AnywhereElse

I'm numbing. Or is it actually getting over you, as scared as I am to say that? I don't know, really. Your silence is speaking volumes to me, whether it's what you truly mean or not. You couldn't really make sense of your own head when things got rough with all your personal stuff anyway. That didn't make you a bad boyfriend. I worried about you, but that was my problem, not yours. And you were always so supportive when I did need you to be there; it was just when there were problems you were having with us and you wouldn't tell me what upset you that I got freaked out by your behavior. If I could find a way to deal with that and we could find a way to deal with the communication problems we had as a couple...well, I think we could make it. But I shouldn't put my hopes up high for that happening, as badly as I want it to. I still love you. Always will.

Day 46. It's funny, the first couple weeks were easier than this, in contrast to what other people seem to be saying. But that's because he wanted space and I wanted to give it to him; we were also LDR a lot. Now I'm at that point of hoping he'll contact me. Ugh.

I guess you don't have the balls to tell me it's truly over, do you? I pray that's not reality, but I've prayed that this is all a dream too. Almost four years, a promise of love forever, marriage, a family and home and traveling the world together down the drain, possibly, if this is final. And I still love you. I pray you come back before our anniversary, if you still love me too.