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I just want to say that you're a fuc**** bit**, you were crying when we broke up and 2 weeks after we broke up you still were. I tried fixing it, and i kept on trying. Instead now you like this new guy, i feel betrayed and back stabbed. Sad thing is, i'll never hate you. I still want you back somehow even after all this bull . It's been 9 days NC and i'm not going to give in, i'll make it 100 years NC. Enjoy your new guy....

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OK, now my indulgent side is coming in, saying Gee I am feeling a bit rejected that you are on this little private journey of yours. Eww I hated writing that, you are not worth it, you not in my control, and I am not dependent on you.

 

I miss hearing you grow through this time.

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W-

 

Sometimes I'm not sure if I miss you... Then I find myself looking at old photos. Thing is, it doesn't stab me in the chest anymore to look at them. I feel a sort of melancholy. A sadness that it didn't work out because I remember that feeling of wanting it to work, so very bad. I had myself convinced that you were the one. Thing is, I was right in a partial way. We got along so well, our interests were so much alike (music, movies, TV, etc.). We were both complete nerds in many of the same ways, I LOVED your sense of humor and ability to crack me up and make everyone around us laugh. We shared that same sense of humor and it was magical. We definitely shared a connection, you and I. You can't deny that. And if we hung out together now, having drinks at a bar, singing karaoke, and catching up- we would have a blast. You would absolutely feel the connection and so would everyone around us.

BUT-

You were selfish while I was selfless. I realize now that I was never fully comfortable around you with our relationship because you made me so unsure. I could only guess how you felt about me. I knew you liked me, but you never really voiced it. You never told me I was special, beautiful, or your number one girl... Sometimes, when you were having drinks you would call me nice things like "cutie pie" or "my honey-bear", you always called me babe or even baby. But you never told me how you felt about me. You told me you would always be honest with me and communicate but you really didn't. You were AWFUL at communicating. I was always guessing with you and after six months into a relationship (at our age) I shouldn't have to.

 

One of my friends once told me: "Has he said I love you? No? It's kinda weird for a boyfriend NOT to love his girlfriend or not tell her that he loves her..." And at the time I defended you and said, "Well, it's still so early in the game..." But looking back, she had a point. I was so afraid to read the writing on the wall with you because everything else felt great. I thought that you would just take more time since you were already damaged from a previous relationship. Truth is, you were never emotionally open with me from the beginning. And I now know you were never fully honest with yourself. Like a child, you just kept doing things that felt good. Regardless of the consequences. So I guess everyone is right, you DID do me a favor by ending things. While I was willing to wait to see if you would fall in love with me (and I truly thought you would, because- DUH! I'm kinda f***ing awesome!), it wasn't fair for me at all. I was so invested in you and so in love. Yet, you were still a million miles away and not always thinking about me or even making me a priority. And the sad thing was, I was making you a priority. I was stupid for that. But I was in love.

 

I know you enjoyed having sex with me but I realize now what it was lacking. Your emotions. You were never an emotional lover. You never did the "going slow" thing or looking into my eyes. I've had FWB situations where guys did that! Granted, I like it wild, rough, and the "throw me up against the wall" stuff but c'mon... I can get that from a f*** buddy. Make me feel special or like a goddess! You didn't. You just made me feel like I was really good at what I was doing. So I guess you can say you made me feel like an experienced hooker who knew her way around the bedroom and a man's penis. Yeah, I get that I know what I'm doing, but make me feel good about myself! And not in a "Hey, you're really good at this" kind of way. A- you're amazing and beautiful way. No. Honestly, looking back I can say that you never did.

 

According to my friend, when she finally saw you on Thanksgiving, she said it was apparent that you miss me. She said you kept asking about me- that I was pretty much all you really talked about. I think you're upset that I haven't called, or written, or anything. You know I asked for my things back through our friends and had no contact with you about it. It's been 77 days since we broke up, therefore 77 days of NC. You made comments about that to my friend and while she said it seems like you miss me, you still haven't tried to contact me. I never told you not to call me or to "Go to hell" or anything like that. I know you also wanted to maintain a friendship with me. I think it's become clear to you that I don't want to see you, but if you truly missed me or wanted to talk to me, you would reach out to me. So hey, if you're mad at me, you really shouldn't be. I have every right to do what I'm doing. After all, you're the one who let me go. And so that's just what I'm doing. I'm gone.

 

If you have one iota of thought about me being someone important to you, you would call or text me. But you haven't and that speaks volumes. Honestly, I'm not sure how I'd feel if I did see you. I think it would sting, but I have more clarity now so I don't know how much. Would I cry after? I don't know. And I really don't want to test it. I'm sure as the months go by, you may become more restless and reach out. Sorry, I didn't wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. That's just how these things go. My goal before was to become more successful than you. The funny thing is, I already am! I didn't know it then. I was weighing that value of success on my finances and career- While I know I will achieve those things later (and they will be much better than yours), I had no idea that I was already better off than you. I know that now. I just had to see it for myself and step out from under the shadow of you. While, yes, you are a really good guy and I won't bash you- I kind of let my awe of you take over and diminish my love for myself. I promise to never do that to myself again.

 

Wow. I think I hit a milestone. I think I've finally taken you off that pedestal. How does it feel?

 

I guess I'll never know.

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Dear, S.

 

Today would've been our 1 year anniversary. It's been nearly 2.5 months since you left me and I am still not over everything. I am pretty sure you have moved on and possibly even found someone else already.

 

I miss you but I know that we could never work out. I am sorry I destroyed what ever link we had between us after the break up. I'm still very upset about what I did and hope that someday you can forgive me.

 

Yes, I hope to hear from you someday, but I am slowly accepting that may never happen.

 

I wonder if you're thinking about me/us today.

 

Take care,

DJ

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In about a week, it would have been our 6 year anniversary. I've more or less accepted that I will probably think of you (even if only for a split second) every so often for the rest of my life. It's only been a year, so I still think of you every day. You were my first love. I learned a lot from you and our 5 years together. And so, I am even more proud of myself to be approaching 1 year of NC, especially after you said "I don't owe you anything" after all we had been through. I'm glad you said that, in fact, because now I know that maybe you never deserved someone as loyal as me to begin with.

 

I'll forever love and hate you for taking away my "innocence" and naivety with regards to love. And let it be known that I do NOT want you back. I've recently realized that I bent over backwards for us where you were not willing to. Somewhere out there, there is a beautiful woman (inside and out) who will stick around through thick and thin, just as I was willing to. And after all that I put up with and sacrificed for you...the next girl will probably be a walk in the park

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To ex 1....................you're a good for nothing loser who will fail in this new relationship like you always have before...you will always have grass is greener syndrome...I will NEVER take you back, every day makes me hate you more honestly...I despise you...

not only that, the longer I am apart from you the less attractive you are to be and the more flaws become clearer that I missed before because of my rose colored glasses

You are not cute at ALL, oh my gos$ i can do so much better

If I miss you it's little stuff like watching movies, it has nothing to do with YOU

I don't miss YOU---you were not cute or sweet you were never loving you were not kind you gave me nothing you did NOTHING

you are a SELFISH heartless man! I cannot stand you!

 

To ex 2

Im so confused, i should have seen all the signs, i did at first then became blinded

I love you kinda, at least as a friend because you were a good man, whereas a lot of men are so bad

Anyway...............hope you learn to stop using others

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M you are not an ex. But you are. And it feels like we should be dating. My bully scared you. I required more energy than you have. Something. It could be how you want, if you want.

 

No longer would I accept your lack of effort and commitment, if I ever did.

 

Miss you though.

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Today we would celebrate 9 years. How could you do what you did, how could you be such a disappointment and a cliché. Miss you, being with you, talking to you, miss your smell your laughs your kisses. Miss you support and friendship. Miss your eyes and your skin.

 

Can't wait to STOP missing you.

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I'm so disgusted by you. God I thought so more of you. People, dont put your exes on a f##n pedestal. It will backfire. Just move on. How you dont deserve a single thought from me. I hope my next relationship will be with a man now a whiny boy lost in search of his identity. I'm truly disgusted by your betrayal. I hope you two get together, you are both f### disgusting and will suit each other well. And all you will have is her ugly smug face but I will be happy with a man and a child. f### you!

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All of the trust I had for you is gone forever. I hope he cheats on you which will certainly happen considering how you both started this relationship with dishonesty and betrayal. I was ready to give every last bit of my being to make you happy. You do not deserve it. You are a cheater and a liar and you go around pretending you are not hurting anyone. You lied to my face and I hope the guilt eats you alive.

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It's been 7 and a half weeks since we last spoke on the phone. I checked for posting reasons only. Otherwise, I would rather not keep track.

I am tempted to call you, but what's the point? It's too soon. I would be devastated if you were pursuing someone new.

 

Meanwhile, there is a really cute guy at my new job, but it doesn't look like it'll work. Too bad. He has been an alright distraction, I must admit. Now that I doubt it will work with him, I am finding myself thinking more about you. I would rather come accross someone completely new. Oh universe, my heart is in so much pain. Send me some relief.

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I'm missing you tonight H. It's lonely in my new apartment. Thinking about the good times we shared. I can't help but wonder what you are doing tonight. I try to keep reminding myselr about your bad side, and the ways you wronged me. It doesn't work right now. It will be a while before I'm over you. Wish you were here

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I really just can't stop thinking about you lately and its driving me crazy. I've written out a text to you several times and keep deleting it. I'm really nervous that some time soon I will fail to stop myself. The potential rejection I'll feel is the only thing holding me back from it. Sad but true. If you brush me off or come off cold I'll feel really hurt and rejected. I don't ever want to have a repeat of March where I got really emotional, found out you had a new girlfriend and looked like a psycho telling you how much I still cared about you. I can't go through that again, especially by the holidays. But I can't stop thinking of last Christmas time I had you in my life...kind of. I really thought we could work on things for a split second back then. I just really think I'm going to give in and text you eventually and that really scares me because I can't go through all that all over again.

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I used to think hate was the most hurtful emotion of all. Until I fell in love with you and you broke my heart. Now I know it's apathy. You made the conscious decision to give-up on my heart and walk away. The sole reason a person gives you their heart is because they trust and love you above everyone else. And you the bearer, should know the f#cking responsibility of something like that. When you give your heart to another, you instantly become 100% vulnerable to that person. That's the trade-off...

 

And what did you do to mine? You ####ing walked away with it when times got tough. Instead of explanation, I was given the gift of being ignored. Like I never meant anything to you. How cruel can one person be? I had a ring picked out, I had the proposal picked out, we had our future kids named, the way we kissed and hugged each other, the way we danced in our living room for hours on end. And you just walked away without so much as an explanation. Apathy.....

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