Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 My ex. and I have been broken up for 2 months. She has no contacted for the whole two months. From the little info I can gather, it is as if she hates me and she is not dating anyone else yet. The reason for our breakups was because of a pretty nasty argument over something little. (Probably something bigger than what it appeared to be about). I made attempts to contact her. Nothing worked. But I have this feeling lately that she is going to comeback. It is in me. I wrote her a letter last weekend, but that was more for me. I started NC, but again that was more for me. But I cannot shake this feeling that she is going to comeback. I try to tell myself she is not going to, but I really feel like she will comeback. Not tomorrow, but one day. For some odd reason, I feel like she is enjoying her singleness right now and then she is going to realize that what we had was special. That she will comeback and we will have a stronger relationship. Is this just part of the healing process? Or am I just delusional? Link to comment
kt_belle Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 i know exactly how you feel. I've started NC with my ex and i still feel like he's going to come back even though he's told me that we couldnt' be together at the moment (maybe in the future) and he's seriously thinking about moving away to a diff part of the state! Its so hard to move on when you still feel this way hey? Link to comment
Greedy Toad Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 It is part of the healing process for a lot of people and it is also delusional. It becomes a problem if the delusion doesn't fade out with time, and you realise that there is a big fat wonderful life ahead of you that doesn't actually involve her. Misery will ALWAYS want to be your best friend, don't let it be. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thanks: I definitely feel like I am making some progress each day with moving on. Its just this inner feeling where I believe that she is going to comeback. Maybe its just "hope." But I don't want to hope. I just want to move forward and forget about her. Link to comment
yonkeehoi Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 That exact same thing happened to me once. She's gone Nappy. Lick your wounds and move on. Otherwise you're just subconsciously easing your pain by 'convincing yourself' she's coming back. Face the pain. It'll be over sooner. Link to comment
Sparchitecht Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 If you're basing this idea on logical interpretations of the personality of the female, maybe. If you've known her well for a long time and seen such a pattern or other indicators then I'd say you may have something going for that theory. Unfortunately, what you're more than likely dealing with is a feeling born out of no specified area inside you that you are using simply as a comforting mechanism to keep your deeper ego shielded from the more harsh facts of the situation and the emotional hurt therein. It's like a way of providing an excuse to yourself. It's OK that I don't move on and grieve and get out there and get over her because she'll be back and then everything will be OK 100% Yup Yup Yup. Take it from me, I still believe I've got one coming back for me and that we're going to fall in love and live happily ever after and I don't want anyone else but her and hence it's OK I'm not out there on the dating scene right now but instead inside here wallowing in my own misery and self-discontentment until that day. Aww, not sad enough for you? OK, here's balls-up: this is going on 15 years back in the spring. Look at the age under my avatar then do the math and think of what that means. Try and consider all the things I missed out on, cut out of, didn't get or flat-out avoided in the most important years of my life all because of this quaint little neurotic delusion I've allowed all-so-innocently to render me comfortably numb. Don't start playing with fire; the human mind is far more brittle than any other organ you own. Link to comment
gee Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Man, I was the same way when my ex left me. That thought was always in my head that she would come back someday. You have to try to release those thoughts from your mind and live your life. It's been 2yrs now since the break up and I'm glad I let go of those thoughts. They can do some serious damage I tell ya. Be good to yourself and don't waste anymore time. If she ever comes back she will let you know. But for now you have to completely let her go. Good luck! gee Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thanks: I do know her, but here is what I am thinking sometimes. We got into a bad argument and she left (I told her to leave, but then I walked away and she left awhile later). She has done that before. She now lives with this lady that 1) hates me 2) is dead set against my ex. being with me 3) has interfere with several peoples relationships. I sit here and say that its because of her new roommate. That even if ex. misses me. Roommate is going to say everything negative about me so that my ex. just thinks she right. Then there is the part of me that wants to believe that my ex. is making her own decision. But having dealt with ex. before I know that she is highly influenced by this lady and her sisters. I may just be making excuses for her, because I want to believe that she still loves me. But also, everyone one of my other exes came back at some point. Many girls I dated came back at some point. Whether its as friends or to date again. Right now, I want to move forward. I hate this. I was usually confident, strong, opinionated, but extreme happy with who I was. I admit part of it was the cause for the breakup. Because I was too selfish. I want that old me back. It has been gone for two months. See I want to get out there. I don't know if I want to start dating, but I want to get out there and meet new people. I want to have a life back instead of sitting here grieving over her. She was terrific, but that doesn't mean I have to spend the rest of my life missing her. My mother even caught me by surprise one day when she even said that this wasn't me. That I don't get this upset over women. It may just be an excuse like you said Sparchitecht. I just really don't know. Link to comment
waveseer Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 True freedom happens when I make the decision that it doesn't matter if my ex comes back or not, I am done. Link to comment
BlueRizla Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 True freedom happens when I make the decision that it doesn't matter if my ex comes back or not, I am done. '' I '' being the most important part of that statement. I totally agree. Nappylox..it does take some time to get to the above but will do you no harm to start thinking in those terms from now on and regain some control over your feelings. Link to comment
Sparchitecht Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Never focus your life's choices on the intangible. What will come of her is not now, hence it is never. The future only shows up if we get up and go over to it. My van is down to a quarter tank of gas. This is tangible. Wanting to fill up before I get caught short is tangible. Waiting for a hobo to walk by in traffic and cough and drop a golden lamp that bounces into my open window emitting a genie that grants me a free tank of gas is not tangible. I can make up as many neurotic mental connections as I like, but it can't change the course of any life other than mine. You're allowed to make all these observations about your ex and the likelihood of her roommate's influence and such, and the only time it's considered a bad thing is when it interferes with the healthy functioning of YOUR life. Just like I could do all kinds of mathematical calculations so that my van was parked just the right way for a golden lantern to bounce into it on the moment the opportunity arises, and that'd be all fine and dandy unless and until the point where my ignoring to gas up because of this belief caused me to run out of fuel at the roadside thus impeding my normal day-to-day functioning based on neurosis. Wouldn't it also be possible that your ex's roommate is taking her out on the town to help her get over you and she's just days away from running into her knight in shining armor? Or maybe she's already looking up some guy that she digs. She could have someone at work who's been waiting forever for a chance to take her out. Or is is more likely she'll take a long while to recoup and finally find by the end of it that she has no feelings for you left anymore and can't really remember whatever it was that she once saw in you? Perhaps she hates your guts and will never let herself admit that she still loves you because of how bad you hurt her and hence she'll never give you any other chance than to run when she gets you in her headlights. Or maybe she's been assimilated by an agent of the matrix and no longer exists as we once knew her... While I ramble, I hope you get my point, which is that there are dozens of other tangible routes for her life to follow that are just as likely as the one you're banking on (especially the matrix one, that happens ALL the time). Do any of my possible contemplations make you feel comfortable as yours does? Do any of mine hearken to bitter emotions in yourself? Look within for this one, young Skywalker, it's not about her anymore... Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 I get your point. There could be many possibilities. That's what sucks is that there was no closure. I think I am just picking the possibility that like you said earlier is most comforting for me. But reading your post. About her dating someone else, hating me, etc... Its strange because I felt nothing. It didn't get a tingle or anything when I read any of those scenarios. The most likely scenario knowing my ex. is that "Perhaps she hates your guts and will never let herself admit that she still loves you because of how bad you hurt her and hence she'll never give you any other chance than to run when she gets you in her headlights." And that she is not the girl who once existed. (She has become an agent). Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 If she ever comes back she will let you know. But for now you have to completely let her go. Good luck! gee Completely being the hardest part. But I am trying. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 True freedom happens when I make the decision that it doesn't matter if my ex comes back or not, I am done. ' I '' being the most important part of that statement. I totally agree. Nappylox..it does take some time to get to the above but will do you no harm to start thinking in those terms from now on and regain some control over your feelings. I think I am slowly getting there. Even though I feel that she may comeback. I also think about how I am building a wall around my heart. I am trying to regain some control over the feelings. There was a time when I thought if she came back, I will find a way to buy the ring and marry her. But now I think, how do know she would be serious and not just run again after the next fight. I can't wait until that true freedom comes. I am thinking that dating again will help. I know I can approach women, but I just never want to call them. This weekend I am thinking about giving it another shot with it being halloween and all, do you guys think that will help? Link to comment
matador1972 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 This has been one of the most helpful posts i have seen on here, im sitting feeling the same as the OP, im going to print this post out, and stick it in my wallet till i realise she actually aint coming back. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thanks everyone: I woke up this morning thinking about this post. And like I said in my NC challenge. I realized that she is not coming back. I now just have to start fully accepting it. I have read so many posts and I see people having LC thinking that their ex. will change and come back or ex. will realize how much they love the person. I know in my mind and heart I have changed. I know in my mind and heart that I can love her better. But my ex. wants no part of it. If she still had an ounce of love for me, she would be curious and have LC, but she doesn't. Sometimes I read the post about LC and just wish I had LC so I can show my ex. how much I really have learned from this experience. But in the end, she doesn't want it. So why give someone something they don't want, especially when it only hurts me. Link to comment
rapunzel Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Trust me, you definitely do NOT want low contact. I have low contact with my ex due to being in a music group with him so I see him anywhere from 1-3 times a month. It's pure hell. He's now dating someone else ...fun, fun, fun. You can never show your ex how you've changed, it just doesn't work that way. You can't convince someone to want to be with you. Low contact does not bring an ex back. No contact does not bring an ex back. Nothing brings an ex back except an ex. An ex that realizes he/she wants you back and lets you know in no uncertain terms. The only way an ex will realize what they have lost is if you disappear - poof - and go full No Contact. And it may take a lot longer than you would like. And they very well may come back when it's too late. Oh, and of course, they may not come back at all. Such is life! Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thanks. I know its in her hands now. And it may switch to be back in my hands. I think LC would be a start. I can only say so much in emails and texts. But I am committed to NC, not for her but for me. Link to comment
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