lilktg

Locked myself out of the apartment. Sure couldn't call you and ask for you to bring the key you never returned to me. So I stood around like an idiot in the rain waiting for an emergency locksmith. 300 bucks. Oh well. Great day that was.

I've missed you so much lately. I know you treated me horribly. I know I should be thankful you are gone. I'm not. It's been a month NC now. Hard!! Part of me holds out hope that with time, you will realize things and be back. I guess I have not let go because I do still hope that. The truth is, I doubt you ever will. I cry because I will never see you again. I cry because I never thought this would happen for us. When did you stop loving me? I never stopped. I would give up anything just to experience one more day with you the way it used to be when we were so happy and in love. I miss that so much it kills me inside. Don't you miss it too?

I really wanted to break down this week and contact you, but I haven't. It's taking all of my strength. You were the one that treated me badly and yet I miss you so much. I wish you would have seen in us what I did- that we were worth better. You could have done better for us. Things were not supposed to be this way, and they did not have to turn out like this. You let me down and then when I needed you more than ever, you walked away. I don't even know where you are living now. It's ridiculous but I worry about you. I wonder if you ever think about our life here and miss me? Is your life without me so much better? Do you still blame me for everything? I miss you every second of the day. I dream about you every night. How is it going on your dating profile? Getting alot of dates? I'm sure in your mind they are so much better than me. You always did want everyone but me. I have no self esteem because of you. I hope you took those pictures down you cropped me out of. That was kind of a slap in the face. You are so eager to find a new relationship, but what about me? Why not me? I loved you and adored you and gave up everything for you and you didn't pick me back. I wish I never moved us up here. I am miserable here and want to go home. You win. You got a free ride up here and got settled in and dropped me. Now you're in the city of your dreams, running around being single....all thanks to me. And I'm here alone. You promised that would never happen. Do you ever wonder how I must be feeling? Do you know I cry every day? I have panic attacks? I spend ridiculous amounts of money to sit in a therapist office and bawl my eyes out? I'm not ok. I need you to take this hurt away. How could you forget us? Why did you not miss what we had? Why wasn't I worth it to you?