Taking a "break"

[CAgirl]

Last night my boyfriend of two months suggested that we take a break. It wasn’t out of the blue. We have been having relationship issues with being angry at each other for little things and he has been having a hard time trusting me because I go to parties.

 

Normally, our relationship is very affectionate. I care about him deeply . We met at my friend's birthday party. Both of us had just come out of relationships but we decided to become boyfriend and girlfriend. We hung out constantly until I had to go back to college after the summer ended. I even met his parents, his brother, and most of his close friends. Now, he is about a 2 hour drive away from me.

 

During our conversation he told me he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship and that he still cared about me a lot and that he missed me. He said that we moved too fast. I was so scared that he was going to really, truly break up with me but he kept saying he wanted to just take a break. I really want the real thing from him. I want our relationship to be different and long term. I told him that and I asked him to give me two weeks of No Contact at all between us and then on October 15 to finally talk and see how we both feel.

 

It has not even been a day and already I feel so devastated. I miss him and I am so scared that I am just prolonging the inevitable. I know that I should just wait it out but what I really need is some strength and encouragement. Has this ever happened to anyone? Do you think that not talking for two weeks will save our relationship? Did I do the right thing? Opinions please. I need help.

[greywolf]

Hey CAgirl, I had been wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry things aren't going so well. If the relationship is saveable, I think going NC would be the best thing to do right now. This way you can both take a step back and figure out what you really want. It sounds like you know what you want, but he sounds very conflicted.

[annie24]

hi - i think that the break will be a good thing. let things settle down a bit. hopefully he will miss you and want to work things out. that is a pro to nc. but maybe he's just not much of a partier, and if you are, then maybe you guys are just doomed? sorry, that sounds so morbid. i mean, incompatible. if you two have different lifestyles, maybe it's an incompatibility issue.

 

what about the parties does he not like?

[CAgirl]

Annie: It's really not just the parties. It's me at the parties. He thinks that I am going to cheat on him. He has trust issues since his last girlfriend. I have even told him that I will stop going to parties. I really don't want that lifestyle anymore anyway. I want to be in a relationship with him and I am so tired of meeting guys at parties and living my life from one night to the next. I want something stable in my life and someone I can count on.

 

Greywolf: Thank you. It's just really hard. I saw his facebook status today and it said "too much stress and pressure building up" and I got all worried about him. It's hard I want to help him but I can't.

[annie24]

maybe you can invite him to the parties too? but if he isn't willing to compromise, what can you do?

[gsxr104]

That boy, girl thing is pretty tuff sometimes. I know. I would be willing to bet he's probably feeling the same way you are. And yes, I think you're doing the right thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he called you before this two week break is up.

[WickedSunrise]

My boyfriend and I took a break once - his call, after about 10 months of dating. He was having some issues, and we didn't speak for about a week and a half. We didn't decide on a time to talk again. He broke up with me just before we went back to school, and then on the first day back I saw him and he came up to me and gave me a hug and everything was good from there. He still has some of the same issues going on in his life, but they're getting better I think. Sometimes a break is just a break. Sometimes its not. I think you should really wait it out and see what happens on Oct 15.

[CAgirl]

maybe you can invite him to the parties too? but if he isn't willing to compromise, what can you do?

 

This is true. Right now I am just more concerned about making it through these 14 days. No Contact is painful. : /

[CAgirl]

That boy, girl thing is pretty tuff sometimes. I know. I would be willing to bet he's probably feeling the same way you are. And yes, I think you're doing the right thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he called you before this two week break is up.

 

Thank you for the male perspective. I really appreciate it.

[CAgirl]

My boyfriend and I took a break once - his call, after about 10 months of dating. He was having some issues, and we didn't speak for about a week and a half. We didn't decide on a time to talk again. He broke up with me just before we went back to school, and then on the first day back I saw him and he came up to me and gave me a hug and everything was good from there. He still has some of the same issues going on in his life, but they're getting better I think. Sometimes a break is just a break. Sometimes its not. I think you should really wait it out and see what happens on Oct 15.

 

I am going to wait it out and thank you for sharing your story. I wish that we went to the same school or that I could fly off the handle and go see him but I really just want to respect his space.

[kaoticbaby]

in my opinion, needing a break after only two months does not bode very well for the future. you both recently got out of relationships, i could see how he might not quite be ready for a new one. i'd just give him his space for now, and see what happens in the future. if you want my honest opinion, though, i don't see this ending very well. but that's just my thoughts, don't take it to heart.

[CAgirl]

in my opinion, needing a break after only two months does not bode very well for the future. you both recently got out of relationships, i could see how he might not quite be ready for a new one. i'd just give him his space for now, and see what happens in the future. if you want my honest opinion, though, i don't see this ending very well. but that's just my thoughts, don't take it to heart.

 

There really isn't much left of my heart to take this personally. It's just exhausting to go from relationship to relationship and to never have them work out and in the end it just makes me feel that I have no one to blame but myself. So maybe it won't work out but the awful truth is that it's probably my fault.

[kaoticbaby]

There really isn't much left of my heart to take this personally. It's just exhausting to go from relationship to relationship and to never have them work out and in the end it just makes me feel that I have no one to blame but myself. So maybe it won't work out but the awful truth is that it's probably my fault.

i don't think it's your fault at all, i think it's just a matter of timing. it's hard to seamlessly go from one relationship to another (though i don't know the time periods between the last breakup and the new relationship.)

 

i don't think youre necessarily incompatible, but i do think you met eachother at the wrong time. so space and time could be all that is needed.

 

however, if after two months you already need space, it makes me wonder about what is in store for the future if you do get back together.

 

i'm really not one to talk, though, unfortunately

[CAgirl]

i don't think it's your fault at all, i think it's just a matter of timing. it's hard to seamlessly go from one relationship to another (though i don't know the time periods between the last breakup and the new relationship.)

 

i don't think youre necessarily incompatible, but i do think you met eachother at the wrong time. so space and time could be all that is needed.

 

however, if after two months you already need space, it makes me wonder about what is in store for the future if you do get back together.

 

i'm really not one to talk, though, unfortunately

 

It's funny that you say that because he said he wished he would have met me another time.

 

Oh and it was about two weeks after he broke up with his girlfriend when he met me. They were dating for 6 months and she broke up with him. For me it was about three months since I broke up with my ex.

[kaoticbaby]

It's funny that you say that because he said he wished he would have met me another time.

 

Oh and it was about two weeks after he broke up with his girlfriend when he met me. They were dating for 6 months and she broke up with him. For me it was about three months since I broke up with my ex.

hmm, two weeks?

yes, i could definitely see why he might need some space. i do think he likes you, but there's so many emotions rolled into one. hurt from his ex, grief, meeting someone else he cares about, confusion, etc.

 

in my experience, a breather is needed after every relationship. i jumped into another one fast and ended up feeling suffocated. so again, i do think it's a timing issue.

 

as for what you could do, well, the ball is pretty much in his court now. all you can do is give him the space and try your hardest not to contact him.

[CAgirl]

hmm, two weeks?

yes, i could definitely see why he might need some space. i do think he likes you, but there's so many emotions rolled into one. hurt from his ex, grief, meeting someone else he cares about, confusion, etc.

 

in my experience, a breather is needed after every relationship. i jumped into another one fast and ended up feeling suffocated. so again, i do think it's a timing issue.

 

as for what you could do, well, the ball is pretty much in his court now. all you can do is give him the space and try your hardest not to contact him.

 

I think that I need some space too. I am not going to contact him. I think I will use this thread to write how I feel each day until the 15th. Hopefully, I can find some clarity through this. Thank you very much for your advice!

[CAgirl]

See my journal for more updates on the situation!

[Bella20]

I really do hope things get better for you guys but I feel like a break after only 2 months is a bit much... I mean, it's only been two months.

[CAgirl]

I really do hope things get better for you guys but I feel like a break after only 2 months is a bit much... I mean, it's only been two months.

 

Don't I know it. We did move really fast though. Hopefully, we can work through the issues we have now and put everything on slow motion. If not then, I'll be alone again.

[Bella20]

I'm sorry

 

It may work though. I know plenty of people who moved too fast, took a break early on in the relationship, and are still together. Maybe you just need to breath a little and take it easier for a while?

[geod]

well it's never worked for me, but we'll see. The only thing it gives is time to process the break up feelings, and then after all that pain see where you are. It impossible the think durring a break up, dont even bother trying. Let your feelings out, feel them, go through it- it's a journey and not a good one. it one you take alone no matter what anyone tells you they are watching, they are not on the journey. In a few weeks when your down the road, see where you are. Your head will be clearer, I promise. I dont; mean you'll be happier or healed, but you will be clearer.

[Ms Darcy]

Don't I know it. We did move really fast though. Hopefully, we can work through the issues we have now and put everything on slow motion. If not then, I'll be alone again.

 

 

Hey hon,

 

There is nothing wrong with being alone. I would suggest that you take at least six months to be single, and enjoy it, before dating again.

 

I know this isn't easy to hear, but I think you might want to make some different choices when you date to help the relationships last longer. One, don't date guys just out of relationships. Two, don't rush the relationship. These are lessons learned for you now.

 

How old are you?

[CAgirl]

Hey hon,

 

There is nothing wrong with being alone. I would suggest that you take at least six months to be single, and enjoy it, before dating again.

 

I know this isn't easy to hear, but I think you might want to make some different choices when you date to help the relationships last longer. One, don't date guys just out of relationships. Two, don't rush the relationship. These are lessons learned for you now.

 

How old are you?

 

Haha, I'm twenty. I guess I look younger? But yes, you are very right with those lessons.

[careber]

You are still young so am I . I didn't remember I was only 22 until 2 weeks ago. I felt like I went through a difficult divorce in my forties. lol. It was a big learning curve for me. I think that I am getting better now.

 

Enjoy your time being single. I am starting to appreciate it now.

[Chloe03]

I went though the exact same thing a month ago.. I was with my ex for only 4 month but we also moved really fast, I met his whole extended family and we had such a great time together. At the end of August we both had some personal issues going on and we started to fight, we only really had 2 fights too! He decided he wanted to go on a break. I agreed since I didn't want to lose him since I cared for him so much.. I wend NC for 3 weeks and he finally called me to say that he thought about it and that it would be best if we ended thing. That was 2 weeks ago now.

 

I'm sorry if my story isn't encouraging but I also thought that a break would be best and that we would be able to start fresh at the end of it... but he decided to just give up I guess... I haven't heard form him since.