning, but thats not the guy I knew....ahhh but it is. I just have to keep reminding myself he doesnt want me, I cant change it, At least I ended it instead of letting him drag it out over more days. Link to comment
Guy RN Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 You could go to one of those places that teaches people to do massage and usually they'll do it for pretty cheap. Seriously, treat yourself ... it'll be awesome! Link to comment
top bloke Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 What can I say young lady? You always help others here..are kindhearted and did absolutely nothing wrong. I know you are in pain right now but you dont deserve to feel that way and he doesnt deserve you. There comes a time when a man must put his cards on the table to his woman and come clean. He did not. He just dissappeared like that. Get to bed now..turn off the computer and just rest...Dont harm yourself over it..get to bed.. Hugs. Link to comment
waveseer Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 You are fortunate to be free of this push me, pull me relationship. Now you can heal and move on to better things! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 I wish I believed he didnt deserve me, maybe he just deserves someone better, less critical and who was happier But its like...I havent changed....why is the me now so unbearable? Why does he suddenly think he makes me sad? The annoying thing is we had an adult convo about forgetting the past moving on, we were, we had a great week/weekend and then hes gone Link to comment
Mustachio Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 He doesnt deserve you. And more importantly, you dont deserve him. You deserve better. That is more important now than thinking about what he does or doesnt deserve. Just know you deserve better. Maybe he changed... maybe he want from being just not a great guy to a really terrible guy. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Share Posted November 17, 2009 Its hard. He wouldnt even break up with me, he drove me to do it...and all this by text. Couldnt even speak to me on the phone. WHY do i give a monkeys about someone who dissapears, lies, lets me down Link to comment
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