winter whiteout Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 As some of you know my ex husband left 4 years ago and I have not dating a single man since he left and have not had sex for 4.5 years. I struggled for so long with this and joined countless dating sites to try to find someone. Then I really started to think about my future and how I was going to secure it. I was not going to wait for someone to "rescue" me to secure my future so I took matters into my own hands. To make a long story short I am looking into buying my own house next year. A cute, small house that I can afford. I am looking into everything about it which is a lot but I really think I can do it! I will be the first woman in my family to get a house on her own and I think it is a great accomplishment! Now that I have this focus I have NO desire to date. It is so funny and now that I REALLY feel this way men are noticing me and smiling and talking to me. The sad truth is I don't believe in relationship lasting for a lifetime anymore. I do have the core values myself being my parent's have been married for 56 years and my brother and sister both been married to their spouses for 25 years. Maybe I would be happy with a lifetime companion but us living seperately. But all I want right now is to get that house and have a nice rest of my life knowing I can count on me! Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 You are feeling good about yourself, and it shows! Link to comment
BriarRose Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 You sound in such a good place right now - so much better!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 yeah, sounds like you are focusing on your life and your goals, and men are noticing that aura about you!!! Link to comment
Celestialagape54 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 You sound in such a good place right now - so much better!! I agree-good for you. It shows that you a strong individiual and you are focusing on your goals. You are not letting anything come in between you and what you want. Very inspirational post! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Good for you. Has anyone asked you out? If they do, why not go for it. There is no reason why you can't secure your future on your own but also go out on a date and see what happens. Link to comment
winter whiteout Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 Good for you. Has anyone asked you out? If they do, why not go for it. There is no reason why you can't secure your future on your own but also go out on a date and see what happens. Hi CAD always nice to hear from you! Actually I don't let it get that far because I just want to concentrate on my goal of getting a house and then when I am settled maybe I will but it is not something I need to have anymore. Link to comment
Lonely_in_VA Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 You are feeling good about yourself, and it shows! I totally agree with this! I went through a similar situation as you...my husband left me after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids...it really crumbled me and I didn't think I could pull myself out of it. It took a while for me to learn to stand on my own two feet, but I did it. In 4 years time, I didn't date anyone and I really didn't want to...just stayed focused on myself and my kids. The more confident and independent I became, the more men noticed me. I think men find confident, independent women very attractive. Of course, when you stop looking for love, it just walks into your life...if you're ready for it...it can be a great thing! In my experience, I promised myself that I would never give up any of "me" for a man...I did that with my ex-husband and by the time he left me I didn't know who I was anymore. I think it's great that you've found a positive focus in life! There's nothing wrong with keeping that door to a "healthy" relationship open...just ALWAYS maintain "yourself" and make your mental & emotional health the priority and you'll do just fine. GOOD LUCK with buying your first home...it is quite an accomplishment to be very proud of! Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 i agree with CAD - i love your goals, very worthwhile. but if a man asks you out for coffee, i would take him up on it. it's just a coffee, right? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Isn't that how it always happens? I have often said when you stop looking for them, they usually find you. Link to comment
winter whiteout Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 i agree with CAD - i love your goals, very worthwhile. but if a man asks you out for coffee, i would take him up on it. it's just a coffee, right? Yes but coffee could lead to other things and I need to stay focused on my goal. I am so excited! I could use this service called liftline that would take me to work (I have a disibility that is getting worse) and I could move closer to my parents, siblings and best friend. It only cost $2.00 one way and they would pick me up at my house and drop and pick me up at work. I would save gas, wear and tear on the car and most important wear and tear on me! I found a very cute house that has a new roof, furnance,siding and laminate flooring and ceramic flooring and a 1 car garage, 1100 sq ft selling for $62,000. That is just one example of the many houses avail in my area. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 It's interesting to me how everyone reads your post and sees your independence and praises you, but I see someone jaded on relationships (justifiable in a lot of ways, not here to debate that). And while owning your own home gives you financial security and the emotional satisfaction that comes along with that, it won't substitute for your romantic emotional desires. Lots of people do this though, bury their heads in their work or other areas of life, hoping that this need to find another will just go away. At best it's a temporary solution, the desire for another always comes back. It's too bad that you don't believe in love anymore, it would be nice if there were more men who were sane and educated enough to give you what you need. But I certainly do believe that if the right one came along, he'd get you to believe again. Link to comment
winter whiteout Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 You are right that I am some what jaded after what I went through but I want my indepenence with my disability and then I will be more open to dating but not really looking for it. I know I can count on me so I have to keep it that way. Link to comment
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