Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[MajinGuu]

We've been through everything together, I was always here for you through thick and thin. I've always told you that all the pain in the world was worth it as long as we were together, I remember all of your words and promises, you telling me you would go through the worst all over again if it meant you would find me in the end, just everything you've ever told me...

 

I'm just still in disbelief and crying so hard, I wish you had never said all those meaningful things. They meant everything to me, you don't even know. I hate that you made me believe your words, I wish we had never met.

[iam42]

i said, "i miss your pretty face, your pretty everything!"

you said, "i cannot love myself for not making you happy."

 

was something lost in translation?

 

there are no villains or victims here. i want to disown the stories i have made up to explain and survive my disappointment. the fact of the matter is that we all do the best we can with who we are, what we know, and what we have. i have a penchant for being lit up by shiny shady people. you are attracted to the delicate but durable.

 

your arrival was an unanticipated good, not unlike others who seemed to have stepped straight out of daylight into my life. departures are never easy, but they are often an unanticipated good as well.

 

always, my friend.

[sunshine34]

Seeing couples that are happy together is a trigger point for me. Seeing a guy treat his gf the way I always begged you to. Hearing the kind of stuf Doug puts his gf through and hating his gf for putting up with it when, this is me, but worse bc I'm not your gf and I'm putting up with your . I'm tired of taking it because "I have feelings", I'm sick of having feelings for ty men, little boys. I'm not doing it anymore. The second I dot feel complete, I'm out. I guess I sort of told you how I felt, apologized for how I handled telling you and then said we shouldn't speak until you get back. You, being the careless ass that you are, didn't even respond . I'm sick of this . I'm done with you. Tomorrow, I am deleting whats app so you have no way of contacting me if your petty self decides the next ho you are with makes you feel needy. I am focusing on getting rid of you from all aspects of my life and not thinking about you at all. There are so many men who will love me more and treat me right, I don't need you. I hope you come back and dot contact me, bc u haven't changed. You are a jerk. And you will continue to be a jerk.

[IAmFCA]

holy hxll, i think i just broke up with you. granted, we are not dating. and, i stopped short. because my own writing made me cry. this is what i said.

 

"you cant manage to create a life with me, yet you cant envision a life without me. you cant have it both ways my dear.

you will need to envision a life without me. our connection may be eternal, which is how it feels. but our contact will not be."

 

omg i did not plan this or wake up intending to do it. but here it is. i have been arguing that our fb flirtation is harmless, and it is or was. but it is pointless too. if i want to have sex with somebody, i generally have it. you, i just want and want and want, and you want me too, somehow writing me daily, every day, late at night, first thing in the morning, cheering me on when i have doubts, telling me how highly you think of me, how much you want me, how you will want me even on your last day on earth. if i want you and you want me, then what are we doing keeping ourselves apart?

 

i have been just blissfully in denial that our connection will carry on until i have a man to replace it with. well, I have no man. and now, i have no man, minus 1. I have (1) man. how is that possible? (OK, it isn't. plus I just went on a date on Saturday and I have a date on Wednesday. still, they dont count, are not meaningful.)

 

There is no man to date, and there have been a lot of men, really, yet there is no man, no man, no man by a long shot, who comes close to you in terms of our physical connection. None. Even my sex-crazed man-friend, who hates you, who wanted to date me at first but i put him off because of you, and who fancies himself well endowed as you do and all that other horsesxxt you men crow about -- even HE says you sound exceptional in your sex with me. Because you are. He says, when reading a snippet of our conversation, It is obvious you two are in love with each other. Because we are. And he says, what a D. Because you proclaim your need for me, but do nothing to protect your access to me.

 

And I have been letting that go, I have. But what is nuts is, that crazy physicality is just the tip of the iceberg. You have written about your euphoria after being with me, you have written about your happiness with me, you have written about how the happiest times of your year were just sitting on the couch at our house. And now we are -- year 2? year 3? Yet you won't protect that? You won't keep that?

 

I married you. I have said this before and it is ever on display again. I married you. TG I only married you once, because damned if I didn't fall in love with you twice. And what did I learn? That to keep you, I have to manipulate you, I have to need you, I have to punish you. At least, that is true if you were actually the same as my exH. Are you? I do not want that. I do not want this either, I do not want this bs of where you cant fit me in but you cant let me go. I am gone. I am gone. I am gone.

 

If I write it enough, it will be true. Meanwhile, I wonder if you will message me, I wonder if you will show up at my home (you will not) I wonder if I will ever. Will I ever?

 

and I can see now that I needed to do this. I will now get other stuff done. Dxmn i may have to nc you all over again. This is just ridiculous.

 

Take me, or leave me alone.

[jaded123]

A,

 

I wish you had given me another chance. You said you loved me and I know you did. You said you tried...but all those tries, all those efforts, worked. And just when I accepted and loved you unconditionally, you left me. One more week, and we could have gone on the trek in the Himalayas I had planned (to make up for the time I didn't go to the highline and that upstate nature park with you) and the ring and everything else, and I would have always, always, always, loved you, no matter age, no matter what.

 

Even 16 months later, I still can't sleep. I still get fevers. I still tremble.

 

I wish I had been stronger and not let my emotions show so much.

 

I'm sorry I hurt you.

 

I wish more than anything you had given me a chance..especially, when I actually had changed.

 

I don't know what to do now. I prayed in four different churches (atheist old me) and I even offered my own happiness in exchange for yours, but at the same time, also wished you would come back too. Even though you'll never come back, I still hope the first prayer was received and answered.

 

I remember every moment we spent. I have near-photographic memory for people that are truly important to me. I still wish you remembered me in some way, but it's clear you don't anymore.

 

I don't know what to do or say. I am sorry.

 

-H

[gotexans12]

I just talk to a classmate of ours. The guy that your best friend share a room with. He told me that he ask about us during our graduation day (about 2 weeks after our break up). Your friend told my friend that you and I are no longer together and you already seeing someone else. I spent about 2 months after our break up blaming myself and writing a long apology letter which I never got to finish. I talk to numerous friends and read numerous threads on here trying to figure out what I did wrong, or was there a chance you could come back. I couldn't believe you move on so fast as if our relationship meant nothing. I knew that I told you I was already looking for a new girlfriend on the same night we broke up. You know I don't mean it and those words were out of frustration. You however sent me an email telling me that you will be single for awhile. I don't know if 2 weeks is awhile to you. I really hate you for lying to me. The whole time I try to put all the blame on me. I even talk to your aunt. You must of talk to that guy when we were together. There is no way you could be in a relationship that fast after 2 weeks. It took us nearly 3 months to get together officially.

[IAmFCA]

I can't nc you today. I contacted you. I will wait, as I suspect you are with ann. I will fade first. I will fade. I will fade. I am fading.

 

if he notices? which he will.

 

I say.

 

I gotta go babe. bye.

[hopelessincan]

well Im a fool. omg am I ever a fool. kind of stupid I'm posting here really. since I just texted you. I don't know why. Kind of thought you'd respond, but I guess its only been a few minutes and you're probably shocked not to mention its late but I suspect you are still up. I suppose I didn't really say anything that requires a response but...one would be nice to at least pretend I meant something to you.

 

omg Im a damned fool

[IAmFCA]

OK I am laying out a plan for the fade.

 

Thursday: NC

Friday: NC

Saturday: NC

Sunday: Contact permitted. Limited. Sunday is race day.

Then, NC for the week.

Not sure if this will work properly. Prior NC was too clear for him, he sent love letters, he bowed out gracefully, he sent me messages after. We are inextricably connected. I think the gray is better, let him protect himself. I might be all wrong.

[IAmFCA]

If I tell you.

 

Then I am giving you information.

 

I go NC

 

I send a handwritten letter?

 

Dear B

 

Our current run in fb was the longest run we have accomplished without one of us blowing it up. I have enjoyed it immensely. So what? We were just forestalling the inevitable.

 

Euphemisms be damned, you have a girlfriend of the highest order, and I have self-esteem. There is no resolution unless one of those two facts changes. I am leaving you. The desire, the joy, and the energy we get from each other will be gone. The euphoria we used to get from being with one another is gone. The fantasy that we would be with one another again, gone.

 

We will now be free to redirect the energy we enjoyed with one another to something more constructive.

 

I will not try to be your friend, it ignores the obvious.

 

As long as you are pledged to someone else, please use only USPS to contact me. By "pledged", I mean: You are protecting someone else's access to you at the expense of mine.

 

I hope my foreshadowing in fb helps preserve the trust we worked so hard to build between us, as trust comes difficult to both of us. I don't know why that matters now, but it does.

 

ATTACH RUSH SONG

[dunfalma]

Happy 4th of july. one year ago today we met. i am sorry i never said i love you. and now i guess we will be strangers forever. i was fine for a couple of weeks. today i cry and cry.

[Looking up]

After all the you have put me through and hurt not once did I get mad at you. One if these days I will tell you off and knock you off your high horse

 

You can't be going around acting the way you are since the break up. You are using and hurting a lot of people for your selfish ways

 

You did a good job making people feel sorry for you. You are such a

[IAmFCA]

B,

 

it's done.

 

you haven't read it yet. you don't know. or you do and are willfully starting away from the medium.

 

I am sad.

 

how deeply true it is that I need to leave you alone.

 

the denouement began so long ago, the first big break last fall, and we've not seen each other side sometime in March I think. but we wrote every day, and fantasized about each just as often. how silly.

 

you are wherever you are, now, I don't much care where. I am lonely,I know, and drifting. I am doing what I have to do. what I want to do. I am done with the time of mine that you waste, I am done, trying to be done, with my energy being sucked up by thoughts of you.

 

goodbye indeed. good bye. good bye.

 

I will never ever see you again. I feel sure of it now, whereas before I knew there was always a tomorrow.

[AnywhereElse]

I guess you don't have the balls to tell me it's truly over, do you?

 

I pray that's not reality, but I've prayed that this is all a dream too. Almost four years, a promise of love forever, marriage, a family and home and traveling the world together down the drain, possibly, if this is final.

 

And I still love you. I pray you come back before our anniversary, if you still love me too.

[MajinGuu]

I miss you bad.

[einsteins_girl]

I wonder what would happen if we saw each other now. Would you see the change in me or would you still be attached to those ideas you had about who I am? Would I notice a change in you or are you the same? Would we work better now than we did then? Would we still be attracted to each other? Would it still feel so easy to be in your presence? Would there be anything left?

 

I know everyone would think I'm crazy if they knew, but I wish so much that we could have that encounter. Just to see what could be.

[iam42]

i still wake up every morning and think of you first. if i dwell for any length of time, i tear up. if i stay even longer in my head, i cry. this is still everyday, 6 months later. pathological grief to add to my ptsd diagnosis. great...

 

i find myself deploying both intuition and intellect to try to understand. mostly, i want to understand why you didn't want to see me one last time. i can't figure out if it was just that you were so done that you couldn't be bothered or that a breakup would not have happened if you saw me. i believe your reasons in a way. i remember you. i remember how much you hated to cook for yourself and so would sometimes go hungry to avoid that. and since i don't cook, i would just flit about the kitchen, talking your ear off, keeping you charmed while your prepared our meal. i know what you meant when you said that you could not deal with being divided by two continents: you felt fragmented away from me and needed to get over me. i know how bad you were with communication, how you'd disappear into your own head. i know that i needed to touch you when you were upset with me. sometimes, i would make love to you first and then ask you what was wrong, how had i upset you. i know that a ldr was not tenable for either of us -- not under duress. two physically and psychically guarded people. we opened slowly in the warm presence of the other. i remember that. perhaps, that i why i said the words when you couldn't. in all of your complaints, i heard "i can't do this. please let me go." so i did, or said i would. i'm trying. but i carry the memory of you and the extreme hurt of the way you left like an irrecuperable wound in my chest, around my neck, in my hands.

 

i hope one day, one day, you will say hello. and really mean it.

[MajinGuu]

So funny that you wanted to marry me and you'd often use my last name, and kept doing it until the end.

[IAmFCA]

thingexpect you and s I haven't told y1. today's is my mother's birthday. I missed her so much I cried.

2. if you had said I am keeping my gf. I can commit to see you, I can keep my word. I would have gone for it. we'd be at my pool now happier.

3. I miss you like missing a limb.

4. I accept you as you are.

5. i half expect you and Ann to marry. eventually. after a certain number of years, what chiice will you have?

6. I wish yoiu would declare your love your desire yiur commitment to ann with pride, knowing you chose it and yiu earned it and yiu value it.

7. in this respect, you are N. sorry, true.

[IAmFCA]

thingexpect you and s I haven't told y1. today's is my mother's birthday. I missed her so much I cried.

2. if you had said I am keeping my gf. I can commit to see you, I can keep my word. I would have gone for it. we'd be at my pool now happier.

3. I miss you like missing a limb.

4. I accept you as you are.

5. i half expect you and Ann to marry. eventually. after a certain number of years, what chiice will you have?

6. I wish yoiu would declare your love your desire yiur commitment to ann with pride, knowing you chose it and yiu earned it and yiu value it.

7. in this respect, you are N. sorry, true.

8. that I get depressed to

9. that my soul is tired

10. that when it's me vs another woman, I win. I didn't win here. I didn't even compete. didn't want to. I should have won. I am here, we could have done something really neat together.

11. that I have stopped having sex. altogether. I don't know when I will have sex again. I don't want to let anyone get near me.

[IAmFCA]

8. that I get depressed to

9. that my soul is tired

10. that when it's me vs another woman, I win. I didn't win here. I didn't even compete. didn't want to. I should have won. I am here, we could have done something really neat together.

11. that I have stopped having sex. altogether. I don't know when I will have sex again. I don't want to let anyone get near me.

 

12. that it was over before it began. it hurt the whole time. or, it was euphoric. it only hurt when you dispersed.

13. that I mourn for my self, not for you. I am not myself. you took her. ok let you. I need her back.. I am a shadow.

 

writing here is amazing. I get over stuff.

[Chalk]

Eugh, I'm feeling especially annoying for some reason. And angry, and controlling, and selfish!! Is this why you left me? I really wish we didn't have mutual people in common because then I wouldn't have to have any feelings towards you. I am jealous of your contact with people in our city! There is one who I really quite like. I mean, we get each other. You weren't really friends with him while I was in Dundee but I notice you are liking his posts with increasing frequency and it hurts. I would like to develop a relationship with him without being angry at you. I don't want to have to think of how I'm going to interact with you if I meet up with him. I don't want you in my life anymore.

[stepsinthesand]

My dearest W. It seems like forever since we last spoke. And here I am, doing what I do best, thinking of you hour after hour, day after day, standing still while time goes by. Last night I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a while; it was the vivid memory of you asking me 'what are you doing next 4th of July?' and all I could picture was you and her together when it should have been you and I.

How was it so easy for you to find someone else so quickly? You always said you wanted to find someone to marry and it seems like you might have done just that. We are most different in that respect. You meant far too much to me to have been replaced, I would never have done that and you know it. I would never have hidden behind a text message, send so thoughtlessly in the middle of the night, and I'm sure you know that too. I hope that you feel some guilt for what you did. We both know that I did not deserve that.

I'm not quite sure why, but it seems to be getting harder and not easier. I am doing everything I should, but time seems to be dragging by slower and slower each day. From bright colour, I live in faded black and white now. Going through the motions but no more than that.

However, my saving grace in all this I will go to my grave with a clear conscience when it comes to relationships, knowing that I gave those who I truly loved, the very best of me. You know as well as I, that there has only been one.

Love you always, goodnight.

[IAmFCA]

Dear you.

 

I never had a chance with you. That rocks me off because I think you wasted my time. you can't judge whether I accept you add your are, when add you were to me was duplicitous and evasive etc

 

then I remember that because of you, I have a clearer sense, and maybe even a clear sense, of what I want. because of you, I was able to say, okay, yes, that was great, but I can let go of great to get to right.

 

because of you, I know to speak my mind and stick to my instincts.

 

because of you, I know how great the sex can be, and how dependent it is on affection.

 

I miss you, sure. I would have liked to come home with you and then have our personal time together.

 

it's not like a limb. the connection remains, it's just via an elastic that has grown so long as to be threatening...

[Loz333]

I still think you're the best thing since sliced bread.

 

I can't understand how you've just vanished from my life, after all that we've shared and been through together.

 

I can't understand how you are giving all your love to someone else so easily. So quickly. So enthusiastically. But then again, I know you. And I know how you fall hard and fast. I just hope she deserves you. Don't waste your gorgeous heart on just anyone. I don't think you realise how precious your heart is.

 

I still love you sweetheart. I wish I didn't. I wish I could just write you off and write you out of my heart and head. But I can't.

 

Your home was my home. I always thought I would get to go back. I always thought I would see your family again. The time I spent with them is so important and special to me. I want to go 'home' and knowing that I can't is the most horrible feeling. I miss my home so much. You were lucky in that respect. You got off easy because you never lived my life with me here. You only met my family a few brief times. They loved you but you never spent the time with them to feel the grief of losing them. You can just happily move on with your more conveniently located person and forget about me all the way over here in Australia. You have no ties.