Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[beaton]

I thought about you today. It's been 5 months since you ended it, and I'm on day 25 of NC. For the first time, you haven't texted me that way you did every few weeks for the first 4. You're moving on.

I saw UP and for some reason it triggered so much sadness in me over our relationship. I hope things are going ok for you. I know you probably won't be contacting me again. I blew it a month ago when I got coffee with you. I should have kept you waiting, but instead I gave you your closure. You were so rude to me. I have to remember that you were rude and inconsiderate.

 

It sounds stupid, but some of my friends are on the rocks with their sig. others as well and its comforting in a way, to be reminded that no one's relationship is perfect forever.

 

I really miss the security of being in love. I need to get my life together and get a good job, and start really living again. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern.

 

I miss your stupid face. I wish...well.. I suppose there's no point in wishing.

[Watergirl777]

Keep dreaming about you. I don't want to see your face in my dreams anymore, it's too much for my soul with what's happening to dad and all. I want to stop feeling sick, I want to be healthy and happy and you realise what a total ass hole you are! Karma my friend, I loved you so much if I didn't love I'd be like you, moved on!

[Balloonh8r1302]

I am actually rather upset with you right now. Not because you broke up with me (I can understand why you did and as I said I don't fault you for that) but because you should have been a bit more clear about it from the beginning. Saying that you wanted to "step back temporarily" and that you "still want to make it work" and that you "love me and always will love me" is cute and all, but what you really meant is that you found someone else you would rather be with and that you no longer wanted me. That is fine. I can accept that.

 

However, you were leading me on to believe - rather foolishly, and naively - that we still had a chance together, that you really did want to work things out, and that you still did love me. You expressly instructed me NOT to tell my dad that we "broke up" but that we are "stepping back" from the relationship. He insisted - no, literally sat me down at his computer and had me send you flowers. He even admitted to me today that had he known the truth (that you left me for someone else) that he would have just told me to forget about you and move on. Those flowers were expensive, and ultimately a waste of money.

 

That you lied to me is one thing. Maybe you just didn't want to hurt me. That you had me lie to my Dad about it to save face, and ultimately cause me to waste time, energy, and money on you post-breakup, is that much worse. That is enough of a reason for me to just drop you from my life altogether and not look back. Even for all my faults, and all the mistakes I made with you, I think I deserved better than that. Dad deserved better than that. Dad loved you, he really did.

[IAmFCA]

I don't know what you are. I don't even think of you as an ex. you are that thing that exists on the other side of the woods, that place we pretend doesn't exist, proof that the earth is flat, because to be with you is to risk walking off the edge of it. whatever you are, I realize that you LIVE where I live. Now, that's funny that I realized this, because you always have. I just so expected you to leave that I didn't really experience you as living here.

 

I realize that we are not over. we don't talk, we don't email, but we are not over. you will show up in my life again. one of these times,I will consider you, again. you will not have changed. I will feel I have changed a lot. maybe I will shut you down. but over? No, not yet.

[iam42]

i wish we could be friends. people often counsel against being friends with an ex you still love romantically. but i am tough and would have found a way to put aside lingering romantic attachment to know you still. that's how much you meant to me. but you stopped being a friend to me a long time ago. and i can't risk or pursue friendship with someone who does not treat me with basic regard, consideration, warmth. you are not a safe person for me. but from the place where i am i wish you every good thing.

[IAmFCA]

This is not a post about an ex. This is a post where I am saying awful things that I need to see said so I can say them.

 

You are dying. You have just within the last few days said that you are in love with me

 

You have refused further cancer treatment.

 

You have told me, and others, that you would have continued treatment if I would have asked you to. Of course, I asked you to 100 times. But I didnt say, do it for me, I need you here. I guess I didnt say it the way you wanted to hear it. I dont know.,

 

You are texting me about wanting me to let you love me, letting you take care of me.

 

It is giving me the creeps.

 

I am getting quite worn out.

 

I am angry that you are putting me in this position.

 

I am trying to find the way to put this back on you. Own your choice. Choose to fight, choose to go. Your fight is extraordinary, the cancer has already taken part of a lung, the paricardium, 40 pounds.

 

And yet your life hangs in the balance.

 

I have known you only for 6 months.

 

This is utter bull that I am in this spot. I have cried, I have had a headache. I have failed on work projects.

 

This can not happen.

 

But it is a life.

 

I am angry. I am hurt. I am angry. I am hurt.

 

And you are dying. Dying trumps everything. My pain, sideways, while I help you not die.

 

But you have already asked me for permission to die three times. Before, when you were comfortable talking to me as a friend. I was not comfortable, always, but I was there anyway. Sort the details out later. For now, he needs me to be able to talk to him.

 

You have engaged me in this manipulative discussion since Thursday. If only I loved you if only i let you love me. Why dont you just stab me as your organs fail. It is just awful awful awful.

 

You have been hurtful. You have been hurt that I do not love you like that. Lately, I do not even know that I love you. I am so busy defending myself from your onslaught. I have friends whom I know I love, I have had those friends for decades. You, in the short time that we have known each other, have been drama, manipulation, and also incredible wisdom and generosity. You are a genius. Knowing you feels like knowing Jesus, as heretical as it is to say. You have a pull, a force, my brother is in it now, my friend says he could feel it just by email. People hug you and they hold you extra.

 

Who are you. Why do you let yourself get so twisted up that all of a sudden, I am the only reason you would choose to try to live?

 

I am trying. I really am. I am trying.

 

If I were to be honest, right now, I want you to pick an answer and be done with it. I was relieved after our call yesterday, it was tender, it was clear, it was effective, it was respectful. I didnt have to let you go but I let you say goodbye to me. It was the end in a kind way, and then you were off to hospice.

 

Now, again with the weird friendship is over bit, then the All I wanted was for you to love me, and I would fight like hell if you would just ask.

 

OWN YOUR CHOICE and let me go.

 

That feels terribly cruel to say.

 

Thank you for being here to say it.

[einsteins_girl]

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

No matter what I say or do

I'll still feel you here

'Til the moment I'm gone

 

...

 

But you're neither friend nor foe

Though I can't seem to let you go

But one thing that I still know

is that you're keeping me

down...

You're keeping me down

[IAmFCA]

EG- did you write that? It's good.

[RougeQueen]

I think it's better if we go back to full NC. My traitorous mind has been in over-analyzation mode and it's because we've been talking. I feel myself going back into old habits and patterns of thought that I don't want to go back to. I don't know why all of a sudden you want to talk to me since we haven't spoken at all really since the BU 2 months ago.

 

Dark clouds in paradise, perhaps? Found the bullsh*t that fertilized all that green green grass, maybe? Or is it because you need a favor from me and you want to keep in my good graces? You should know me well enough by now to know that is unnecessary. I'm done with pettiness and spite. There is no purpose to it and would just drag a situation out that is better off being over.

 

If you genuinely want to be friends and there is no ulterior motive behind this attempt at conversation then I am wholeheartedly for it. Given time. I still miss you and I still love you and I need time to totally move past those feelings.

 

You told me before you left that you no longer loved me. Which was pretty obvious since you were dating someone else even before we broke up lol. If you're using talking to me as a way to make your new gf jealous or insecure then you, sir, can just take your douchebaggery somewhere else.

 

If you're looking for someone to entertain you when you're bored, hire a clown. Or talk to your gf since she makes you laugh (that's one of the reasons you were so attracted to her, right? Besides her being perfect in every way though, of course). I'm not your time-filler, boredom-slayer, on-call comedian, plan b, fallback girl, or ego stroker. In fact, all I am is your ex. You made a huge mistake when you left me. You also did me the unanticipated favor of setting me free when you did so. Even through all this pain I've gone through I knew that this was the best thing for me. No more uncertainty, no more insecurities, no more gut-stabbing fear.

 

Sure I still love you. Sure I still miss you. But those feelings are slowly taking a back seat to the joy I feel in the woman I'm becoming and the future I am working towards. I never would have done the things I've done with the confidence I have if you had never left me.

 

One day you may realize what you gave up so easily to pursue another woman. Or you may not. Either scenario is inconsequential to my life now, even if the former would give me some small satisfaction. I don't really know how to end this so I guess I'll just say that I'm going to turn my back and walk away from this for the time being.

 

Enjoy the view. I've been working out *wink*

[Dat]

I want to talk to you! I wish you would send me a text at least saying you still care and at least thinking of me. I hope you're working on yourself so that we can get back on track. I can't wait for the day we are in the same city. I love and miss you so much.

[Doc Blaze]

sometimes i feel im fully over you and enjoying the single life but then random things make me miss you...i just miss the days we hung out did things...and just you being around me....

[surfjon]

Doc....

 

Yeah, it's the familiarity of someone we've spent so much time with, and when the're gone it's the lonlieness that gets us missing them, not so much even "them" anymore, just someone we're comfy with....

 

I too am enjoying the single-life, but really miss those weekend mornings having coffee in bed on a lazy weekend morning....

Planning what to do for the day......

 

Miss the sweet texts and calls....hell, they quit coming anyway those last 2 years....

I need to quit livin in the past,,,,

[Alone Now]

This sounds like you are also grieving his passing. And that right now you are in the second stage of grief. Anger. And that is certainly expected. I am glad you have this safe place to vent.

[betterthan]

Today is the first day that I have the overwhelming urge to contact you. It's day 16 NC.

I don't even know what I would want to say to you, I really just want to know that you still care about me. That you care if I'm ok.

I am scared that you have moved on already. That you have gotten over me and the loss of what we had doesn't hurt you as much as it hurts me.

 

I'm not going to contact you. I want you to think that I am fine. I have been every other day and I'm going to get through today.

[Firesite]

I almost contacted you today because of a stupid photo on the web who I though maybe you. I realized it was none of my business and I decided I shouldn't break NC cause it wouldn't get us any where. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about you even though you treated me so badly in the end. I guess your mind says one thing but your heart wants another. I just wish things happened differently but I don't think I could ever go back to the way things were between us. Today I am starting work at the place we first met and it's weird returning knowing you don't work there anymore. Im going to make this summer an amazing one without you and keep moving forward.

[aw4919]

I pulled away first, on all accounts. It wasn't intentional. At all. I know what it must have seemed like to you, I know that's why you think this is for the best. You fell out of love with me because I wasn't putting in the effort in your eyes. But here's what you don't know. This part is the communication breakdown. I acted the way I did because I was so sure of a future with you that I was concentrating on other things at the present. I know how messed up that sounds. But I had to get through school, and I was pissed at the universe that you finally came home after two years and I was in a position to spend absolutely no time with you. I was so angry at everything that some of it fell (not really on you) but all around you and you didn't understand why. In reality, we were both hurting so bad for so long.. My relationship with you was built on the hurt that comes with love.

 

I know it's over. I do. But since I can speak freely here, without judgement, please let me fix this. Please let me show you that the hurt can be taken away now. We've both waited so long for this. I know it sounds like I'm begging, but I'm not. It's what we both deserve.

 

Part of me gets scared that you feel nothing. That you're content and past the whole thing. And most of me knows through your actions post-breakup that that is false. Impossible.

 

I don't know which is more logical. And it makes all the difference in the world.

[kz91]

Someone text me before and I didn't have the number saved in my phone and my heart start racing because I thought it might've been you, even though I knew it wouldn't be. It wasn't you after all, not that I was surprised. I just really miss you.

[Looking up]

Why do I still love you and can't get you off my mind. Why do I still have hope you will can your mind. Why do I want my little boy back. I just do I can't think of anyone else I want to spend my life with.

 

You were my babe. You with the part that was missing that I found in you. I'm sorry I feel this way about you but I do. I can't help it. I found my birthday card today just before the break up. "Together for ever"

 

I went to the doctors again More test need to be done. Funny thing is I hope the test come back positive. I really do. I really don't want to live anymore if I have to deal with this anymore. I guess you will never know if I'm gone. s

[Balloonh8r1302]

I cannot get you out of my mind today. It feels like only yesterday we were at the airport together, your last day here. I remember that your flight was delayed for a day, which gave us one more day together. Even now, your ghost continues to haunt me. I remember when you were at work with me, at that couch in the back room, playing pokemon or working on your website as I worked.

 

You've just moved on like nothing happened. Why can't I do the same?

[Alone Now]

MW: You continue to draw me in even though I want no part of you. You are the best lover ever but a horrible person otherwise. There is absolutely no relaxing with you. I have to act a certain way when we are together. I can speak freely but if I say something you disagree with, you blow up and what was once a very fun back and forth of ideas, now has turned into a lesson in whatever topic we were discussing. You make me feel like a dumb child one minute and then the next you act and talk to me like I am to be your mother. There was a time where I found peace with you, now on those rare occasions you pop over I feel nothing but angst. How could you do this to me and my little man? My son is so confused and it is partially because of you. And partially because I am being selfish and want to see you over and over again.

 

How can I hate someone so much and want to make love to them at the same time. Is sex really that important?

[Mike80]

In 2 days, it'll be two months since we last spoke.

 

I wonder....how long will NC last? 3 months? 6? 2 years? Forever?

 

The same questions haunt me nightly. Its crazy how I ponder whether you even remember me at this point, or if youre with someone but you still think of us sometimes, yet I am absolutely nowhere near ready to hear the answers to those questions. I dont know if I'll ever be.

[chamachama]

Wow that didn't take long at all this time. I am already going much of the day without thinking about you. I hope to one day forget you exist all together. Because knowing someone like you is out there who fits with me so perfectly and connects with me so intensely holds me back from truly being content and happy with someone else. I need to let go of the flashing thoughts within my mind. As the days since I wrote you goodbye roll on, the flashes will be less and less and eventually, they will be gone. But even then.... I am not your pal. So do not ever contact me again. That is all.

[chamachama]

Also, I talked to some of my friends about how you sent me a pic of your date, and then talked him up to me. They all believe that you did that with intent and on purpose to get a reaction out of me. They believe that you knew what you were doing. But either way, they all agreed that it was super careless of you and in very very poor taste. I'm the man you have been sleeping with for the better part of 2 years. How arrogant and obnoxious can you actually get? Its very narcissistic of you to think that was appropriate. You dismissed my feelings altogether and thought only of yourself. You wanted my approval? That is pretty freaking sick minded of you. I'm supposed to say what? "Yea he's a better guy than me, go for it!". Cold hearted and callus.

 

I guess you succeed in getting a reaction out of me. Just not the one you hoped for. You'll never ever see me or talk to me ever again. Well done.

[mecastillo1987]

I really didn't want to end things with you... but our relationship has gotten so unhealthy lately. I love you, but there is only so much that I can handle -- with your family, your job, your insecurities... You need to pick yourself up and be a man. You're no longer in the man-boy phase. I'm sick and tired of you escaping from all our problems and burying them under the rug. You say I give you direction, but how? You're still reverting to your same unhealthy ways every time we fight. I wish you could inspire me to be a better person... a more confident woman... a trusting woman... but you constantly pull me down with you. My heart aches that everything had to go down the drain, but I know that in time, I will heal and so will you... I wish you well.

[wish9080]

Someday I'm gonna run accross your mind

But don't worry, I'll be fine

I'm gonna be alright

 

While you're sleeping with your pride

Wishing I could hold you tight

I'll be over you

And on with my life