A frustrating experience with a girl online

[grymoire]

So I had earlier written about me having a profile online and trying to meet some women... Lot of women requested my photo and then went silent after I sent them one... Now I had a different but very frustrating experience.

 

So this girl initiates contact through the dating site and expresses her interest in me. She gave her email id and asked me to write there.. And I wrote her an email saying this "Thanks for dropping me a note via . I went over your profile and am interested to know more about you. Hit me up if you are interested and we'll take it from there." In the subject line of that email I had mentioned my profile id that is used in the site. She replied back and said "Pls send me ur profile id..ur message doesnot say about profile id or any details about urself". I was surprised and responded back with "Actually my profile id is XYZ (i have mentioned it in the subject line of the email)

 

And guess what happened after that? She cancelled her interest in me through the site

 

I was very surprised and sent her an email:

 

"hi,

 

I notice that you have declined your interest.

 

I respect your decision but am just curious to know the reason. You can be frank with me as I will not hold it against you. I am just trying to see if I can improve something.

 

Thanks "

 

she writes back:

 

"There is nothing to improve on..everyones perfect in their won ways..its just that it doesnot match.

 

Goodluck ."

 

I wrote:

 

"Thanks for your response... By 'improve' I meant if something was amiss in my profile. The reason I ask this is because you initiated contact and then asked for my profile id. And once I gave my profile id you declined your interest. It was a bit puzzling and hence the question. I assume you initiated contact without going through my profile, yes?"

 

and she sends me the below 2 responses:

 

"

I had read ur profile..its the way v corresponded to emails...thats the gut feel that its not meant to be. and the emails correspondeded r below.

 

I hope no more clarifications from ur side required after this...

 

Thank you. "

 

"

And yeh this basic nature...which is coming thru emails now...u r not letting anything go.............just stretching like a typical...for marriage it wud just lead to arguments ...and never ending ones...

 

It wud be nice if I dont hear anything back from you. Its taxing.

 

Good luck. "

 

I feel it was extremely rude of her to do this. I am not sure if I did anything wrong.... I am very angry but I have not yet responded back.

[heatspreader]

It sounds to me like shes just not interested. I would let it go. Anything further will either cause a fight or she will just completely ignore you.

[bronte]

It is a little strange that she asked you to write her and then immediately lost interest--perhaps your first e-mail was a little too generic? I like it when a guy mentions something specific in my profile so I know he's not copying and pasting the same thing to lots of different women...

 

But, having said that, I can also see that you're making her uncomfortable with your persistence in wanting to know what went wrong--most of the time you're not going to get answers about that in the online dating world, and will only risk coming accross as slightly creepy for asking repeatedly. Yes, she is being quite rude in her final message, but I would let it go and find a woman who doesn't use "wud" or "ur" in her messages... (Sorry, English major!)

[deleted-account]

Most people don't want to say what they find wrong, and she got bothered you asked a few times. Don't respond back.

 

I find it odd though that she expressed interest and then you sent an email asking if she was interested. You didn't reveal anything about yourself and you didn't ask her any questions about herself. The problem was likely that she initiated contact and gave you an opening, but you dropped the ball.

 

Not trying to sound mean or anything, I'm just saying that when you write someone you need to show that you are truly interested in them with specific questions to show you've read their profile. Your email is very cut and dry.... it's a cookie cutter response. She probably feels like you send out that general email to a bunch of girls and wanted to see some real effort.

[grymoire]

It is a little strange that she asked you to write her and then immediately lost interest--perhaps your first e-mail was a little too generic? I like it when a guy mentions something specific in my profile so I know he's not copying and pasting the same thing to lots of different women...

 

But, having said that, I can also see that you're making her uncomfortable with your persistence in wanting to know what went wrong--most of the time you're not going to get answers about that in the online dating world, and will only risk coming accross as slightly creepy for asking repeatedly. Yes, she is being quite rude in her final message, but I would let it go and find a woman who doesn't use "wud" or "ur" in her messages... (Sorry, English major!)

 

I find it surprising that I am considered creepy. The reason I asked was because she saw my profile, expressed interest, and then cancels it. I asked her in a decent way what was the reason. Is this considered creepy?

[bronte]

It's not SUPER creepy like "Oh no, this guy must be a stalker!" but it does come accross as a little obsessive if you ask more than once. Women have to be really careful about their safety, which means being a little hypersensitive at times...

[grymoire]

It's not SUPER creepy like "Oh no, this guy must be a stalker!" but it does come accross as a little obsessive if you ask more than once. Women have to be really careful about their safety, which means being a little hypersensitive at times...

 

wow!

 

she is creepy as hell too... she sends 2 responses for one email

[Ariel85]

I agree it's very creepy.

 

Gry - she lost interest. The why is irrelevent. You had NO investment with each other. NONE. And she owed you nothing.

 

To keep pressing her was a mistake, and she was not rude by telling you to take a hike. And she's right - if you carry on this much with NO involvement, she was right to say no thanks, because you proved her correct in why it wasn't a match.

 

I've had guys do this to me with OLD as well. It makes me feel like they are so pathetically insecure and masochistic, because it's like they are BEGGING me to be cruel and enumerate why I don't want to meet.

 

In the future, if someone declines interest, just tell yourself it's her loss for not getting to know you, and move on.

 

Expressing your inability to handle rejection well as you did, will never be well-received by women.

 

Maybe it's time to take a little break from OLD. It can be so frustrating and fruitless sometimes, that it's healthy to take a step back for a while.

[annie24]

Most people don't want to say what they find wrong, and she got bothered you asked a few times. Don't respond back.

 

I find it odd though that she expressed interest and then you sent an email asking if she was interested. You didn't reveal anything about yourself and you didn't ask her any questions about herself. The problem was likely that she initiated contact and gave you an opening, but you dropped the ball.

 

Not trying to sound mean or anything, I'm just saying that when you write someone you need to show that you are truly interested in them with specific questions to show you've read their profile. Your email is very cut and dry.... it's a cookie cutter response. She probably feels like you send out that general email to a bunch of girls and wanted to see some real effort.

 

yeah, i agree. i think she was hoping you would write her back like, 'thanks for the interest, i read your profile, very nice - i really like that photo of you in Italy, what was your favorite city?' or whatever. some kind of question. you didn't really have anything to say to her.

 

sometimes when guys wrote to me and they said, 'hi - write me back if you are interested in chatting' i just deleted. it's not much of an opening and i don't know what they want to know about me or what. i responded back to guys who clearly took the time to read my profile and ask me a question about it or make a comment.

[grymoire]

Ok thanx for the candid responses.

 

I just want to let you guys know that the reason I asked her was she saw my profile, initiated contact, and then declined me. I found that puzzling and wanted to know why. That is all.

 

Also I wouldn't have asked one more time had she understood my question correctly. I asked if something was wrong in my profile and she responded back saying everyone is perfect in their own ways..

 

If this is considered super creepy by women then I do not know what to say.

[waveseer]

You lost her at the profile id thing. Instead of simply supplying it again you made her look like an idiot. I actually think this is a good personality test. She could tell you have a chip on your shoulder.

[grymoire]

You lost her at the profile id thing. Instead of simply supplying it again you made her look like an idiot. I actually think this is a good personality test. She could tell you have a chip on your shoulder.

 

I did not understand... I did reply back and give her my profile id:

 

"Actually my profile id is XYZ (i have mentioned it in the subject line of the email)

[waveseer]

I did not understand... I did reply back and give her my profile id:

 

"Actually my profile id is XYZ (i have mentioned it in the subject line of the email)

 

Exactly, telling her you already supplied it and she missed it (the part in parenthesis).

[anonguy77]

Super creepy? Geez, what has this world come to when a simple question goes punished like that? Some of these women seem way too skittish.

[Shudder]

i find with online dating you have to choose your words wisely. many things can be misinterpreted and whether you meant it or not, thats how the other person saw it.

[jul-els]

It's the internet, dude. Expect nothing and dwell on even less. The only thing you did wrong was continuing communication with someone who declined interest. That's it. Done and done. On to the next.

[grymoire]

Exactly, telling her you already supplied it and she missed it (the part in parenthesis).

 

Ok.. what response I should have given?

[waveseer]

Ok.. what response I should have given?

 

My profile id is: asldkfj

 

Thanks for asking,

 

Gry

[grymoire]

It's the internet, dude. Expect nothing and dwell on even less. The only thing you did wrong was continuing communication with someone who declined interest. That's it. Done and done. On to the next.

 

thx bro..

 

yea i did not reply to her rude email..

[grymoire]

My profile id is: asldkfj

 

Thanks for asking,

 

Gry

 

how different is that from " "Actually my profile id is XYZ (i have mentioned it in the subject line of the email" ??

 

well... whatever.... this is frustrating ](*,)

[grymoire]

Super creepy? Geez, what has this world come to when a simple question goes punished like that? Some of these women seem way too skittish.

 

seriously bro.... and the thing is she is not even that great looking. i was simply hoping to meet her in person and see how the date goes but her rudeness has turned me off.

[waveseer]

how different is that from " "Actually my profile id is XYZ (i have mentioned it in the subject line of the email" ??

 

well... whatever.... this is frustrating ](*,)

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, and she obviously wasn't the right one for you anyway.

[icarus27]

I was trying to quote some posts on this thread .. but it wasn't working, so here're my thoughts:

 

Grymoire, I've done OLD on the type of site you mention. One recent example of an interaction:

 

Girl intiates contact, leaves me her number, I am busy with my offline life so I don't respond yet. One week later she sends a reminder, I respond to the reminder - but then get no reply from her. A few days later, I use the number to send her a text ... she replies that she has met someone else in the 4-5 days it took for me to respond .... and that it's been going "really well".

 

A couple of weeks later I notice that she is still active daily on the site i.e. still looking.

 

My conclusion: she *did* meet someone else, but is BS-ing me that it's going "really well". Either it's not going well, or she is already looking for a replacement. That replacement however is not going to be me, because with all the fresh turkeys on OLD why go back to an old one?

 

I agree Gry, that although your responses were very polite and gentlemanly, it is somehow considered not-the-done-thing to go back and ask someone why they changed their mind about you.

 

I disagree strongly with posters who have said that your response was cookie-cutter and turned her off / or that you lost her when you re-iterated your email id was XYZ. For goodness sake, her initiating email to you was probably a cookie-cutter. Did she pick something special from your profile and make an interesting opening line? The world and his cousin tells us guys that we have to make our responses interesting, but women can write jack and we're supposed to be blessed they even looked at us.

 

The point of my story above was to say that sometimes things are happening behind the scenes we have no awareness of, and will never know. Yes, it is frustrating, but to me - not knowing is a kind of ignorance-is-bliss.

 

Her comment about "you not letting things go" and "this bodes badly for any future / will lead to arguments" is just the hypersensitivity that infects some women in OLD. One tiny infraction is enough to nix someone.

 

I once had an Asian woman on an Asian-dating site angrily email me that all Asian men are a "waste of space" (in her 2nd email to me). When I politely asked her why she's gone to the trouble of putting herself on an Asian site - she responded even more arrogantly, that "I ask too many questions" and "this does not have any future." A classic example of how some women have an axe to grind, and are unloading the effect of past hurts and past rejections onto me.

[Shudder]

 

Girl intiates contact, leaves me her number, I am busy with my offline life so I don't respond yet. One week later she sends a reminder, I respond to the reminder - but then get no reply from her. A few days later, I use the number to send her a text ... she replies that she has met someone else in the 4-5 days it took for me to respond .... and that it's been going "really well".

 

 

this isn't the best example.. the girl actually left you her number but you didnt call her and she reminded you she's interested, but probably by that time got the feeling you weren't. if you were interested you should have called her within at least a couple days after you saw that message.

 

compared to the OP's post, the girl never gave him a chance, where as yours did, twice, but you just got to her too late.

[Ammy]

I agree with waveseer, the part in the brackets was unneccessary and a bit rude (ie. DUH I sent it already - even though you didn't say that, you insinuated that).

 

That said I don't tend to judge someone based on one lil thing like that... and secondly even if I had gone off you, I wouldn't have sent the rude emails she sent.

 

Oh well no big loss Gry, she seems very stuck up!

 

Ammy