stepsinthesand

Hello beloved. Have been missing you so much this weekend. My biggest wish, is that we could have been allowed more TIME together, at least a chance to see if things could have worked out? Why couldn't you have given me that? Why were you in such a hurry? Is she truly that much more special than me?? (The girl that was in a year long relationship just days before she got with you?). God, I wish I could just be snuggled up with you right now, watching a movie. 'Just us', like you always said. They were the happiest days of my life. It absolutely kills me to think there won't be any more of those. I will cry again tonight, I must have literally cried a million tears for you. Does that make you happy? I love you, to the moon and back.

My dearest W. It seems like forever since we last spoke. And here I am, doing what I do best, thinking of you hour after hour, day after day, standing still while time goes by. Last night I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a while; it was the vivid memory of you asking me 'what are you doing next 4th of July?' and all I could picture was you and her together when it should have been you and I. How was it so easy for you to find someone else so quickly? You always said you wanted to find someone to marry and it seems like you might have done just that. We are most different in that respect. You meant far too much to me to have been replaced, I would never have done that and you know it. I would never have hidden behind a text message, send so thoughtlessly in the middle of the night, and I'm sure you know that too. I hope that you feel some guilt for what you did. We both know that I did not deserve that. I'm not quite sure why, but it seems to be getting harder and not easier. I am doing everything I should, but time seems to be dragging by slower and slower each day. From bright colour, I live in faded black and white now. Going through the motions but no more than that. However, my saving grace in all this I will go to my grave with a clear conscience when it comes to relationships, knowing that I gave those who I truly loved, the very best of me. You know as well as I, that there has only been one. Love you always, goodnight.

I met someone today that reminded me of a much older version of you. He had the same accent and mannerisms as you. He was lecturing us on something, but of course I couldn't concentrate on a word he said. I remembered how it felt to be held by you and laugh and joke around together. I remembered the way that you used to kiss me when you left for work - each time as if you were leaving me for months rather than a few hours. More torture for myself, so no change there. I remembered how much I loved you, how there could be no one as loyal to you as I was, and how I would have walked over coals for you. I hope you are happy with your new girl, glad that it only took you 10 days to find my replacement, it must have been a challenge for you.