ugly-side Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 All these new names, a year ago it was a whole different crew! I joined this site over a year ago, names change but the stories stay the same... I'm just venting now, so forgive the rhetoric... I'll keep it short. It's been 13 months since I had to break up with my ex-fiancé, after 7 years. I've had ups and downs, a lot of downs. I have a good job now, a brand new apartment with brand new furniture, even a kitten that I rescued.. The truth is I feel as empty and lonely as I ever have. I think about her constantly and I've become almost comfortably numb, so-to-speak. In the last year I've seen counselors, therapists, Psychiatrists... Clonazepam, effexor, weed, meth, blow, crack, and I even tried a long-stint stone cold sober. The truth is I feel i will never get over this and I simply spin my wheels in this life as if it were on borrowed time. This life I've made for myself now doesn't seem real. I'm alone even when I'm surrounded by friends and family. The life I planned for will never happen, but i can't get over it. I've only drunk texted her a few times in this last year, pretty good considering she wants to be with me, and has always missed me, but some things are unforgivable and sure as $hit aren't forgettable. I wish she would hate me as much as I hated her, maybe it would be easier. Ok, that's all I got! Off to play some pool with the work crew, round and round we go. i hope I'm not discouraging to all the new broken hearts out there, I still feel your pain as if it were my own, and i have some great advice, but for now I wanted to vent... That wasn't short at all was it?... Link to comment
thetruth Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 short enough. that sucks man. good luck. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Same crew are still here.....least I still see the same peeps and new ones of course. But the stories dont change and the same ones repeated over and over....the players are just different. Link to comment
mgirl Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 If you feel that empty and she wants to get back with you, how about forgiving her? Link to comment
Difficult Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Effexor is only only one drug out of many. If you had a doctor that tried one drug and then a persription for weed you went to a crook. There are dozens of mood stabilizers, depression meds and anti pychos. Until you try each, for one to two months which is the time it fully takes to see if something is working, you are only short changing yourself. Link to comment
ugly-side Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 It's all good homies... I tried recommended doses for the appropriate amount of time... Drugs aren’t the answer, legal or otherwise... Time, patience, and a good amount of luck is what I need! Fret not, Sometimes $hit happens to people that can't handle their $hit... That's not to say your advice isn't golden for most, it's just bronze for me... Sometimes that's just the way the cookie crumbles!! Like I said, I'm comfortably numb! Link to comment
LGLP Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Yea broken heart sucks balls... Honestly guys feel pain too, but unlike girls we can only keep it to ourselves. Guys aren't so big to chit chat about this stuff. I just want to say that hole of yours will probably never fully heal, but hey it doens't mean you gotta try to use drugs to help relieve the pain. If life was simple, then it will become boring. 7 years is alot of time, If it were me I would forgive, only if they really have changed. People make mistakes, but as long as they are willing to truly change, then isn't that more important then making no mistake at all? We are creatures of random survival, it's proven through evolutionary natural selections. People make random choices, some are good some are bad. But we have the power to stop the bad choices and that is what I believe to be more important. Link to comment
ugly-side Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Yeah it's quite a conundrum. I guess it comes down to trust, which I have none left to give, so maybe it's all me. i can live with that, as much as it hurts. Doing the right thing * * * * ing blows, but this second skin I've grown is all i have left. Forgive... To me that means surrender, defeat, a loss, a compromise; A deferment of an inevitable let down that will no doubt come sooner than later. not a self-fulfilling prophecy, but a natural fact; We are all creatures of habit, and this "thing" has grown so out of control in my mind, that all I know to do is to continue this cut-and-run method. I just hope, sincerely, that i can find peace in my soul and not drag this baggage cart to my next relationship. I'm a good guy, and I don't/didn't deserve this, no one does... I'm slowly approaching 30 and i don't know what to do........ Geez it's late, thank God i don't have to work tomorrow. Link to comment
beerock Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 ugly-side. you my friend have to LET GO! (cliche- but true) It easier said then done-(cliche)- truth is its a biiitch to do youll find someone when you least expect it(cliche and BS to me) put in every other damn BS cliche used for people going through break ups. If you can't even forgive your ex then you damn sure will never forget. Your posts clearly show you have this big problem called PRIDE. your posts also clearly show that deep down you are still in love with this woman and your trying to convince yourself that it will never BE. which falls back to your PRIDE. if your religious or not, In almost every form of religion there is something known as forgiveness either asked for or to GIVE. if all forms of religion have brought up forgiveness then it must be something that is standardized way of LETTING GO!!!!!! It also has to be a heart felt gesture to ask for forgiveness as well as giving forgiveness. If it is not sincere then it will still loom in your mind and it will not be LET GO... It seems from your post that your front of being comfortably numb is a good thing. How is that a way to live life? the truth comes out eventually and blocking things out of your mind come out eventually as well. so why not sooner then later? are you scared to have your pride hurt and shattered? Its understandable ive gone through it and it's a Biiiitch. When I look back at my life and know I swallowed my pride, did not block out my feelings and tried my best at the situation i was in turmoil over. I can say I did everything to calm my mind over the situation. If I blocked it out and never let go I would always have the thought of I wodner what would have come of it if I had just sallowed my pride and let go... thats all i have sorry if you think its judgemental I didnt mean it to be. just my assumption of the situation Link to comment
journogirl Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 you will get there im 14 months on now i cant believe so much time has passed i still feel numb and raw when i think back to my break up - it really was the most difficult time and it makes me shudder to think of it maybe u never really fully recover -these things stay with u-its just about learning to live with the pain until it becomes less and less im in a new relationship now and its alot healthier than with my ex maybe i got into it too soon but it feels right and he looks after me unlike the last boyfriend im not made to feel fat or ugly or useless anymore and i feel loved for once only now can i see that my relationship with my ex was toxic and destructive and im on to better things i send all my love to you all and hope u can heal x Link to comment
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