Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[sunshine34]

I can't stop thinking of you and wondering what you are doing.. Did you see my messages? Y can't u email me? Do you love me? Do you care? I can't believe you are going to be gone possibly a month and you spring this on me before you leave. So vague no time for a conversation, nothing. "I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 on your machine I slur a speech for you to come home but I know it's too late. I should've given you a reason to stay". I miss home. I wanna go home so badly. Back where there are real trees, my roots, my home. Away from whatever has happened to me here. I don't understand you. I don't understand me. "I'm living alone , I'm living alone I don't need you anymore". I hate that your face is flashing in my mind and moments we shared. I can't stop these memories and thoughts and feelings and I don't know what you want what you feel what am I doing? All of a sudden, I am stuck again. And I wonder if you knew that, if you knew by telling me that I wouldn't be able to be happy with anyone else. So you could have me on reserve until you return. When are you returning?? Who are you with? What are you doing? Why couldn't you tell me more or say you loved me/elaborate on your feelings. Am I the only one in love? Maybe. This isn't alright. This isn't how you act when you love someone. If I keep creating a story you never wrote, I'll continue to be alone. What's real is that you left, you didn't show up at my door, you didn't leave me flowers, you didn't even say you loved me.you didn't make a commitment to me and you don't answer my messages. I dot know what that means, I do but I don't want it to be true so I invent excuses. The big truth is, I'm not over you. But maybe I should start reading the truth instead of letting you tell me what I want to hear. This wasn't fair. You looked me in the eyes at least 3 times and told me not in so many words that you didn't want to be with me. Sometimes directly. Now to just say you want to make it work requires an explanation. I need to be prepared and expect you will come back forgetting you said anything, forgetting me and remembering your European fling. I can't mean that much to you if you can't say you love me after so long. You can't apologize for how much you hurt me. Tell me that something made you realize what you had, but no you didn't. You didn't really say anything different. The truth is, this is how you broke my heart the last time.. When I told you I was upset and fought for you and you said "I don't want to lose you and I want to try". That you still had feelings then 3 days later all of a sudden I wasn't enough and you didn't know. So this is the same thing, and if I give in, I'll be left much worse because I will have waited a month for you. For what? It's not fair how much I love you and how you don't love me back but you keep showing me how you might feel 1/100th of what I do , it makes me upset. Upset that I can't inspire you to love. Maybe I should forget. I can't love enough for both of us. If you loved mbe, you wouldn't be so happy in a country full of and surrounded by love without me

[hopelessincan]

Wow I just typed out a whole lot of emotion to you and then poof I must have leaned on the keyboard by accident and the page closed. Maybe that is a sign that I have already wasted too much energy on you. point being, you have killed me.

[hopelessincan]

Anyways. None of this is OK. It was always about you. Who cares how I felt when you would take your little fits for weeks and get pissed off when I called to say this wasn't worth the argument.

 

Anyways. I hope you have a fantastic fathers day. Im fighting with everything I have not to email you on sunday and not to buy you guys a gift. You used to think it was the sweetest thing. I don't want him to suffer, but you frankly don't deserve $hit. And I miss him too. I hadn't realized it had been weeks since you had seen him either so I feel bad for saying what I said. But had you talked to me I would have known. So Im sorry for that. I put his gifts that I have had for forever in the basement closet. I had forgotten, and was sad and angry when I saw them today.

 

I think you need to contact me to tell me that you have finally told your mother and best friend that we are done. I think hearing that would finally put the knife in the coffin. Since every time you pulled your weeks long angry fits and I thought we were through you never told them ........because you were never done. And you told me you still hadn't told them this time. What are you waiting for?!?! Like Nike, just do it.

 

So I can finally admit it too. I have been dealing with this all on my own. Afraid to tell the few friends I still have that we are through. Cause they just wont believe me. LOL Its happened too much and I don't want to tell them its finally if you do decide to come back. Cause I look like a freaking idiot taking it and taking it and taking it. Ive turned into a depressed mess and who wants to spend time with someone like that huh!?

Not them and certainly not you. I know that's partially what killed us, but I kept so much inside with you...that you don't even realize a lot of this is based on your behavior with me. Not an excuse, just a fact. I made you my life. But THAT is my fault entirely.

 

But no one has seen the wonderful sides of you like I have. You are still a beautiful person despite your flaws. And that's why I love you so.

[kz91]

Have you forgot about me? Because I can't forget you, no matter how hard I try. Even though I don't want you back and I'm not in love with you anymore, I still care about you just as much as I did when we were together, and I shouldn't, not after what you did. You crushed me, broke my heart, broke your promises, hurt me like nobody ever has, lied to me, so why do I care about you? You're like a stranger to me now, when at one point I thought you were the one.

 

We haven't spoke in almost four months since you've cut me out of your life, but like someone else said maybe its a blessing in disguise because there's no way I could've been friends with you. But how have you cut me out of your life? Doesn't it bother knowing you hurt me? Knowing that you've just cut me out without an explanation? Didn't you think for one second what I might've thought or did you do it for yourself?

 

I'm so done with you.

[confusedlove77]

I know the feeling!

 

Its horrible isnt it

[lilktg]

Locked myself out of the apartment. Sure couldn't call you and ask for you to bring the key you never returned to me. So I stood around like an idiot in the rain waiting for an emergency locksmith. 300 bucks. Oh well. Great day that was.

[kz91]

Only know you love her when you let her go.

[einsteins_girl]

There's some irony in the fact that, in the 1.5 years we've been apart, I've probably become closer to what you wanted. Why does life work that way?

[doingitmyway]

dear my ex:

 

I know we were friends for a long time, and while you did hurt me greatly in what you did to me, running off on me after using me to work out your sexuality, I want you to know that now I am feeling able to forgive what you have done. Yes, it as taken months for me to feel ok again, but I realize now that this had to happen for me to become who I am today and create myself with strength and purpose. It was because of this that now I have a newfound love of my life and appreciate things. I dont fight the flow of my feelings anymore and I never back down or run from things anymore. If you hadn't, maybe I'd never get the determination to be who I am now? Thank you for the lesson, perhaps someday when you mature some more and work out who you want to be, we can pick up our friendship like we had back before all this happened.

 

When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.

[kz91]

I shouldn't miss you like this.

[hopelessincan]

Happy Fathers Day.

[confusedhere]

I just realized that i never told you i really loved you and thats why you pulled away, you thought i sorta liked you and just wanted sex or compainionship. Because of what you told me i hid my love for you so you could have time to heal. Now that i know you feel very deeply for me and cant let me go i have to tell you and im terrified.

 

I need you totally in my life or totally out, i cant do the inbetween.

[Balloonh8r1302]

I wish I could stop missing you and just move on. I enjoy spending time with you and playing with you, but it still hurts sometimes. I don't like it. I was playing minecraft with you the other day and I enjoyed it, but when your boyfriend was on the server I became the third wheel and I was hurting deeply inside. I wish it did not hurt. I wish I could just interact with you and him and everyone else like normal again.

[confusedlove77]

Day 3

 

Missing you so much. wonder if you think of me at all

 

day was not too bad i kept myself busy but now lying in bed alone the tears wont sto

[kz91]

We haven't spoken in nearly four months, wow. Considering we couldn't go five minutes without texting but fuxk you.

I sent you a message on tumblr today, it was something I had to do for myself, in order for me to move on properly, which probably does sound stupid. But I've been thinking about sending the message for a couple of weeks and finally gave in earlier on today. It was weighing heavily on my chest and I had to do and I'm glad I did send it you. I didn't feel bad or worse when I sent it, I felt relived. I know how some people say when you break NC you feel horrible but I didn't. I couldn't care any less if you reply or not, have a nice life you piece of sh1t.

[Looking up]

Out of all days not to hear from you today was the worst. Sorry for emailing you and asking how the little guy was doing.

 

You are such a hurtful selfish *****. You know he misses me and I miss him to.

 

What wound it hurt to just say hi. I was off today and you are working. Who knows who is watching him today. You can't keep just shipping him off like you are. Give your head a shake. You know he would rather be with me. You controlling *****.

[confusedlove77]

Day 4

 

Getting harder and harder not to contact you, couldn't concentrate even at work today you were constantly on my mind

 

Wish this would all just stop so i can feel normal again

[sunshine34]

I'm upset with you today and I feel like a fool... I was alright .. I was semi alright at least and then you tell me you want to make things work. But the truth is that message didn't say you loved me, you didn't explain your feelings, how convenient to bring it up when u are on a plane to Europe and can't talk about it. All of a sudden there's hope for me, for us. Then you respond to one of my concerns and say u will fight for me, for us and make it work. I tell you part of me isn't sure you will feel the same when you get back. You tell me you think you will. Think?!? My heart drops.. Why do I always believe you? Despite your breadcrumbs and unwillingness to make me feel better. Then I say you should know, you say you do that I make you question things . Then I tell you something about not being w other women or I don't want to speak w you and you don't answer. I hate not understanding how you feel but even more that I care. If you loved me, you'd make it known and that I was the only important woman. But u don't. That's not okay. I've already lost you and I don't deserve the pain of being lead on and rejected again. I have to stick up for myself. I'm starting to think the best thing is to just stop talking to you. If you can't even give me a nice long message w your feelings and reassurance nothing has changed. And it doesn't feeling it has, this is the new cold dimitri that I really don't want to be with. I deserve more, even if you cnt see it. I'm tired of breaking the glass and stepping in it. Again and again for you. Do you enjoy watching me bleed? I'm embarrassed for being such a fool. I need so much more from you but instead of expecting and waiting for it, I'm going to let it go and see what you do. This isn't my mess, it's yours *******. If you need some other European skank you are just the man I hoped you weren't. I don't know you. I just miss my old boyfriend, if he Isn't here you can **** yourself

[gotexans12]

This last one in a half month I've been beating myself up and putting all the blame on me. I pray that one day you would forgive me and that you would come back. All that has gone down the drain. I even tried to write you a letter. It's not done because I wanted to put a lot of time into it. Now the letter is just for me to read. Just a month ago you texted me that you think you would be single for awhile. Now you telling me you have a new boyfriend. You tell me that he isn't comfortable with me texting and calling all the time. THe same thing I told you when you was with me and your ex was texting you all the time. You never told him to stop. You took all our pictures off. The same thing that I have been trying to tell you for the last 6 months, and you told me you was busy and didn't have time. You did all of these things with some guy you barely know for a few weeks. I don't want to think that you were cheating on me because you know how much my previous ex hurt me by cheating. You are a piece of sh-t. The whole time you were lying to me. I was your best bf, you were lucky to have me, you didn't want to lose me? Yet you replace me in a few weeks or perhaps even days.

 

I should of known by the way you treated your ex. You were them for 2 years and 5 years and yet you only have one good thing to tell about them. Makes me wonder if they were so bad why stay with them so long. If all of your exes where a--holes then what type of person are you to only date those type of people?

[Roadkill]

I love you more than you can imagine and wish our marriage never broke up; wish we had just worked it out without your parents involved. Now you keep telling me maybe, who knows, you are busy with school etc and can't stop to think about it. Love is not something that is thought about, it's there and while my head knows this my heart doesn't and it's killing me inside. I gave you what you needed, money, vehicle, even bot you gifts to help you relax some only to find out you never picked them up. Have you any idea how used I now feel, how empty and I need you to let me go. Please just let me go...

[sunshine34]

Each day gets worse.. Now we have started communicating through what's app. I wish we hadn't because now I can see when u were on and not talking to me. I don't trust you so much that I keep envisioning you with someone else on your trip or texting some girl on what's app. It's painful and unfair. You aren't acting at all like you care or want me and it's confusing and disgusting. I don't want to talk to you anymore because it only hurts me. You are so indifferent, I feel idiotic sending a message that I don't want to speak because you won't understand why I am upset. I don't think you care about who this is affecting me, it's all about you. Distance shows the truth, and I guess that is that I'm a game for you. A matter of convenience . I'm not sure what the truth is, but this is too painful. I keep wishing on my prayers and stars that god will show you how to make this better, but you aren't. I'm tired of waiting for you to be who you were. I believe you are this new person now and honestly I don't like him. He's cold and abrasive , you used to be so warm and loving. I never doubted you and you were my strength , my world, my love. Now I just feel confusion. One word answers to appease my concerns, not genuine understanding or empathy for what you put me through. What you made me and still make me feel. Maybe the whole thing was just an impulse. You aren't even acting like you like me, no flirting , no loving messages at all. It hurts me so much both to stay like this and to let go, but there's nothing I can do. The more I take the punches, the more self respect I lose. Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore? You lost the love I loved the most. I need to be happy and healthy, I deserve that, and constantly feeling betrayed and stupid for wanting this doesnt as won't make me happy. You can't change by me asking, you'd have to want to and clearly you like this new douche you have become. I don't know if there's someone else or if you are still unsure. Either way, that's not my burden to bear. I don't wanna talk to you on this trip and be on eggshells wondering who will text me today, old or new dimitri, if you will text me or if you are texting someone else. I'm washing my hands of all of it. You know how I feel and I'm not taking these jabs. I've taken enough. Right before my surgery, after surgery, again after results, again before you leave and I'm done with them now. I am only taking in 100%, 100% of you being a boyfriend figure and being sweet and earning trust. This half assed **** is not okay. Have a good trip. If you wanna make this work when u get back, you have a bunch of making up to do, and then I can decide. Bc I'm no longer sure who you are.

[Balloonh8r1302]

Still I miss you and your mum and your siblings and I wish I didn't. I wish you weren't so snuggable because maybe then I wouldn't miss snuggling you so much.

 

I do hope you're okay.

[amy8177]

You have taken me on a roller coaster that I really enjoyed until now. I now see you for who you are: a middle aged, weak, pathetic loser. I don't blame you...I really am that good. I hope I mentally torture you with memories after memories. You will never in your life have someone like me. You took me for granted and I hope you reap what you sow. I remember once telling you I would be with you forever and I meant every word. EVERY SINGLE WORD. I loved you so much, but you did not love me. Big mistake. Now live everyday in regret.

[chilove]

I miss you so much tonight. I miss you so much every day. I don't know how much longer I can stand this uncertainty. I know you are trying to heal but i didnt do anything to deserve being left like this. I'm scared you wont come back and I;m scared i'll never be able to trust like that again.

 

Why did you pursue me so hard only to disappear when things got hard for you? Suddenly my love is oppressive. I know you have a real disorder but how do I know which was the real you? This sucks so much.

[surfjon]

This poem really struck a chord with me a few months back when I was hurting like hell.....

 

If You Forget Me

I want you to know

one thing.

 

You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

 

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

 

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

 

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

 

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

 

Pable Neruda