Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[quirky]

I have to write here today because I really miss you. I look for your spirit, quirkiness, vulnerability and enthusiasm in everyone I meet. How are you doing without me..? I can imagine you haven't suffered this way. I dreamt of you and in my dream it was all so final. I know it is but there is a part of me that always wants it all back. I wonder what you think of me, if you miss what we shared. I thought it was so important and we both grew from it. Was that the aim? I miss you still, that connection we had. I really wish you could be in touch with your feelings again and call me and be the guy I loved. It is hard to believe you've put it all behind. I am jealous that you can meet someone very easily because of how attractive and funny you are and I feel that it is very difficult for me. I miss the way you loved my body, I feel insecure with others. I miss our world and I wonder when will I be completely ok without that world, without my playmate..

[kz91]

I hate you, I actually hate you.

[IAmFCA]

Me and my friend at work had a few giggles at your expense today. I said, one day, when I pop up with a 10 carat ring on my finger, and he finds out about it, you know he will pitch a tent at the bottom of my hill. My friend said, there already is a tent. His backpack is a tent.... We agreed I should bring you some snacks to make you more comfortable.

 

You're funny honey. You have left me for the day, I will hear from you two days from now, or maybe not until Tuesday, if you return to your old pattern.

 

I am pretty sure you wouldn't get jealous anymore, unless you really thought someone was a threat. You will be ambivalent. Relieved that now you don't have to feel bad that you are not claiming me as you know you should, regretful that you let me get away, happy that I am happy. Depressed that you still are depressed. Whatevs. I am going about my merry way.

[Looking up]

Babe I wonder if you ever think about me the way I think about you

[IAmFCA]

Yup

 

You are spiraling in a NC space

 

Will hear from you in a few days

 

Does it help or hurt to talk to him while he is spiraling? I dont know I will think about that.

[aw4919]

I needed him. That's the thing. And I know people are going to say 'oh that's unhealthy' or 'no you didn't, you can overcome, you have realized the problem and now you're going to work on it!' But.. that's just not real life. I am all about self-improvement. I strive to learn more and better myself each and every day, and often I succeed and sometimes I fail. But the fact of the matter is that I have weaknesses, ones that I was born with that make me who I am. Weaknesses that I am reluctant to change because I'm not entirely convinced that it IS a weakness, and not just a difference. The most prominent of these is that I do not make friends easily. And it's not really the friendship part... I get along with just about everybody, really. It's the exposure. I don't know how to approach a stranger and just be like, “Hey, you look cool. Let's be friends.” It's beyond me how people accomplish social circles because if you start with very few friends, and ESPECIALLY if your closest friends are extremely like-minded, you don't get the opportunity to meet new people from mutual friends. And Blaine was so outgoing, so sociable, and I loved him for it, and I relished being a part of it.

 

And I guess I don't understand why that's so unhealthy. I don't understand what I could have given him in return to balance it out. I thought I understood, because I was led to believe that I gave him benefits for just being me as well; and I didn't. I called it wrong. And where will I ever meet another social butterfly, secret introvert, who looks like a movie star and has an interesting and endlessly funny mind? He was perfect for me. I know it's not him on a pedestal because it was the first thought that ran through my head every single morning that I was with him as well. Why would fate be so cruel as to make me less than perfect for him? With no conceit and only honesty, I have no less than ten guys that I could call right now that would 'rescue' me from my current situation and love me forever. And I am not and have never been truly interested in anyone other than him. How can I honestly tell myself that I will find someone better? Or even adequate?

 

Focus on the bad times? For me there weren't any. And that really, really sucks.

 

I've put myself through so much pain disconnecting him from my life in every way I can find. The physical changes in my bedroom do nothing but remind me why I had to change it, when I loved it so much more the way it was. The harder I try to accept this, the harder it makes me hold on, and I really don't know how to let go. I'm out of ideas. How much more can I do to try and heal and why am I having no results?

[Alone Now]

Day 1 of NC:

 

I missed you today J. Not because I had something important to tell you or ask you or a great inside joke. But because I know that I will try my best not to break NC with you. I spent yesterday wondering if this is going to help me be a better friend to you or if you will even notice that I am not contacting you. I feel sickness in the pit of my stomach and think "how foolish am I?" because you are just a friend. But are you just a friend? Or are you something more that I refuse to acknowledge because you and I would not be seen as a couple. That somehow, you are not "my type". I know that today will be even more difficult as the weekend approaches. I would ordinarily see you at some point, but now I will be left to wonder how you are doing.

 

I am more convinced than ever that MW is reading what I wrote here. Oh, the military has trained you well Sir. You know that I am struggling and since the attention or struggle are not on you, you have decided to create drama again. You do this all the time. When a new guy came on the scene, you lied and told me that you were leaving your wife. When J and I went to the concert in Athens, you lied and said that you were going to finally seek mental help. Now that I am working hard to repair this friendship with J, you claim that you are recognizing your own depression and will be out of touch for "a while". It amazes me that you really are so needy that when my attention turns to some other man, you make it seem as if I am leaving you! Sometimes the point isn't about you MW. But now I know for sure that your IT training is serving you well. Because I have spoken to no one about going NC on J. But in your brief texting back and forth you slipped and asked if I had heard from J lately. This is not paranoia. This is you being a coward and manipulating, as best you can, every aspect of my life!

 

I'm angry, hurt, certain and very much afraid of you right now MW. What other things have you checked out? My Twitter account? Facebook? PinInterest? I know you have broken into my work computer because of the way you would somehow always bring up a subject that I was about to lecture on. And I suspect that you have accessed my banking information. What's next? Being able to determine who I have been calling on my cell phone? The texting I have sent? But what I am most angry about is this:

 

I am struggling to be a better friend to J and yet, you are constantly running in and out of my life with perfectly timed drama, and I will forgive you if you ever admit that you are hacking into my computers and my life, much quicker than my ability to forgive J for his one indiscretion. What is wrong with me and my comprehension of what a friend should be?

 

Enter Day 2 of NC. I fear for the worst.

[Alone Now]

I am desperate to call J right now. It is almost like a sick burning in my entire being. I just want to hear his voice for my own comfort. DAMN!

[monbebe]

mon bebe you know the breakup was your idea.

you think ive already moved on fine then you insult me

and judge me now.

you are creating somebody else wearing my mask in your image.

you want to show me you are totally over with me, and it's too late.

you want to make me feel even sorrier.

you are hurting me over and over and over again and finally you got a new relationship with a girl who push us away by spreading rumors over a year.

you know what you are doing to me. does that help to heal your pains?

does punishing me like this make you happy?

Grow up bebe, you are not a forever-baby.

you will know all the truth.

you will see how it feels to loose me in your life.

you will see..

[Heavenless]

I can't stand you. How dare you want to be friends after you dumped me. You just want to feel better about your decision when actually you don't give a **** about me. Happy two month breakup anniversary. We won't see each other soon.

[Robin2904]

I tend to stay away from here because I don't like to think about the past and everything that's happened, and I don't like to admit to myself I still think about you as much as I do. So staying away, even when there are things in my head I would like to voice to you...it helps me push down those thoughts and ignore how I'm feeling. Maybe not so healthy...but I just can't bring myself to admit that I still think of you as often as I do. Its a little sad and makes me feel stupid.

 

I don't even have anything to say to you, there isn't really anything to say. I hate that you still cross my mind so much though. I hate that somewhere in my twisted deluded mind I still think that we'll talk again, that we'll be something again. I don't want to think that way but its something that never stops. I almost liked it better when I knew you had a girlfriend months ago and I thought you basically thought I was crazy. Because at least then I was too embarrassed to have these thoughts. I wanted to stay far away from you because I didn't want to make myself look any crazier then I did. Its definitely easier when we're on bad terms and I hate you. It makes it easier to stay away and in my mind for me to let go of 'us' ever being anything again.

 

I know I should have never went and spent time with you. Rationally I always know it but never listen. I can't be your friend, I'm not sure when I will ever fully realize that. I can't even vocalize my feeling enough to put them into words anymore. I want to hate you again so I don't have any nice feelings for you. Its hard for me to hate you when you try to be my friend. I don't understand why you want that. I feel like no matter what you're always going to try for that. Time will pass, months, years even but you always come back and it just makes it hard for me to move on with my life and put you behind. Its like your a chapter that I know needs to end, and every time it does, I turn the page and you come back. Being around you doesn't make me feel good. Its awkward and just makes me feel terrible. It reminds me of the past, and reminds me of how we used to be when we were together and how we could have been...and what we will never be. Seeing your family, as much as I love them...it does the same thing to me. They aren't my family at the end of the day, they are just nothing to me. Never will be. And that just makes me sad. It isn't a good feeling and I wish you would respect that and let me be.

 

I guess the simple solution is if you ever reappear in my life ignore you, which I guess is what I need to do, though now maybe you won't since I all but told you to not reach out to me anymore and we left things kind of bad again...which in a way is kind of good for me. Does that make any sense? I almost really like leaving things in a cold way because it makes it so maybe you won't reenter my life. I know I'm a little crazy....

[rocknrolla]

"Everything you'll ever be"

 

By: John Mayer

 

Beautiful, I watch you try,

To see yourself through other's eyes.

But mirrors are a losing game,

They only show you backwards anyway.

 

The magic and the misery,

Come and go so easily.

But everything you'll ever be,

You already are to me.

 

And you were only five years old,

Playing princess in your mother's clothes.

Could you feel me standing next to you,

With my plastic sword and playground shoes.

 

Saying "If my dear I'm wrong somehow,

May dragons come and fell me now.

'Cause everything you'll ever be,

You already are to me."

 

Why, I don't know why.

I don't know why you think you need to do it.

How, I don't know how.

I don't know how but I just sit back and I see my way right through it.

 

When the memories are ten feet tall,

Throwing shadows on your bedroom wall.

When you pull the shades and kill the lights,

Will you hear me singing out tonight?

Will you hear me singing out tonight?

 

Days are long and words are cruel,

But they won't get the best of you.

'Cause everything you'll ever be,

You have always been to me.

Always been to me.

 

Sums up my feeling for you babe, and they havent changed, one year to the day.

 

Miss and love you all the same.

[jaded123]

A,

This will hopefully by my last ever post here. I went out tonight with 2 beautiful souls, neighbors of mine and friends as well. They kept saying how much they loved me and I made jokes about it of course, but I was touched. And so happy for them, but I was so lonely that I could die. And today, late at night, I came home and looked at your facebook. I've never done that, never ever, except once, when I saw your married pics. That was the only time, before tonight. I have struggled with myself, with loss of hope, love and I've blamed you through tears and loss and tried to detest you..maybe as a way to get over you. But I realize that I really do want you to be happy, regardless of how and why you left. I'm happy for you and it's the close of a chapter, maybe the entire book, 16 months or so after we broke up. I keep saying to myself that I never left you and that my parents had come to meet you and that part is true, but clearly, you are so much happier now, that I cannot but, in my heart, feel happy for you. And you look so happy with your new house and your love. I miss your old place, the place with so many happy memories for me too. Of course, I have wished many times that you would at least acknowledge or understand my feelings or maybe even apologize, just once...for something, anything. But regardless of the lack of that and my pain and unhappiness and loss of any dreams I had all this time, I feel so good for you. I loved you more than myself, more than any dream or material possession I could image but I realize that I really do have to move on now. Forever, because there are such things as final goodbyes, no matter how much we wish otherwise. But in the end, I want to leave you with pure positive energy, heartfelt, forever. Promise me you'll always be good. And happy. I'm proud of you.

Bye,

H

[sjjjsjjj]

what does is mean when she starts texting things like, your being immature, i'm glad i broke up with an immature pr#%& like you.

 

mean, angry reactions.

 

she's been seeing another guy straight away after we broke up, and probably before, we where together 7 years.

I was always kind and loving, and she know i'm not immature.

 

Is she trying to get a reaction, or does she genuinely believe these things, hard to say i suppose.

[jaded123]

A,

I do want to say one more thing though: I still remember almost every single moment we had together, but most of all: I remember the birthday dinner you made for me and the dress you wore that day. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and I guess I'm broken down, like an old car, now, thinking about it...must be something in my eye..

-H

[MajinGuu]

We went through everything together and I was here for you day and night, you've told me your deepest secrets, you've told me the most meaningful things, promised me so much. We were each other's bestfriend.

Yet you threw everything away for someone you just met.

 

I'm still in complete disbelief. I never imagined something like this to ever happen and I feel stupid because I felt like my feelings for you only grew stronger, I didn't know it was completely one sided.

 

I wish you had been honest and not a coward, I don't even know what was real anymore because you lied so much about so many things. I wish we had never met.

[IAmFCA]

no, you're not taking a break,I heard from you. ok....

[kz91]

You're welcome to her, you think you may know her but you don't. Sooner or later you'll see her for who she truly is, a liar and a cheat.

If you already know she's cheated on you and you know she was in a relationship when she got with you, then you both deserve each other.

 

And YOU, one day you're gonna get your heartbroken and you're gonna understand what you put me through and how much you hurt me. Don't bother come running back to me when you do because I don't want anything to do with you, you're pathetic.

[Looking up]

Well I think you have put a stop to any last hope for you just to say hi. I really never thought it was going to be this way.

 

I am truly am sorry for holding on for so long. That picture I attached is something you just can't forget so easy. The 2 must important people in my life smiling back at me.

 

And yes this weekend has stirred up a lot of great times I had with you and also the little man last year.

 

Yes it is a strange feeling to go from being so close to someone than being treated like a complete stranger.

 

The 2 of you have given me so much. But at the same time I wish I never decided to go to New Brunswick that summer because I wouldn't have the girl I fell in love not being with me or moving on with someone else. Or the fact not seeing the little guy grow up and missing out on this.

 

Anyways enough of this . I will keep it like you want complete strangers. I hope you find what you are looking for and when you do hold onto it. You don't want to end up like me.

 

 

By

Take care.

[Alone Now]

This was a difficult day so far. I felt like throwing up when I woke up and realized today would be another day without talking to you. You are my friend. I created the NC because I need to find my inner peace and decide where MW fits into my life. Why can't I have both? Oh, right, because MW is a bully and despite how strong you are in spirit, MW can break the spirit of any man.

 

I miss you J. More than I thought I would. It is almost like having a friend dying of cancer and my refusal to accept that they are dying. I choose to ignore the problem and distract myself with other things. Is the cancer a bad example? I don't think so because at the end of this NC period, I know you won't be available to me even as a friend. And I will have to accept this as fact.

 

I know that in my own mind, having picked MW over you is going to be the death of me. All three of us need to be held accountable, but I have decided that I was simply stuck in the middle between two boys fighting. But why do I find it so easy to forgive the bully and not you? What type of hold does he have on me? Am I that weak that I need to have a "project" to make me forget my own faults?

 

What sucks the most is that you are a genuinely nice man. A stand-up fellow of good character. I have allowed my feelings for MW to ruin my initial impression of you. Probably because I could have seen a relationship with you in the long run. MW didn't help. He knew my interest in being your friend would slowly separate he and me. It seems to be the pattern. I show an interest in a man, MW pours on the charm or the sad sack and I am hooked. I return to him. The person of general interest either gets frustrated or is threatened by MW. And by threaten, I mean with physical harm.

 

Six weeks or months from now, I know that MW will again be out of my life and I will need to talk to you J, but I also realize that I run the risk of you not being there for me. It hurts so much to know that I have left our substantial friendship for a questionable relationship with an emotionally inferior person. You loved me for me. MW loves me because he knows I am always always going to be available to him.

[gotexans12]

I stop by your house last night really late at night. I wasn't stalking or anything, just happen to stop by a friend house. Her house was 2 lights away from yours. I really miss you Bunny (her petname). I saw that the flowers that your dad planted has bloom.

[einsteins_girl]

Oh gosh, I keep learning about wonderful, exciting things you're doing, and it makes me so proud!! I hope you know that, even though I can't tell you!!

[sunshine34]

I've come a long way since I last posted here.. Time apart when I can't speak with you and genuinely focusing on moving forward has been the culprit for this new place I am in. I'm not quite sure where we stand, I only know I will not allow myself to pine over you and hurt for you any longer. You've been gone for weeks, around 3 and today was one of the rare days you messaged me saying you were in a cafe in Switzerland and the weather made you want to snuggle. I found out you aren't coming back until the 17th of July.. Basically another 3 weeks. Each day like this is a day I am pulling myself from you. You've barely spoken to me your whole trip and the truth is, I have given up on you. It's not fair to keep begging someone to love you, to show you they love you. I was tired of it so I quietly left. No words this time, no energy for those. Since then, since my white flag, you've talked to me here and there with sentiments that remind you of me , but this isn't a relationship. I have no idea what you are up to and you don't care. I don't trust you and I can only imagine what you are doing or what the rest of your trip with your "friends" will look like. I told you today that it was 3 more weeks and then you'd start school, that we've barely spoken and you should do what you want to do. Then I said I missed cuddling too, but honestly, with all this neglect.. I don't know how I feel. I don't want to be with you the way thigs were when I left you , I don't want to be with you the way you are so cold with me now and unloving. So what else is there? A tiny crevice that I am crawling into , a window for the past us I keep remembering. Only each day that fades.i am almost sure that with 3 more weeks of this meak contact I won't even want to see you when you return. There are so many people who would love me more. I'm tired of sacrificing for you to treat me this way. It's not enough.

 

I still fantasize about you completing me, about us running away together to Europe. Then I get angry at you for going away without a second thought your entire summer leaving me with the stressed out no time for anything fun version of you. While some strange European gets the you I wanted. There's nothing I can do. The anger is useless, my emotions are useless. Time is dissolving me. It's your fault. I'm starting to feel like it's best I leave you a closed chapter

[Alone Now]

The end of another day of NC and the beginning of another. I was racked with thoughts of you today J. I was desperate to find justification for going NC on you and probably, ending our friendship. I accept the fact that I will always be hung out to dry by MW, but it is a sickness that I simply can't break right now. Someday maybe. But I can't understand why it should affect our deal. I tried to justify it anyway I could and I got really hard towards you because I do care about you. You are probably the only one who can frustrate me and make me laugh and yes, even cry. I am pushing you away because I am afraid of you and the bond that we have. And so I decided this is for the best.

 

Music is as important to me as the air we breathe. I was fine with my decision until I heard that song tonight. And I listened to it again on the CD you made for me. Listening to the words, I found peace because whoever wrote it was speaking to me. You are my friend. You are the one I feel most comfortable turning to when I need someone to talk to or vent. Why then, is there so much drama? Or am I creating the drama as a way not to get too close to you and keep MW right by my side. I cried listening to the song again and again because I can feel the pain the composer was feeling. I can understand their uncertainty.

 

I wish I were stronger, I would call you or text you right now because I miss you and I want us to be OK. But not at the expense of MW. What the hell is wrong with me. I wish I could figure out how to put the song on this site. I think everyone could benefit from it when they are struggling.

 

Call Me Baby

 

If you need a helping hand

If you need someone to call

You can call on me –

And I will set you free

 

If you need a little advice

Or you just want to shed a tear

Let them fall on me –

And I will set you free

 

I will, I will set you free

I will, I will set you free

 

When you need someone to talk to

And lift that weight upon your shoulders

You can lean on me Yea, yea

And I will set you free

 

Oh, that’s what friends are for

So don’t you worry any more

I’ll be right here, let me make it clear baby

Just call my name, call my name

And I’ll be there

 

When Love’s got you down

And no one else is around

Just come on by, come on by

And I will set you free

 

Cause I know what it’s like

Yes, I’ve been down before

Yes, it’s true, yes it’s true

That I can call on you

 

Love can swim to the core

Take your love and pound it down

Smash it on the ground

I’m telling you baby,

Did you love her? Did you treat her right?

Did you show the side of you?

That I see, Yes, I see

 

When you got so much love to give

And they don’t know you’re alive

Just come to me, come to me

And I will set you free

Cause I know what it’s like

Yes, I’ve been down before

Yes, it’s true, cause I’m in love with you

[hopelessincan]

Meh. Who cares any more. Who effing cares? You gave up. I know you're depressed. So am I and its too much to handle. Life doesn't happen as we want it to all the time you know.

Had an old friend come visit today. He saved me from going to see you. He didn't know I was going to go see you. But he's going through a break up too. Difference is, they were only a year. And they had a huge age difference and well he thinks she cheated. Hes better off.

yet, he thinks there's still a chance for you and I. I need to give you space. God. Could I give you any more space? You got anything your heart desired. And to my detriment. I'm in a real bad place. It's brutal and this isn't who I am. But I neglected myself because your stuff was more important.

 

OMG. You know we were made for each other you idiot. I've never opened up to anyone like I have with you. NEVER. And I know its the same for you. Even that girl you were with for six years. You know we are supposed to make it. I don't think I will ever have again what we had. Ever. Sad thing is that I know it now. You wont realize it until its way too late. Cause I have to move on. And when I move on, theres no coming back.