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[The Bozz]

I hate myself for being unable to forget you. I feel like my own body and soul are conspiring against me. I feel physically ill. What makes it worse is knowing I don't deserve this pain. I did everything I could have possibly done for you, more than anyone had before me and more than most people would do. I can't bring myself to hate you, since I know you didn't do this to me on purpose, but I still wish you would just disappear from my life.

[BrokenTinMan]

Good night, ex.

[Nat x]

I'm beginning NC with you as of tomorrow. You wont return my messages anyway, and it is just depressing me even more. I hate to admit this, but one reason for doing it is so you contact me thinking you've lost me. But, I won't reply. No, I won't come back to you. Not again. You promised you'd never leave, but after a misunderstanding you've run away. I'm 18 and I shouldn't be wasting my time thinking about you. I really do hate you, even more than I love you. You told me you loved me more. What a lie. I did so much for you. I hated watching those youtube videos you showed me, but I did it anyway because I would do anything for you. I hated going on xbox, but I did it anyway because I would do anything for you. I always asked about your day, you never asked about mine. When you had assignments and exams, I'd do everything in my power to help you so you would feel less stressed. Whereas when I was stressed with uni work, you wouldn't even wish me luck or ask me how it went after. You didn't care about my life. You told me I never told you many things about my life. But when I did, Chris, you didn't care. I told you before we broke up that I went to the beach and I asked you if you wanted to see pictures. I was so excited to show you where I went and how pretty it was. What did I get? "No thanks.. not really interested in the beach." You're disappointing. Everything you are disappoints me. I expect you to care, but you don't. You're horrible, Chris. You're a horrible, horrible person. I don't want you to ever message me again, because I know how weak I am. I want you to mean it this time. Don't come back to me. Don't reply, please. It's for the best. It's for me. It's so I can move on. You've left me feeling empty. You're horrible. I love you.. but i'll never tell you that again. You don't deserve it. Goodnight, and good-bye chris; our time will only be a lesson for me.

[leftme]

We fell apart because you'd had doubts for the last 6 months... Ofcourse we did. You never mentioned them you idiot!

[Nat x]

I'm going to bed. This is the first night where I won't be saying goodnight to you. Goodnight Chris, you ruined us. You ruined us over a mistake. Well done. I'm not coming back ever. I know I'm going to feel horrible in the morning, but I'm not messaging you.. Bye.

[sublimek2]

I finally said what it was that has been on my mind for the past month and a half. I am not totally sure it all sank in for you, which I sort of figured would be the case, but at least you apologized to me. I really don't have anything left to say to you (let's hope that doesn't change either). I am sure a friendship is very much off the table now and may not be a possibility anymore. Perhaps...

 

I loved you very much. I tried to be there for you as best I could when you needed me, I tried to make you feel every bit as special I thought you were. Perhaps I wasn't the greatest at these things, but I tried hard. You meant the world to me. It pains me a lot to think about our past memories, but they were happy ones at least. I will miss your hugs and your bright smile. I think this will be the last time I contact you. Good bye Sara.

[rippedinsides]

I thought you were different. I loved you with all my heart but the only thing that mattered to you was what I could give to the relationship and to you. My wishes, desires and needs didn't matter. You tell me that you "have no time" for me. But it hurts when I see you having time for everyone else. It hurts when I work like a slave for you and you get all the credit...and you have all these great "friends" around you because of your success, while I wallow in silent misery because people don't even know that I am in your life after 6 years. I hurts that you don't love me anymore after all we've shared. I loved you and trusted you because I thought you were different. You've proved that you're not just like all the others, but that you're much worse. I often wonder when was it that you really fell out of love with me and how much of what you ever told me was true. I wish I knew why I always fall in love with men who can't love me in return and who just use me. I wish I never fell in love with you.

[rippedinsides]

I'm going to hide my phone in a corner and forget it exists. Maybe then I won't text you tonight...or any other night. I love you so very dearly but I hate the way in which you have hurt me. Goodnight.

[sparrow]

I miss you sooo much right now, it's unbelievable. I cannot, cannot believe you just have completely forgotten all those little moments of pure joy we shared. You know what I mean. We used to make each other laugh like nothing else. We had our own language. We created our own little world and I would have done absolutely anything to make you smile day in and day out. Don't you remember us? Don't you remember your [insert adorable nickname he had for me here]?

[Chalk]

I still miss you and I still love you. I'm torn between wanting to remember you and wanting to forget you. You're so vivid in my memory and it makes me miss you.

 

I just don't know what to make of all this. I thought I was so lucky to have you and that relationships like ours were special. To you they're ten a penny, to you you can get one when you want. I really have no true understanding of why it ended between us. I know you feel that there's a reason for it but I can't see it.

 

I hate loving you. It's brought me a lot of grief. I would have walked away sooner if I hadn't have loved you and I'd be better off for it.

[tryharder83]

i read the letters i've been hiding all this time.. cried myself to sleep before going to work. how much more of this up and down could one take. i'm tired of this..

 

im still hanging on, crying if i feel its so heavy to ignore. laughing whenever i feel like its really funny.

 

but through all this you never left my mind.. sucks! back to work now.

[Nat x]

Good morning Chris, as I always have said. I know you're awake right now. I wonder what you're doing. NC begins today, and it's hard not to message you but I have to stick by this. You're horrible. I don't think any girl other than me could deal with you. That makes me happy.

[The Bozz]

I'm not angry at you anymore. I think I understand why you acted like you did. I'm just tired, oh so tired.

[Chalk]

I get it you fell out of love with me. It just hurts that you did. Rejections hurts.

[lalalollipops]

You were in my dreams last night. It was a nice dream, I remember being happy.

[California01]

You've been with multiple people, cheated on me, and are seriously known as a man-*****. I've only been with you, and just because I started dating someone else, I'm now second-hand goods? Screw you. I am not second hand goods. I'm not used.

[quirky]

Hey..it's been a while.

 

I still think of you a bit every day and miss all the fun things we used to do. I still work on 'loving' you again so I can let go of that sense of betrayal I feel. I don't want to hate you or resent you, just it hurt me so much you letting go of us. I haven't met anyone else neither slept with someone else, it's been 14 months almost. I am sure you have..guys are simpler like that. When I do things I still think of what you'd think, how you'd react..I miss my playmate. But again, I am working on disassociating my identity from yours. I don't know if/when I'll completely let go of that dream I had with you but at least I have now realised my difficulties with love and truly opening up to it. I hope I can manage one day.

[sunshowers]

You were too passive for me.

 

You brought out the worst in me.

 

You never pushed back.

 

Because of you, I saw the depths of my anger and my own insecurities and fears. I tried. I looked at the situation every way that I could. You never put forth any effort and were shocked when I became angry at your laziness.

 

You are lazy and it drove me insane. You pushed me to my breaking point and now I'M the bad guy. I'M the crazy one. I'm the ones your friends are going to blame--because articulating my wants and needs is, somehow, bad.

 

I'm sorry I raised my voice. I'm sorry I got in your face. And I'm sorry you were too weak to stand up to me and calm me down when I wanted you to show me you cared.

 

I hope you grow up someday. And I'm sorry it didn't work out. Really. But I hope you take this as a learning experience.

[lalalollipops]

^ Darn quirky, your post reminded me of my difficulties with a past ex. It took me 15-16 months to get over him. I feel your pain

[quirky]

^ Darn quirky, your post reminded me of my difficulties with a past ex. It took me 15-16 months to get over him. I feel your pain

 

Aw, thanks that's sweet of you. It's not as bad as it was ya know? Just he was..something else for me, something more/different to a bf, we had a mega deep connection. I have gone out with a couple of guys just nothing has developed. Hope you're doing well yourself ((hug))

[einsteins_girl]

Oh my goodness. The photo you posted on your Flickr account is SO gorgeous; it's killing me not to comment. Killing.Me. You are such a talented photographer. I always thought so and never understood why you didn't see what a gift you had. I think this latest photo may be one of your best. You hadn't updated your account in so long that it was kind of jarring to see new photos. Gosh, I wish I could tell you how much I love it.

 

Also, I've been feeling so amorous when I think about you today. (Remember how I used to say that because I was so shy about it all?) Funny that I was thinking about you so much and then came home to find you had put up new photos.

 

Gah, I miss you.

[Kazuya]

When you told that we would be back eventually, I believed.

When you told there is no other in the picture, I believed.

When you told you are single, I believed.

When you put all the blame to me, I accepted.

When you asked for money, I gave it to you.

When I had dreams that you had intercourse with someone else, I shake it off thinking it was just a dream.

When you asked for space.... I still gave it to you.

 

Then..... 2 years later, you got knocked up and married to some jerk 6-7 months after Valentine's day where I wanted to propose you yet you gave me excuses that you are not seeing anyone. In my sadness, agony and anguish I called you and you still refused to answer. In all those emotions even though I really wanted to find your partner to expose you, I still message you my final wishes for you to be happy.

 

If only you can feel how I felt....

[IAmFCA]

Hey, you are not really my ex. I don't know what you are. I have learned, mostly, to live in the moment with you, and the moments are fabulous. I have a date tomorrow, he is worth exploring and he might, eventually, eliminate my interest in you. Or, before then, I might eliminate it myself. Thursday night was a perfect date. It was. Your comment "We clearly have physical chemistry, and we have a great time with each other. If we woke up one day and decided we weren't attracted to each other any more, we would still have fun with each other." Yeah, that's true. What does it mean to you? Anything? Lets see, you love me, we have mind-blowing sex, and we have fun no matter what. Gee. Tough one! You are making these observations in the context of "figuring it out". Honestly, I haven't a clue what you are trying to figure out. I am moving on, and am keeping myself connected for two learning goals: (1) to enjoy our dates Dec 14 and 15 and see what I learn from them. (2) To learn how to attenuate a connection without killing it. To burn tepid rather than hot and cold so much.

 

My prediction: after December 16, I will wish for a stronger connection from you, which you will not provide. I will tire of this dynamic and distance myself. The lesson? Life's reward goes to those who are responsible enough to protect it. You shrink from the responsibility, obviously, and you are struggling with that. I understand. Enjoy your sexy loner-on-a-motocycle life. It will be sexy, and rish, an dmaybe, just maybe, you will miss me.

 

a

[sportsguy9981]

How could you do this to me? I really know you dont have a heart and it shows. Do you want me to fall off a cliff and die? I think you do, well im stronger then that.

[hmb]

I've been thinking more and more about our relationship...

 

I know I've told you this, but in my last relationship I was unhappy... I knew after 4-5 months it was not going to work between us, and I knew nothing would ever grow, we just weren't right for each other. I didn't have the heart to just end it and walk away from her, so I tried to let her down gently and put distance between us, I thought she would eventually see what I saw about us, and we'd grow more distant and eventually it would just fade... I was honest about it, I told her I didn't think we were right for each other. I would act distant, I would not make dates with her for days on end, we stopped being physical... I don't know maybe what I did was more cruel then helpful, but she would get so upset over the idea of it ending, telling me she needed to stay friends with me, that I'd think OK, we'll just go out a few more times as friends, she's getting into a better place and realizing that this isn't really a relationship anymore, it will end... But, she couldn't accept it, and I finally had to just tell her point blank that it was over, and that I couldn't see her anymore because she couldn't let us go until I did...

 

So coming from that situation I knew how difficult it was to be the one who wasn't happy, with a partner who was.

 

I was sensitive to that with you, I never wanted you to be in the position of being unhappy with me, but feeling unable to just end it. I vividly remember a few times where there was doubt, and me asking you if you 'weren't happy and wanted to end it, but couldn't bare to do it'--and you always said no, that wasn't it, you wanted to be with me... I trusted you that you were telling me the truth.

 

Five years we were together...

 

Your parents were both divorced twice and I knew you had a long and difficult previous relationship... so when you would have your moments of doubts I tried to be loving and patient ... I never put pressure on you. The moments would seem to pass in a day and you'd make me think you felt badly or silly for having felt/acted that way, or you'd blame it on being moody from your cycle. So you see why I never thought that these doubts were serious or acted on by putting pressure on you about them... I trusted you, that you were telling me the truth.

 

At the end of our relationship you said to me that you "had felt this way, 'doubtful, and unhappy' for a long time"... I just can't get over how many opportunities we had where you could have brought your doubts to me--When we first moved in together in with your old roommate... When we searched for a place of our own outside the city... When we bought the engagement ring... When you decided you didn't like your mothers diamond and we bought the second engagement ring stone... When we were searching for a house to start a family in for months on end, and finally bought one... When your therapist suggested I start attending sessions so we could work on communicate our needs and feelings better (wow good golly *** and why not there!!!!!!!!!?)... Or how about after you said we didn't need therapy anymore and you started finally wearing the engagement ring (after 2 years) and we announced to the family?... Or maybe Summer of 2011 when we just stopped looking at venues, but never really said anything about why, just that you were too busy to look... Or Winter of 2011 when we were buying furniture for the house together...

 

You never really told me that you were having doubts about us and that they were strong enough that you wanted to end the relationship. I trusted you, that you would tell me if you were.

 

Look at all those events over five years... What was I supposed to think about us? Was that the path a relationship that is not working takes? I was so worried about starting therapy, but then it seemed to go well enough, I thought we were doing better... I guess not... but I trusted you, that you tell me, share with me that you had problems.

 

Well, it turns out those moments of doubt were not just passing, that you were not happy. You kept that truth from me until our 5 year mark when you blind-sided me by leaving.

 

You didn't offer me any chance--You had made up your mind and you left... except there were questions and doubts you caused in me... because while your actions in leaving were clear, your words to me weren't--

You made me feel like there was a chance, like you were thinking it over. You kept saying let's see how it is after a couple of days. Or maybe we need a couple of months apart. Or maybe six months. You said you thought you'd "regret this" one day.

 

After you got your new place about 4 weeks out from the BU we met up for breakfast the weekend after your move out, I was so afraid but I was also hopeful we could keep trying... you shut it down at the end of the "date", and I realized that you didn't even what that date to happen, so why did you invite me or let me come up there? Why did you keep saying to me that you might "regret this" when referring to the BU? Did you think saying or doing these things would make me feel better? What you did there isn't like what I did--I was honest with my last relationship, I never made her think there was a chance.

 

I would have done anything for you to make you happy, even though we all have flaws, and I knew many of yours both physical and mental, I honestly did not care about any of them with you, you were perfect to me... and although we'd sometimes not agree on everything, the reality is that you did win, and would have kept always winning, every argument with me--forever--if you just had a little patience to work at me.

 

If I had known how serious things were bothering you were I would have done just about anything... gone to counseling for just myself, seen doctors, anything... I would have tried to change any of the things about me that you didn't like--and before you say you didn't ever want to "change me", just consider how much I did change since first knew each other--change isn't bad, change can also be called growth. But in the end you didn't give me the chance to grow any further because you never told me how bad it was for you, you let it come to a head...

 

Looking back, there were so many warning signs... In the beginning when you had so much trouble saying you loved me at first... all your moments of doubt where I let you convince me they were just passing... when you wouldn't wear the ring we picked out for nearly 2 years (oy, how did I ever convince myself to accept that!!?!), when you stopped looking at venues in Summer 2011... but I was so in love with you that I couldn't see any of these for what they were, and even if I did, I wouldn't accept them as the harsh realities they were and as reasons I should pulled away from you... I think they just made me try harder, be more patient... I was willing to wait for you to be ready.

 

I wish we would have worked on the things about "us" that bothered you this much.

 

I know the physical stuff was lacking between us--it wasn't that it wasn't good, because it was clear it was good for both of us... it's just that it wasn't frequent enough for you... and that just kills me, it really does, because I know that was almost entirely my fault. I let work and stress get in the way, I let old habits interfere with and dull that part of our relationship... I didn't realize how badly it was affecting you (us)... Even we recognized the problem, we never worked on it. We should have seen a therapist, maybe you offered at some point but I was too macho to agree... When it was ending between us I admitted my old habits to you and I wish you would have agreed to work on it with me, to try again on it... I could understand if I had promised it would be different before, but then it wasn't... but we had never even really dug into the issue... this is such a huge regret for me I can't even stand it.

 

 

You said in your recent email to me that "I hope you don't hate me", and the truth is that I don't hate you... but I am angry with you...

 

I'm angry because in the end you made a unilateral decision to leave and you didn't even try to give us a 2nd chance fix it, you just left. You had held back your true feelings all that time, and when we both admitted the things we had held back from each other, that was the point we should have tried to work it out. We had been together 5 years. I think 5 years deserved another chance.

 

You were off and on again with your last guy, so why not me? Why couldn't you have decided after 3 or 6 months that we should give it another go? You told me in a letter you had wanted to call me so many times, why didn't you? What stopped you? I know you say you think of me often, but do you miss me? What do you think about when you think about me--is it regrets for leaving? Regrets for not leaving sooner? Longing for a second chance? Relief over leaving? Are you dating now? Are you in a new relationship?

 

Are you happier?