Jump to content

Do I have to break up with his family, too?


Recommended Posts

I'm 19 years old with a 2 year old. I started dating this guy when my daughter was 6 months old. He moved in with us into our family home when my family had to relocate because of my dads job, 2 states away. At the time, I was 17, fresh out of high school, starting college, with a two year old, and all by myself. The boyfriend and his family helped me through that terribly hard part of my life. My family could only make it in to visit about once every two months, and sent home some money every once in a while. I honestly felt like my family abandoned me. When I was having a really hard time, he would take me to his parents house, who lived about an hour away. We all started spending alot of time there. His family was amazing. They honestly liked me better than they liked him. I had amazing talks with his mom about growth, his dad loved my daughter very much, his sister went crazy when I got there, and it just felt like a completely whole new family that loved me and wanted me with them. My boyfriend and I, after two years decided to call it quits. I love him very much, and its been about 2 months of NC. I'm slowly getting over him, but when I start to think about him, it hurts so bad because of how much I miss his family as well. His mom and I have emailed back and forth a few times, and his sister keeps inviting me over for dinner at her apartment. I'm scared this will hurt the healing I've started from my ex. But I just cant push these amazing people out of my life. Is it too weird that an ex girlfriend keeps contact with his family?

Link to comment
I'm scared this will hurt the healing I've started from my ex. But I just cant push these amazing people out of my life. Is it too weird that an ex girlfriend keeps contact with his family?


Yes, you do need to let them go. It isn't fair to your ex bf that you are still in his family's life, and it will make it even more difficult for him to move on. Not to mention when you start dating, how will you explain your continued involvement with the ex's family?


It would be different if you had a child together and this was their grandchild, but it isn't. I know it will be hard, one of the hardest parts of ending long term relationships for me has been letting go of the friends and families of my ex (had to do this twice, with a 5 year live in relationship and a 2 year relationship). But it's really the only fair thing to do.


Imagine if you were close to your family and you were trying to move on and your ex was still calling them and having dinner at their house. Not fair, right?

Link to comment

yes you do.


I think because they helped you so much, it WOULD be appropriate to contact them with a nice card, etc, thanking them for all they did for you. Under normal circumstances, yes, you break contact with the entire family. In this case - where they basically seemed to have stepped in as surrogate parents or aunts and uncles and did stuff your folks would have done if they were there, I think it would be big of you to make a gesture to them. It shouldn't be something that even hints that you want contact from them at all.


I wouldn't do anything like this until some more healing happened. Maybe at Christmas time, just send the parents a card like you send other people and just write a handwritten sentence or two to thank them for all they have done for you and that you wish them the best.


Christmas cards are not seen as anything bigger or deeper most of the time, and this may settle your mind.


I was in a similar situation as far as having an ex aunt and uncle who adored me and I them. The whole family hated me except this one aunt and uncle who always made me feel welcome. I always thought about sending them a note to thank them for all they did. But then i realized all contact would be sort of me fishing to see how my ex was and that wasn't healthy. Maybe the difference is that I was actually married for 4 years to him but I made the decision not to contact them,

Link to comment

I disagree!!!

I was with my ex for over 5 years. I adored his family. Also his mum was my boss for 5 years also. So it was hard working for her while not living with her son anymore.


But I now live 230 miles away, and she came down to visit me after my daughter died, and asked to be Honory Grandmother, even though theres no relation. And with this baby she's wanting the same. I even named my daughters middle name after her Aunt who I knew while living with them. There Aunt Alice, who was a major part of my lfie.


If they WANT to be apart of your life, do it. If they don't there old enough to tell you.


Also my ex never said anything bad about my still being in contact with his family, or even traveling 230 miles to visit each other. =)

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...